Title: Life Without You - Chapter Nine Author: Sailor Europa E-mail: sailoreuropa@geocities.com rating: pg13 ******************************************************************************** Well, I'm back! Yes, chapter nine here! (Well DUH!) As always, I hope you are enjoying the story thus far! We're coming up on the home stretch here, and I've planned out all that will happen from here on in. I need a favor though, minna. I had so much fun with this story, that I've decided to do another series, instead of more independent stories. But, I am completely clueless as to what the plot should be! I NEED IDEAS! Please, I beg you minna! I don't want to have to wait for weeks until I come up with an idea! PLEEEEEEAAASE! *whines* OK, enough! *throws up her hands* On with the story! (As always, thanks goes to my editors and fellow writers and SM worshipers, Sailor Elysia and Sidnei!) I don't own SM, even though I like to think of myself as Naoko's long lost, Caucasian daughter, I haven't proven that yet. So as of right now, you'd only get a few pairs of khaki's and some manga should you sue me, K? ************************** Life Without You - Chapter Nine By Sailor Europa I awoke the next day on Mina's huge white couch, spread eagle and aching. I groaned openly as I struggled to lift my head from the cream silk pillow that was slightly tear stained and creased from my semi-sleepless night. I rubbed my head, hair sticking from between my fingers, curls twisted and flat after not being able to take a shower. I could vaguely remember Mina helping me to the couch after I fell half asleep on the floor, dead tired and sobbing. It seemed so long ago since I collapsed in agony onto her carpet. I thought, so openly surprisingly, about the message on her machine and all the revelations I had last night. Or this morning, I guess would be more appropriate. Mina was already up, bright eyed and cheery as usual. And making me nauseous, I might add. I managed to pull my mangled body from the couch and to my unstable feet, and stumbled to the kitchen, where I assumed Mina was making breakfast, from the sounds of it. Or drowning a cat, I couldn't be sure. She gave me a huge grin and thrust a huge plate of pancakes in my hands as I entered, then shoved me to the table and slapped a fork down next to me with such flourish, I half thought she wanted me to stand up and applaud. I tilted my head slowly towards her, and raised a confused and frustrated eyebrow in response. I glanced back down at the pile of food, and then back at her. She gave me a curious look, before getting all surprised and running back to get syrup. When she was sure she had gotten it all, she gave me that expectant look again and I sighed in defeat. "I made breakfast!" She said happily, and I fought the overwhelming urge to burst out with 'Well DUH!'. Deciding I wasn't in the mood to hear her bicker, I picked up the fork and the syrup and began to eat. To my surprise it wasn't half bad. Although a night of sobbing and insomnia can really build an appetite, so I was pretty hungry when I finally woke up. I probably could've eaten cardboard. Maybe I was..... "Is' good......" I mumbled through chews and huge gulps of milk, that was now in front of me. She gave me a content smile and sat down next to me. "Serena....." She started and I gulped down some milk as I shook my head. "Mina, I'm really sorry about last night, you don't have to say anything." I said, and looked up at her with a reassuring smile. "You were right, I was being so stubborn." A huge grin spread across her face, and she let out her signature squeal as she leapt from her chair and hugged me. I gasped for air as she released me from her death grip and gave her a half smile. "I'm so happy to hear that Serena! Oh, now everything can be set right again, and OH! You can come with me to take Darien to the airport....." I openly choked on a chunk of pancakes and almost spit them back out at her. "WOAH! Mina, there is no way that will be happening anytime soon! Are you forgetting Darien doesn't even want me there?" I set my fork down in resignation and whipped my mouth. "Mina, I know you have your heart set on this whole 'meant to be' thing, but just because it should happen, doesn't mean it will." "Serena, are telling me your throwing in the towel NOW?!" She gave me an incredulous look and put her hands on her hips. I sighed deeply, not really wanting to explain this to her. "Serena, you came so far just in the past few hours, and you're just gonna quit?" "I need some time to think Mina, I can't just jump into this!" I almost screamed. She clenched her fists, and I honestly thought she was going to slap me. She gave herself time to calm down and continued. "Serena, how much time do you think you have?" She asked mockingly. I shrugged and glanced down. "A couple months I figured. He can't be gone too long." I answered. "He's leaving for good!" She shouted, throwing her hands in the air. Oooooh........I felt it all crash against me again. "Serena, he's not