ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE
[original episode written by Richard Raskind]
Looks like we�re starting in Red Square
Moscow, you know, there�s a meet
Maria von Klausen�s the prob
�We must grab her!� Oh, that�s sweet!
Oh, it�s not sweet, no, it�s evil
But there�s a Russian, so smug
His name is Comrade Krutiov
And it seems he is no mug!
Meanwhile, in DC�s Q-Bureau
Amanda�s tied up again
Actually, no, she�s in handcuffs
Hmm? What is going on then?
Leatherneck�s with her, that�s a shame
Only because if it�s Lee
I can think of several options
But that�s another story!
So, it seems Leatherneck�s training�
Amanda out of the cuffs
Then Lee comes in and observes her
And she shows she is not duff�
Cos she�s out of them already
�And �Ace� here, took him six weeks�
Leatherneck�s sharing Lee�s secret
Gotta thank him for that leak
I don�t think Lee�s proud of that though
See how the subject he changed
Sort of, he talks of her training
That Billy Melrose arranged
Lee says �Billy wants to see us�
Unless you�re �tied up,� are you?��
�No,� says Amanda, �I�m free now�
Lee laughs as they leave the Bu�
Down in the bullpen with Billy
Lee and Amanda, they walk
A Russian embassy contact
Sent something on which they talk
�He sent a fax of some pages�
Of Tony Martinet�s play�
But, why, we don�t know the answer�
It�s gonna be a long day
The play�s �Parisian Intrigue�
Amanda�s heard of the guy
Who wrote the play, had some acclaim
In the past, though, who knows why?
�My professor at UVA�
Made us read Martinet�s plays�
In fact, in drama, I performed�
In one,� Amanda then says
Billy knew that, says �Precisely�
That�s why I thought you�d be keen�
To help us out on this case now�
They want what intel she�ll glean
There are some notes in the margin
On a script of TM�s play
Billy�s says �No time to lose here�
They�ve got to get underway
In the seventies, a nosedive�
Is how TM�s career went
And without time for �deep background�
Amanda to help, was meant
�People thought that he had talent�
�Someone still does,� Lee returns
�His play�s premiering in Georgetown�
TM to directing turns�
Oh, dear Francine, I have to ask
What are you wearing, today?
That outfit�s got to be a bet
She wouldn�t wear that, NO WAY!
Crypto could not find a code there
But Graphology had news
They are seventy-five percent�
Sure who it is, they�ve the blues
They think that it is Krutiov
Lee says he�s Moscow�s top man
�He�s their number one brain bender�
Psycho warfare is his plan�
Oh, it seems Amand�s been reading
She has heard of him at least
They call him �The Puppet Master�
The best they have in the East
�He�s sick� says Lee, Billy agrees
�And he�s big league, so we must�
Get right on top of this bus�ness�
Before the case is a bust�
Lee says, �I want this one, Billy�
�You�ve got it,� is B�s reply
�Want you to see Carl Valentine�
The producer, find out why�
He�s putting on this play, now then�
And in the past, the Bolshoi�
Were brought by him to the US
Any connection? Oh, boy!
Billy is sending Amanda
Out to pick Martinet�s brains
�This is a job for an agent�
At least so Francine maintains
�Amanda at least knows his work�
Explains Billy to Francine
Then did you catch that from Billy
He shushes her, that�s so mean!
�If it gets hot, then I�ll bench you�
Billy explains, then they leave
Lee reaches to open the door
A gentleman, I believe
Meanwhile at SDI Research
That�s the Strategic Defense
Initiative Research Center
This is top secret, I sense
Just when I�m thinking this woman
Could be another loser
Fell for the wrong guy, or something
Look who the guy is, ooh er
Oh, my mistake, this one�s different
Another two epi deal
Happens a lot in SMK
Makes it seem odd�s how I feel
It seems like these are an item
As they chat there on the phone
Martinet�s hating his backers
There is an edge to his tone
Valentine comes in to see him
Brushes off changes they�ve made
Tony heads to the theater
His worries starting to fade
Lee and Amanda are there now
At the theater, talking
�There is something about the smell�
�Yes, stale air conditioning�
Lee points out TM on the stage
�Uh-huh,� Amanda replies
�Good luck,� says Lee as he�s leaving
Wow, Lee, inciteful advice!
