Well... it's... 12:05 AM... Hmmm... What to say...
    How about that I'm sick of always being low on a list of priorities? I mean, my own mother has me lower on her list than her step daughters. I needed a ride home after leaving work early cause my grandmother died, and what did my mother do? She said she couldn't do it because she was going out to eat with John's daughter. Can you believe that?
    I mean my whole life, I've always been at BEST #2... Kiym was at least honest enough to tell me that from the start, and considering who #1 was, I wasn't upset about it, I was infact honored to have her say that I was a close second. I mean... I don't know what I mean...
    Becky, well with Becky for the most part I never felt anywhere near being #1... always more like #12... but I resigned myself to that, and I was ok with it cause I knew she had a busy life and all.
    Lindsay, who for the longest time kept trying to tell me Marc wasn't more important to her than me... and where is she when I need someone to talk to about this? On the phone with him... Last night when I tried to talk to her about all this, all she cared about was how her night sucked, and that hurt. I was trying to get help figuring out why I made the mistakes I made, especially one that I now regret more and more each day. But she didn't care, she just sat there in her apathy because she didn't have a perfect day, and didn't want to live where she lives anymore... now when she's finally willing to listen, she's off talking to Marc, despite that she promised she'd talk to me about everything when she got back at 11:30... it's been 40 minutes now (12:11 AM) and still no sign of her...
    Heidi was always very honest with me, and put me somewhere around #37, and given the amount of people she has known longer than me, I'm glad to have made the top 40.
    I've always been afraid to ask Kim... because I know I'm not nearly as high up her list as she is on mine...
    Sean... well I know I'm up there with Sean... probably right near his family...
    My point is simply that I can't deal with this anymore. I quit. I don't want to be a selfish manipulative bastard again, but for some reason it seems that they're the only people who get what they want. I can't deal with being taken for granted anymore. People try to convince me I'm special, that I'm worth something, and then they go and assume that I'll be around when they need me... well I'm done with that. If I'm so fucking special, YOU make an effort, because I quit. I'm tired of you all thinking that I'm going to be here, so why bother talking to him now? I'm tired of people deciding someone else is more important. So to all of you who have made me feel like this... go sit in the corner and think about what you've done... you've killed the boy you loved.