going to be back in a couple of months." Suddenly, the pancakes formed a huge ball in the pit of my stomach and I felt the dull ache spread throughout my body. Oh God...... "I.....I didn't realize......" Mina put her hand on my shoulder and I tucked my head down into my chest. She sighed dejectedly and shook her head. "I know Serena. I know." ********** I gazed sorrowfully out Mina's picture window to the narrow little street below. I had thought I couldn't feel any worse than this morning, but once again, I was proven wrong. It was 1:30 now, and I had exactly 3 and half hours to decide what I was going to do with myself. I gritted my teeth and pushed the tears behind the breaking point, knowing that crying wasn't going to get me anywhere now, as if it ever had. I felt my head begin to ache and I knew that this was the only way. It had all come down to this, and now was the most crucial part. I had to decide whether I wanted to try to soul search alone, or do it with my 'soul mate'. I knew we were supposed to be, but I couldn't shake the fact that I wasn't sure I liked the whole 'predetermined' thing. I half wondered if I had fallen in love with the idea of us, rather than him. I closed my eyes, and I tried to recall all the pain I had agonized over for the past four years, trying desperately to rebuild my life after he shattered it. It was hard, I had to admit, but it wasn't impossible. But whenever I would find myself in the midst of my pain, I would always drift back to junior high, and the whole beginning. God, it had been wonderful. Not just him, but my whole life. It was true that ignorance was bliss, and I had been the perfect example of that. I was completely happy with how things were evolving, and not even bad test scores and 'youma-du-jour' could get me down. Where had I lost that? I was pretty cynical now, and even a little bitter. But why? I had lost Darien before, and I still hadn't let my light go out. Why was this so different? I rubbed my temples roughly as the pain throbbed even harder. I was jolted out of my reverie by another loud clap of thunder, the same kind that had plagued Tokyo the past few days. It seemed to fit my dark mood, and for once I welcomed it. I wasn't sure I could put up with the bright sun right now. It was then I got an idea that I was rather surprised hadn't occurred too me already. I wasn't sure it would work, but I gave it a go anyway. I closed my eyes, and stuck my hand into open air, and wasn't at all surprised to find a sharp tingling begin to envelope my wrist and finally my hand. I watched my hand disappear into the space and finally emerge, holding my locket. I flipped it open and felt the metal sting my warm fingers, it's power flowing briskly after so many years of laying silent. I smiled mutely to myself as I explored it as though it were the first time. I let my fingers cross the crystal finally, and they lingered for a few minutes, enjoying the feelings of it melding into my own being. I pressed down harder onto the crystal, and it seemed to enter my body, and I felt the power surge through my veins. It all rushed to my head, and I heard the searing as the crescent moon began to glow on my forehead. I felt a few tears fall to my cheeks as the familiar sensation overtook my body. It felt so comforting and I waited a few more seconds before I removed my fingers from the crystal and the tingling subsided. I closed the locket and smiled knowingly to myself. I went to put it back in my space pocket, but I paused. After a few seconds I grasped at it desperately and placed it on my chest, like I had so long ago. I put my hand to my heart and sighed happily, feeling a whole lot better. I felt complete, and although I was no closer to a solution, I was confident I would eventually make the right decision in the end. I closed my eyes as I began to finger the gold trim of my locket, not even aware as my mind drifted and my awareness left me to myself. I fell asleep, still clutching my locket. ******** "Mmmmm......." I mumbled, my body moving involuntarily as I emerged into consciousness. I rubbed my eyes tiredly as I looked around, unaware and disoriented after awaking. I paused, finally realizing I was at Mina's apartment, dressed and sprawled onto her couch. I glanced around, wondering if she was still at home, or if she had gone out. My eyes caught on her empty end table by the door, where she usually kept her purse and keys, at least, when she could remember to put them there. I sighed and leaned back in the couch, trying to figure out where she could have gone. I glanced at the clock and mumbled to myself explanations of where she could have ventured off to. "5:15...." I said quietly. I began rubbing my eyes, wondering why my mind was running so fast....... I stopped. "DAMN!!" Within seconds, I had taken off around the house, hoping against hope that Mina had been running late, and she hadn't left yet. I tore through each room, bellowing out her name as my bare feet padded through the carpet, building up friction