Title: Life Without You, Chp. 5 Author: Sailor Europa Rating: pg13 ******************************************************************************** Welp, I'm back! Hope you all are enjoying the story thus far! I got a few really nice e-mails from some people! Thanks to all who took time to tell me how they feel! I REALLY appreciate it! Anyway, this is sort of revelation type deal, and it will most likely be another cliff-hanger, but I could change my mind by then! I hope to be spending more time on my stories, now that I have The New Era web page up and running! Of course, now I have to start writing THAT story! And to all "Love Through Time" fans, take heart! I haven't forgotten about my saga! I have gotten so involved with this story, I haven't had time to write that one! I am more than half way done with the second chapter of Volume 1, so it should be out soon. I hope. Anyway, Standard disclaimers apply, you know that they are - Don't own, don't sue. K? Ja, minna! - Sailor Europa ******************** Life Without You Chapter Five "Ooooh......" I moaned. Crap. Two days in about one week, I'm sick. I groaned in agony as I held the damp washcloth to my throbbing head. I rolled over onto my side and winced at the pulsating feeling that just seemed to intensified as I moved. I scowled as I wondered who I should kill for infecting me. Out of anything, getting sick was low on my list of favorite things. I could hardly even make it to the phone to call in sick to work before I ran, holding back vomit towards the bathroom. I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. I hadn't even had a chance to call Jared and thank him for our date, like I had planned on. Right now, I was only worried about holding back past meals. I moaned again in pain as I heard the phone ring. I felt like smacking myself for coming up with the brilliant idea of putting the phone RIGHT next my bed. Right now it sounded like a bullhorn was being held next to my ear. I made no move to pick it up, hoping whoever it was, would get the hint that I was dying, and in NO mood to chat. They didn't. I reached over and, once again, winced at the pain in my head, snatching up the phone in disgust. "Hello?" I asked as angrily as I could. "Serena? What happened to lunch at the deli?" I could Mina ask over the line, slightly pissed off. She apparently missed my attempt at sounding pitiful. "I'm really sick. Sorry. I completely forgot. Must've been somewhere between the bathroom and the hallway." I said sarcastically. She gave me a sympathetic sigh. "Oh, that's OK. I'm sorry you're not feeling well." She tsk-tsk'ed at me. "And you just got over that whole Indian food ordeal." "Yeah, tell me about it. And this feels about ten times worse." I said, adding a racking cough. "Yeah, you sound just awful. Do you know what it is?" She asked. "It feels like pneumonia, food poisoning, and a migraine, all rolled into one." "Yuck. Maybe I should come over. You don't sound like you're capable of taking care of yourself." She asked. I shook my head to myself. "That's OK Mina. I'll be fine. I've been sick before." I said graciously. "Thank you though." "Well, I think I'll stop by just the same, later tonight, just to make sure." She said and I managed a pitiful laugh. "Thanks." I sighed. "It's times like this when I wish Luna where still here. I really miss her." "I know." She said, her voice becoming painful. "I miss Artemis terribly. It's hard, when they've been like parents to us, you know?" She said sadly. I nodded into the phone. "I know. I hate being alone when I'm sick." I could hear her silent agreement, and I knew she took the hint. "Hope you feel better, Serena. I'll see you in a little bit." She said, and hung up the phone. I scowled as I placed the receiver back in it's cradle. I swallowed hard as I felt more tears coming on, although I wasn't sure if it was from the pain in my head, or the one in my heart. I sighed once more as I heaved myself out of bed and padded out into my kitchen as I retrieved the bottle of aspirin. I filled a glass of water and got two of the tablets out. I swallowed them quickly and began my journey back to my room. It seemed to take longer to get back to my warm bed, as I took frequent stops to catch my retreating breath. I got more and more agitated as the doorway began to look farther and farther away and I scowled as my vision began to blur. I squinted, trying to make out where I was going, and I slowly was aware of my fatigue. I muttered one last word as I felt the floor beneath me slip, and my head connected with the wall. "Damn...." ********** "Serena? Serena, are you OK?" "......." "Oh, God, Serena! What happened?" "Mina? Is that you?" "Yeah, Serena, it's me." "Where am I?" "Tokyo General Hospital, room 408." "What?" I made out a faint sigh. "I came right over, just as soon as I hung up. I knocked, but no