Title: Love Through Time: Vol. 1, Chp. 3
Author: Sailor Europa
Rating: pg

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It hasn't even been 24 hours, and I am already starting on the next chapter.
What's wrong with this picture? I hope you all are enjoying this! I have to
admit that I am beginning to favor this one over any other I've written. I
get to invent whole new lives and I'm liking it! Anyway, you know the drill,
I don't own SM, blah blah blah......Don't sue......OK, on with the story! -
slr_europa@yahoo.com

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Love Through Time - A Serena and Darien Saga
Volume I, Chapter III

        My breath was caught in my throat and after only a few seconds on
peace, my
mind began whirling even more. My eyes darted over the words, trying
desperately to find an explanation, but only finding nothing from the simple
text. My breath came quick and the answers flew around in the walls of my
mind. I was beginning to get frustrated and felt like screaming at the top
of my lungs had I been alone. I was so confused and not even sure why! I bit
my lip and took one solitary breath as I tried to calm my shattered nerves.
I wrung my hands as I began to set myself straight.
        "All right Serena, just calm down." I said as I closed my eyes. It
didn't
work. "What is wrong with you? Why are you so out of control?" I whimpered,
opening my eyes to the uncomprehending room. I wrinkled my eyebrows and
plunked my body onto the floor. I glanced back down at the open book,
reading the words for the 10th time. My heart raced as my eyes crossed the
page and I was aware that my hands had begun to shake. I had to get out of
this house, I had to....
        "To what?" I asked aloud, once more to the room. It offered nothing.
I
picked up the book and slammed it shut. I looked back down at it, now
seeming to glare at me, test me. Then suddenly, I was on my feet and heading
towards the door. I was going to go completely insane if I didn't get some
answers, and for some reason, I was going to get them from him.