as my legs ripped my around the apartment. I finally stopped, panting and practically sweating as I leaned against the wall. The one time in her life she's on time..... I put my head roughly in my hands and gripped clumps of hair, in an effort to make myself think. "How can I get there......" I muttered under my breath, my mind racing as I contemplated the fastest way to the airport. She probably just showed up at Dariens, and they would be there in another half hour..... "What time does his flight leave....." I racked my brain, desperately trying to figure out if and when Mina had said. "What airline.....Oh, damn, I'll never make it on time." I ran around the apartment madly, throwing on a pair of jeans and some sneakers in my haste. In one strange second, I had a moment of clarity. Darien said he had a lot of bags.....There's no way Mina could have taken her Porsche....... I formed a plan in my mind as I searched in her desk drawers, through papers, pencils, lipsticks, and the occasional unwrapped twinky (nice little surprise there.....), until I finally triumphantly held up the spare key she had told me about. I thought about 2 nights ago, when Mina had made a call on her cell phone, then put it (actually _thrown_ it.....) in her glove compartment. I prayed it was still in there. I walked quickly to the entry way, and checked my hair. I wasn't going to go through all this, and then find out I looked like Quazimoto. With one last look, I bolted out the door, not even bothering to lock it. I was hoping I wouldn't be coming back here tonight..... ********** "TWA......." I said to myself, as I simultaneously merged into the turn lane and clicked off Mina's cell phone. I nodded to myself, and noted I had at least a half hour before his flight left. I glanced up at the sky through the windshield and began to think that the flight could even be delayed with such weather. It was then that I had a revelation. In my haste and paranoia, my mind had made its' decision. I almost swerved off the road as my mind rang with this, and it was all I could do but smile as the weight was completely lifted off of me. It didn't even feel that strange, or even all that good, to tell the truth. It felt......warm, would be the best way to describe it. Just kinda comforting. Not exactly what I was expecting, but it was a nice little sedative all the same. I felt my nerves and my back tense back up as the large Tokyo Airport came into view over the hill. I glanced at the digital clock on the dash board and my stomach lurched forward. I had 21 minutes to find the airline and then find Darien's gate. How in God's name was I going to get this accomplished? I pushed my foot to the floor and felt my body lean violently back into the seat with such force as the car sped forward. I prayed I could get in there in record time, before he had a chance to leave. I made a few reckless turns before I found the entrance to parking garage and decided that even though it may take longer, the weather wasn't going to hold up for much longer, and Mina wasn't going to be too happy it I got her car dirty. So I tried to moderate my speed as I went up and up inside the dimly lit garage, cursing louder each time I had to go up another level. Finally, after 10 minutes of searching, I found one on the 6th level and hastily, and rather sloppily, I screeched into a small spot. I almost tripped over the seat belt as I threw the door open, still cursing my timing, and fell promptly to the concrete floor. I almost started wailing right then out of frustration as I picked myself up off the rough ground, not even bothering to dust myself off as I scurried through the garage and eventually into a dark, inadequately lit elevator. It smelled musty and a little damp as I pushed the first button, and impatiently tapped my foot as I scanned the tiny mirrored space. I bit my lip and tried desperately to calm my now whirling brain. My palms perspired irregular amounts, and whipped them roughly on my jeans, now damp from the humidity. I sighed discontentedly as I wondered, should I find them, what I was going to say to him. Just flat out 'I love you'? Maybe a little more subtle......Maybe I should just come right out and kiss him, not give him a chance to say anything. God, my knees are shaking....What am I going to do? The door dinged once and the doors magically opened, revealing a bustling airport terminal, a mechanical voice calling out numbers and flights, people rushing each way. I scanned the crowded room and spotted a TWA check in desk, and decided that would be the best place to start. Once more, I cursed my luck as I glanced at my watch, and saw that his flight left in 7 minutes. "God, if you've ever wanted to before, this is would be the time to lend a hand...." I prayed silently, closing my eyes as I rushed forward. In a matter of seconds, I had arrived at the desk, and in between gasps of breath, asked which gate his flight was at. "Gate C18." The blonde stewardess answered, then added, "You'll have to