Title: Love Through Time - Volume 1, Chapter 8
Author: Sailor Europa
E-mail: slr_europa@yahoo.com
Rating: PG

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Ah, the last chapter minna.....Sad ne? Well, I hope you won’t be too sad
when the new volume is started! I know I can’t wait! (I’m rather enjoying
myself, if you can’t tell.....^_^) Anyway, I’m not gonna have the normal
long authors notes I tend to lean towards, but check at the end of the
epilogue, and I’ll have a whole butt load for ya’! Ja!

slr_europa@yahoo.com

http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/5870/femmey.html

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Songs I suggest while reading the last chapter-

‘If I Never Knew You’ - Pocahontas Soundtrack
‘Written In The Stars’ - Aida Soundtrack
‘Easy As Life’ - Aida Soundtrack

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Love Through Time - A Serena and Darien Saga
Volume 1, Chapter 8

By Sailor Europa

        I stayed with Selene throughout the next three days. Although her
fever had
dropped drastically, she was still extremely weak, the high temperature
having taken it’s toll on her body. Throughout the next few days, her fever
rose and fell spiratically, and we had to keep her in bed, which of course,
did not sit well with her. Harlan and I took turns waiting on her. It was
rather strange actually, after the whole ordeal was over, for the first time
in many years, he smiled at me. I had been taken aback, but not fooled. I
wasn’t about to change my attitude towards him just for that. But I will say
it was a nice change. I just wasn’t expecting it again.....
        I busied myself while I was resting, not wanting to just sit,
although I
desperately wanted to. I knew what my mind would land on if I let my mind
wander, and for the first time, I couldn’t think about that. I would ponder
that later, when I had the time. Although, deep in the back of my mind, I
knew what was going to happen. There really wasn’t much to think about.
Maybe putting it off was my way of denying the truth. I don’t know, but it
didn’t help. It still hurt.

*****

        "I will be going to work tomorrow Serena, so I am entrusting our
daughter
to you for that duration." I clenched my fists, willing the words back down
into my stomach. ‘Entrusting’. As if I wasn’t qualified to take care of my
own daughter.
        "I’ll be sure she’s taken care of." I replied, as curtly as I
possibly
could. I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of starting a fight,
which is all he wanted. Sighing, I rubbed my completely exhausted legs as I
sat down on our bed. The past three days had been murder, both physically
and mentally. Watching Selene recover was soul searching and trying. She had
never had so much as a cold, and I hated to see her so whipped, especially
in such a short period of time. It had taken us both by surprise, and with
such a shock came too many emotions for my body to process. Not to mention
the fact that I was still dwelling on Darien. I hadn’t been so preoccupied
that I didn’t notice the dull ache that seemed to grow as I prolonged the
inevitable. My stomach began to hurt constantly, and I could only deny it
for so long. I made a promise to myself I would do it tomorrow, just after
lunch, when Selene would be asleep, and Sarah would be cleaning. I would
slip away, one last time.....

*****

        I bit my lip. It was 2:30pm, and I had just finished putting Selene
to bed
once again. I watched her sleep, somewhat peacefully now, her breathing
coming easier than before. Mine however was awful. My throat was dry, my
heart barely pumping. I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to. I had to leave,
knowing once I got moving there would be no choice to carry it all the way
through. But now, as the decision was lain in front of me, I couldn’t. How
was I suppose to go? How could I.....End it? I’d tried it once before and
failed miserably.....
        He was suppose to leave today. If I didn’t do it now, I might not
get
another chance. I took a deep breath and stood up from the chair I had been
in, my hands falling straight down to my sides. I took a deep breath, and
walked slowly towards the door. I paused just before opening it. This was
the last time I would ever make this journey, and I wanted to savor every
second of it.

