Title: Love Through Time - Volume 1, Chapter 5
Author: Sailor Europa
E-mail: slr_europa@yahoo.com
Rating: PG

____________________________________________________________

*sighs* How sad is it that I am up at 1 in the morning, writing for what is
almost the 5th straight day? FYI- I am writing these things about 4 weeks
ahead of time, did you know that? That means that the time span between when
I write this, and when you will actually read it is probably over a month.
Kinda scary, ne? Me actually AHEAD of schedule. Anyway, I want to thank the
lovely and talented Sailor Elysia, who has been my sole editor and
pre-reader for most of these chapters, since Sidnei has been lucky enough to
actually go to Japan. (Domo arigatou, Elysia-chan! ^_~) OK, no more long
Author’s Notes! Well, at least for this one! You all know the standard
disclaimers, ne? Don’t own, don’t sue.

Wanna know more about me? YES?! (There’s a first...) Go to my personal pagey
at -

http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/5870/femmey.html

Now, on to the story!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The following lyrics do not belong to me, unless you count the fact that
I’ve bought the CD they are on. :) The following song just fit so perfectly
to this story, I couldn’t just tell you to buy the CD, I had to list the
lyrics to the song. It’s titled ‘Could Not Ask For More’, and it’s on Edwin
McCain’s brand spankin’ new CD titled ‘Messenger’. I highly recommend it.
He’s awesome. ;P

Lying here with you
listening to the rain
smiling just to see
A smile upon your face

And these are the moments
I thank God that I’m alive
And these are the moments
I’ll remember all my life
I’ve found all I’ve waited for

And I could not ask for more

Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are
Is everything to me

And these are the moments
I know heaven does exist
And these are the moments
I know all I need is this
I’ve found all I’ve waited for

And I could not ask for more

Could not ask for more than this time together
Could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
And every dream I had has come true
Lying here in this moment
Is right where I’m meant to be
Here with you, here with me

I could not ask for more than the love you give me
‘Cause it’s all I’ve waited for

And I could not ask for more

(Shortened version)

*************************

Love Through Time - A Serena and Darien Saga
Volume 1, Chapter 5

By Sailor Europa

        I walked home on air, my feet not even touching the ground on the
cool
Stratford street. I hardly noticed the people buzzing about me, my eyes all
aglow, my heart never ceasing it’s perpetual pounding. My smile wore on as I
finally walked slowly up the front steps to my home, the thought of
returning to the practically loveless dwelling not bothering my blissful
demeanor. I calmed myself down as I slowly opened the door, careful not to
make too much noise, in order to keep Harlan from noticing. As soon as the
door gave a final creak and closed, I paused for a second, trying to hear if
anyone noticed the minuscule noises I had just made. Satisfied no one had, I
leaned against the door, my huge grin unafraid now to display itself in full
view. I closed my eyes, reliving just the past half hour, over and
over.....
        “Serena?” The second huge mistake I had made today, letting my mind
slip
away from me. My eyes shot open and found Harlan standing at the bottom of
the stairs, night clothes still on, yet fully awake. His face was angry and
he crossed his arms questioningly as he stared me down. “Exactly where were
you?”
        I froze in my steps. I hadn’t an explanation for my whereabouts. I
assumed
Harlan wouldn’t awaken, and now realized that had been where I had gone
wrong.....
        “I....I went to the Ansels’.” Even my mind was surprised at the
swiftness
of the reply my mouth had given. I tried hard to cover up my shock at
myself, and stared honestly back into his eyes. For a few minutes he just
glared, waiting for me to crumble, knowing fully well how nervous I could
be. He backed down a few minutes later, grumbling to himself as he trudged
back up to our room. The door slammed, and I let out a huge sigh of relief.

