"That idea's stupid. If there's gonna be five guys, it should be 5gether."
"I dunno about you guys, but I'm callin myself something different."
"I think this band is gonna be a kick-a opportunity for all of us. I mean, I have this dream that I don't tell many people about, and it's to own a Sea-doo. And I'm gonna get one too. Because I plan to make a buttload of money off of this."
*Doug* "A buttload? How much is a buttload?"
"A thousand dollars. I base that on the fact that one time, I stuck five dollars up my butt, well, not to brag or nothin, but I think I could stick WAY more up there. WAY more, easy."
"I love him ALWAYS, I love him like a brother."
"These things go in water?!"
*Talking about Britney Spears* "I'm madly in love with her. She's so beautiful and nice."I'm not a kid, I'm a mature adult, Hey look half a twinkie
"You threw Heather out? You butthole!!!"
"If you didnt do it for me,the sky turning black I wish my mom would give me a couple of prosac, but I wont let it get to me i know you just forgot cause girl your always with me, even when your not."
"Okay, Fine, exploit my pain, suck my life dry."
"It wasnt like that, me and Heather were in love, We went out 2 and a half times!!"
"Her boyfriend just sank to the bottom of the ocean, yeah."
"QT, I dont wanna be tricked into it, oooh look at the kittys, they're so cute, that little one looks like an ewalk, no no no, no I will not do it!"
"Doug Listen, I didnt mean to hit you before I meant to shoot you but I dont believe in guns."
"Heather wait, I thought I knew you, we shared so much, remember the sandwich? okay this is not how its supposed to be, Heather please.. No, I just dont think we should see each other anymore!"
"That retainer fit my mouth perfectly, like it was made for me. (Doug: it was made for you) Actually, it was made for my friend Steve, but he didn't want it anymore, so I was like hey, free retainer."
"Her name is Lisa, and she likes ice cream. But she doesn't LOVE ice cream, but if you put magic shell on it, she'll eat it."
"The sweetest thing I've ever seen was a baby dressed as a bumble bee."
"I really don't think it was right for him to joke about the Darth Vader costumes like that. It's offensive to all the families of the people who have been killed by Darth Vader. People who's human rights he's been violating for so many years. That's all."
"I guess now Q.T.'s kinda like Michael and the rest of us, we're like Jermaine and Tito, you know? But I have this theory that Jermaine was way more important to the Jackson 5 than Michael. I mean, cause who invented the moonwalk? Jermaine. Who sang Thriller? Jermaine. I mean, who even married Lisa Marie Presley? It was Jermaine."
"I was listening to the radio yesterday and I heard this song by some guy named M&M's, he said that I annoy him and that he was sent here to destroy me. I dunno why but he's gonna. I'm scared. He has scary looking he has white hair. Like a devil or something. I know he's here somewhere! I know it! I know he's here. Doug told me he's not here but I know he is. He has a name that doesn't really sound evil, M&M's, but he is evil I know it. I'm so scared."
"Everyone's been worrying about Q.T.'s problems, I was up there trapped in that fat guy suit literally suffocating to death, and I was still still trying to contribute to the group by making as many laser noises as humanly possible."