********

        I headed down the dimly lit street, the lanterns just recently lit.
I had
never been out alone after dark, and had I not have been so preoccupied with
my own troubles, I might have been afraid. But I wandered instead down the
familiar path towards the book store. I knew he might not be there, but I
had no idea where he lived. I was taking a chance, especially since someone,
particularly one of Harlan's friends, could spot me on the street. I put
those thoughts out of my mind, and pushed onward. I was relieved to find the
light still burning from inside the store as I arrived a few hundred yards
away. I took a deep, calming breath before I pushed the door open, the bell
ringing loudly as it cut the tension filled silence of the store. Darien was
seated at the back, behind his desk and he looked up, a shocked look upon
his face. He grew confused as he jumped up at the sight of me.
        "Ms. Williams!" He struggled not to yell. My face was solemn as I
racked my
whirling mind as to what to say. "The shop is closed...." I put my hand up
and pulled the book from my bag and shook it threateningly at him.
        "You wrote this! Why didn't....." My breath caught in my throat as I
paused. "Why didn't you tell me?" He gave me a half grin and closed the book
he had been working on. He pulled his chair away from the desk and stood up.
        "I wasn't aware I had to." He walked slowly towards me, and I pushed
myself
farther into the room. "Did you come all the way down here just to ask me
that?" I snapped my jaw shut, realizing how inane that sounded. I had,
hadn't I? Just to have him confirm what I had already knew? My brain buzzed
loudly, and my eyes darted around the room. I wondered how ridiculous I must
have looked but he gave me a hearty chuckle, and a huge smile lit up his
handsome face. I got flushed with humiliation and covered my cheek with my
hands, trying to hide the deep crimson that had crept upon my cheeks. What
had I been thinking? Running into the night, just to ask him that? Was I
insane?
        "I.....I'm....." I stuttered, trying to redeem myself to him. Oh,
this was
utterly humiliating! He laughed again as he walked closer.
        "Don't worry, I guess I thought you had seen it when you picked it
up. I
didn't mean to fool you, I promise." He said as he paused a few feet from
myself. I took a deep breath and continued to look at the floor. What was
wrong with me? "I'm rather surprised Mr. Williams let you out this late, and
just to ask me this?" He gave me an amused grin and I continued to slip into
consciousness. I shook my head ever so slightly.
        "He's away.....On business." I replied quietly. I question popped
into my
head and I looked up suddenly, my eyes colliding with his own deep blue
ones. He had gotten even a few feet closer than he had been a few seconds
ago and my face grew so hot I thought it might go up in flames. I
temporarily lost track of my mind as my gaze became unable to look away. The
tension crackled, and my mind grew uncomfortable, but I couldn't move; I was
paralyzed as I stared helplessly into his gaze. He wore a slight smile and I
felt my throat go dry as my mouth hung open. My mind screamed to me to
speak, run away, do something! But for seconds I couldn't do anything. I
eventually looked slightly downwards, somewhere around his neck or chest
area and cleared my throat uncomfortably. I had to say something. Break
whatever hold this was on me.
        "Why do you call me Ms. Williams?" I asked. It was involuntary, and
I
almost regretted I even mentioned it then. I knew it was out of the blue,
but at the moment, it was all that seemed to be on my mind, and I was unable
to utter anything else. I waited patiently and uncomfortably for his answer,
and seemed to be contemplating his response. I bit my bottom lip again, my
eyes trained right on his chest, which was now heaving in deep breaths. I
stared deeper and longer, and for a second, I was sure I saw his heart throb
once against his ribs.
        I felt one soft finger begin to trail against the frame of my jaw
and once
more my face flamed up. I began to realize how intimate this moment had
become and at this realization my heart's pace picked up considerably and it
was all I could do to keep from fainting. I was bolted in place, unable to
move, unable to even think straight. I sucked in one shallow breath as his
finger fell down to my chin and my face was tipped towards his in one swift
moment. Once more our eyes locked and the simple act  stopped my heart.
        "I refuse to think of you being married." He uttered softly. The
suggestive
nature of the comment should have been enough to send me flying out, never
to return. But I remained planted and my breath caught once more. He was
inches from my face, and the room seemed to whirl. Why wasn't I running? Why
was I still here, when I knew I shouldn't be? As my mind whirled, my eyes
were stationary and proved to be staying in that position.
        In one short moment, he had dipped his head down, and had tenderly
touched
his lips to mine. I muttered a tiny little squeal of shock and then nothing.
My mind stopped. The world stopped. Everything ceased to exist. I didn't
pull away, but was too surprised to respond in any way. I wasn't aware of
anything else, but how close he now was to me, and how hard my heart was
pounding, sending pulsating vibrations throughout my whole body. My eyes
voluntarily closed, just a second before my mind began to turn again and I
realized how incredibly wrong this situation was. It was all I could do to
pull my body a few inches away, a horrified expression on my face. What had
just happened? What had I let happen? Oh God.
        I shook my head, slightly at first, as my hand flew to my mouth, and
the
memory of the past few minutes flooded my being and my head bobbed more
violently. I closed my eyes, unable to believe what had just taken place. I
wanted to cry right then, but couldn't. All I could muster was a dry sob in
the sound of a negative remark, before walking backwards, in the direction
of the door. After a few seconds I turned and fled, my mind not even making
sense at that point. I couldn't comprehend anything it was shouting out and
I could only stagger through the night, confused and scared.
        What had I done? What in God's name just happened? Is my mind
completely
gone? Why did I go there in the first place? Too many questions, only adding
to the ones I already had, and none having any answers. I gasped in quick
breaths, and practically tripped over my dress as I ran all the way home.
        I arrived home, after what seemed like an eternity. All the help had
retired to their rooms, and I was somewhat relieved that I had to offer no
explanation. I struggled up the stairs to my own room, thankful once more to
be alone, if only for a few days. I dressed in my nightgown and quietly
slipped into bed. I knew sleep wouldn't come though, but I couldn't bear
staying up in this house another minute. I willed my sobs to come, but my
eyes stayed dry still. It seemed cruel now, not allowing me to weep as I so
needed to. I tried closing my eyes, but each time I did, tonight's scene
played over in my head, and even at the memory my face flushed and my heart
raced. What was happening to me? And why? Too many questions. And so few
answers.