        “My word.....” I muttered, letting my body fall back onto the door.
My eyes
opened wide and I tried to figure where I had come up with such a quick
retort. I shook my head, amazed at myself.
        Then I realized  another fatal error. The Ansel’s were extremely
good
friends of ours, and it would be easy for it to get back to Harlan that I
lied. I bit my lip anxiously, hoping I could somehow cover my tracks.
        Patrice would lie for me. I was sure of it. I could explain the
whole
sordid tale to her, and he wouldn’t ever be the wiser. I sighed dejectedly,
knowing that using that plan would mean explaining my actions to Patrice,
who had been the one to advise against it in the first place! I groaned in
misery, knowing that was the only way to make my own fib go undetected.
        I shook my head sadly, my very short ecstasy dying as soon as I
walked in
the door. Was this really worth it? The paranoia of being found out, always
looking over my shoulder, covering my tracks? How much longer could I hold
out, before my mind completely left my body? I sighed, not knowing the
answers to any of my questions.
        I took one shaky step away from the door, my head in my hands,
trying to
clear my head. I began to make my way to the parlor, maybe even take a nap
myself, seeing as how much on edge I seemed to be today. I stopped suddenly
though, by a rustling sound coming from under the door I had just stepped
away from. Turning around suddenly, and gazing suspiciously at the floor
just beneath the front door, my eyes were caught on a small, white envelope
that had recently been slid under the crack of the wood. I picked it up,
hoping to find an address of some sort, but finding nothing.
        I knew it couldn’t be the usual mail, since it had been slipped
anonymously
through the door. I didn’t want to take the chance that it be for Harlan,
and open it, risking a possible tongue lashing. But my curiosity got the
better of me not long after, and I slit the top open, a small piece of
stationary floating carelessly to the floor. Bending down to pick it up, it
became very obvious that it had not been meant for Harlan. In slightly
jaunted handwriting, on a brown piece of paper, read -

It has become painfully apparent to me how wrong I had been about life. It
is not just a series of random events that happen without warning, but a
carefully choreographed dance, and we are all but pawns to the dance,
bending and stretching to its’ will, not knowing where we are to be next,
only able to hope that someday we too can be in the spotlight. As we look
on, watching others become noticed, find all they needed in this dance
called living, our hearts grow envious, wanting to be the one filled with
such joy. Again, we must wonder when our turn shall come, when it will be
another’s turn to watch us with jealousy, wanting so much to have what we
have. What I never realized was that my time in the spotlight shall never
come, that no one shall feel envious of me, as I do of another. My joy has
come from backstage, where no one can see me, no one can watch my heart grow
and consume me. No one is the wiser when I am filled with love and passion,
or when my mind becomes so full of emotion that I must let it out. My time
in the sun is hidden, and yet so complete that I no longer wish to be
another, and am only thankful that I was the soul chosen to have such a gift
enter my life. It is true that no one will ever share my feelings with me,
nor will they ever begin to comprehend how content I am at this point.
Nothing makes me happier than knowing my time in the spotlight will never be
seen, but is existing all the same, with enough power to make me stop every
second and thank God that I was the one chosen to live this life, though he
knows I don’t deserve one moment of the time I spend with her.

        It wasn’t signed, but it didn’t need to be. I was intelligent enough
to
know where it had come from. I closed my eyes and imagined his steady hand
flowing over the paper. I swallowed hard, a lump beginning to form in my
throat. A few unsteady tears blew from my eyes, and I smiled genuinely,
unable to register all the pain I had been experiencing only minutes ago.
Taking a shaky breath, wracked with emotion and feeling, I walked slowly
into the parlor. Sitting down in a chair, I read it over again and again,
each time only longing to read it more.
        Finally laying my head back and closing my eyes blissfully, did my
mind
rest peacefully for a moment. Drifting back to my previous doubts, I smiled
and glanced down at the letter I gripped so tightly in my hand.

He _was_ worth it.