TM explains to his actress
About the props on the set
Then turns to talk to Amanda
They will have a tete-a-tete
�My name, it is Amanda Keane
From Washington After Five�
TM is happy to see her
If she keeps his plays alive
Lee�s undercover with Carl now
Interviews him as they walk
Valentine thinks he�s a winner
As about Tony he talks
Then Lee, he goes off the record
Asks Val� about the Bolshoi
Carl says that he won�t bring them back
Had a hard time, not a joy
Amanda�s searching for his�try
TM says his career flagged
But is impressed at Amanda
As about TM she blagged
�You know neo-absurdism?�
Amanda just then comes clean
She�s read all of his plays, even�
In one, Tiger Tracks, she�s been
TM smiles at her �You�re perfect�
For the wailing walrus part�
At least I think that�s what she said
Oh, don�t you just love high art?
See what I mean about this stuff?
I don�t want this in my head
�I do not care what the king says�
Pickle that herring!� she said
Just then TM offers a job
To Amanda, he�s a part
Understudy here in his play
�Read a scene for me� - a start
Kruti� is meeting Valentine
Doesn�t like that V is late
He�s suspicious of reporters
Objects to having to wait
Tomorrow is the coup de grace
Krutiov�s telling his mate
�Make sure you�re wearing a blue suit�
So it�s not all down to fate?
Days end, rehearsals are over
To Am, TM says goodnight
Amanda sidles off the stage
She�s off looking for insight
Watching, Amanda sees a man
In storage, boxes he sticks
Now she�s off to see what they are
Unpicks the padlock, so quick!
Taking a script she�s out of there
But as she covers her tracks
Somebody calls out �Amanda!�
Lee�s here, lets get to the facts
Look at her smile as she sees him
Of her success she is proud
But the rewrites in these new scripts
Don�t seem by Tony endowed
In Arlington, there�s rehearsal
J, P and D all join in
Amanda�s practicing her part
At Dotty�s role we�ll all grin!
Something about dancing weasels
That�s what Amanda opined
Kolinsky�s back, how about that?
�Mon dieu Mon dieu� is D�s line
�Why is it all I say�s �mon dieu�?�
Amanda says it�s the plan
Everything means something else here
�It�s weird� - Jamie�s �the man!�
He�s not buying this dumb story
Amanda tries to explain
A free spirit, she should can can
On the bar - This is insane!
�What happened to musicals, then?�
Dotty asks Am, but just then
Her line is needed so �mon dieu�
Mon dieu� A�s started again
The boys prefer to watch TV
Dotty takes their side, �Those two�
Are defiant,� so D explains
Then her line, �mon dieu, mon dieu�
Next day at SDI Center
Security plans M�s trip
She�s amused it�s so clandestine
Cos this guy he is a dip!
In the Q, they�re in matching shirts
See them, they�re check, that�s so sweet
Studying Carl V�s tax returns
His income�s high, no mean feat!
Francine�s looking at surveillance�
Footage, Russian embassy
Am�s headed to the theater
Most of the lines learned, has she
I think Lee wants a rehearsal
Act 2 scene 2�s where he starts
The chanteuse and German soldier
So they both take on their parts
Mind you Lee�s accent seems French though
Odd, as he should be German
What do I know? I�m just stalling
Cos I am in on their plan ;)
�You are the soul of decadence�
�Better than being soul-less�
�Give me a break� is Lee�s answer
�Don�t ad lib� Amanda says
By her next line Lee is confused
Amanda says to move on
Increasingly they are amused
Because all meaning is gone
Just then Amanda smiles at him
Stands and moves over to Lee
Places both hands on his chest and�
Says her line seductively
Lee catches on to this quickly
Loses the script from his hand
Places his hands round to her back
Do you think that this was planned?
Who cares! They start to move closer
Just as they�re about to kiss
Guess who comes into the Bureau?
Francine! Another near miss!
The look on her face is priceless
As Lee and A spring apart
�I have those tapes when your ready�
As to them, her eyes they dart
�It looks like you have your hands full�
�Rehearsing!� faces go white
Cos they are looking so guilty
�So when is opening night?�
Really, I don�t think she bought it
Don�t think they�ll get a reprieve
Innocently standing, not touching
See how Fran smiles as she leaves?
