The Official Fece Grinder Website!

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

4-15-03, Tues.:
WHOOPIDEEDOO
     Well it's my birthday so celebrate by introducing someone new to the pleasant sounds of Fece Grinder and I'll consider us even. I'd write more, but I've been so busy working on the new...errr...surprise, that I don't feel like it. So I'll just leave you with some wise words once said on a T-shirt in a movie: If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I'd fart.
--Doug

4-11-03, Fri.:
MY MOVIE WHICH'LL NEVER COME OUT!
     IT'S COMING OUT!!!! TODAY!!!!!
--Doug

4-5-03, Sat.:
MWAHAHAHA!
     Well, I hope you all liked that five day April Fool's Joke. Ha ha ha ha! It was so funny! Ha ha ha. Excuse me while I go down a gallon of Drain-0.

PS. Keep your eyes peeled the next few weeks for the biggest thing to hit the FG site since it started.
--Doug

3-24-03, Mon.:
I LIKE FECE TOO!
     First of all, I don't know what the fuck the deal is with people on google. I swear this page gets linked from the most random and disturbing shit on the planet. All of it is true by the way, I don't make any of those things up, that's what the statistics page tells me. Of course, 50% is probably only like 1 person, but it's still strange. I mean A diagram on how to roll burritos? My theory is I've typed so much random shit whenever people search for any combination of any words, this site is bound to come up. Imagine a simple housewife making her husband some dinner so she decides to search on how to roll burritos because she doesn't know...like it's really that hard. And the link that come up? The Official Fece Grinder website. But ignoring her quest to find the perfect burrito rolling diagram, her curiosity get the best of her and looking around for any other persons, she slowly clicks on the link not knowing quite what she was getting herself into. She then starts visiting every week, then every day. She downloads all the songs, makes her own CDs complete with album covers and inserts. She starts her own shitty fan site. She starts spending all day at the computer, finding ways to quench her newfound thirst for feces. She misses Church, and she no longer attends the nightly family dinner. Her husband begs for her to pry her eyes away from the screen, but there's somethign new in them. A gleam that has never existed there before. It compliments the moist grin that defines takes over her entire face. She builds a shrine in her bathroom to appease the allmighty Fece Grinder and starts to live by the commandments of the FG. She soon kills her family and eats them so that she can shit them out so that FG can have the greatest shit available to him. In a final attempt, riddled now with insanity and stool, she kills herself devouring manure from the sewer trying to create the most potent feces ever created. All because she didn't want to go to Taco Bell.
--Doug

3-10-03, Mon.:
DOWNLOAD SOME SHIT MOTHERFUCKERS!YEAH!
     Well I have updated the discography page very heavily and been doing tons of work to find a way to offer free downloadable songs without me having to pay a dime, and through the magic of loopholes I think we may just be all set for a while. Like I said previously, mp3.com limits songs to the amount of 3 now because I ate their babies and distributed the remaining fetus bones as suppositories to the various family members. But enough of what I did, they suck. So I found some ways around it and shit so that I we here at FG Inc. can still offer you free downloadable songs with even more to come. So head over to the Discography section to check out all the songs ans maybe even download a few. Expect more to show up soon along with more/updated lyrics for the many songs. I'd post more lyrics, but honestly even FG doesn't know what many of them are. When he gets in that mood and feces just sputters out of his mouth like a high pressure water sprinkler or even one of those hydrants that are used to cool down ghetto kidz so that when the fires erupt in the projects from the sun piercing through a stuntaz "ice" and combusting his liquer-soaked phat-wear the firemen actually have an excuse to let him burn (no water, dumbass) thus again sparing the world of one more rapper calling himself Vanilla Eminem Cent. So get some music biatch.
--Doug

3-8-03, Sat.:
NEW SONG!!
     We got a new song straight from FG's anus to your ears! FG sent me this song just last night after a lonf diareah expulsion, so you know it's gonna be good. And trust me, FG keeps outdoing himself, this song is so catchy. A pure Death Metal experience. Straight from the upcoming album, Antarctic Shitscape, "Piles of Useless Torsos (Shit Demon)" is the second single so far, and the album should be due out any time now, jsut as soon as the great FG finishes the final touches to tingle the anus in your ear. So grab it now from the Song of the Week before the geocities server crashes!

     More news! Since mp3.com chose to start charging to post more than 3 songs, I am looking for a way to post many many more, for free because I'm cheap and I (very obviously) don't make any money of this site or the music. So check back soon for a new section featuring downloadable songs and all the cool stuff you'd expect from such a great site as this. Or maybe even stuff you'd expect from a better site. Who knows.
--Doug

3-1-03, Sat.:
WOWEE WOWEE WOW WOW!!
     I took down the link for the free CDs because I honestly can't keep up with all the inqueries and the fact that we ran out of Fece Grinder album covers and my printer is out of color ink...oh yeah. But keep an eye out in the future, maybe, just maybe it'll pop back up sometime. But still feel free to email me with any requests, questions or anything fecal. I'll also be updating the Song of the "Week" this week, maybe something special? Who knows, other than that, keep checking back for news on the upcoming 6th FG album which is almost completely complete, and bound to be the best one yet!
--Doug