*****

        “Serena?” Patrice’s high pitched, surprised squeal cut through the
air, as
her maid led me into the sitting room. She gave me a puzzled look, but
motioned for me to sit nevertheless. Nervous and squeamish, I perched on the
edge of the cushion, both hands fidgeting anxiously. “Is there something the
matter?” I gave a shallow sigh and bit my lip as I tried to find the words
to begin what I had to say.
        “Well, sort of. Not as of yet, but there _could_ be, and I’ve been
trying
to figure out how to prevent that from happening and this seems to be the
only way to _do_ that....” I clamped my mouth shut, my own mind becoming
aware of my babbling. I had to get through this. I simply _had_ to. I half
wanted to pick up my nerve-wracked self and forget I even entertained the
idea of telling someone. But the thought of Harlan finding out, made me take
roots in the sofa, until I made sure she wouldn’t tell him. I heaved a huge
sigh and turned towards her once again, starting all over.
        “Yes.” I said simply and she gave me a strange yet amused look as
she
nodded slowly, urging me on. “I have something to confess, and then I must
ask a favor.”
        “All right.” She replied, still anxious for me to continue. I took a
deep
breath, deciding I should simply get it out, and not hedge the issue.
        “Last time we met here, we had a conversation.” She laughed at my
edginess,
and my brow creased even more at all the tension that seemed to be building
in me. She nodded, her hilarity dissipating. I sucked in another breath and
went on. “Well, I didn’t quite follow through on my original plans.” She
gave a curious look, as her eyes ran through mine. She eyed me suspiciously,
although I was positive she already knew.
        “Serena.....Do you mean to say...that things didn’t end with this
Darien
fellow?” Her voice was incredulous and my guilt began to build inside me. I
nodded miserably, and for a few seconds, a frightening silence stood between
us. Too scared to look her in the eye after my confession, I kept my head
down, staring intently into my lap, my hands wringing themselves furiously.

        “Serena....” She said quietly, her voice ridden with pity. I gulped
nervously and slowly lifted my head up, too incredibly guilty to acknowledge
her with speech. She gave me a saddened smile and threw her arms around me.
“Oh Serena, I told you, it’s your decision!” She pulled me away, keeping a
firm grip on my shoulders as she gave me strong gaze that I couldn’t look
away from. “You have to decide what it is you feel is right, not me!” I
groaned openly, my head slopping down in agony at the mention of ‘right’.
        “I know Patrice.....I just...feel so guilty!” I wailed, my lip
quivering as
I held back tears. She gave a short laugh and enveloped me in another hug.
She patted my back affectionately, finally pulling away again to look me in
the eye.
        “Can I just ask you one thing, Serena?” I nodded, sniffling
absently. “Why
did you change your mind?” I choked back a hiccup and whipped my nose with
my now present hankie.
        “I went over to the shop that same night, with the very intention of
stopping what little had actually started.” I began and she nodded in
agreement. I hesitated, not knowing how to finish the thought. She leaned
in, waiting for me to continue. “Well, the same thing happened again that
time.....” I trailed off, not even bothering to finish it. She sighed, a
tiny little smile on her face.
        “That still doesn’t quite explain it....” She sighed, her voice
getting a
little annoyed. I shook my head, knowing she was right.
        “Patrice, I don’t expect you to understand, but it’s rather hard to
explain, even if you could understand....” I sighed, leaning back into the
sofa. “I don’t have what you have in your home.” I heaved a wishful grin
onto my face as I gestured around me. “You and William, have what I’ve
always wanted. The romance, the love, the respect.” I rolled my eyes, my
smile disappearing. “God, how I wish I had the respect.”
        “I know how hard it’s been for you, especially recently, but....” I
put my
hand up, stopping her from saying what I already anticipated.
        “Patrice, I have that now.” I sighed ecstatically, a blissful smile
dancing
across my lips as my memory drifted shortly back to only a few hours ago.
“God, in just a few short days, I’ve found all I’ve ever wanted, and
continue to find more each time I see him.” I bit my lip, not only happy she
seemed to understand, if only slightly, but also that she accepted it too.
        “Isn’t it.....Risky?” She asked, keeping her distance for now on the
subject. I nodded slowly, my eyes getting nervous again. “Don’t you find it
hard to handle? Harlan is already strict enough on you as it is, what if he
was to find out that you’ve been leaving the house while he’s gone? Or even
worse, that you’ve been seeing this man, the very one he loathes!” She
exclaimed incredulously. I nodded in total agreement, but smiled, my
feelings from this afternoon still instilled inside me.
        “All the risk, the stress it causes, the paranoia....” I listed off
the
things I had suffered from the past few days, my eyes hardening at the
mention of each one. “He makes it all worth it.” I pulled out my hand bag
just then, where I had stored the letter I had received for safe keeping. I
pulled the letter out then and handed it over to her waiting hands. She gave
me an excited look as she unsheathed the paper from the envelope. “He writes
in his spare time.” I explained. I watched her wide eyes dart across the
page at each line, a small look of elation gradually spreading across her
face.
        “Oh God....” She muttered as she read the last line, folding it up
and
laying it on the table. Her grin was widespread now and she threw her arms
around me for the third time that afternoon, her voice bubbling over in
happiness. I laughed in response as I wrapped my own arms around her.
        She pulled away and gave me a stern look as she gripped both sides
of my
face.
        “I _am_ happy for you, Serena.” She said and sighed, loosening her
fingers
from my cheeks. “But promise me you’ll be cautious throughout this whole
ordeal? Please?” I nodded fiercely, already given myself that oath when I
had decided to go through with it. She sat back, and crossed her hands in
her lap, a serious look on her face.
        “Now, what is that favor you needed?”

