~ Raven
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| ~ A few of years ago my "About Me" page was very very different...At 36 years old I am in a completely different place in my life compared to back then. There was a time many years ago that I did in fact wonder on a daily basis "Is it all worth it?" and I thought for so long that it wasn't so I made my attempts to call it quits...I ended up just going numb to life with the help of booze, drugs and various other things.....In my 20's after going through some seriously shitty things over the years I met someone who (2 people actually, brother and sister) opened my eyes to new ways of thinking not only about life but about me as well and things looked up from there..Of course not without pain and a lot of difficult internal work for me but things looked up none the less and I made some really good progress. I had my backslides more often than not and it was a roller coaster ride without a doubt but I was on the road to eventually being in a better place within myself..A little over 8 years ago I met the man who is now my husband and things got better still then we lost our son and I did the backslide again...3 years ago the father of my two older children commited suicide (others had died between my son and my ex but those two are key) and yet again I did the backslide but in a drastic way and I was right back to "Is it all worth it?" With love from true friends, my husband and thanks to the progress I'd made before (along with some therapy and medication) I got out of that dark abyss.....but it came too close to my life ceasing to be.... | |||||||||||||
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| Since then I have made tremendous progress in life, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and so on. This doesnt mean that I don't have "off" days by any means because I most certainly do, I am human after all. Those days however are shortlived and not nearly as dangerous as they used to be...I wondered for the longest time "why me?" ya know..I wondered why I have had to go through the pain and sorrow in my life, the abuse, the hardships, the anger and rages, the depressions and just overall struggling that I have....When I really look at it all, I understand. Nothing I have gone through in life no matter how painful has been with out reason. Sounds strange (if you go through the rest of the site you'll understand why I say that) but its true. I have gone through some hellish, life altering, mindfucking, heartbreaking, esteem demolishing things and as much as they tore me up and broke me down I gained postive things from them and in turn have been able to help others. I have gained the ability to see life from various points of view and am able to see things in situations etc that I wouldnt be able to otherwise. I have more compassion than ever before and being beat down and torn apart the way I was in life I have been able to rebuild myself from the ground up to the woman that I am today. Am I perfect?? Absolutely NOT!! I have flaws just like anyone else.. Do I no longer have issues? Absolutely NOT! I still have a long way to go without a doubt but only with certain key things and I work on it every day and every day life improves. Am I done with the backsliding? NO of course not but any backsliding that I do is far and few between and I am on my way to closing that negative door but it takes work.... | |||||||||||||
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| Life has been a battle..there is no doubt about it but here I am in my mid 30's, married, a mom and I'm doing well..I've come a long way in life and though there are those occassional days when I wake up and go "UGH WHAT THE HELL?!" I am happy in life, with the progress I have made and contiue to make and with the road I'm on ...I know that there will be more "hiccups" in life that I'll have to deal with but I also know that I can handle anything that gets thrown my way. In life I may not know where I am going but I know I'll get there someday and more than that I know that Everything Is Okay and will continue to be no matter what | |||||||||||||
| I'm sure thats not the type of "About Me" you were expecting..I realize it's not a typical about me page but there you have it....a little bit about me. As you go through the site you'll learn plenty more about me, my thoughts, feelings and my life in general...for now though, this is it..Enjoy the site and always take care of you! ~ Raven |
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