04/04/2001
Alright,
I'm warning you: If you feel you have done anything to upset me in the
last few days, then click here
and stop reading, I don't know what's going to come out this time...
Alright,
the Becky situation... Nothing seems to work out the way I want it to.
I want to talk to her, but no matter what I say it comes out wrong and
she get's mad at me. It's been 3 days and she already is acting completely
over me. I'm forced to wonder that if this is the case then did she ever
truly love me? I hate to think it, but I'm forced to believe that she didn't.
I mean I'd have done anything if she'd just asked, I'd have done my best
to change, but no. I wasn't worth it was I? I guess sometimes "the best
thing in my life" just isn't good enough to warrant sticking around. I
can't even begin to explain how much I hurt right now, but I'm sure most
of the people here can relate. I was thoroughly convinced that this was
it. For a while I didn't want to think it was, but as time went on I realized
how much I really loved her, and how I would be crazy if I didn't hold
on for as long as I could. Pity she didn't feel the same way. More the
pity that there's only about a 1:2490354534694 chance that we'll be able
to remain friends. It hurts too damned much right now. The only thing I
could think about all day was how much I wanted her back. I don't know
why she felt trapped, I don't know why the hell she changed her mind after
all this time, and I don't know why God picks me for "Shit on the mortals
week" but I wish he'd stop.
Oh
yea, and I pissed off Sean by not telling him that I was FUCKING MISERABLE.
Yea... great...
I
talked to Kim more yesterday, and I get the feeling I know what's bugging
her, I want to talk to her...
Crystal
called me last night, and that cheered me up a lot. I was all bummed and
shit, and there was no one to cheer me up cause I couldn't be online to
talk to Lin. Lo and behold! Crystal called me! We talked for a while and
it made me feel better...
I
don't know what else to say. Every time I try to talk to Becky about everything
she just get's upset. It's nice to know that it only takes 2 days to go
from "I'm so sorry, I wish I could hug you and tell you it 's gonna be
alright" to "Just drop it" God dammit. Why the hell do I have to hurt so
fucking badly? Why the fuck did I have to fall in love? What the hell do
I have to do to stop feeling like this? Am I doomed forever to feel like
this? Why the fuck didn't I end it when I wasn't so damned attached? Why
didn't I... Why did I... What did I do wrong... Why...
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