Hello everyone again!  *grin*  Just to let you know, this 
has been revised quite a bit!  I use the NA names but I've mixed in 
a few of the Japanese terms.  But then again, I'm always doing that.  
So don't get upset with me, k?  ^_^ Please let me know what you 
think!  
	Oh. . . yeah. . . the disclaimer thing. . . umm. . . Sailor 
Moon and its characters are property of Naoko Takeuchi and all 
those other companies that have a lot more money than I do.  
Please don't sue me.


Learning To Love Again 
by Sailor Elysia 
[ely_chan@yahoo.com]



	There are only two times I can think of that I consider to 
be the worst times of my life.  
	The first was the day my parents died.  Losing them was 
bad enough, but also losing my memory--8 years of my life!--it 
was all gone in an instant.  
	The other time is much more recent, the memory of it 
heart-wrenching.  That day, I let my entire world slip away, all 
because of a stupid dream.  
	It was the day I told Serena I didn't love her anymore.  

	Of course I have regrets.  I regret the very moment I 
thought those thoughts, let those words slip from my mouth.  
	All I wanted to do was to protect her.  She'd been through 
so much already--in the past as Princess Serenity, and in the 
present as Sailor Moon.  I wanted to be by her side, always.  

	I still have the dreams.  Not the ones that caused me to 
leave her, but a different and more painful one.  Now I realize this 
isn't a dream.  This vision, if you will, shows me the hell I'm forced 
to go through without her.  

	I occasionally see her, but it's only because I help the 
senshi fight.  Even though it's been six months since that horrible 
day, she and the other senshi still refuse to speak to me.  I don't say 
anything either, because I fear my emotions will betray me.  Every 
time I see her, all I can do is hand her a rose.  I don't know if she 
keeps them.  

	I don't dare approach her on my own.  I tried to once, but 
if looks could kill, I'd be dead many times over.  And since I've 
been through that already, I've decided to keep my distance.  

		 ~~~~~~~~~~

	Roses.  Everywhere I look, I see roses, hanging all around 
my room.  Each one stands for a day without him.  

	There are days I will do nothing but sit and stare at my 
dried roses.  Sometimes I can bear it no longer and cry my heart 
out into my pillow.  I have two pillows on my bed now, one for 
sleeping on, and the other to cry into.  

	My mother is worried about me.  She hasn't come right 
out and told me, but I see it in her eyes.  Part of me wants to crawl 
into her lap, and tell her everything.  I hate keeping secrets from 
her, but there is no way I could tell her anything about this secret 
life I lead.  

	I often wonder what my other mother would say to me in 
this situation.  Would she scold me for not behaving like a 
princess, or would she sit and cry with me?  Sometimes I sit and 
gaze at the moon, pretending I am speaking with the queen, my 
first mother.

	I wonder if he thinks about me.  Heaven knows I am 
constantly thinking of him.  I guess I'll never know if he truly 
loved me, he never said the words.  It was probably only an 
infatuation with him.  But he was the first--and last--man I'll ever 
love: my prince, my protector.  

	I can't bear to face him.  Being rejected once was terrible 
enough, but to have my heart broken again would kill me.  Instead 
I ignore him, or at least try to.  I can tell my emotions to ignore 
him, but my heart has a mind of its own.  

		~~~~~~~~~~

	I can't take this pain anymore.  My heart breaks in two 
every time I see her.  I need to talk to Andrew.  Maybe he could 
give me some good advice.  

	Thankfully, Andrew was on his break when I walked into 
the arcade.  He saw the forlorn look on my face, and immediately 
had me sit at the corner table.  This isn't the first time I've come to 
talk to  him about Serena.  I've told him nearly everything about 
what had happened between us, conveniently leaving out the fact 
that she and her friends are the ones who fight for love and justice 
and that I help them.  Somehow I don't think that would go over 
very well.  

	My mind wandered through all my memories and 
thoughts of her.  I vaguely heard Andrew telling me to meet him 
for lunch tomorrow so we can talk.  He got up and went back to 
work.  So much for a meaningful conversation.

	I sat alone for a few moments longer.  As I got up to go 
try my hand at a few games, I saw her.  Lita, one of Serena's best 
friends.  I also know her as Sailor Jupiter, the one who could easily 
kill me with a flick of her wrist.  
	She noticed me at the same time, and I saw the deadly 
look on her face.  I ignored it, and decided to talk to her.  "Lita, I 
know you hate me, but please just answer one question for me." 
	She glared at me for a moment.  "What do you want?" she 
growled.  
	"I just wanted to know how Serena's doing." 
	"Except for what you've done to her, she's fine," she spat 
out, throwing a menacing look my way. 
	I winced at that remark.  "Well, um, if you see her, will 
you tell her I said hello?"  I turned and walked out of the arcade, 
not wanting to see the burning glare I knew she was giving me.  