******

        After getting Patrice’s solemn vow that she would not breath a word
to
William, I left, knowing Harlan would have probably arisen hours ago. I had
already told him that I had to return, in order to give something to
Patrice, and that I might stay and have tea, and possibly be home late. He
agreed, thinking I was in capable hands.
        I walked up the steps, agonizing over having to be in the same room
with
him. As I entered, I stepped cautiously into the living room, my ears hoping
to catch any inkling of where Harlan could be. I walked further into the
house, eyes scanning every inch of the interior, only to find more
emptiness.
        “Ms. Williams?” I almost jumped out of my skin as Sarah crept
quietly
behind me. I whirled around, my breath coming shortly. She gave me an
apologetic look and I smiled. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” I
shook my head.
        “I just wasn’t expecting you, it’s quite all right.” She smiled.
        “Mr. Williams has said that he will be spending the dinner hour at
his
club, and that you should eat and retire to bed without him tonight.” My
ears perked up at that, the day beginning to look up suddenly.
        “Did he say when he would return? Exactly?” I asked, trying to hold
my
excitement in. She nodded.
        “Yes, he said he expected to stay until at least 2 or three in the
morning.” I nodded in response, dismissing Sarah back into the kitchen. A
delighted grin crept onto my face and I felt incredibly happy, especially
after all the disappointments I suffered today. Maybe tonight would not be
completely wasted......

******

        “Mommy? I looked up, giving my tiny little daughter a smile.
        “Yes, honey?” I asked. She gave me a scrunched up face and frowned.
        “Why isn’t Daddy eating with us? Didn’t he just get home?” I sighed
and
nodded, wishing for once that Harlan could have waited until after supper
before he left for the club.
        “Your father needed a little time for himself tonight. He worked
very hard
while he was gone.” I replied, only to cause an even more unsatisfied look
on the round little face. I sighed, knowing nothing I said could possibly
make her happy. Of course, Harlan would come home with a trinket for her,
and all would be well again. I wondered what he was going to do when she was
too old to be bought....
        Things got quiet soon after, and dinner passed uneventfully. Selene
cleaned
her plate quickly, and it wasn’t long before I had tucked my daughter into
her bed.
        I sat around, trying to be completely calm and peaceful as I waited
for
Sarah to finish cleaning the kitchen and retire. I poured myself some tea,
in order to keep myself awake, and tried to steady my already shaking arms
so as not to look conspicuous. My mind whirled excitedly, my heart speeding
up excessively each time I dared to think about the unexpected change of
events. I bit my lip fearfully, still slightly paranoid that Harlan could
come home early, although after sleeping the day away, I couldn’t possibly
see how he could be tired anytime soon.
        Eventually, Sarah turned herself in and left to her bedroom. I
waited for a
few more minutes, peering cautiously at her door from the bottom of the
steps, waiting for the light to go off inside. After a few minutes of
holding my breath in silence, the light went out, and I let my grin spread.
I felt my cheeks flush, my heart racing as I grabbed my bag and paused in
front of the mirror by the door. Completely satisfied, I slipped out the
door, and onto the dead English streets ahead.