one answered. I found the door unlocked, so I walked in, and you were lying on the floor, with blood trickling down your head! I was so scared!" She said frantically. "Wha....What?" I asked again, not fully comprehending. "Oh, Serena! Why didn't you tell me you felt this bad?" She asked, grabbing my hand. "I.....I didn't know." I managed a weak smile. She grinned back meekly, through tears. "How long?" "You've been out for a good three hours." She said. "Wow....." I said in awe. I sure have been passing out a lot lately..... "The doctors aren't sure what it is, yet. They think it could be a bug, but they said not many people have come in with your symptoms, so they might have to rule it out." She said, leaning back in her chair. It seemed like mere seconds since my head smacked the wall, and closed my eyes. I couldn't believe it. I wondered what my boss would think when he found out. Or Jared for that matter..... "Think of all the work I'll miss....." I said quietly. Mina scowled. "Serena, this is serious. I was deathly afraid when I found you unconscious! I wasn't sure what had happened, for all I knew you were dead!" She said, her voice growing extremely panicky. I threw her a confused look and I could then see the clear tear streaks down her face, and the blood shot eyes. I realized she must have been sitting there for the whole three hours, making sure I was OK. I gave her a weak smile and squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry." I said. "I didn't mean to scare you. I'm not even sure what happened just yet. I was semi-OK, before you called, but then, boom! I couldn't walk." I said, leaning my head back in exhaustion. I closed my eyes, and sighed wearily. We both sat in silence, before I heard a faint knock at the door. I opened my eyes slowly, still finding it hard to focus after the fall. I squinted as I tried to make out the figure, and I could faintly see the glint of a white lab coat and I exhaled as in realization. The older man smiled as he stood at the foot of my bed. He had a slightly receding hair line, with just the edges touched with gray. On his overly large nose where a pair of wire rim glasses, pirched on the very end his face, as he glanced down at my chart. He gave me another warm grin as he looked up from it. "I'm Dr. Graham, Ms. Tsukino." He said, walking closer to me. I managed a small smile. "I can see you're already feeling better." "Slightly." I said quietly. He smiled more. "Good." He took a seat next to my bed, just in front of Mina. "I've checked over your vitals, and everything seems normal." I cocked an eyebrow. Or tried, at least. "Well, everything that needs to be normal. Your fever is dangerously high, but we can't seem to find any correlation to any illnesses going around, so I think we can rule out any kind of virus or flu bug that might be going around." "Are you saying this is all in my head?" I asked. He chuckled. "No, not really anyway. Your symptoms all seem to be stress related. And from the looks of things, you are indeed under a lot of stress." He said, motioning to my chart and then to Mina. "Your friend also said you've been pressured a lot in your personal life too." I nodded, not wanting to elaborate. "I think it'd be best if you stayed under our care for a few days, just to make sure it is stress, and not a foreign virus, OK? We'll make a few calls to your work and friends if you'd like, also." I groaned as I nodded. I could feel the fever already begin to swelter again and I could only feel exhaustion sweep me again. I heaved a great sigh and gave Mina a small smile again, just before closing my eyes again. I barely made out her tired face, before I fell into a peaceful sleep. ********* "Mina?" I asked, almost in a whisper. I managed to open my eyes slightly, and caught a small glimpse of her slumped over figure in the chair beside my bed. I noted her unchanged clothes and smiled slightly. Sometimes I don't think I give her enough credit. I opened my eyes fully now, and already I could feel that my fever had gone down drastically. My fatigue was all but gone, and although the dull ache throughout my whole body still wore me down, I felt much better than before. I knew sleep wouldn't come now, and I glanced at the gilded clock at one end of my room. 1 am. Great. I'll be up all night. I rolled onto my side, and wished Mina had brought a book or something. I sighed once again as I laid on my limp right arm, and I was faintly aware of a slight snort that emitted from Mina, and I rolled over once more to face her. She opened her eyes slowly, adding a few more snorts for good measure. She looked wearily over towards me and I smiled. She gave me a tired grin and yawned. "How long you been up?" She asked. I stretched and pulled myself into a sitting position, shrugging. "A few minutes, maybe. Not long. How long you been asleep?" I asked