Too
busy for the family
By Faridul Anwar Farinordin @ YouthQuake (NSTP)
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often than not, the idea of what a perfect, wholesome family is, is
conveyed in TV serials such as the popular 'Home Improvement' and the
endearing 'The Cosby Show'.
There's always a dad who gives tips to his son on how to "score"
with the girls and a mom who not only metes out punishment on the children
but also is sought after for her listening ear and a shoulder on which
to cry on.
From these TV characters, our parents could actually learn a thing or
two on good parenting skills, essential in the raising of a healthy,
happy family.
So,
what goes into making that wholesome family? Is it money? Love?Respect?
Communication? Time? At a two-day seminar recently entitled "Wholesome
Families the Pulse of the Nation - A Meeting of Minds: The Malaysian
Family", the concept was analysed at length in a lively forum.
Organised
by Yayasan Budi Penyayang Malaysia (PENYAYANG) and held at the Putra
World Trade Centre recently, it drew more than 150 participants from
all walks of life.
There were professors, housewives, politicians, as well as students.
It was hoped that the conclusions would contribute towards policy-formulation
for the Ministry of Women's Affairs and Family Development; these will
be submitted to the Cabinet.
With
renowned educationist Tan Sri Datuk Dr Awang Had Salleh heading the
discussion, 20 groups - comprising 10 participants from all walks of
life - debated and deliberated on the three main topics, which were
ways to promote interaction among family members, how wholesome families
could contribute towards the development of the country, and the role
of individuals, neighbourhoods and communities in helping to develop
wholesome families.
In
Group 10 - to which this writer was assigned - the members included
a medical doctor, Dr Balwinder Singh, National Population and Family
Development Board's (LPPKN) deputy director general Khoo Swee Kheng,
MCA (Taman Tun Dr Ismail) Wanita chairman Anna Tee Achui, school counsellor
Yuslina Yusoff and kindergarten teacher Kalwant Kaur.
During
the discussion, Yuslina stressed that good values should be instilled
in the home. "Most teenagers whom I have counselled for various
disciplinary problems have come from families where parents have not
played their 'roles' well, or have provided only minimal input. And
usually the children refuse to go home because there's nobody home
."Lack
of parental supervision, she said, also contributed to students indulging
in unhealthy activities during school hours and skipping school.
"However,"
said Anna, "such a situation is inevitable due to the increasing
demands of a working society. What parents need is to have good parenting
skills. And the best way to pick this up is by meeting other parents.
"They
can share their experiences and problems, and learn from others on how
to handle a particular situation," she said, adding that parents
should meet at the various organisations involved in such matters on
a regular basis.
Apart
from good parenting skills, spiritual and mental health are also crucial
in the development of a wholesome family, said Yuslina.
Her
views were supported by Khoo who claimed that children nowadays are
burdened with too many responsibilities, including "school, piano
class, ballet class and others.
"A
six-year-old child once told me that she was too busy to play with her
aunt. It really surprised me how a person that age could have so many
duties!". She called on parents to allow children to develop at
their own pace.
The
group members also urged that the section in official forms which requests
an individual to specify his or her race be scrapped in order to promote
a wholesome Bangsa Malaysia family.
"We
should celebrate individuality within the community rather than segregate
according to race," Bulwinder said, adding the media could also
help by promoting a wholesome Bangsa Malaysia.
Earlier
at the opening ceremony, Penyayang's chairman Datin Seri Endon Mahmood
had said that the seminar was part of the "Wholesome Families -
the Pulse of the Nation" campaign launched in September last year.
"The
seminar serves as a public forum," she explained, adding that she
hoped it would provide a solution to the problems that families these
days face.
The
seminar was officiated by deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah
Ahmad Badawi.
During his keynote address, Abdullah said parents should accord more
time and learn to listen to their children to enable them to build a
strong relationship.
"The
family is a tiny part of the community, but it is the most vital component
of a dynamic nation," he said.Sharing his experience, Abdullah
said two-way communication with children is very important as, only
then, can parents better understand their children's needs."You
(parents) cannot be too busy.
It's
just a matter of time management," he said, adding that elements
of responsible parenting include nurturing, educating and protecting.Abdullah
told participants that the Government could play an active part in ensuring
a good education system and a conducive environment for the people,
but it could not possibly play the role of parents.Later, a dialogue
session was held with members of the audience. Chaired by New Straits
Times Press Group Editor-in-chief Tan Sri Abdullah Ahmad, the session
raised, among other issues, the lack of space at home, as a possible
cause for tensions within a family.
Citing
a recent cover story in YouthQuake (Don't punish me, punish my parents),
about parents refusing to be held accountable for their children's misdeeds,
a member of the audience called on parents to play their part and be
more responsible.
One
participant from Persatuan Pemuda Malaysia, Thanageswary M., 28, said
the seminar served as a stepping stone for a better understanding on
the subject matter.
"It
is a productive way to get members of the public to participate in the
Government's policy-making processes. From my observation, this seminar
has been successful because everybody had something to say.
Another
participant, midwife Ann Ibrahim, 27, said the event allowed individuals
to reflect upon their own values and express their opinion in a comfortable
setting because of the size of the group."We should have more forums
like this," she concluded. The seminar's memorandum was presented
to the Women's Affairs and Family Development Minister Datuk Sharizat
Abdul Jalil at the closing ceremony.