*****

        I wasn’t quite sure where he would be, or if he would even still be
awake
at this hour, seeing as how he wasn’t expecting me tonight. I gnawed on my
lip nervously as I crept almost silently around the shop, peering into each
window I could, trying to catch even a glimpse of him. I even tried the
door, only to find it locked. I stamped my foot, utterly frustrated and
disappointed at the second turn of events tonight. I sighed, almost giving
up when I glanced up into the darkened shop and watched the door behind his
desk open suddenly, Darien emerging from behind it, carrying a few books and
papers down from his room and setting them on his desk. My heart leapt and I
felt my smile rise again, and I gently rapped on the window pane, hoping it
was loud enough for him to hear, yet not enough to arouse suspicion. A
second later he looked up and squinted, his eyes searching the window where
I was standing. A look of realization crossed his face and his eyes widened
in shock, then elation. My own expression mirrored his own and I wrapped my
arms around myself in anticipation and fear. These plans had come so
spontaneously I hadn’t had time to double check them in my mind, and a chill
raced down my spine at the daring tone I had taken.
        In a flash, he had abandoned his books and swiftly trotted towards
the
door, whipping out the key from his pocket. I grinned widely as he looked up
each second, smiling as his eyes searched my own. After a few unsuccessful
fumbles, his hands shaking, his shock apparent to us both, the door flung
open, the comfortable bell cutting the silence as he ushered me inside, away
from the cold. He quickly re-locked the door, turning to my now flushed,
pink face.
        “What happened?” He asked, his massive hands dwarfing my forearms as
he
latched onto them, rubbing them briskly. I smiled brightly, my own
contentment obvious.
        “Harlan is planning to spend most of the night at his men’s club.” I
answered simply, anxious to strike Harlan from the conversation. Satisfied
at this, he pulled his hands to my face, brushing my disheveled hair, now in
disarray from the cold wind, gently from my face, sweeping it all to one
side. I closed my eyes, my heart beat melting into a continuous thump as his
warm fingers brushed my frozen face, each inch seeming to tingle with
shocking electricity, my whole face soon on fire. A playful smile growing on
my face, I slipped my hands up to his chest, picking at an imaginary
imperfection on his shirt. My heart and soon my soul grew anxious as he
stood there, hands still causing my face to flame. I waited, almost
impatiently, for his comfortable hold to envelope me, for his muscular arms
to wrap around me. My mind grew into a huff and I almost exhaled madly, as
my hearts’ pace rapidly increased at a maddening pace. My mind began to shut
down, and I began to feel my palms get moist, knowing that I wasn’t going to
be able to wait much longer for him. I had to put my emotions on hold at the
moment, and they weren’t liking it one bit....
        “We shouldn’t be near the window....” He bent down, his lips less
than an
inch from my ear. The warmth of his breath shot sparks through my whole
being, and I felt my heart thump expectantly. With one fluid movement, he
had slid his arm around my waist and pulled me through the throngs of
bookshelves, not to the stairs, but farther into the intricate maze of wood,
until we ended up in a dead end, an enormously tall shelf hiding one end, a
wall and corner shielding the other. This afternoons scene played out in my
head and I let my hand drift up, onto his forearm as he pulled me forward,
his body completely against my own. Confused by my own feelings at this
point, and consumed by the passion that had been growing since I first felt
his lips against mine, I didn’t wait for his head to yield to my own, but
slipped my arms around his neck, my hands holding his face gently. I let my
forefingers make slow, soft circles against his cheek, enjoying the
sensation of my hands exploring such unknown territory. His face grew
serious, his eyes blazing as they bore into my own. My mind had somehow
changed, and as his head began to dip towards me, I instinctively and