Now Lee and Fran are with the tapes
And a guy says, �Yes� and �No�
Seems he spots people in photos
What a talent Ernie shows
Valentine is on the photos
So he�s involved, don�t know how
Lee�s gonna stick with him, find out
What V is gonna do now
Lee follows Carl as he passes�
Through the park, dog lead in hand
Lee sees him meet with a limo
Right in the open he stands
Krutiov�s mind games are how he�
Plans to get Tony to work�
For him and against T�s girlfriend
K�s confident, he�s no jerk!
K gives Carl the phrase to tell T
To make him do what K wants
Meanwhile back at the rehearsals
Bar guy says �mon dieu� - not once
Carl comes in and Tony argues
About changes to the script
Carl says the backers demanded�
Them and at that Tony flipped
Tony asks Carl to intervene
He says �No,� but Tony can�
Do something but �fore we see it
They cut, we don�t hear the plan
Lee and A exchange an update
Sitting right there in the stalls
That�s when Lee tries to bench Amand�
But then Lee�s bluff Amand� calls
�This is a good cover,� she says
Not liking it, Lee agrees
Carl wants Tony to commit treason
The price for the play T sees
Carl hands an envelope to T
Inside what looks like two pens
Instructions are inside also
Tony starts now to get tense
On the stage, Carl then announces
They�ll go back to Tony�s script
Everyone�s pleased except Tony
He looks as though he�s been gipped
As Lee leaves after Valentine
Amanda�s staying right here
Lee warns that she should, �Be careful�
I think on that one, she�s clear
Backstage Amanda goes hunting
Hears Tony making a call
Sneaking around finds some roses
Presses redial - she�s got gall
Now she knows Tony�s location
Potomac Plaza Hotel
From the foyer calls Lee Stetson
But Fran can�t reach him to tell
As she hangs up Lee approaches
He sneaks around her and then
She spots him and says, �Oh, hello!�
�What are you doing here?� Men!
Sarcastic�ly �If you picked up�
Your messages, you would know�
�I�ve been with Carl and he�s here now�
�Tony�s due here any mo��
Tony arrives with the roses
Lee grabs A, pulls her aside
I think he wanted a quick grope!
Rather than having to hide ;)
Lee turns around, thinking �Wait here�
Amand�s having none of it
�You�ll need back up,� is all she says
He doesn�t argue a bit!
On the third floor, Tony is searched
Lee and A watch from afar
Find a location to watch from
Lee�s �perfect� seems pretty far
On the balc�ny there is kissing
Tony, Maria right there
�This is embarrassing,� A says
�Goes with the job,� as Lee stares
�Agenting can be distasteful�
Sometimes hiding under beds�
Look at his face, is he thinking
Of he and Am, in his head?
Wow, Am�s eyesight is amazing
She saw Tony spike that drink
From behind Lee, into T�s room
Round a corner too, I think
Catch Lee�s face as M shows Tony
What she�ll be wearing this time?
Definitely impressed, or something
Did he step over a line?
Uh-oh, up there, they have comp�ny
Oh, look, they�re at it again!
As they�re doing Butch and Sundance
Someone knocks on the door then
As they climb over the balc�ny
To jump down into the pool
�Can we talk about this?� Am asks
�Sure, later!� Wow, that was cool!
As they escape, Kru and Carl watch
Krutiov recognizes
That it is Stetson, an agent
He must be good at this biz!
Lee and A make it to Lee�s �vette
Amand� fumbles with the door
As they get out of there pronto
Lee puts his foot to the floor
Lee calls Billy on the car phone
�Scarecrow, a tryst�s nothing new�
�But all that muscle, what�s that for?�
Setting the mood?� Scarecrow, ew!
