Paramount's Kings Island

Kings Mills, Ohio

Highlights:
  • The Racer: One car goes foreward, and the other goes backward. Sit in the front seat going foreward, and the back (it would be the front on a normal car) going backward, or else the boob-shaker and seizure factor is high on this ride.

  • Flight of Fear: Sort of like Rock'n Rollercoaster at Universal Studios, it lauches you from 0 to 55 in 3 seconds. Watch out for 12 year olds having sex in line though.

  • Son of Beast: The world's only looping wooden coaster, and the tallest and fastest. Sit in the front car (the first 3 seats) or else you'll feel like calling the ride Son of a Bitch, because you'll get bumped around, and you'll feel like you had a concussion when you get off.

  • The Beast: The most awesome ride in the park! This is the world's longest wooden coaster and goes through the middle of the woods. For an extra good time, ride the Beast at night! There are barely any lights along the track! Just like Son of Beast, sit in the front car or you'll get beat up and need an Aleve afterwards.


    This is our picture from Vortex. Vortex is the worst roller coaster I've ever been on. I'd rather go to work than ride Vortex. It's a cheap steel coaster that's just as rough as the old Steel Phantom at Kennywood. As you can see in the picture, I'm in severe pain. Vortex sounds like the name of a pain medication, and it should be because you'll need one after riding this. The first hill is fun, and then the rest is just loops that bang you around.

    "Shiiiiit, I should have worn my football gear on that ride because it jacks you up!!!" - some guy getting off Son of Beast

    It so matters where you sit on Son of Beast. If you don't sit in the front car, you'll get banged around so much that you'll want to check in to the closest hospital afterwards. The first time we rode this, we sat in the middle and had headaches for the rest of the day, even after taking pain medication. The second day we tried sitting in the front and it was awesome. This picture is from the first day. They take your picture as soon as the ride starts, before the people in the back are tortured.


    The Beast is by far the best ride in the park! Just like the other coasters at PKI, you have to sit in the front car or else you'll get bruises all over you! The Beast goes through the woods and has several tunnels where it's completely dark inside! The Beast is especially good for riding at night because there are only a few lights along the track and the car seems to go twice as fast!
    Overall: Paramount's Kings Island is the place to go for the best wooden coasters around, just remember to stay in the front car! They also have many other exciting rides, definitely worth the 4 1/2 hour drive!!

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