hurry. It's having engine trouble right now, but it'll be leaving in about 5 minutes." I thanked the heavens for those few precious moments, thanked the woman, then picked up my tired body and ran. ******** I gasped in violent breaths of air as my completely dehydrated throat ached in agony as I thankfully spotted the large, brightly lit sign reading 'C18', and began to involuntarily pick up my pace. My mind, which seemed to have taken temporary leave my body, now picked right back up with the anxiety. This time, impairing most other functions of my body, causing my legs to almost completely stop. I tried frantically to get my mind to stop whirling, and stop thinking about what could happen in the next few minutes. I was not about to think about the fact that there is a possibility that I could have made this long trip for nothing, or the fact that maybe Darien didn't even want to see me and I may have just murdered my body for a pipe dream. There was no way those things would have occurred to me. I approached quickly, and immediately bent down to catch my quickly retreating breath before continuing the last few feet. A few moments later, I was somewhat more recomposed, and walking swiftly towards the check-in desk. I glanced out the large picture windows, hoping to find that the plane hadn't arrived yet. My heart jumped as I noticed it hadn't......Thank God! I walked right back up to the desk, still gasping a little as I leaned on it. "When is the flight to Vietnam expected to arrive?" I asked hoarsely, my voice barely audible. The clerk gave me a weird look and shook her head. " I'm sorry, it just left a few moments ago. You just missed it." I barely heard the rest of her sentence. No, I had five minutes.......It's only been about 3......He can't be gone, he can't be. This isn't happening...... I walked mutely to a chair and unaware of any and all actions, dropped my incredibly heavy body into it and immediately put my head in my hands again. I heard the thunder in the gray clouds rumble threateningly and only a few seconds after, rain pelted the window, it's speed growing. I ignored it, but was unable to ignore the dull ache that was now spreading throughout my entire body. My head throbbed and my chest tightened when all at once, my mind erupted, and the tears began. I didn't cover them, just let them fall. The long rasping sobs shook my body and I slouched down tiredly in the chair. I heard a few whispers, but I didn't care, just kept my head down, soaking my dark t - shirt. It didn't matter how long I was there, it was never enough. It never would be. He wouldn't be back, and I was once again alone. And it was all my fault. ********** I had managed to pick my haggard body out of the airport terminal, and back into the street outside, this time choosing to take the route with the least traffic. I passed the curb side check in, and was relieved to find it almost completely empty. A few people mingled about, trying to check in time to catch their flights. Their voices mingled with the pounding raindrops that splashed onto the pavement just near them. I walked out from under the covered awning and directly into the rain, unaware of the freezing cold, just glad that now, no one could see my tears. I shut my eyes tightly, blocking out the wind and the hurt, both causing my body so much pain. I couldn't believe it, and yet, my mind ached at the whole idea. It seemed horribly ironic that when I finally made up my completely confused mind, it's too late. He's gone, and I've lost my chance. All that fear, pain, sleepless nights, for a few moments, seemed to be worth it. I would finally make up for it as soon as I got here and let my heart free. It would all be worth while. But damn it, it could never be like that, and never would. I was cursed and now, I have to face my empty apartment building alone, my warm bed my only comfort. I could barely make out a few screeches behind me as I walked a few more feet away from the air port, my tears now falling to the ground with a few careless raindrops. I stopped at the median in the middle of the road as a car passed, when yelling erupted behind me. ".....Taxi was sooo late, and I'm soooo sorry! It's this crazy weather, no one knows what they're doing!" I stopped. This can't be..... ".....Already missed my flight anyway. Don't worry, I know it wasn't your fault." A huge lump formed in my throat and I almost choked as I stood there, not wanting to turn around. I could just stand here and listen, and pretend it was them. I didn't want to take the chance. This was enough. _This_ was enough. "I'll have to try to catch another flight tonight, but I may as well send my stuff to Vietnam." It was. Oh God Almighty, it was them. Slowly, not wanting the mirage to disappear, I turned my body around. It was the most beautiful sight I'd ever laid eyes on. There he was, standing with his black rain coat on, his hair slicked down on his head, face damp with rain. I gasped in bliss as I stood there, face pale and freezing, teeth chattering