A blonde walked into a bar. She sat down and started chanting, " 37 days! 37 days!" The bartender asked what she was doing, but she didn't answer, just kept chanting "37 days! 37 days!"
Soon more blondes came in, all chanting "37 days! 37 days!" The bartender again asked what they were doing, and one of them held up a little kid's bunny-rabbit jigsaw puzzle and said, " The box says 2-4 years, but we put it together in 37 days!"
Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: 3rd grade
A blonde and a redhead are watching the 6 o'clock news one evening. The redhead bets the blonde $50 that the man in the lead story, who is threatening to jump from a 40 story building, will jump.
"I'll take that bet" the blonde replied.
A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to report that the man had, indeed, jumped from the building. The redhead, feeling sudden guilt for having bet on such an incident, turns to the blonde and tells her that she does not need to pay the $50.
"No, a bet's a bet," the blonde replies, "I owe you $50 dollars."
The redhead, feeling even more guilty, replies "No, you don't understand. I saw the 5:30 edition, so I knew how it was going to turn out."
That's okay," the blonde replies, "I saw it earlier too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
There was a blonde who was in Louisiana. She decided that while she was there, she would get some authentic alligator skin boots to take home with her as a souvenier.
She shopped all over but the prices were all too high. She was in a store and she made up her mind that she had had enough.
"I'll just shoot an alligator and get the skin. Then I can make the boots myself. I'm not paying this much for a pair of boots!" And with that she stomped out of the store.
The manager of the store she had made such a scene in earlier drove by a bayou later that day. He was very surprised to see the blonde waist-deep in water, gun aimed, with an alligator coming right at her. She shot the alligator right between the eyes and pulled it up on shore, next to a row of about 10 alligators. "Darn it!" she said., This one's not wearing shoes either!"
Q: Why did the blonde get an abortion?
A: Because she was afraid it wasn't her baby.
A young blonde comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?"
"Yes, dear," replied her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it.
"But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out???"
A blond a brunette and a redhead were charged with a crime and sentenced to be put before the firing squad. The three women being friends were talking before the execution trying to come up with a plan to get out of this horrible situation.
Suddenly the Brunette exclaims "I got it!!!, just follow my lead!!"
So the executioner comes over to the three womwn and asks who would volunteer to be the first before the firing squad. The brunette raises her hand and says that she loves her friends too much to se them shot so she volunteeres first.
the executioner puts the blind fold on the young lady and the executioner yells out to the firing squad
"READY!!"
"AIM"
suddenly the brunette yells "EARTHQUAKE!!!" The men are distracted and she runs away to safety.
The redhead getting the idea volunteers to go second. Once again the executioner yells out to the firing squad
"READY!!"
"AIM!!"
and the red head yells "FLOOD!!" and the men are distracted and she too runs away.
The blond finally understands and she is put before the squad
The executioner yells...
"READY!!"
"AIM!!"
The blond having planned carefully yells out "FIRE!!!"
Q. Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
A. Drinking on the job
A blonde was sitting in first class of her plane waiting for it to take off to Jamaica. The Flight Attendant came back and remarked to the blonde " Excuse me Miss, but your seat is back in coach, you'll have to move."
The blonde replied " I am not moving until this plane lands in Jamaica!"
The Flight Attendant once again demanded that the blonde move back to her seat in coach, but the blonde absolutely refused to move! The Flight Attendant walked towards the front of the plane and disappeared into the cockpit. A few minutes later she came out with the pilot walking behind her. The pilot walked up to the blonde and whispered something in her ear. Immediately the blonde got up from where she was sitting and went back to her seat in coach. The Flight Attendant turned to the pilot and asked " How did you get her to move?"
The pilot simply said " I told her first class wasn't going to Jamaica."
A blonde walks in to a pawn shop. She looks around for a while and then approaches the clerk. "I would like to buy that TV over there."
The clerk says ''I am sorry lady we don't serve blondes here.''
The blonde leaves in a huff. The next day she returns wearing a brunette wig. "I would like to purchase that TV over there."
Again the clerk says "Lady I told you yesterday we do not serve blondes here."
Now the blonde is furious. The next day she dresses like a man (a suit, tie, mustache, etc.).
She approaches the clerk and says in a deep voice, "I would like to purchase the TV over there!"
The clerk says "Lady I told you twice already we do not sell to blondes here!"
She says to the clerk "How can you tell? Yesterday I wore a wig, today I am dressed like a man, how can you tell it is me??"
He laughs and says, "Because that's a microwave!!!"
A blonde, a red head and a brunette board a double-decker bus. There are two seats left on the bottom of the bus and only one seat in the top of the bus available when they board.
They decided to take turns riding in the top and flipped a coin to see who got the first turn. The blonde won the toss.
A couple of hours later it's the red head's turn so she walks up the stairs, and sees the blonde sitting there scared half to death. She's clutching the seat in front of her so hard that her knuckles are white.
"What's wrong?" the red head asks. "We're havin' a grand old time down below."
The blonde replies, "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this." After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly.
The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."
one day a blond was driving down the road when she spotted another blond in a field of tall oats. the blond was sitting in a canoe paddling through the oats. she wonders what she is doing so she pulls into the road by the field and rolls down the window. she yells to the blond in the field, "what are you doing?" the blong in the canoe answers, "i'm rowing my canoe in the sea of oats, i need to keep afloat." the blond in the car rolls up the window and says to herself, "you know, it's blonds like that who give us a bad name. if i could swim i'd go over there and give her a piece of my mind!!!"
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: "I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 AM. Signed, The Blonde." She pinned the note inside the boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Also inside the bag was the following note: "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"
