THERE GOES THE NEIGHBOURHOOD
Episode written by Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross-Leming
Down in Central America there�s a�
Deliv�ry of crates. What�s inside?
It�s a hairdryer that�s in the package
Heck they�re firing at us, better hide.
At the Agency Billy�s not happy
�Cos they haven�t found out the supply
Of the U.S. guns, and their informer
Gave no intel before he did die
Billy�s heard that they only have five days
And it�s Lee�s job to resolve the case
All they know is it�s something to do with
The suburbs � Betsy Ross Estates
�A distraught woman rang the switchboard�
Of the Congress, last night but for what?�
She�d not say and the congressmen had left by six�
Bumpy Holcomb would be on his yacht�
�But what do you see in him? Francine�
I would hardly say he is your type.�
�Power, looks, money, a house in Rio�
Well, he really lives up to the hype�
�The woman she rang about hairdryers�
They were dangerous she did confide�
�Go investigate them� Billy told her
�To the suburbs, can�t wait� Francine sighed
�You�ve a visitor, Lee� Billy told him
�What for me?� Lee was puzzled a bit
On the monitor Amanda�s pacing
Didn�t she know when to quit?
Amanda she jumped when she heard him
As he stepped from the lift, he said �Hi!�
�Do you ever use real doors?� she asked him
�Amanda, tell me, you�re here, why?�
�I brought in the papers, they asked me�
As we�d worked together on a case�
�We were just thrown together� he answered
�Do you need me?� She asked. Oh, Lee�s face!
�We don�t need you, Amanda, no, really�
His response it had really upset her
�So it�s okay for me to look elsewhere?�
I can go to Honeycutt Typewriter?�
�Yes, you do that� he smiled, �You�ll be happy�
If you�re not casing some dive where I�m ��
�Espionage seems over-rated� she said
�They don�t even pay overtime�
In the suburbs out front a police car
�Case is nasty, there�s kids� Francine thought
When she knocks on the door of the Bodines� house
About buying cosmetics, he�s short
�Do I look like I sell?� questions Francine
�I guess not� Mr Bodine replied
�Where is Betty? I really must see her�
�She�s been missing for hours� Bodine sighed
The guy at HT is a slimeball
You can tell, through the whole interview
�Has degree, drives own car, makes no coffee�
And your favorite color, is it blue?�
Amanda is feeling uncomfy
When she hears a commotion outside
As the door to the office is opened
Lee walks in and there�s no place to hide
�Babycakes, you can�t work here, you know it�
For the triplets, they need you, you see�
Oh, you slyboots, you have to stay home now�
With Timmy and Tammy and Tommy�
�What the Samhill d�you think you are doing?�
Dragging me out of that place�
First you can�t get from me fast enough�
And then you are there, in my face!�
�You�re my husband! You said!� she still rambled
�That�s a lie that�s not funny as such�
�We�re getting married� Lee told her
She turned, said, �That�s asking too much�
�Get someone else� �manda told him
Lee returned, �This was not my idea�
�Billy ord- no suggested you for this gig�
We work well together, I hear�
�But this case it is right up your alley
There are guerillas smuggling arms
From the US to Central America�
�Yes, you�re right, that�s my alley�, she charms
But Lee�s not amused at her answer
�There�s a link to the suburbs you see
Billy told me to go undercover
A suburban couple, you and me�
It�s late, a car dims it�s headlights and then stops
Then two men to the trunk go unseen
They throw something big into a dumpster
Saying �Goodbye, Betty Bodine�
Dotty�s concerned Amanda lost the job
�Did you tell Dean? When dark, he�s a rock�
�You tell my boyfriend about your dark times?�
Suddenly Amanda�s in shock
In the kitchen the boys get their lunches
A is planning tonight as they go
Spelling, soccer, a play and a sleepover
And making a map out of dough
Amanda tells Dotty she�ll be late tonight
She�ll be working her club�s rummage sale
�Are you taking this green blouse Amanda with you?�
It made you look strange, without fail�
At the house in the �burbs they�re unpacking
With a buffalo�s head on the wall
Washing glasses, shelf paper and flowers, �manda says
�Tell me Lee, have you done much at all?�
�Where on earth does this furniture come from?�
�Oh we do this stuff all of the time�
�And this hole in the chair, it�s a cigarette burn?�
�No, a bullet hole, not one of mine!�
�So how do we meet folks, Amanda?�
There�s a ring at the doorbell, right then
�That�s the welcome wagon that�s arriving now�
�Welcome, all, won�t you come right on in�
At the party Lee�s making the daqu�ris
And he�s grumpy, �I want a divorce�
As she tells him that he�s doing very well
She is used to the suburbs of course
As she mingles amongst the new neighbours
Meeting Suzie, Karen, Harriet
�While I�m int�rested in helping locally�
It�s a job that I really must get�
Suzie tells her they may have an answer
They�ve a job, she should give it a whirl
We can always make room here amongst us
For just one more Connie Beth girl
The police crash the party to see Frank Bodine
They tell him they have some bad news
They think they have found his wife�s body
So now he�ll be feeling the blues
Later that night in the bedroom
They discuss what�s to happen that night
�I can�t sleep here, what about mother?� she asks
Meanwhile, Lee in his shirt, what a sight!