�And don�t forget that he drugged her�
There�s something that�s going on�
�Okay,� says B, �if we say that..,
Krutiov�s got to know none�
�Billy, I�ve a job for Francine
The Potomac Plaza� �How?�
�I need her hooker number for�
Surveillance, low key, right now�
�You need to get back here, soon, though�
As soon as Amanda�s dry�
We need to look at those photos�
ID the woman, or try�
Lee agrees, meanwhile behind him
A big black limo is parked
The driver�s watching our hero
His presence goes unremarked
Back in the hotel with Tony
Carl calls to threaten his mate
Tony injects, then, his girlfriend
At least I think this T hates
Tony pretends there�s a meeting
Then gets Maria to speak
The drug is good cos she�s talking
About the secrets she keeps
Amanda comes from her house now
Big car driver guy stops her
Pulling a gun then he grabs her
Handcuffs, in the car, ooh er
In the back, out cold, is Scarecrow
They are then driven away
Tony meanwhile is so tense cos�
He is having a bad day
He�s not so dumb it seems, cos he
Plays the tape that he has made
To his own answerphone, clever
To show that he has betrayed
Carl now is suffering cold feet
Kruti� then offers some cash
Reluctantly Carl he takes it
Into their room, T does dash
He plays the tape but it�s cut off
�I have erazed it,� T says
Carl says, �You�re kidding, they�ll kill us�
But T�s not fooling I guess
�10 years I waited for my chance�
Onto the stage, put my play�
But it has cost me so dearly�
The woman I love, betrayed�
When I know she�s safe, and also�
At the play, the curtain�s down�
Then I will see you get the tape�
Look at how tightly he�s wound
In the car Lee�s coming around
So Amanda nudges him
He is so fuzzy, he�s been drugged
Can�t focus, or feel his limbs
�Where are we going� he asks her�
Also �When did it get dark?�
�I think we�re headed for Blue Ridge�
Must escape, this is no lark
A asks Lee if he�s a lockpick
In his collar there is one
He can�t do it, but no problem
In no time, look, she is done!
Look how they act in the car then
As she�s trying to free Lee
Seeming to �enjoy� the moment
And so proud of her, you see
They�re so close as Lee leans on her
Unpicks the cuffs - she�s so fine!
Where are her hands now, I wonder?
Lee doesn�t cry out this time ;)
She rubs his sore wrist, so briefly
Before freeing his right hand
�The doors are locked by the driver�
With a corkscrew they make plans
Amanda give him a look, then
�This is a car though, not wine�
He sighs, as he tackles the door
Hopes the driver sees no sign
As the car�s driving, they jump out
And the driver has no clue
As he checks the rear, Lee jumps him
And then a punch up ensues
Amanda�s looking to help Lee
While the fighting does go on
She grabs a branch and distracts him
With the next hit, driver�s done
Amanda rushes to help Lee
Supports him under his arm
They hold each other so closely
She makes sure there is no harm
As they are clinging they look then
Straight into each other�s eyes
That�s when they change their position
Hugging, so grateful, they sigh
In Billy�s office is Francine
Wearing her slinky red dress
As �happy hooker,� she�s answers
�Was the woman okay?� �Yes�
The woman went to Watergate�
Apartment, �Lease name is Jones�
They know the driver was Kru�s man
But still they�re turning up stones
�We need to know who�s the woman�
�Why can�t we just bring her in?�
�We don�t have cause,� is B�s answer
�We have to make sure we win�
�But Krutiov is the key here�
Billy says, �Yes, that is true�
But we must wait for more answers�
We must be smart and tough too�
Amanda goes to meet Ernie
Watched the cams, remember him?
Staring at pictures, he sees her!
It�s Maria von Klausen
�MVK is the Director�
Of the SDI,� Lee says
�Star Wars?� exclaims our Amanda
�Don�t have that film,� Ern�s confess�
The theater, �The Beverly�
Inside, Dot, Phil and Jamie
They�re here to see a performance
No disappointment, you�ll see
Philip is ticked that his mother
Isn�t playing on first steam
�Because she�s the understudy�
If someone�s sick, she�s on team�
Jamie makes an observation
�If no one�s sick, then a bore�
This play will be, cos without Mom
I�ll be asleep, that�s for sure�
The play begins, someone�s snoring
Meanwhile up at SDI
Our gang are telling Maria
She�s been compromised, oh my!
�The drug�s a new psychotrophic�
That Russians call �D�j� vu��
She�s not convinced it was Tony
�It�s just not what he would do�
Amand says �Probably Tony�
Acted while under duress�
�Well that is Krutiov�s forte�
Still, it is only a guess
Dippy guy says, �But I searched him�
Lee replies, �Just need one grain�
Of the drug to get those answers�
Everyone�s feeling the strain
�We�ve a level nine breach here now�
Billy says, �Sound the alert�
Lee and Am are to get Tony
Maria�s face shows the hurt
Amanda�s so sympathetic
Mind you she�s been there herself
Once or twice now, in this business
Of crooked guys there�s a wealth
Back at the play, Philip�s bored now
That guy is saying, �Mon dieu�
Someone keeps turning a sign round
Paris and something, what�s new?