like a maniac. I couldn't make out his facial expression, but I didn't need to. Just him being here meant the world to me. He hadn't left, he was still here. God, I still had a chance.... I don't know how long I stood there, just staring, but I wasn't sure what I should do. Scream, cry, run like hell, what? So I stared, my eyes burning holes in the back of his soaked neck. It wasn't for a couple more minutes that Mina glanced over, and a nano-second later, looked over again, this time her eyes almost popping out of her head. She squinted to the rain, and I imagined how pitiful I must have looked, standing there for what seemed like an eternity. Again, she didn't do anything, just kinda sat there, dumbfounded. I guess Darien must have taken notice, and eventually looked back. It was then that I realized that I had really only been there a couple seconds at the most, and how strange this scene must be to him. I watched him catch his breath, and the tears that had recently ceased, started up again, mingling with the rain. He didn't say anything, and for just a second, we all stared, our eyes blazing each others. Mina snapped out of it first, and with the tiniest of cocky smiles, nudged him forward. Startled, he took one tentative step onto the street, and I let it fly. My chest racked with sobs, clothing soaked, hair messy and flat I ran. As fast as my damn feet would carry me. It took a matter of 2 seconds to get to him, but it was 2 seconds too long. I threw my arms violently around his neck and latched on. I was blissfully aware of his thick, warm arms, encircling my wet waist. I grabbed at his slick jacket and yanked, unable to believe this was really happening to me. He could not be here with me. This could not be happening. It was just a sweet dream, and soon I would wake up to my normal tears and sweat and cry myself back to sleep. But he pulled away slightly and he stared at me, and I knew it was real, and everything was over. I had decided, and now, it was over. For a split second, my mind reminded me of Jared, but I pushed it out of my mind, knowing it was only a matter of time before that would have happened anyway. This was where I belonged, and I was finally home. I heard Darien sniffle, and I laughed a little as I pulled him back into my arms again as I rocked back and forth, not wanting to ever let go. Never again would I let him get away. "God....."He whispered and I nodded and smiled, my face still damp from the rain. He pulled away again and looked me squarely in the face. He pulled his hands up to my face and brushed away the sticky locks of hair that were now plastered to my face. He used his thumbs to wipe away the few remaining tears that fell from my eyes, and gazed up at him adoringly. His eyes sparkled, just like they had the last time we had been together like this, and my heart began to swell with all the emotions that had been pent up since this morning. I smiled through my tears and laughed. "I thought you left...." I sighed deeply. "I though you had already gone." He shook his head as he pressed my forehead to his and smiled. I suddenly pulled him closer and hugged him violently. He laughed and wrapped his arms around me again. "I'm so glad you came....." He said quietly into my ear. "I couldn't let you leave. This is were I belong." I said, emphasizing my point by squeezing him tighter. He responded by lifting my shorter figure off the ground and standing straight without leaning down. "I never want to lose you again." He set me gently to the ground and looked me straight on. His eyes were serious now, and his body was completely still. He held his breath as he brushed my tears away once again. "There's only one way I'll be completely happy now." I nodded and covered his hands with my own. I closed my eyes in bliss, understanding totally. "Serena......marry me." My eyes flew open and my eyes searched his own, looking for any amusement or laughter, but they were set in stone, and expectant as they gazed into me. My breath caught inside me and I realized he was serious. My chest heaved and I could feel my cheeks get hot as my eyes back and forth on his face. He leaned in closer and I snapped out of my trance. I burst into blissful tears and once again threw my arms around him, enveloping him completely. "Oh God, yes! Yes!" I whispered in his ear, then louder, making it more real. "Yes yes yes!!!!!" He laughed almost hysterically and picked me up once more, this time spinning me around, laughing loudly with me now joining in. I imagined how ridiculous we must have looked to all the other people standing around, but I didn't care. I was home. Blissfully home. And that's all that ever matters. *********************************** Well, IT'S OVER!!!!!! (Sorta...) Yes, I wrote the epilogue to be read directly after this chapter, so go read it! A whole bunch of thanks and Authors Note's will be at the end of that one! I'll explain everything then, OK? So what are you waiting for? Go read it now! NOW! - Sailor Europa Michelle Merriman