*******

        I arose from bed early the next morning after a fitful night of
sleep. I
hoped it had all been just a nightmare, but my mind was still not ceasing as
I pulled my weary body out of bed. I looked at the clock and found that it
was 7 that morning, and began to hear the telltale signs of the maids
preparing breakfast down in the kitchen. I dressed quickly and went down to
join them.
        Sarah greeted me warmly and I did my best to muster an audible
reply.
        "Mrs. Ansel called upon you a moment ago." Sarah said in between
trips into
the kitchen. I nodded numbly, not able to grasp anything that was being
said. "She has requested that you join her this afternoon, at about 1." My
head snapped up, and I cursed inwardly. How could I go out today? My mind
and physical body were a wreck. But I knew I couldn't, or more
appropriately, wouldn't lie to my best friend. So, I reluctantly agreed and
told them that I planned on eating breakfast alone, and instructed them to
serve it to me in the garden in back.
        I wandered outside a few seconds later and perched myself on the
edge of
one of the wire rimmed chairs that sat beside the table. I found it
impossible to recline fully in the chair, my back stiffened in anxiety. I
sighed deeply, my mind still finding no answers, and knew that it wouldn't
until I could calm myself down. However, that seemed to be too far fetched.
How was I suppose to give myself peace when I'm not sure what is going on
inside my own body?
        I ate breakfast silently, alone in the garden as I had said. My mind
was
unable to focus, and I was having trouble remembering things from one moment
to the next. My brain kept shooting back to last night, and my cheeks would
flame up unexpectedly. It was all I could do to close my eyes and wish the
feeling away, hoping I could just forget. But my mind was too quick, and as
soon as I would open my eyes, the scene would replay and I would get
flustered all over again. I finally gave up on my half eaten food and
sighed. What was happening to my life?

*******

        "So William practically ran the rest of the way, not even bothering
to look
back!" Patrice galled on, her light eyes gleaming in amusement. I barely
heard a word of her anecdote she had just finished retelling from a party or
a trip or what have you. I wasn't paying attention. I wasn't even sure how
long I had been there. I nodded, my head bobbing unevenly as she sipped her
tea. I stirred my cup absently, my eyes boring into the wall on the far end
of the room. She began another story, and I tried desperately to listen, my
guilt beginning to set in.
        "I was in that book shop again today, and had a lovely talk with the
owner,
Mr. Jacobson." I choked on the name, my mind perking up at the mention. I
fumbled clumsily and almost dropped my saucer. My hands shook violently as I
tried to recompose myself, and my tea cup. Patrice eyed my hands
suspiciously as she steadied my cup, and laid them down on the table in
front of us. I placed my hands nervously on my lap.
        "Serena? Serena, what's wrong?" I stared blankly at the wall still,
not
wanting to look at her. "Serena, talk to me. Something has you upset, I can
tell."
        "He kissed me." I blurted out. In a second, I had clamped my hand
over my
mouth, regretting what I had just let go. She was silent, and I was sure I
would have been able to hear a pin drop. She placed her own tea cup on the
table, and put her hand on my shoulder and pulled me tensely to face her.
        "I beg your pardon?" She asked quietly, her eyes begging into my own
for an
answer. I took in a ragged breath and repeated it.
        "Last night, in his shop, he kissed me." She drew in a sharp breath
and
shook her head.
        "And I thought he was such a nice chap." My head snapped up and I
got a
touch irritable.
        "He is, he really is!" I shouted back. Her face got shocked and once
more I
blushed ferociously at my own words. "I mean....Oh Patrice! I'm so
confused!" I buried my face in my hands, the tears finally beginning to
fall. I wept for a few moments as Patrice sympathetically rubbed my back,
hushing me quietly.
        "Serena darling, what happened?" She asked as I eventually sniffed
and
picked my head up, tears still refusing to stop. I pulled out a hankie and
rubbed at my eyes violently. I shook my head.
        "I....I'm not sure. I don't remember much, just.....that." I blew my
nose
and dabbed at my eyes, hiccuping in response. I stared down at my dress, now
slightly stained with tears, and she put a comforting arm around my back.
        "I don't understand this! He knows you're married, why would he do
such a
thing?" I shook my head, but didn't mouth a word. She then turned me to face
her. "But Serena, I don't understand why you're so confused. You're married!
What else can you do?" My face wrinkled in understanding and I began to cry
again. A few rough sobs wracked my body and she shushed me again, pulling my
hunched body upright.
        "I.... I know." I said, turning to face her. "But, I can't stop....
_thinking_ about it! I...I..." I stumbled for the words, but found it unable
to even explain it to myself. I gave an exasperated sigh.
        "You liked it." Patrice said simply and hollowly. My body whipped
around to
face her. She had an expressionless face, and I looked her straight in the
eye. My mind stopped racing, stopped searching. My eyes drifted downward as
my brow wrinkled. That had been it.
        I nodded in reply and she sighed. I looked up at her, and her face
was a
mixture of pity and understanding. I heaved a relieved sigh, grateful that
she didn't hate me for my emotions.
        "I guess.....I guess I did." I said aloud, my heart wrenching
forward at
the thought. It was true. My mind had finally stopped looking for the
answer, and I began to loathe myself. A married woman, for Gods sake! "I'm
sorry."
        "Oh Serena, for what?" She replied, laughing despite the situation.
"You
can't change your emotions, don't even try!" I looked up at her.
        "Patrice, I'm married! I...I can't carry this out!" I exclaimed. "I
shouldn't have even let it come this far." She shook her head, a slight
smile on her face.
        "I know that, and so do you. But you _have_ taken it this far." She
sat up
straight. "It can only go one of two ways Serena. You have to decide which
way it will be." I nodded miserably at this resolution. I had already made
up my mind.

