Well, I'm back! Chp. 3 here! Hope you all enjoyed the first 2. I REALLY like
this story, A LOT. It's quickly becoming one of my favs. I got a few
questions as to why Mina and Serena's personalities changed so much, and
it's simple. Serena was dumped DRASTICALLY, and therefor, it changed her
perspective on things, as it would anyone. And of course, her friends
leaving didn't help, as she is now on her own. Mina, on the other hand, was
a slight manipulation on my part. Since this could be a little awkward, what
with Serena's perspective on things, and the relatively serious and heavy
subject, I needed some comic relief. Enter Mina. :) I was also slightly
inspired by her air-headedness in "Ami's First Love", where she has nothing
but silly girlish ideas that pop out of her mouth, before she has a chance
to think. She is portrayed much differently in the newer JPN episodes, in
contrast with the DIC version most people are accustomed to. OK, enough with
the insight, on to the gratitude. Jen Wand, Sidnei, Lianne, and one of the
ones I just recently had the pleasure of reading, Dark Day For Anime. Always
saw the weirded out titles of his story, and never read them. Until "Pluto's
Problem". It is timed well, and with the whole "Pluto" controversy, it is
COMPLETELY hilarious. Go read it if you haven't. Anyway, this is now
dedicated to Larry, my fortunate ex, whom I didn't even know when I started
writing this, but I have to laugh when I see the parallels between his
problem, and Dariens. Not gonna go through the whole story now, but if
you're really anxious, e-mail me, and you can get the whole soap opera, in
detail. OK! STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY, DON'T SUE ME PLEASE! E-MAIL ME AT -
sailoreuropa@geocities.com

*********
Life Without You - Chapter Three
By Sailor Europa

        God has to hate me. Why else would he torture me like this? I was
staring,
unfortunately, into the dizzying eyes of Darien. I had been trying to look
away for quite some time, at the same time, trying to figure out what he was
doing here. However, I couldn't do the two simultaneously, and so I was
forced to gaze awkwardly at him, my eyes not budging from his. I could see a
slightly tortured soul peek out from behind them, but I couldn't tell
whether it was me, or maybe just a hallucination on my part. For minutes,
neither of us spoke though, although it just made it all the more strange.
We both knew we should say something, but neither could make the first move.
It was the first time we had been alone, and now we couldn't rely on the
incessant Mina to supply the conversation.
        "Uhh....." He managed. At least he tried. I couldn't even open my
mouth. I
felt the tear that had been mingling on my cheek fall carelessly to the
concrete, it's sorrow and pain now forgotten as he stared back at me. I
prayed that he hadn't noticed.
        "You're crying...." He exclaimed softly. Damn! I told you God hated
me.....
        "No, no....." I said, whipping furiously at my flushing cheeks. "I'm
fine."
I hated exposing myself like that, especially to him. I wouldn't give him
the satisfaction. He gave me the weirdest little look, and for the life of
me, I couldn't figure out what it was. The best I could translate was relief
and disappointment, all mixed together, but I knew the two didn't go
together. I didn't resign myself to thinking about it anymore, though.
"Wha....What are you doing around here?" I asked, finally getting the
courage to ask him.
        "Mina had suggested we walk tonight instead of driving, so I was
walking
back to my apartment." He motioned behind me, and I noticed the tall,
luxurious building that stood half a mile down the road. I guess I hadn't
even stopped to think he wasn't in his old building. The thought had never
even occurred to me. I took in a ragged breath, still the aftermath of my
near-sobs that had taken me as I walked.
        "Serena, you _have_ been crying!" He exclaimed, taking me by the
shoulder,
and pulling me gently closer towards him. He looked closer into my eyes and
searched my face, and I could tell he had spotted the tears stains and blood
shot eyes, all the classic symptoms. I could feel his warm breath on my skin
as he had pulled me in closer, and I closed my eyes, not wanting to be where
I was. *Not here.....I wish I was anywhere but here....* "What's wrong? Was
it that Jared guy? Did he do something to you?"
        I felt my anger surge at his words, and I wretched my arms away from
him,
my eyes growing cold.
        "No. Jared was the perfect gentleman." I bit out, staring at him,
this time
out of anger. He was taken aback, and didn't reply. "And I resent you even
insinuating that he would do such a thing." On that, I turned around on my
heel, and sped off in the other direction, completely abandoning my plans to
go see Mina. I felt more hot tears spring to my eyes, but I held them back,
determined that he wouldn't see me fall. Not now, not ever. I wouldn't give
in. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
        I held my head high, and didn't even look back. I waited to hear the
sound
of his heel clicking in the opposite direction, but nothing came. As soon as
I turned the corner onto my street, I ducked behind a building, and watched
to see where he had gone. I almost did a double take when I saw his solitary
figure standing alone, under the dull light of the street lamp, just staring
into space. I grew more and more confused, and I wished to God that I was
closer, so I could see the expression on his face. I couldn't tell what he
was doing, or why he was doing it. I tried to contemplate it some more, but
before I could, he had heaved a large sigh, and turned around, and ventured
off in the opposite direction. I gave a suspicious look in his direction,
not sure what to make of this. If it was anyone but him, I might assume
something, but this was Darien, and I had learned not to trust his actions.
Because they often only led more confusion and pain.