		 ~~~~~~~~~~

	I never thought Luna would suggest my going to the 
arcade, but she's right, I do need to get out of the house.  Staying 
inside all day just deepens the depression I feel myself sinking 
into.  

	I walked slowly, careful not to run into anyone or trip 
over anything.  I remember all the times I've run into him and how 
much we hated each other.  I'd give anything to hear him call me 
'meatball head' right now.  

	I'm surprised to see Lita here at the arcade, but then I 
remember her telling me how cute she thought Andrew was.  I 
walked up to the counter, took the seat to her, and managed to 
mumble a greeting to both of them.  

	They tried talking to me, asking me questions, but I didn't 
feel like answering any.  I have too much on my mind, and I'm 
afraid I'll say the wrong thing.  

	Lita got up to leave for her cooking class.  I heard her say 
to me that Darien said hello.  As if that could change anything!  
But still, I appreciate the gesture.  Maybe he actually cares.  

	I noticed Andrew stayed for a moment longer after Lita 
had left.  He patted my hand, trying to comfort me.  "Why don't 
you come for lunch tomorrow?  It might make you feel better to 
talk about it."  I nodded my head.  Finally, I managed to speak.
	"Andrew, I know you're good friends with Darien, so if 
you see him, will you tell him I'm not angry at him anymore?" 

		 ~~~~~~~~~~

	The only reason I got out of bed today was because 
Andrew asked me to meet him for lunch.  Nothing really matters to 
me anymore, except her.  I just wish I had the courage to talk to 
Serena myself.  

	I called out a greeting to Andrew.  He looked up in shock, 
almost surprised to see me.  He glanced at his watch.  "Darien, 
you're--you're early." 
	I shrugged.  "You never told me when to show up." 
	Andrew sighed.  "Go ahead and sit at your usual table.  I'll 
be there in a few minutes." 

	I sat down and buried my face in my hands.  How much 
longer can I go through this?  I need her more than ever.  I long to 
see her smile, hold her delicate body in my arms, to gaze into her 
dancing blue eyes.  I wish I knew how to tell her all this, but I've 
never been good with words.

	I heard Andrew sit down.  "Okay, Darien, spill it," he said 
as he slid a plate with a hamburger and fries toward me.  "What do 
you mean spill it?  I've told you everything already.  You know 
how I feel about her, and why I can't face her alone." 
	He threw a fry at me.  "Yeah, so what are you going to do 
about it?" 
	"There's nothing I can do.  She won't talk to me.  She 
probably hates me more than anything in the world right now."  
I saw him look up at the sound of the door chime.  
	"Don't be so sure about that.  She told me herself she's not 
angry at you anymore," he said, standing up abruptly.  I looked up 
at him, wondering why he was leaving so soon.  Suddenly I realize 
someone else was standing next to him.  It was her.  "Serena," I 
whispered.  

		 ~~~~~~~~~~

	"Serena."  Just hearing him say my name makes my heart 
melt.  
	I glared at Andrew.  "You tricked me.  You told me to 
come meet 'you' for lunch."  He gently pushed me down onto the 
seat.  "Lunch is on me, but you two aren't leaving until you talk."  I 
opened my mouth to protest, but the look Andrew sent me shut me 
up.  I knew better than to make him mad.  
	I watched him leave, along with all my excuses for doing 
the same.  I turned my attention to Darien, and noticed he quickly 
turned his head, trying not to look at me.  Had he been staring at 
me all this time?  
	"I--I don't know where to begin, Serena," he mumbled 
quietly.  
	"Why not start at the beginning, and tell me why you 
decided to break my heart," I said coldly.  I looked directly at his 
face, and for the first time I saw the pain and hurt in his eyes.  
Immediately I wanted to slap myself for what I said.  He's hurting 
just as much as I am, and I'm not helping any by playing the part of 
the Ice Queen.
	I drew in a deep breath, and reached for his hand.  I hoped 
it was the right thing to do.  Surprisingly, he didn't pull away.  
Instead, he held on with a gentle grip I thought I'd never feel again.  
	"Darien," I finally managed to say, "I need to know why 
this is happening.  One day you said you loved me, the next day. . . 
you wanted nothing to do with me." A thought popped into my 
head just then, but I didn't want to say it.  I didn't want to believe 
it, but I knew it had to be said.  
	"Even if you decide not to love me anymore, I still want 
to be friends with you." After all we had had between us, I didn't 
think it was possible for us to ever go back to just being friends.  

		 ~~~~~~~~~~

