| Okay, here we go! First of all, you'll need to get your video to the ending-the Star Wars songs. Feel free at this time to sit back, relax, watch it all the way through. When you hear "The Saga Begins", it's time to work. The Saga Begins: Stretch out. Sit on the floor with your legs out as far as you can to the sides and try to touch one foot, then the other, then right down the middle. Hold each of these for about ten seconds. Bring both legs in so your knees are out to the side and the soles of your feet are touching. Your legs should look kinda like a square. Lean over and try to touch your nose to your feet. Now you're going to use that flat surface. Stick your leg straight out in front of you and up on the surface and try to grab your foot. Hold that for about ten seconds. Switch legs and repeat. Then turn to the side and try it. Then the back. (The last two might require you finding a lower surface-out to the side and out to the back is normally harder than out to the front.) Think back to gym class (waaay back there) and do any stretches you remember from there. Yoda: Stretch out and get all those pesky leg cramps out. Feel the burn. Gump: Do some jumping jacks. (You remember how to do those, right?) Run in place, and most importantly: dance with Al. Leg kicks, jumping, whatever, just imitate the man whenever he moves about. (How do you think he stays so skinny?) Polka Power: Do some more jumping jacks.And then, the best part: dance around, be silly. Freestyle to the mad sounds of that accordion. Bounce to the rhythm. Don't forget that last closing jump! Jerry Springer: It's time for those lovely situps and pushups! If you're as out of shape as the normal person is, just do as many of one as you can and switch to the next. Take a break if you need to. If you get really good, try to do them in time with the music. If you get really really good, sing along as you do this. If you can do that, congratulations-you're superhuman. My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder: Time to break out that freestyle again! As long as you're bouncing around like a hyperactive chipmunk you're moving right. If you need some instructions, here ya go: Jump in place. Run in place. Jumping jacks. Jump and cross your feet when you land, then jump and uncross them. Do Rockette kicks in time with the music. Have a good time! The Night Santa Went Crazy: Doin' those situps and pushups again-this time as slow as you can. When that gets old, stretch out again a bit. Then, stand up and hold your leg out in front of you in the air as long as you can. Don't move it until five seconds after your leg starts to spasm a bit. Switch legs. Then go back to the situps and pushups about the time Santa gets his brains blown out. Dare to be Stupid: Dance along with Al. Hand motions, head movements, everything. While you do this, bounce in place. When your calves start to hurt, start Rockette-kicking. It's All About the Pentiums: Stand with your feet like this: \/ . While keeping your back straight-meaning no leaning over-bend your knees until your butt almost hits the ground. Stand back up. This should take about eight counts-two lines of lyrics. Do these until your legs ache, then sit down and enjoy the silver-clad wonder. Get up and do them some more. Germs: Situps/pushups again. Every time you hear a drumbeat, you should be either up or on the floor. After all this, your tummy should feel nice n achy. Feel free during this song to take a break and watch the writhin wonder that is Al. One More Minute: Sit down and enjoy "Storytime" then restretch out. Practice sticking your leg behind your head. (Ignore the various members of your family that wander through with questioning looks on their faces.) Like a Surgeon: Dance along with Al. For an occasional change of pace, dance with Ruben. Writhe like you mean it! Let's see that leg behind that head! (Or not, if you'd prefer.) MEDLEY: Pretty Fly for a Rabbi: Back to the whole "jumping jack-run in place-bounce" shtick. Another One Rides the Bus: Lift a heavy thing-a book , bowling ball, the cat, whatever-in time with the beat. I Love Rocky Road: Lift your heavy thing in time with the beat. Achy Breaky Song: Bounce around-leap from side to side, dance with Al. Jurassic Park: Back to lifting the heavy thing in time with the beat or the situps and pushups. Grapefruit Diet: Freestyle! Swing dance with the air. (Or with a buddy-if they are willing to do this) I Lost on Jeopardy: Back to the heavy thing. Lift! Eat It: Back to the bouncing/running/whatever again. At this point, if you're not sweating like Al is...you're not trying hard enough! Let's see some effort! Smells Like Nirvana: Dance like Al in the beginning and then dance like the cheerleaders in the background. You can substitute anything for the pom-poms: pillows, free weights, the cat...have fun! Bedrock Anthem: Sing along-loudly-and imitate Al to the best of your ability. (Loincloth not required.) Amish Paradise: Lift that heavy thing! Do some leglifts! Collapse in exhaustion! Do it again! Fat: This is your inspirational video. In order to not look like Al in full makeup, go for the gusto and do the workout again...and again...and again...until you wear the video out. Then, go out and buy a new one. Repeat. (For the actual workout, freestyle it. Do whatever you darned well please-you made it all the way to the end, you deserve it. For all you slackers, this is your last chance to work up a sweat. Hop to it!) Saga Begins/Yoda: go back to the top and repeat what you find. Don't forget to rewind the tape to just after "Fat" to do the Way Live! Workout again! Goodbye and thanks for playing! Oh, and just as a Helpful Hint: Kitties don't like being free weights or pom poms. I'd advise not using them...unless you have medical training and a masochistic nature. Anyone got a Band Aid? |