*************

        "Hi, Serena!" The annoying voice rang through the air like a battle
cry. I
cringed before turning around to face the short haired harpy. Susan gave me
a "I know all about you!" look, and laughed, another high pitched wail that
made Mina's voice sound like a church choir.
        "Hello." I said, in the most mundane voice I could muster, hoping
desperately she would get the hint. She didn't.
        "I heard you had a hot and heavy date with the company stud last
night!"
She squealed, bobbing her head in agreement with her own words. I rolled my
eyes at her comment. It was common knowledge that Jared _was_ , without a
doubt, the best looking guy at Tokyo Star. I didn't, however, think that he
would like being referred to as "the company stud". But leave it to Susan to
dub him that nickname.
        "Yes, I had a date with Jared." I stated. My years as a gossip
reporter had
shown me that short answers were always the easiest way to get rid of nosy
busy bodies.
        "So, dish!" She said, as if she _actually_ had a right to know all
the
nasty details of my date. I groaned, willing myself not to tell her off.
        "If you were any of your business, which it's not, don't you think I
would
have already told you?" I replied, and watched happily as her face fell into
a angry scowl. I smiled sweetly and then turned back to my computer, leaving
her shattered dreams to her to pick up. She stalked away soon after,
muttering "Geez, for a gossip columnist, you sure are selfish....." I shook
my head and turned my attention back to my article for that week, fully
intending to finish it before the hour was up. It was Friday, and when the
writers were finished with their pieces, and turned into the printer, they
were free to leave for the weekend. And I was hoping to do some serious
sympathy shopping, with the help of Mina, of course. It always helped to
have a rich friend to help you with the paying part of the trip.
        After a few quick revisions, I printed my article, and placed it in
my
briefcase, and then sent a quick copy to my boss over his e-mail. I snapped
my computer off, and tidied up my tiny cubicle, before I stood up, and bid
my torture chamber of a job good-bye for the weekend. I could already feel
all the tensions of the past week drain out of me as I walked happily to the
elevators, leaving my worries about the whole Darien/ Jared thing at my
desk. It had been a long week. Hell, it had been a long life.
        I noticed the doors of the elevator begin to shut, and I quickened
my pace,
while shouting some loud phrases, hoping the occupant of the lift would hear
them and take pity on me. They did, and I watched in relief as the doors
began to miraculously open once again, only to make me wish they hadn't.
        "Serena, hi!" Jared said, smiling to me from within the confines of
the
elevator doors. I smiled back, cursing my luck, and giving in the fact that
my worries weren't going to give up _that_ easily. Not while they could
screw up my entire weekend, while they were at it.
        "Hi Jared." I said, giving him an awkward, lop-sided grin back.
"Lobby." I
stated, and he pushed the button, and I felt the floor beneath me begin to
descend. An awkward silence surrounded us, and I could feel the tension
begin to build between us. What do I say? I didn't know what to feel, what
to think, what to do, and I could only blush in embarrassment as I thought
back to last night, and it's disastrous events. I prayed the cables would
snap, and I could fall to my death, saving me from any further humiliation.
        "Kinda weird, isn't it?" He asked, giving me a frightened smiled. I
felt
the tension begin to decrease and I smiled, genuinely this time, and I was
glad he said something, before I went out of my mind. I nodded in agreement.
        "Listen, Jared, I'm really sorry...." I started, but he cut me off
with a
shaking of his head.
        "Don't worry about it, I completely understand. Last night was
abnormal, I
figured that out right quick." He laughed heartily, and I began to giggle
myself. "It's OK. I would have been just as anxious, if one of my
ex-girlfriends had shown up on one of my dates." Ooooh, I doubted that.
        "Thank you." Was all I could muster up, and he gave me a warm,
forgiving
smile.
        "I still would like to take you out again." He said, a slight touch
of
crimson rising to his cheeks. "Just the two of us this time." I smiled and
nodded.
        "I'd like that." I replied.
        "Well, it just so happens, that I have reservations at The Park
Avenue for
6:30 tonight, and I really detest eating alone." He said, turning his
attention to the elevator doors, hoping to look discreet. I smiled
mischievously, wondering if he had planned this.
        "Well, it just so happens I'm free." He then turned towards me, and
smiled
fully, lighting up his whole face.
        "What a coincidence." I nodded, playing along. "Looks like the fates
are
working with us, Ms. Tsukino." I gave him a sly grin as the elevator doors
opened, revealing the sprawling office lobby. I walked out, not waiting for
him. He caught up to me quickly, and stopped me. "Pick you up at 6?"
        "It's a date." I said simply. He smiled, and nodded a parting
signal, then
turned onto the sidewalk, as I walked back through the parking garage, my
feet practically floating beneath me. I smiled and hummed to myself,
wondering if maybe things were actually looking up for me. It seemed highly
unlikely, but maybe this would be the start of something nice, comforting.
Instead of troubling, and causing me to wake up in the middle of the night,
practically in tears. I sighed, and hoped this time, the feelings would
last, instead of bolting after only a short time.
        I pulled out my keys, as I spotted my Nissan ahead, and I noticed my
mood
had dropped ever so slightly. I sighed, dejectedly. I need to stop thinking
like that, I really do. I opened the door, and swung my legs in under me,
and prepared to put the keys in the ignition, when I noticed a slim object
obstructing my view on the front window. I had to squint in the dim light of
the garage, and my hand started to shake as it came in to view, and I began
to reach for it, praying it wasn't what I thought it was. No such luck.
        "No...." I said, fingering the satiny petals of the deep red rose,
now in
my quivering hand. I felt the tears begin, just as before, as I flipped over
the small card attached to the stem.