involuntarily stood on my toes and leaned into him, my lips hitting his with
a force I had never known.
        Afraid and excited by my own passion, I felt myself enter him, my
soul join
his own, both our ambitions at that moment being the exact same thing. I
palmed his chest, wanting nothing more than to pull him closer and closer,
until he was inside me, until he _was_ me. I allowed the kiss to deepen,
actually pulling it in deeper, and farther than I had ever allowed before. I
teased it, urged it, and wanted it. I was no longer just being kissed, or
embraced, but embracing and kissing him myself. The fever rose inside me and
it was completely new to my senses, scary, exciting, enticing and almost
vulnerable. I opened up right then and knew I had nothing left to hide from
him, knowing I would do anything to keep him feeling this way, keep him here
next to me. Where he belonged.
        My endurance ended and in one breathless motion, he pulled away,
smiling
tiredly as he began to stroke my back affectionately, and I leaned my head
against his heaving chest. He kissed my head gently and I almost laughed, at
myself, at him, at the situation. It was so ridiculously impossible that I
couldn’t help but want more.
        “God Serena.....” He whispered, his head down as he got each word
out in
one breathless motion. He still gasped for air, and I looked up finally,
smiling into his eyes. “I can’t believe all of this....” I nodded, still
smiling at myself. He suddenly gripped my face firmly in his hands. “Serena,
do you realize how much I love you? How much I need you?” He asked
seriously, his eyes boring into my own. I wrestled my face away from him and
buried my face in his chest, mumbling an affirmative.
        “Not nearly as much as I do you....” I muttered teasingly, nuzzling
him
with my nose. He gave me a smirk, pulling away and crossing his arms.
        “Is that so?” He asked matter-of-factly. I threw my hands on my hips
and
laughed along, nodding as I raised an eyebrow.
        “As a matter of fact, it is.” I said, poking him in the ribs. He
chuckled,
crippling for a second at the motion. He pulled me close, not kissing me,
but just resting his chin on my head, forcing me to lean against his stable
chest, listening to his steady breathing.
        “God, how did I survive without you?” He asked quietly. I wasn’t
sure who
he was addressing the question to, and I smiled sadly at the depressed tone
in his voice. I impulsively wrapped my arms around his massive waist and
hugged him fiercely, closing my eyes as I did so. I heard his breathing
deepen and he pulled my body closer, still not budging from the position we
were in. I didn’t care this time, my mind and body not only breathless from
our last encounter, but happy just to be near him. I sighed in contentment,
readjusting my arms to grip him better. I let my mind wander to uncharted
territories in that comfortable silence, wondering what it would be like to
live with him, to be able to show my affection for him in the open, instead
of just when we were perfectly alone. I sighed, partially out of sadness,
but some out of settlement, knowing that it could never be that way. I would
play the part of Mrs. Williams during the day, but become my own person at
night, only when I was with him. I felt depressed at that, but it seemed
less when I reminded myself that I was at least getting this feeling, if
only for a short while. I was complete, and should it all end tomorrow, I
wouldn’t need another thing but my memories, to remind me that I once was
that whole. As we rocked back and forth I smiled to myself, a private,
knowing smile. He’d never know exactly how much I loved him, but I could
promise him, this feeling wasn’t going away. It was here to stay.

*******************************

Aw, sweet, ne? A little passion, and little sensitivity, and little sadness,
all in one chapter. (Almost...) Perfect, ne? ;P Not quite. I hope you are
all enjoying this, as I am most happy by all that I have done so far. It’s
been a dream for these chapters to turn out so well, exactly the way I
wanted them to. Please, please, PLEASE e-mail me and tell me what you think,
OK? Ja kiddies! - sailoreuropa@geocities.com

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