011405

January 14, 2005

Oh, Dayton, Ohio... What a place! Okay, not really. We left Kansas this morning and shortly found ourselves in Missouri. For the record - Missouri is way cooler than Iowa. I-70 is the way to go! Frankly, there really is no need for Nebraska or Iowa. I'm sorry. I-70 forever. Back to my first time in Missouri... I decided that yes, I wanted to get home - but also that I wasn't coming back to Missouri. We stopped in St. Louis because Sara wanted to see the arch. It was pretty neat. It's huge, first of all. The Gateway to the West. Some Lewis and Clark something or other. I wanted to go up it. So I did. There wasn't much of a line. They load you into this room. There are wooden cutouts of Mark Twain and some Presidents and stuff. Old artifacts, yadda, yadda. Then you head to the loading dock, where they show you a short film (maybe 4 minutes) about Westward expansion. Then these little pod-like things are presented to you. These are very small. Very small. You know that weird chair Will Smith sat in in Men in Black when he was filling out the test? Yeah, the white one. Yeah, that's what these pods were just like. And probably about the same size, too. Problem was, these weren't single occupancy pods. In fact, they were neither double nor triple. Nor quadruple. Yes, they took this mini-pod, in which maybe one toddler or so could rest comfortably in. Then they stuck 5 adults in it. There were little seats, except they were smaller than my posterior, which frankly, isn't all that big. It was a big mess of legs and bodies. I'm just really thankful that I didn't get sandwiched in there with some smelly foreigners. Then the doors close. There are no windows. Not that there needs to be. The only thing to be seen are the stairs inside the arch. And since the arch is, well, arched, it's not a totally smooth ride. The pod jerks a little bit, as it attempts not to turn you sideways. Not too bad. Then you all pop out of the pod, in a fashion that I imagine is somewhat similar to childbirth. The top of the arch is interesting. It reminds me of the top of the Statue of Liberty. A bunch of tourists hunched around small windows, trying to make sense of the world (far) below. But it is somewhat roomier than the top of the Statue of Liberty. One thing I didn't understand, though, was that the floor was arched. There was enough room at the top there to have a flat ground. But they didn't do that. I'm not sure if they felt it enhanced the experience or what. But I found that it made people wobbly. It was sort of like walking in one of those giant air castle things, where each step is just a bit unsure. Whatever. I looked out the windows and took pictures. The arch is right on the river that separates Missouri from Illinois. You could see the baseball stadium and the football dome. And the courthouse, I think it was. Or some capital building. And I think some Budweiser plant, too. I got dizzy after a while. Elevation at the top: 630 feet. Weenies. That was the arch. I took the trip back down in my favorite pod-mobile. There was a small museum at the base. Old animals and stuff. Or, old stuffed animals. And covered wagons and some historical stuff. They were really keen on that Westward expansion. Go figure. But enough of the sidetracking. We've still got 6 states to go through.

Illionois. Whatever. You've got Chicago, yes. Which is a cool place, I'll give you that. But other than that, sorry Illinois. Kansas is cooler than you.
Ohio. This is where we settle. It's good to see that all of the haunting corn, from which I still suffer bitter flashbacks of, is all dead. Haha! There is no greater victory in life. Ding, dong, the corn is dead. At this point, yes, I do realize that I have spent too much time in the car. Hopefully we can make it home tomorrow. It's a long trip, but I've got the desire.

(The uninformed out there may think that I missed Indiana. Actually, I after the last journey out to the West, I decided that Indiana is evil. It's unecessary, and I am banishing all memory of it from my mind. I will no longer recognize it as a state. Go Puerto Rico. Sorry, Indiana - you lose.)