        'Hope this makes you feel better. - Jared'

        He couldn't have known the significance of it, but my heart ached at
it. He
was so  sweet, and it _should_ have made me feel better. But I looked at the
small, tiny bud, and I could only think of dark nights, my heart pounding as
I fought for my life, and my companion, watching carefully from the
rooftops, his only ally the roses he seemed to have an infinite supply of. I
wanted to think of Jared's simple gesture, but I couldn't. Too many memories
flooded my mind. My disappearing friends, now going on with their lives,
Luna, Artemis. All the beams that had supported me and my foolish youth had
left me hanging on by a thin thread, and I struggled to hold on, hoping I
could keep my life and my sanity together. I felt so alone. I longed for my
youthful innocence, the kind that kept me strangely optimistic all those
years, kept me shining. I liked being alive, knowing I had a purpose. But
now, with everyone gone, they had all taken a piece of me with them. And now
that Darien had returned, I cried out for that innocence, wanting to gain
some of it back, but I was so scared. I couldn't let myself take it, knowing
of the inevitable hurt that would follow. It's true, I wanted to stop the
memories, but I couldn't. So I sat in my car, and cried. For my lost
innocence, lost love, lost friends. I glanced down at the rose, and almost
smiled in spite of myself. Even in the battle, it had held such power,
always stopping the opposing force, no matter what. But now, it seemed, it
only broke down my fences. I was the opposing force, now.

