I think it's the 18th anyway.  Life is starting to get intresting again. Random girl #2 has decided to come back into my life. Whee. Bloody Hell. Right when I have everything figured out someone throws something extra in the mix.
    I think I've finally realized why I'm never happy with who I am. I set myself up for way too much. I want to be this great perfect thing, and it just isn't possible. I can't achieve half the shit I want to achieve. I can't make the people I truly care about happy. I can't keep my house. No matter what I do it just ain't gonna work out how I want it. Oh well. I'll just have to try something else.
    Saw a good movie today. Traffic. Go see it. It was very good. Benicio Del Toro rules! And everybody likes baseball.
    I don't know what to do right now. Question is, do I go after the really shiny treasure, with lots and lots of gold, that is all pretty and stuff and empty and probably shallow... or do I go for... I don't know how to put this... the leather bound book, filled with wonderous knowledge that will help my life so much more, but has the larger risk for failure and problems... I don't know, I doubt anyone else does.
    I guess I'll just never be what I want to be. I want to be far too much. I want to be your Jesus, the thing you turn to in your times of need. The one thing that can save your soul. I want to suffer for the wrongs you've commited, I want to feel your pain, so that you don't have to. I want to be your messiah. I want to save everyone.
    I want Kim to absolve me of my first promise so I know that I'm acting like this for my own moral satisfaction than blind devotion to her... that and I want to knock out some teeth.
    Oh well, could be worse right? I could be in 1942 Poland.