in reply. She glanced at her Swiss watch. "Whew. About 2 hours." She yawned for effect. I smiled. "Why don't you go home? Get some sleep." I said, cocking my head to the side. "I don't mind. I want to make sure you're gonna be OK." She said, smiling as she leaned in closer, her voice faint. I gave her a content smile back and shook my head. "I'll be fine now, really. I really do appreciate you staying with me all this time." I said, giving her a knowing smile. She grinned back, the sleep still weighing heavily on her. "And you have a show tomorrow at noon." "Are you sure? I don't want to leave you alone if you don't want me to." She said, giving me a questioning glance. I shook my head again, waving her through. I stopped for a second, though. "Do you think you could stop by the gift shop and pick up some books, though? I'm not gonna be sleeping anytime soon, and just staring at the wall seems to be losing my interest fast." I said, giving her a wink. She grinned back as she stood up. "You got it. Tawdry romance or super mystery?" She asked, gathering her stuff. "A little of both if you don't mind." I said as she slipped out the door. I laid my head against the wall tiredly and close my eyes for a few seconds, trying not to think about anything. I could feel everything begin to slip away, and I think I fell asleep for a few minutes, but I couldn't be sure. I awoke though to the faint sound of tapping and my eyes opened, only a little, to try to make out who it was. I could tell right away it wasn't Mina, from the broad shoulders and short hair, and I figured for a second, it must have been the doctor again. But, as my eyes soon began to focus, and my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could see just how wrong I was. The figure stood there for a few seconds, and I blinked to make sure I wasn't just having a dream. Or nightmare, would be more be more accurate. My breath quickened and I couldn't look away, although I desperately wanted to. He came closer, and I silently prayed it was a hallucination, brought on by my stress. I scowled, trying to make it disappear. I'm not that lucky..... "Darien...." I choked out. I could barely make out his facial features, and I struggled to grasp any kind of emotion he was showing. My mind whirled and I only wanted to be sleeping peacefully once again. "God, Serena....." Was all he said, taking a seat where Mina had been. I couldn't move, and my eyes followed his as he searched my bed, for what, I don't know. I finally got a good look at his face when his eyes landed on my own, and I wanted to scream. His face had been tear stained, even more so that Mina's, his eyes completely red and puffy. His hair was mussed up and his hands shook violently as he sat there, gazing at me. Oh God, he looked good..... "Serena......" "What are you doing here?" Was only a fraction of what I wanted to say....... "Mina called from your apartment when she found you...." Oh, damn you Mina...... "What? Why?" "She was so afraid. I could barely understand a word she said." He laughed, despite himself. "She needed the support." I sat in silence. I wasn't sure whether I could believe him, or Mina for that matter. I didn't want to think that Mina would use this horrifying experience to play match maker, but hell, stranger things have happened...... "I....." I began, not knowing what to say. "God Serena, you had us so worried!" He exclaimed, looking at me, fresh tears spilling from his eyes. I could feel my heart jump at the sight, and it was all I could do to calm my nerves down, in time to remind myself who I was talking to...... "You had _me_ so worried......" He added quietly. I wasn't sure I heard him right, and by the way his head was tilted down, I could tell I wasn't meant to hear that. My gaze blurred as my mind raced at the present time, churning involuntarily. This was too much to think about. "I'm fine." I mumbled quietly. "The doctor thinks it's stress, that's it. I'll be here a few days." "Stress? So much you were hospitalized?" He asked puzzled. I couldn't take it anymore. This was too strange. "What are you doing here Darien?" I asked, my voice still and almost too calm. He was taken aback, although I knew he must have been expecting this question. He stared at me for a while, his eyes searching my own. His gaze grew less confident, and I knew he was faltering. "I.....I don't know......" He finally squeaked out. He hung his head, shaking it violently. "I don't know....... I just felt I had to be here......." My mind raced even more and although my brain was telling me not to, I pressed him even more. "Why would you feel any obligation to _me_ , of all people?" I asked, a little more harshly than I wanted to. I saw him wince and he didn't look up just yet. "I.....Don't know....." He said, and I could hear the slightest crack in his voice, and I watched as more