**************

        "I really am sorry about last night, Serena." Mina said,
apologetically. I
waved my hand at her, dismissing the thought. I loved Mina, she was my
closest friend right now, and I did want to kill her sometimes, but I
couldn't afford to lose her friendship. Not after my near- nervous breakdown
in my car this afternoon.
        "S'OK, Mina." I said. She smiled happily, and we continued to walk.
I will
give her snaps for her generous way of saying she was sorry. I was lugging 4
large bags, one from Chanel, Prada, and two from Guess. None of which, I had
paid for. Mina had just gotten a pay raise, and had been overly eager to
celebrate in her usual manner: a shopping spree in the expensive part of
town. Accompanied by her best friend, of course. And so the day had gone,
with Mina laughing as I looked at price tags, explaining that it wasn't
necessary. I learned as I watched her try on outfit after outfit, and then
just hand them to the attendant, telling her to "put it with the others". I
shook my head, wondering how long it would take me to get used to that.
        I hadn't even mentioned the incident in the garage to her. There was
no way
I was going to tell her what was going on in my mind right now. It scared
me, and I knew it would hurt her, to know that, even though she was a great
source of comfort, it could never be enough. I needed more, but it was gone,
and I feared it would never return. I sighed, as we approached her little
red convertible, and she popped the trunk. After shoving all our bags
inside, we piled into the seats, and I looked at the clock. 4:30. It'd be 5
before I got home. I'll have to hightail it, if I want to make it on time.
        "Did you get to talk to Jared today?" Mina asked, her voice a little
serious. She gave me a sympathetic smile. I knew she really did feel bad,
and I gave her a reassuring smile back.
        "Yup." I said simply.
        "Are you going to be seeing him again?" She asked, cautiously. I
nodded.
        'We have a date for tomorrow night." I said, scowling inwardly at
the
blatant lie. I hated doing it, but I wasn't completely convinced Mina
wouldn't do it again, if she had the chance. She gave me a relieved smile.
        "Good. I'm glad." She said, not bothering to apologize again. "I
hope you
have fun." I said one last thing before leaving the rest of the trip to a
comfortable silence.
        "Me too."

*************

        It had been a wonderful evening. A nice contrast to the disastrous
one that
had occurred last night. Just as he had said, we had had a delicious dinner
at The Park Avenue, and had stayed there for almost 3 hours, just talking
and enjoying each others company. I found out a lot of new things about him,
and I found myself eager to know more. He was utterly charming, and
extremely sweet. It was the first time in months I hadn't felt sorry for
myself. He made me feel beautiful and worthwhile, and it felt great to be
lovely again.
        We were now walking through the sakura ridden park, that was just to
the
right of the restaurant, laughing happily as we made our way to his car. He
seemed to be enjoying my company as much as I was his, and I couldn't have
been having a better time. We finally arrived at his Mustang, and he opened
the passenger side door for me, and I smiled graciously. I smiled knowingly
to myself as he walked around to the drivers, eventually climbing in next to
me. He grinned at me before starting the engine with a mighty rumble, and we
were on our way back to my place.

*******

        "I had a _really_ nice time." I said, as I turned to him on the
front steps
of my apartment building. He grinned in agreement.
        "I did too." He said. "Maybe it's only because last night had been
such a
complete flop." He chuckled at himself, and I let a small laugh escape. I
kind of thought he was right. Anything would have seemed nice, after last
night!
        I pulled my keys out of my purse, and ducked my head, in an
extremely
girlish mannerism, totally unlike me. He tilted my head upwards, forcing me
to look into his deep brown eyes as he smiled warmly at me.
        "Goodnight, Serena." He whispered in husky tones, and I could
practically
feel the passion enveloping me. He leaned down slowly, and I ached in
anticipation, until his soft lips landed on my own, kissing me softly, and
tenderly at first, but getting only slightly more intense as the embrace
wore on. I dropped my hands to my sides, my keys and apartment and my world
forgotten for that one moment. We broke apart in one breathless moment and
he smiled again, as we parted.
        "Goodnight." I whispered to him, as his figure retreated down the
steps,
knowing fully well he couldn't hear me. I didn't want to move, but I wasn't
about to stand there like a fool all night. I reluctantly entered through
the dark tinted double doors of my apartment building, and sighed happily as
I was once safely inside the solace of the structure. I closed my eyes,
remembering the feeling of his lips on mine, and how wonderful it was to be
wrapped in the embrace of a man again.
        I didn't begin to think until later on, that it had been fairly
early on in
the night when our date ended, and I began to wonder if anyone saw. I
dismissed it, not really caring. I was feeling wonderfully, and whether it
lasted for a long time, or ended tomorrow, nothing was going to bring me
down. I was back up.

*******************************

Well, you like? I think this was probably my favorite chapter so far, even
though it _is_ only the third one! Anyway, again, I ask you not to flame me
about the whole Serena/ Jared thing. Just wait a few more chapters, I
promise you won't want to flame me, OK? Please tell me what you think of
this one! I'm loving this story even more as time wears on, and I'm hoping
you are too! Ja mata ne, minna! - Sailor Europa

SMJ - www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/7358
Time Honored - www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/9347
SMJ: The New Era - www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/5870
Michelle's Psycho Page - www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/5870/michelle.html

Michelle Merriman