Crossing the auditorium
Lee and Amanda walk through
Krutiov and Carl, they see them
I wonder what they will do?
From the side-stage, Tony�s watching
Lee and Am make themselves known
This time as federal agents
And Lee�s badge, Tony is shown
�We�ve been talking to von Klausen�
T says to Am, �You can act�
�Well now you really must help us�
Then he gives to them the facts
�They said they�d kill her,� says Tony
Krutiov stands watching them
Tony says, �Carl wants the tape soon
When the plays ends, not till then�
I made sure that Maria�s safe
And the play�s first night is done�
Amanda asks where the tape is
The jar on stage is the one
Lee wants to call a halt now then
Martinet says, �But the play-�
Then sees Valentine, goes after�
Cos Ton� has something to say
As Lee leaves Amanda watching
The stage so no one goes near
A fight breaks out on the backstage
A gunshot. Look, they all hear!
Confused, the actors continue
Lee threatens Carl with the gun
Amanda�s nervously watching
On stage Krutiov�s just come
Kruti pulls a gun while on stage
On then Amanda does rush
Pointing, yells, �Stop him, Gestapo!�
Dotty is starting to gush
Now the soundtrack�s getting silly
As chaos on stage, ensues
Lee dashes on, Am takes the tape
Helped by the actors, confused
Lee kicks and punches Krutiov
Philip liked that part, a lot
The German dances with Amand�
Now it makes sense - not a lot!
Well that saved it for the family
Cos they enjoyed seeing �Mom�
As they line up for a bow there
Dotty�s so glad they could come
Amanda passes Lee the tape
Then they hold hands, take a bow
�Well, that was a nice performance�
But improv�s not great� Have a cow!
Well that�s the sort of thing that Bart�
Simpson would say, wouldn�t he?
At this neo-absurdism
Featuring Amand� and Lee?
The curtain falls, there is applause
Dotty�s so proud as she sighs
The boys, so enthusiastic
Don�t see what�s before their eyes
Once again they see Lee Stetson
With Amand�, standing right there
How many times have they seen him?
Yet he is still in the clear!
Amanda asks, �Will poor Tony�
Get any help �fore his trial?�
Lee says he will cos the mind games
Of Krutiov were so vile
Outside the Q, Lee is staring
Just then, he makes up his mind
Closing the door, hesitates there
Not sure just what words to find
Amand� turns round to look at him
He�s still standing by the door
Crosses his hands, says, �Amanda�
Taking a look at the floor
In the room, wow, there is tension
�You know, we really must talk�
Amanda standing, just staring
�Yeah?� she asks, Lee starts to walk�
Amanda smiles as she answers
His reply �yeah,� is so sweet
�How long have we known each other?�
He keeps looking at his feet!
As he approaches Amanda
They don�t catch each other�s eyes
Smiling though as he gets nearer
As he stops by her, he sighs
�Three years,� she says, since they first met
�There�s so much that I don�t know�
As kind of shyly he looks up
Drawn to her then, his eyes go
�There�s so much of you, I don�t know�
I can�t wait, though, to find out�
Slowly he moves in to kiss her
As a door slams, I must shout
NO!!!!! Oh, what now, this is not fair!!
Look it�s Billy on his way
Meets Francine outside the Bureau
And that is where they will stay!
Lee�s finally got the message
Crossing the Q, locks the door
Billy tries it, but no response
Knocks, Fran looks too, but no more
Turning back, Lee says, �Not this time�
Shaking his head he walks back
Amand�s wide-eyed at his actions
Interruptions Lee can�t hack
Outside, though, Billy is smiling
Francine meets him by the door
Billy just grins then he walks off
Cos he knows what is in store!
And check out Francine cos she smirks
She also knows what goes on
So why they keep it all secret
Making the sense that is non-
Inside the Bureau, they�re facing
Each other, they are so near
Exchanging eyespeak together
Their plans right now are so clear
Amand�s arms rise to his shoulders
Smiling, their heads they both shake
Suddenly nervous, not stopping
Cos they know what�s now at stake
That�s when they move in so closely
They kiss each other, then pause
We see a little reaction
I�m suspecting heart rate soars
Then they move in for another
Kissing each other so soft
That�s when they cut though, it�s not fair
We didn�t want this scene stopped!
images courtesy of Swoopes