tears fell down his face. My forehead wrinkled, and I grew more and more confused each time he spoke. This wasn't making any sense, at all..... "God Serena, when Mina called, I almost died......" He finally looked up, and I felt my breath catch in my throat as I caught his eyes, and the tears spilled over. I couldn't look away, my gaze caught by his penetrating, pain filled eyes. "I just fell apart. I ran out of the office and raced down here, as fast as that car would take me." He let a little laugh escape, and shook his head. I tried to stop my own pain and frustration as I watched him, tried to maintain my seemingly unfaltering vengeance, but it fell. Like a ton of bricks. I couldn't stop all the feeling that washed over me, whipping out the past few years with one fell swoop. I could feel the tears spill down as I watched an unknowing Darien cry silently alongside me. My mind whirled, still confused from the mixed emotions I was getting from my body. It seemed like forever before he looked up at me, his face considerably more wet than when I had last seen it. He didn't seem surprised at my anguish, and he just stared, not knowing what to expect. I gazed back, and I couldn't believe it had been so long since I had last stared into his eyes, although this time seemed more emotionally charged, and the tension and extreme pressure was crackling between us. "I don't understand......." I said sadly, my eyes falling down towards the bed. He laughed, a rather odd sound coming from such a melancholy figure. He shook his head and gazed towards the door. "Neither do I......" He said quietly. I sat there and stared at this man, the one I used to know so well. The one I used to love, the one I maybe still do. It seemed too painful to gaze upon, and yet I couldn't stop, for fear of missing something important. The piece of this confusing puzzle that hadn't seemed to surface yet. I felt the tears poor down some more, and as I watched him silently, I noticed his rumpled clothes and I caught my breath as I realized he must have been waiting all night, right along with Mina. I closed my eyes finally, and the tears fell freely now, my feeble eyelids unable to stop them. I didn't understand any of this, and I realized where all my stress had been coming from. I laughed inwardly at the idea of it, not knowing what else to do. I leaned against the wall, and tried to think clearly, objectively. But it wouldn't come. I was clouded by past regrets, fear, pain and rejection. My heart began to weigh heavily in my chest and I waited for it burst, hoping against hope it would, putting me out of this misery I was living in. I should have known it wouldn't, though. "Serena....." I heard him start once again. I opened my eyes slowly, the tears never ceasing. "Yes?" I asked, searching his eyes as I did. "I......I....." He stuttered terribly, stumbling over his emotions. I wanted to burst into fresh, hurtful tears as I watched his eyes sparkle, the emotions in him jumbling together and falling into his lap amongst the salty tears. I leaned forward, my eagerness too overwhelming to stop me. His breathing grew heavy and the tears pooled up once again, clouding my vision of them. I blinked my own tears, forcing them to fall prematurely to the sheets waiting below, as I waited anxiously for him to finish. He gave me one more soulful gaze and I inhaled quickly, not sure I wanted to hear. "I love you." That was it. He had said it, after so many years of being alone, he had said it. I wanted to sob, to rip my hair out, slam my head against the wall, anything to drown out the feelings that had just now been released into my consciousness. I didn't know how to respond, whether I scream at him for being so inconsiderate, or to hug him closely, and tell him how much I missed him, and to never let him go. I wanted to do both, my heart being torn in two different directions. My heart throbbed at the words, the ones I had been so long in coming. The very words I had heard in my head a million times, never ceasing. The ones that haunted me every night since he had left. Yes, he had left. And that's what made it so hard. For all the love I still harbored for him, I couldn't forget the hell he had put me through the past four years. I had just begun to get on with my life, and I didn't want to retreat back, just because of my fear. And yet, I wanted him so badly. So much I felt the need swell inside me, filling every inch of me, clouding all thoughts, until all I saw was him. He stared back at me with expecting eyes, but all I could respond with was confusion. I didn't know what to do, or what to say. I just knew I had to say something. "Oh God......" I whispered, and the tears began again. I sobbed uncontrollably, my head face down in my hands, my tiny fingers not able hold such a down pour. I wished dearly that I could have cried on his