�We can�t search the house yet, it�s early�
We have to avoid being seen�
Do you sleep with the window propped open?�
Or do you need to go ask Dean?�
�It�s just I feel guilty� she tells him
�Like I�m having a �thing�, well, you know�
�Now Amanda, you know it�s just business�
We�ll sleep now and later we�ll go�
�We�re less likely to die if we�ve slept some�
So, I�m going to bed, Amanda�
I suggest as the junior you take the couch�
Get your mind out the gutter, will ya�
Bobby Buchard is talking to mother
Or her portrait that hangs on the wall
Betty�d found out their plans, so they killed her
They must go and retrieve shipments all
Now it�s late over at the Bodine res.
As Amanda and Lee go to search
In the bathroom Amanda finds a fused hairdryer
In the kitchen a body does lurch
It is Frank and he�s grabbed at Amanda
She sees bad guys, they leave, she yells �Lee!�
In the garden they nearly drive over him
But he�s able in time to jump free
They go hand-to-hand with the flamingoes
On the suburban lawn they do fight
But the van it takes off so Lee goes back inside
Saying �Hairdryer� Frank dies that night
Then the bad guys explain all to Bobby
He orders our team to be killed
Meanwhile Amanda�s chatting to Harriet
A few secrets they nearly are spilled
�Maybe I got Betty into trouble�
Then gets nervous and she almost leaves
But Amanda she changes the subject
The G Circle story Harry weaves
�Golden Circle Girls� explains Harriet
�Have responsibilities, you know�
It�s the personal touch, and clear customs�
Helps the exports to go with a flow�
As Lee and Amanda are talking
The fish photo�s up now as well
�You and whatshisname, you do much fishing?�
�Yes. About the case what can you tell?�
Amanda has put up new curtains
So the kitchen is cheery, she says
Lee says he prefers to hire someone instead
To decorate and clear up the mess
She suggests he is not really trying
To fit in around here at all
�That normal I�m not� is his firm reply
He�s really not having a ball
�So you solve the case then, Amanda�
�Maybe I will� she replies
�It�s the hairdryer that keeps recurring�
It�s the key I�m sure it�s why she dies�
�Her own, we saw it did short-circuit
Her hair if not dry it will frizz
In the garage there are many others
After all hairdryers, they�re her biz�
If this is what Harriet found out
And told the comp�ny what she knew
Then they�d have to make sure she was silenced
�cause they wouldn�t know what she�d do
�Did you just think that up, Amanda?�
�Yes, it�s dumb?� �No, it�s good� Lee replied
If I follow Judy and grab up a box
The contents may well be a good guide
As he leaves he asks her about groceries
And they pause, Lee then points something out
�We just had our first fight, well as man and wife�
Shaking hands, they would crack this, no doubt
As Judy she drops off a shipment
And Lee tries to keep out of plain sight
He is able to steal a box out of her car
Got a ticket but no time to fight
Back with Billy and Francine they study
All the contents and find some gun parts
�Well, do you see anything that is odd here?�
�Oh, domestic creams� Francine just smarts
�So tell us Lee how is your marriage?�
A mundane and dull kind of life?�
�Well, I�m really impressed about one thing�
The stamina of the housewife�
Now they�ve cracked it, it�s parts of guns only
Not the whole at one time, hence they�d missed
All the smuggling that�s going through customs
As cosmetics yet, well, what a twist
�Connie Beth, they do really huge business�
Francine says �So the exports are high�
�Pull the King woman out� orders Billy
But she�s at the sales meeting, oh my
Amanda she goes to the meeting
Unaware they are watching her there
As they all sing the Connie Beth theme song
Bobby�s lying in wait in his lair
Lee hurriedly drives to the meeting
While the meeting continues to run
They announce those who�re now in the Circle
And Amanda, she�s has become one
As she enters their big golden archway
