| More Light Bulb Jokes |
| French Horn How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb? None. They're too good for manual labor. Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks. Two: one to twist the bulb for several hours, and the other one to decide that it's as good as it's going to get, and that they might as well flip the switch. |
| Trumpet How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb? How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but good luck actually getting him to do it. Zero. They just complain about the darkness until a clarinet player does it for them. None; they just steal somebody else's light. Just one. The bulb's already been changed, but you need someone to turn the light on. Only one; they just hold it up and the world revolves around them. Five: one to handle the bulb and four to tell him how much better they could've done it. What's a lightbulb? How many second trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb? None; they can't reach that high. How many jazz trumpeters does it take to change a lightbulb? Never mind--they can fake the changes. In the 22nd century, how many trumpet players will it take to replace a light source? Five: one to actually do it, and four to reminisce about how much better the old bulbs were. |
| Trombonists How many trombone players does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he'll spend an hour trying to figure out what position he needs to be in. Four: one to change the bulb and three to pull the chair out from under him. Only one, but he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.Only one, if you give him the bulb for free. Five: one to change it and four to hold the instructions upside down. Six: One to change it, five to fight off the trumpet players who are hogging the light. None. They're so macho they prefer to walk in the dark and bang their shins. How many good trombone players does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one. But good luck trying to find him. How many jazz trombone players does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Jazz trombone players can't afford lightbulbs |
| Euphonium How many euphonium players does it take to change a lightbulb? Since when do euphonium players change lightbulbs? Two. One to hold it and one to do breathing exercises until the room spins. |
| Tuba How many tuba players does it take to change a lightbulb? None; they sneak away in the dark. Four: one to change it and three to whine about not having their own. The tubist's changing a lightbulb? Practice is out early! Five: one to change the bulb, and four to complain about how high it is. |
| Drummers How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? Who knows? It's never been done! One, but he has to do it three times. Why? Oh wow, it's, like, dark, man! How many string bass players does it take to change a light bulb? None; the piano player can do that with his left hand. |
| Conductors and others How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb? None; he stands around waving a stick while the band does all the real work. ONE, two, three, four, ONE, two, three, four. None; he prefers to wait for a janitor to do it. 99: one to do it and 98 to do it a different way following the same directions. How many high school marching band members does it take to change a lightbulb? 75: one to change the bulb, 24 to play the fight song, and 50 to check the school's standings in the national lightbulb-changing polls. How many sound men does it take to change a lightbulb? None; sound men don't do lights. How many music critics does it take to change a lightbulb? Music critics don't know how, but rest assured they'll find something wrong with the way you do it. None. They work in the dark. How many Bachs does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They didn't have light bulbs in his time. How many Beethovens does it take to change a lightbulb? He didn't need to. Beethoven's temperament was enough to set a bonfire going. |
| Other Stuff How many psychologists does it take to change a sax mouthpiece? Only one, but the mouthpiece must be willing to change! How many French horn players does it take to play split lead? One. How many trumpet players does it take to pave a driveway? Seven, if you lay them out correctly. How many jazz percussionists does it take to change a cymbal? Four: one to change it, and three to forget what song they're on. |
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