	Her hand fit so perfectly in mine.  I'd almost forgotten 
how good that felt.  I can't back out now.  The time has come for 
me to share my feelings, no matter how deep they are.  
	"Serena, I've never been very good with words, so it may 
take me some time to explain things to you."  For the first time 
since she sat down, I caught a glimpse of a smile on her lips.  I 
took that as a sign to continue.  
	"First of all, I want to ask you to be patient with me, and 
also, don't interrupt until I'm finished.  Expressing my feelings is 
hard enough without being stopped constantly." 
	 She lightly squeezed my hand in agreement, almost 
making my heart melt completely.  How could one person make 
me feel so alive?  I don't understand it.
	I took a deep breath.  "Serena, from the moment I met 
you, I knew you were different from other girls.  You're lively, full 
of excitement.  Of course, you had your moments, constantly 
klutzing out and never hesitating to cry about it.  
	"I wanted to be a part of that happiness, so I started 
calling you meatball head to make you notice me.  I didn't know 
any other way to get your attention.  And you were really cute 
when you got angry.  
	"After we found out about our past, it opened a new door 
for me, but I wasn't sure if you felt the same way.  Then came all 
the trouble with the Negaverse.  Those were the darkest days of my 
life.  But you came and risked your life to set me free.  
	"So when love came for the second time, it caught me off 
guard.  I'd never been loved the way you loved me before.  No one 
had ever said the words 'I love you' to me before.  I didn't know 
how to love a person back." 
	I stopped to wipe my eyes.  This was taking a lot out of 
me, because I never cry.  Not since my parents died.  I looked over 
at Serena to see tears streaming down her face, her hand still 
clutching mine.  
	"I thought everything was finally perfect.  I had found 
someone to love, and she loved me in return.  Then one night I had 
this strange dream.  I dreamt we were getting married and--" 
	 Serena interrupted.  "What's so strange about us getting 
married?"  She blushed as she said it.  I shook my head, but I 
couldn't help smiling.  How many times had I thought the same 
thing?  "Serena, you didn't let me finish.  Like I was saying, I 
dreamt we were getting married.  Everything was perfect.  
Suddenly, there was an explosion and we were pulled from each 
other.  I was all alone, and I heard a strange voice telling me to 
stay away from you or else I would be putting you in grave 
danger." 
	I reached for her other hand, and took it in mine.  "At first 
I blew it off as just one of those odd nightmares.  But then it came 
every night, each time more and more vivid.  I started to believe it 
was true.  If it was, to see you hurt because of me was the last thing 
I wanted.  
	"So I broke it off.  Believe me, it was the hardest thing I 
have ever had to do.  Every time I saw you, my heart broke.  
Because I loved you so much, I had to be without you.  
	"I never meant to hurt you, Serena, but I ended up hurting 
both of us.  I never want to go through that again.  If you can ever 
find it in your heart to forgive me, I would be eternally grateful." 
	She stared at me for what seemed like an eternity, then 
finally spoke.  "You started by saying you're not good with words, 
but after all you've told me today, I find that very hard to believe."  
She tried speaking again, but it seemed that the words caught in 
her throat.  Instead, she squeezed my hand again, got up, and ran 
out the door.  
	Andrew watched her leave, and turned to me.  "What are 
you waiting for, Darien?  Go after her!" 

		~~~~~~~~~~

	The park has always been one of my favorite places.  I sat 
down on my favorite bench, the one with the heart carved in the 
seat.  I used to come here for hours, just to daydream.  I used to 
bring Darien here, and we just sat and talk about anything that was 
on our minds.  This is where he first kissed me.  
	These days, I've been coming here to wonder why he 
didn't want me anymore.  
	Now as I sit here, I realize I've come here to decide if I 
want him back.  I believe his story, I can tell he's being sincere.  
There's so much we can learn from each other.  He wants so much 
to be loved, and I want to be loved by him.  
	I let the tears I've kept inside for so long fall.  So many 
decisions to make.  Is it worth it?  
	The sound of heavy breathing brings my head around.  He 
must have followed me here.  As I look at him, standing beneath 
the old cherry tree, the sunset illuminating his face, I remember 
someone once telling me the eyes are a window into a person's 
soul.  I looked into Darien's eyes, and I could see he was no longer 
holding anything back.  Everything he had told me in the cafe was 
true.  And I believed him.  But could I give him my heart again?  

		 ~~~~~~~~~~

	I decided to make one last plea.  There was nothing else I 
could do, and if I lost her, it would be the end of me.  "Serena, if 
you'll have me, I promise to always be there for you.  Never again 
will I let some stupid dream tell me otherwise.  I love you."

		~~~~~~~~~~

	All my doubts disappear with those three short and simple 
words.  My entire life, I have been waiting for someone to say 
them to me with as much love and passion as he just did.  
	"Darien, I'll have you, if you want me." 
	Never have I felt so much joy in my heart as I watched 
him come closer, envelop me in his warm embrace, and break 
down in sobs like a little child.  To know he truly loves me is the 
best gift I could ever ask for.