********

        I returned home, resolved and feeling much more like myself. I was
going to
return to the store today and set this matter straight. I hadn't liked the
thought of going back, but I knew the longer I put it off, the harder it
would be.
        So I set out at 6 that night. It was beginning to get dark, and I
knew that
not many people would be around, and I would be able to end it in peace. My
heart thudded violently as I approached, but I held my head high, determined
to do this. I had to. There was no other way.
        Even as I thought about it, my heart sank deeper inside me. I felt a
hollowness grow within it, and even though it hadn't gone very far, apart of
me was a touch sad it was ending. But my mind was stubborn, and refused to
even listen to such things. I took a huge breath as I paused in front of the
door. I could see him working through the large picture window in the front
of the store, his head down as he ran his fingers through his messy raven
hair. I stared for a moment as the setting sun cast a light over his desk,
setting shadows over his body and face. The whole store illuminated from
that, and I almost turned around and went home, unable to figure how I was
going to do this. But my mind screamed at the rest of me and with shaking
hands I opened the door. At the sound of the bell he looked up. I kept my
eyes down, glancing at his desk, the shelves, anywhere but his eyes. My head
shot up after a second and I was forced to look him straight on. I couldn't
make out his facial expression, but I was almost positive it was a mirror of
my own. Confused, scared, sad. All in one package.
        "Serena...." He said softly. I stood still, not able to respond. I
glanced
back at the floor and I heard his footsteps as they got louder and more
demanding as he got closer. I was frightened that he might approach the same
way as the last night, but his steps stopped 2 feet in front of me. My neck
wretched up and I felt the tears well up in my eyes. "I'm so sorry....." I
shook my head and held my hand up. He waited patiently as I began to
explain.
        "Darien...." I said, using his first name for the first time aloud.
Again,
my heart flipped inside my chest at the feeling of his name on my lips, and
yet it ached for it knew it would be the last time. "You know......I'm
married." He nodded silently, respecting the silence between us. "I....It's
just impossible for anything such as this to have even ventured this far." I
let myself go and looked him squarely in his eyes. My heart wept then as he
nodded, his eyes overwhelmingly pure and devoid of emotion. "Or for it to go
any farther."
        He gave a simple nod in agreement and put his head downwards. I
wasn't sure
what to say or what to do. I didn't feel right in leaving, but I was unsure
as to how long I should stay there. I looked around nervously, wringing my
hands as I did so. He eventually looked up, his face sincere, almost pained.
        "I'm sorry for all that took place." He laughed to himself and
rubbed the
back of the neck. "I'm not an unintelligent man in that I actually thought
this could be carried out. I'm not sure what came over me, but....." He
struggled for the words. "I'm sorry, for everything Serena." I shook my head
at the words and gave him a most sympathetic look.
        "I should have known better myself. It wasn't entirely your fault."
He
rubbed his chin gruffly and shook his head in reply.
        "Maybe so, but I instigated it myself." His eyes grew pained and I
thought
for just a moment he might cry. "And I caused you so much pain, which is the
last thing I wanted to do." I felt incredibly guilty and I impulsively put
my hand in his shoulder in comfort. An act which I regretted, knowing it was
a mistake from the beginning. I stepped a bit closer and rubbed his arm
comfortingly. He gazed down at me with those hurt eyes, and I wanted nothing
more than to make that pain end for him. I stared deeply at him for a
moment, my hand trailing down from his shoulder and farther down his arm. I
flickered at the intensity of that single act, both reveling in it and
loathing it. It was a spell and I couldn't break it, no matter how hard I
tried. Tried to look away, pull my arm away, it was no use. My hand finally
reached down to his wrist and his hand reached out and grabbed mine. I
whimpered in shock as he pulled my hand and my body closer to him, the whole
time his eyes never leaving my own. For the second time in almost a day, he
pulled my tiny face to meet his own, his hands now tenderly embracing my
body. I hesitantly pulled my own shaking limbs out from my sides and wrapped
them loosely around his neck. His lips reached mine and paused, just barely
touching, but enough to send a shock of electricity throughout my whole
body.
        It only took a second for it to get even more intense, as the kiss
deepened, and he leaned in towards my body, pulling me closer with each
second. I was no longer just entranced, but enthralled and responded
insistently, my arms tightening around him. We stayed in that single figure
for what seemed like an all too short moment, when we finally broke apart,
both gasping and staring as the locked joints loosened and our limbs grew
weak. I let my hands fall from his neck to his chest and I began to pick at
his linen shirt. His hands remained stationary around my waist, and I was
suddenly embarrassed beyond imaginable. I closed my eyes, completely
humiliated at the idea that I had accomplished the exact opposite of what I
had come here for. I heaved a deep sigh and stared in front of me.
        He noticed my distress and tipped my chin up with his hand, a small
smile
playing on his lips.
        "Now I'm even more confused." I said quietly. I gave the slightest
of
smiles and his remained constant.
        "You decide what it is you'd like to do Serena." He said, brushing a
strand
of hair gently away from my face. "You know how I feel, but I know you have
to make up your own mind on the matter." I nodded. I knew this was wrong,
and that I was breaking all moral codes by even continuing to see him, even
if nothing ever happened. But I couldn't leave. I never knew that I could
feel this good, this.....perfect. Everything felt complete and wonderful
when he was near, even before the past few days took place. He respected me,
and made up for all the neglect and abuse that Harlan seemed to have in
abundance. It felt so right, even though it was horribly, horribly wrong. I
couldn't leave. I simply couldn't. Not while I continued to breath.