She�s escorted by two burly men
With their pistols drawn, she is now frightened
Just then Lee arrives, gets all the gen
Bobby�s is asking Amanda
About the Bodine house and all
But Amanda is playing her cover
The best she can do here is stall
As he threatens Amanda he still has�
One more angle that he wants to play
If he attacks someone she cares about
He may then achieve his own way
The door opens, and in comes Lee Stetson
�What are you doing here?� she asks
�Well, I�m rescuing you, what�s it look like�
Here�s another one of his failed tasks
Bobby tries to find out what they�re doing
Then Lee comes up with another plan
As he turns on Amanda, he�s stroppy
And she wonders what�s up with the man
[At Tiff�s request, I�ve updated the following 2 verses with several more. I said before, I need to review these early ones � they�re only the highlights � now I make more of an effort!! For now anyway, hope this is a little better for you Tiff]
[*Then she twigs just what it is he�s doing
And she goes right along with the flow
So she argues with him in the office
And she upsets the whole status quo]
[*As they argue she stands up, she�s angry
Then she walks round and grabs the hairspray
As they run off, hand-in-hand they wonder
If they�ll get out of this one okay*]
�Well I hope that this makes you happy�
You caught us� Lee says, A�s amazed
�You said spying is easy,� Lee tells her
�No I didn�t� Amanda is dazed
Then Lee looks at her oh so intently
She�s confused. Now she�s starting to see
She glances at the baddy beside her
Then she stares in the eyes of our Lee
Now she�s got it, she knows what he�s up to
�I never said that,� she cries out
�It was him, he�s the one who began it�
For a second it�s Lee�s turn to doubt
�What?� he cries, �It was him wanted money�
So it�s all his fault, now don�t you see? �
For I�m not a Connie Beth Girl, no sir �
I�m a Lovely Lady Lady me�
�It was not me but her who is the cause�
�Cos she wanted more this and more that�
A is standing now, for as they argue�
They are hatching a plan for that rat
�I liked lipsticks,� she said, �then to tweazers�
There�s that eyespeak again as they shout
Then Amanda steps round to the shelves there
At the same time, still fighting it out
Then she reaches across for a hairspray
She�s still arguing at the same time
Then she sprays it in the eyes of Bobby
At that Lee for the bad guy is primed
Lee he spins and he kicks at the bad guy
Knocks him out so they then start to leave
Bobby orders his henchmen to get them
�I hate women!� he yells � I believe!
Holding hands then they run down the stairwell
�Hairspray, not bad� Lee says as they run
�Mace training� is how Amanda answers
When they face the locked door, are they done?
No of course not, there�s always an escape
But there�s lots of stairwells they can go
And they�re on their way up now it seems so
A asks, �Where now� L says �I don�t know�
On the roof Lee is able to thwart them
As the door�s blocked, Lee sees an escape
On a ball from a crane they grab onto
As they�re lowered to ground we�re agape
Now the back-up arrives so Lee tells them
That the bad guys are up on the roof
Then Lee escorts her off from the crime scene
With the bad guys caught they will get proof
Meanwhile Lee takes a walk with Amanda
�I�m all right� she says, �What was the game?�
�Guns� Lee says �Now would you like a drink?�
She prefers to go home where it�s tame
They both smile as she gives him his ring back
�Guess the honeymoon�s over, it�s tough�
But you know what was wrong with our marriage?�
It just wasn�t exciting enough!�
Back at home on the couch is Amanda
With the boys and her mom they�re all there
�Dean was worried� says Dotty, about her
�And to find such concern, it is rare�
In the kitchen away Dotty rambles
And Amanda she just keeps on thinking
Of her latest assignment she�s been on with Lee
As he's driving, he stares hard at �their� ring
images courtesy of Swoopes