shoulder, unload all my burdens on him like I used to. But I realized I couldn't, not when he was my burden, to some extent. I stayed like that for several minutes, finally looking up after my eyes had dried and my cries had stopped. He still gazed at me with the same painful expression, his eyes never leaving me. My face contorted, bewildered at the present situation. "Why?" I asked again, not exactly directing it at him, or anyone. "I wish I could explain it....." He said, his eyes never ceasing to watch me. His word were racked with emotion and each sentence was punctuated with fresh tears, falling down his already soaked cheeks. "I've been trying to hide it from myself for so long. Not let it show." He took a huge, unrelieved sigh and continued. "But I came back......" He trailed off, knowing he didn't need to continue. "It all fell back down on me." he shook his head slowly, his lips beginning to quiver. "Darien......" I began, my voice pausing with uncontrollable sobs. He didn't stop. "When I saw you that night in the restaurant that first night, I knew it was only a matter of time. I realized at that point I couldn't do this forever, pretend I wasn't in pain." He winced and I tried not to let anymore tears fall as I watched his face twitch in pain. "I didn't know what I had done, whether I had ruined it beyond repair. I was so afraid, of myself, of the present. But I was mostly afraid of you." He heaved another great sigh and continued. "I couldn't look in your eyes and tell how you felt, and that scared me beyond belief. It made me realize how far we had been from each other, the extent of what I had done. And then, when we were out with Mina, and you announced you had a date....." He put his head in his hands, rubbing his temples at the memory. I bit my lip, grateful for the break, giving me a chance to relieve my tension for a few seconds. It was short lived, though. "I wanted to die." He said simply. A small sob escaped my own lips, and my bottom one wavered as the sobs racked my body. "I can't remember a thing after that, for the rest of the night. I didn't sleep a minute that night, and all I thought about was you. You and him." He let out a painful breath. "Not you and me." "When you went out on the next night, Mina suggested we go to a movie, and after my own sub-conscious prying, I figured out she wanted to horn in on your date. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't stop it. My mind was no longer being controlled by me, and even though I knew it would only cause me more pain, I had to go. I _had_ to. I couldn't stay home, knowing you were out there, with him." He stopped, and I could tell he had more or less stopped the tears, but his voice was occasionally cut off by a few dry sobs. He began soon after once again. "I wanted to tell you so badly how I felt that night when I ran into you. I hated myself for not telling you, knowing it would only make it harder on both of us when I did speak up. I stared after you, long after you had gone back, and it was like.....I wasn't all there. My head ached and my whole body shook. I wouldn't cry about it. I don't know why, but all I could seem to do was rake my body with spasms whenever I thought about you." He stopped, and I could tell he was debating whether or not to go on. My forehead wrinkled in anguish, and I prayed he would. I had to know. Whether it made me more confused or not. "And then......" He began, breathing in heavily before he continued. "I was walking by your apartment the next night...." Oh God.......No....... "And he was...." No.......Oh, damn it, no....... "You were so close......And it didn't take a genius to figure out what was happening......" He put his head in his hands, and shook his head, as if to shake away the memory, weighing too painfully on his mind. I bit my lips, willing the tears to stay, not to show themselves. "I _did_ die, then. A part of me just shriveled up and blew away, leaving just a dull ache inside me. I was being eaten up by jealousy and pain, that I had brought on myself. I was out of my mind with rage and my heart completely broke at the sight." He looked down dejectedly, as if he knew exactly what was to happen. As if he knew the outcome. I saw his body begin to shake as his sobs started once again. "And it was all my fault." He finished. I sat there, in a muted awe. My mind had ceased to stop, whirling completely as soon as he finished. I had been so sure he had been unfeeling, not caring about me or our past. God, I really was a fool. I looked slowly towards his faltering figure, as he cried into his own hands. I felt the tears fall down my own face now, but I made no move to brush them away. I couldn't. I was paralyzed. Paralyzed by my own fear, fear of missing this. Missing him. I fell apart completely soon after, full sobs choking me until I could hardly breath normally. I