********

        I returned back home, agreeing to return that same night, once the
shop was
officially closed. My whole body felt as if it was on fire, and it was all I
could do to wait through the next few hours before I went back. I decided
immediately against telling the help where I would be, not knowing whether I
could trust them enough not to tell Selene or Harlan even. So, as we ate
dinner and Selene made her usual curious tone to ask me what I did all day,
the proceed to interrupt me and reply as to what she did, minute by minute.
        I realized I had been gone most of the day, and decided that I would
put
Selene to bed that night in order to make up for it. It didn't take long,
seeing as how her days were usually tiring, before she was fast asleep. I
dismissed the maids to their rooms, and told them that I would be
downstairs, and that I was not to be disturbed. They nodded in understanding
and went off upstairs for the night. I waited a few moments for all the
lights to go out, and took a huge breath in. I couldn't believe what I was
preparing to do. My heart and stomach were both tied in knots, unable to
guess what might take place tonight, or how far I would be willing to take
it. I was more afraid of this than I had been of anything else in my life.
Scared of what I might do, or what I might feel. And yet, in the back of my
mind, I was intrigued and excited at the affair. I'd never fallen in love
with anyone before, and consequently didn't know what it felt like. But if
this wasn't it, what my mind, heart and soul were going through, I could
only imagine what the real thing felt like.

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Aw, romantchiku des yo! :) *sighs* God I love writing romance.....It beats
all else. ;P I am in love with this story, and I believe it has the
potential to be my first epic. Especially with how long and drawn out it's
gonna be! *L* I hope you all like it as much as I do. I plan on making this
a true romance 'fic, complete with tear-jerking moments and all! I LOVE
e-mail, so don't be shy to write me and tell me your thoughts! Ja ne
minna-chan! :) - sailoreuropa@geocities.com
Michelle Merriman