*****

        I don’t know how I got there so quickly. I was standing at the
threshold,
my mind quiet, almost serene as I stared into the large picture window. The
shop was now bleak, all the shelves clear and bare, his desk completely
clean. Nothing hung on the walls, and the light of the high sun bounced off
the white walls. I felt my chest rise and fall with my steady breathing.
Brushing my hair absently out of my face, I tugged at the door, pushing it
into the room. The bell rung again, and I found it irking as the sound
echoed into the desolate room, and yet so familiar, paralleling my mood
perfectly. My body felt hollow inside and I was aware of the slow thumping
of my heart as I could make out the footsteps on the stairs. I stared
blankly at the door behind his desk as it swung open a few seconds later.
Dusty and dirty, his eyes became surprised and then relieved, and his
shoulders tensed as he spotted me. He gave me a suspicious smile and I found
myself unable to even offer him that much. I drew in a shaky breath, it the
only preparation my mind could muster up.
        "Serena...." I put my hand up, closing my eyes as I chose my words
carefully. I shook my head, wanting to shake everything else away with it.
But as I opened my eyes, he was still there, his eyes still concerned, his
chest still drawing in breaths. Everything in me damned up and I knew I
couldn’t last. Not without losing everything I held so dear.
        "Darien, just let me say this, and then I have to go. Selene is
waiting for
me." He nodded silently, everything leaving his face but the caution. "This
has to end _now_ ." I took another deep breath and looked down, my eyes able
to take his steady gaze anymore. "I was a fool to think it could ever exist
in this world, and I paid the consequences the past few nights. Darien, I
love my family too much to ever....To ever abandon them like this." The
tears welled up in my eyes, and I didn’t bother to brush them away. "I’m so
sorry I ever got involved in this. You got hurt by Harlan, and now...." He
stopped me, as the sobs now racked my body violently, by stepping forward. I
was briefly aware of his arms encircling me and he rocked me back and forth
slowly, as I stood perfectly still. I couldn’t manage to tilt my neck to
look at him, to look into his eyes, knowing it would be the last time. God,
the idea....
        "I know Serena.....I know." I pulled my lip in, my teeth puncturing
it hard
and the bitter taste of blood sprung into my mouth. Not able to take it
anymore, I buried my face in his chest, my arms wrapping tightly around his
own waist. I felt my body heave with cries and sobs, and I could only
pretend that this wasn’t the end. Wish and pray I could see him again, feel
his arms around me again.
        "Darien....I’m so sorry. I put so much....of myself into this. I...I
never
even considered this idea." My body cried out for him, for his touch,
everything about him. I needed this, more than anything. I experienced
things that I never knew existed, and now, I’m throwing it away, throwing it
away before I ever get to go through it all. "I’m so sorry I put you through
this." My face contorted again and I stared disgustedly at the wall. "I wish
we’d never met...." He grabbed my shoulders roughly, and I felt my chest
wrench in pain as he bent down, his eyes boring intensely into my own. His
deep blue eyes were wide with pain and hurt, but he wouldn’t let my gaze
falter.
        "Don’t you dare say that Serena." His throaty voice was ridden with
pain
and it cracked under the pressure. I cried softly to myself at the thought,
and I got angry with myself.
        "I hurt you!" I shook my head. "I hurt us both." I looked him
straight on.
"I never, ever wanted you to be hurt Darien. I never wanted to be the one
to….the one to…." I couldn’t say it. My lips couldn’t bear to utter the
words.
        "Serena." I tried to struggle, but his grasp on my got firmer and he
jerked
me gently, to look at him. His eyes were so blue, so sincere. "Serena, I
don’t think you know what you did to me. For the first time in my life, I
was whole. You gave me meaning. I was so confused when I came to Stratford."
He brushed my cheek gently with his thumb, weaving soft circled into my
skin. "I found all I ever needed just by looking into your eyes." I would
rather die, right here and now, than go the rest of my life without knowing
you." His expression was solemn and resolute just then, as if he had known
all along the outcome of this. "So don’t you even suggest that it would have
been better if we had never met." My heart broke, and I knew it was no
longer mine. He took it, and held it in his gaze, in his touch. I gave him
my heart right then, happily and completely. I felt the same way. He was
what I had been missing. Just having him alive made me whole. I was no
longer just a shell. He had made me the better person I was now. The person
who was able to distinguish what she should do, between what she wanted to
do. I had to do this, for myself. Not matter how much I lost, it had to be
done.
        "I could have walked away after that first kiss and been complete."
I
mumbled, my arms still tightly wound around him. "I’m so grateful that you
came to Stratford, Darien. I never would have known what this feels like." I
pushed my head upwards, not able to look anywhere but at him as I said it.
"No matter how short I time was, it was enough. And I will always be forever
in your debt, because you let me love you." I managed a small smile, no
matter the way I felt. It was true. I wasn’t empty any loner. And I knew I
never would be again, for as long as I breathed the air.
        "You will forever own me Serena. You have me, and whenever you call
me, I
will be there." He cupped my face in his hands, his voice growing soft as
our time grew shorter. My breath sucked in as he lowered his lips towards
mine, one last time. For that swift moment, nothing mattered. As I wrapped
my arms around his neck, clinging desperately to his skin, my body willing
him into me. His calmness melted away, and I felt him quiver as he grasped
me tighter and tighter, so afraid to let go. I cried so hard in that moment,
a dry, tearless sob, that came from deep in my soul, and exited my body into
that kiss. The sob rocked my being, leaving nothing in me the same. I wailed
into him, crying so hard I wanted to just collapse, go out of my mind for a
brief, wonderful second. I wanted him in my life forever, but knew it wasn’t
meant to be. The fates had conspired against us, and they had won. And now,
I would be forced to wander my life, missing the one part of me I needed.
        We parted, our relationship ending as the fever plummeted from us.
We were
suddenly feet apart, and I was no longer able to see into his probing eyes,
no longer able to feel his strong embrace. I couldn’t feel him physically
anymore, but I felt his heart pound under stress, and his mind whirl in
sadness. I felt him inside me. He would always be a part of me, and would
always be in the back of my mind, whenever he wasn’t in the front. I wasn’t
alone anymore. He had made sure of that.

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Short, ne? Well, I was planning on making it longer in the beginning, but I
seriously felt it didn’t need any more. Don’t forget the epilogue! All the
customary AN will be at the end of that.

slr_europa@yahoo.com
Michelle Merriman