don't know how long I stayed that way, but by the time I finally looked up, I noticed that his sobs had subsided, and he was just slumped over in his seat, staring down at his shoes. My eyes burned from the salty tears I had just cried, and I tried not to cringe in pain as I studied him in the low light. God, this was the most amazing revelation. I felt so foolish, and yet so.....good. God, to know I wasn't alone in this. It felt.....wonderful. I heaved a huge sigh, as if to release all of this pressure from my chest, and sat up. I whipped away the remnants of tears that had frozen in my eyes, and sniffled. A few seconds later, he managed to lift his head up to face me, his eyes still completely pained. We sat there for what seemed like forever, the tension mounting as neither of us spoke. His eyes finally broke away, and he sighed. I stopped him, before he could start again. "You're right......" I said, picking at the cotton sheet on top of me. "You're the one who left. It _was_ your fault." I spoke calmly, my voice careful not to crack in pain. He looked back up at me, his eyes filled with pain and agony, all swimming around in the deep blue sea inside them. The water spilled over again, and I had to bite my lip to refrain from crying again myself. He moaned and then rubbed his thoroughly beaten face in his large hands. "I know....." He mumbled through his fingers, his voice barely audible. He looked up again, and gritted his teeth. "And you deserve to know why." I nodded mutely. "I.....I got scared." I waited for more, but he remained silent. I gave an incredulous look and sat there, dumbfounded. That was it? Just.....scared? Not "I didn't want to distract you" or, "There was a contract out on my head, and I had to go into hiding" even? God, what a pathetic excuse! "What?" I asked, my anger slightly apparent. He noticed obviously, and cringed under my tone. "I was scared of...." He took a deep breath. "Of my feelings for you." I gave him a half confused, half perturbed look and began to study the wall in contemplation. This was NOT happening. I....I expected a _real_ reason. Not some half assed excuse! "Damn you, Darien." I muttered bitterly, not caring whether he heard her or not. "Damn you to hell." "Huh?" He asked. My courage rose and I repeated it, louder and with more passion this time. "Damn you." I said, not even looking at him. "You come in here, tell me you love me, STILL love me, and then try to tell me the reason you left was _fear_ ? How can I swallow that? How can I believe that your damn FEAR was more important than _us_ ?" I said, my face contorting in anger. His face remained the same, completely blank, as if he knew all along I wouldn't understand. "I've lost everyone I've ever loved, Serena. My parents, all my ex's, most of my friends. I didn't want to lose you too." He said simply. "So you left?" I exclaimed. "I figured if I left you, you wouldn't be able to leave me." He shrugged. It was all so simple to him. No complications, no pain, no hurting......I got sick looking at his serene features, not twisting in pain as he said this to me. Damn it, it would be so much easier to hate him, if I wasn't so damn in love with him. I began to rant some more, but he stopped me. "I know I was a jack ass. I knew that from the beginning. But, I couldn't take the chance. The chance of losing you. God, if it ended with you hating me, or not in love with me......I couldn't handle that. It would kill me." He sighed. "This way, I got to remember you as the last time I saw you......Hopelessly in love with me." Oh damn, that really got me. My brow furrowed and I began to cry. My chest ached as it racked with more chokes and sobs. It seemed I had already done enough of that lately. I hated it, but it was involuntary. I at least got to release all the pain of the past few days. My throat swelled up, and I found it hard to keep the sobs coming, but my mind wouldn't take that. It whirled, and the room began to spin. I grasped onto the railing along my bed for support, trying in vain to stop the sobs. I closed my eyes tightly, not able to even look at Darien, and I wondered if I would ever even be able to listen to him without almost killing myself. "Serena......" He began. I waited, my mind temporarily frozen, for him to continue. God, it hurt. "I know this doesn't excuse what I did......" I stopped. "Damn right." My voice ragged, catching in my throat before it escaped. He cringed in pain and I immediately wished I hadn't said it so easily. Although I wanted to be happy to see the pain, I couldn't be. As much as I hated to admit it, I still felt connected to him, and if he was in pain, it hurt me. Unfortunately....... "I don't even know if I have the right to ask for a second chance, but........" His voice broke and I felt my heart snap. He didn't have the right. He never would. But even if he did........ What would I say? God, what would I feel? Could I accept? Should I accept? Do I still love him? Well, I think that last one's a little obvious......But still...... "Darien...." I put my hand up to stop him. If he went on, I might completely break down. How much of a difference that was from this, I don't know..... He looked up, and I watched him from out of the corner of my eye. My rib cage began to swell, and I thought my heart would burst. I tried not to watch. I wanted to look away. But I couldn't. I was locked in that position, and I stared at his red, puffy face, with tear stained cheeks and swollen eyes, staring at me with such sincerity and pain. Damn, I loved him.......I _know_ I love him. So why is this such a hard decision to make? Why couldn't it be one way or another? So many questions.......No answers..... "I.....I don't know......" I said finally. I shook my head, the tears spraying on my covered knees. I sniffed violently and finally looked him full on. We locked gazes and the tears stopped. Like a cease fire. I think he understood right then, everything I was feeling, everything I went through for him, and why I was so unsure of my feelings. He nodded solemnly, and slowly returned his stance to the ground. Slowly, he made his way next to my bed, and I tried to hard to keep my head down. I wouldn't let myself get emotional again. Not now. I was suddenly aware of his warm hands on my face, gently whipping away my few remaining tears. More spilled over as a result, and he tilted my head so I was looking at him. He gave me a half cocked, half bravado type smile, and I tried to reply in the like, not quite sure whether I made it or not. My heart thudded violently in my chest, and I prayed to God he couldn't hear it as well as I could. I felt it speed up as he slowly leaned down, and I tried to block it out, closing my eyes as tightly as I possibly could, not even caring if fresh tears spilled out at this point in time. I felt his hot breath on my already warm face, and it was all I could do to keep from groaning in anticipation as I became aware of his lips slightly over my own. My mind shut down and all I thought about was how much I loved him, and how much I had missed his touch, wondering if I had been so blind to have missed this dull ache that took the place of his warmth. I tilted my head upwards ever so lightly, and I felt my heart sigh as both his lips leaned into mine, hardly even moving as he paused for a few brief seconds in that position, as I savored every inch of him. His warm, sweet scent, even after ten hours of waiting and crying. The gentle touch of his fingertips on my face. The tiny tickle of his bangs falling over my face. Oh, God, I loved this man...... It didn't last forever like I imagined it, though, and after a few seconds, he was heading out the door, his head slumped over his chest, hands deep in his pockets. I swallowed hard as the events and revelations rushed back to me, like waves that had paused before they fell over the sand. I watched him pass a solitary figure standing my by my window, not even wincing as Darien clipped his shoulder. I stared a while longer, trying desperately to make out the silhouette that was gazing at me so intently. In a flash, my mind began to whir again in recollection, and I once again closed my eyes in completely terror. No......Why me? I should have known. God must hate me. That _was_ the only explanation. I opened my eyes, more hurt-filled tears pouring out the sides. I exhaled in defeat, giving in to my hell. "Jared......" *************************** OK, I wanted to add more, but you know what? 13 pages is enough for one chapter, don't ya' think? As I write this, it is Thursday, and about 11 of those pages where already written, and I didn't have enough time to do the basic writing, plus fine tuning, to 10 more pages. Besides, I loooooove cliff hangers! ;P Anyway, I've gotten tons O' great comments on this story, as since I'd like some feed back on these issues, before I send them in, I am thinking of taking on another editor. I already have the MULTI-TALENTED Sidnei, who reads ALL my work before anyone else, but I would like at least one more. If anyone is interested, all you have to do is read my chapters, and tell me what you like, and what you don't! Plus, you get to read each one before anyone else! I don't know whether anyone is THAT enthusiastic about my work, that they would actually WANT to read it early or not, but hey, I can dream! ;P (I actually got a long e-mail from someone who signed it 'your fan'! Wow, I actually have a fan! God, my head is expanding to like, the size of California! :P) Anyway, PLEASE e-mail me and tell me what you think, or else I will never know how to improve on this story! Hope you all liked! Till next week! JA! ~ \\\ "/ |L ~ E-mail - sailoreuropa@geocities.com Michelle Merriman