2-19-03, Wed.:
SUCK A BALL!!
     Unfortunately, similar to my previous update only worse, I have nothing to update about today, but I thought I'd treat you kiddies with a little ramble anyways. With the risk of sounding like a E/N site that updates every 7 seconds according to what their parents made for breakfast and then how they hate their parents and just to let you know 5 seconds later they still hate their parents just because they don't understand how deep they are because they listen to Mary Manson and watch cartoons from a different country and then again once they're at school just in case everyone wanted to know how the popular kids shoved milk cartons up their anus during first period gym class�but I'm getting way off subject. The subject is the decline of feces related media in the United States. I happen to know for a fact that Japan loves the shit and if you've ever met a Japanese person or seen one of those crazy movies you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. Tentacles�that's right. What the fuck is the deal with the tentacles? I mean, how many times can you animate a tentacle (preferably coming out of a giant robot but also could be some weird sea creature) graphically raping every orifice of a schoolgirl? And the worst part of all this? The Japanese, known for such an abnormally and ridiculously high work ethics only draw like 3 frames for an entire 20 minute cartoon. And yes they're cartoons. Don't yell at me and say "They're not cartoons, they're anime!!! Blah blah blah, I work at Suncoast and I'm a big fag because I know everything there is to know about every digital/video/picture related media in the world except that with all the resources I have available to me here, I actually don't know what the fuck I'm talking about and just spend my time watching Vin Deisel take his shirt off and Sailor Moon getting fucked by some guy dressed as a furry animal." And now you know the rest of the story. Damn that was a long ramble.
--Doug

2-16-03, Sun.:
REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT NEWS!! REALLY!!
     We don't have any important new information today, so I plan to bore you with dribble about things...including the NEW FG CD!! While the new CD may not be complete and finished just yet, it is certainly rearing it's ugly head over the toilet bowl of completion. The songs are all written and most have been recorded and the only thing that is left is the "mixing process" where we try to get the music to be loud enough so you can hear it without turning the stereo up to 11. Obviously this process was not discovered for the first few CDs...The new CD will feature a "sequel" to "Down With Beano" that is completely different from DWB, but you'll have to wait to see what I mean. This will also mark the first multimedia FG CD to ever be produced. Along with the normal music CD, when you enter the compact disc into your personal computer machine, you will be able to access otherwise unaccessable materials. Bascially we're sticking all 3 famous Flash animations on the CD along with that super extra special high quality production value surprise I talked about earlier. Ooh boy. I can't wait until that comes out!
     On other news, the FG CD give-away is going better than I expected, as I cannot keep up with all the requests for CDs. But keep sending emails and I will continue to attempt to please the many (read: "four") fecalites out there!
--Doug

2-9-03, Sun.:
IT'S NEVER COMING OUT!!! WAIT...HOLY SHIT. IT IS?!
     Holy fuck. I can't believe it. Did Fece Grinder's thurst for feces die? Did Tomzilla actually become full? Does Creed rock? Rob Zombie's very much anticipated movie House of 1000 Corpses which was previously NEVER COMING OUT!!! apparently is coming out. Imagine that. Completed two years ago and dropped by various production and distribution companies, Rob Zombie's directorial debut was picked up by Lion's Gate Films a short while back and they have officially released a release date. Write this down everyone: April 11, 2003. 4/11/03. Now I believe that that is the theatrical release which is disapointing because I really don't want to see the "R" version of it, but hopefulyl it will be the DVD release date. Either way, be sure to go and see it because I'm sure it will be better than Daredevil or some J-Lo yo dawg movie with original plots such as "Girl engages rich snob who really isn't right for her, but then she meets a regular Joe who shows her what love can really be!" Wow! "One groom? Two grooms? Ohhh, my medication..." "Radical!!" "Is that you're final answer?!" Those who watch The Simpsons should know what I'm talking about. So go see the movie fuckers.
--Doug

2-7-03, Fri.:
YOU CAN'T BEAT FREE, MAN
     As a special limited-time offer, we here at FG Inc. are offering the loyal fecalites an offer unmatched by any other band on Earth, in space or underground...under the sea I can't speak for, but who wants to listen to crabs singing about being under the sea anyway? We are giving away free CDs to whomever wants them, you don't even have to pay the shipping. This of course will go on for however long I can afford to keep it up, so be sure to get yours now. Simply follow the link on the menu to your left and within the next week, viola! A fece covered package arrives in your mailbox, provided it was not intercepted by the Postal Service. And more good news, by fan request, Official Fece Grinder stickers and maybe even shirts will most likely be available sometime in the near future. How do you like that service huh? Remember to spread the word of Fece Grinder wherever you wipe!
--Doug

2-5-03, Wed.:
THE SURPRISES KEEP COMING FASTER THAN A SCHOOLGIRL BEING RAPED BY MANY TENTACLES...FROM A ROBOT
    That's right my fecal friends, yet another Fece Grinder surprise/treat is in the final stages of production and heading your way like explosive diarrhea coming out of Tubgirl's ass (sorry for that pic....really. I know it's old and repulsive...but come on!). This little dingleberry is the product of over a year of production and many many people were involved. And no it is not a cartoon (although I'm not saying that a new one isn't in the works[ holy fuck aren't I the man? Look at all this shit I do for the nonexistent FG fanbase!]). My only worry is that it will be too large to be able to post on a free site for downloading, but I am sure I will find someway to get it out to the public...who knows. But it should be complete by the end of the week, so the pubilc can hopefully expect access to it within a week or two. So keep your eyes out, I have more shit planned than I can even write about...this will be the year of the Fece Grinder!
--Doug

1-21-03, Tues.:
BACK IN THE GROOVE (THATS HOW COOL PEOPLE TALK)
     Well I'm back with my own computer and more free time since vacation is over, so you can expect things to pick back up here once again. To start things off I've updated some things such as the Song of the Week and some of the other little stuff. This week we got an oldie but awesomey song for you, "Burrito Blast": a mix of at least 3 different styles/songs/mind-altering-conciousnesses. So grab it quick, it's a good one. Also keep an I out for updates about the next animation project in the works. Keep it fecal!
--Doug

1-8-03, Wed.:
POOR EXCUSE
    Obviously I haven't updated for a while but that is all do to my absence from my computer and my fact that I'm on vacation from school and work and have better things to do. So this being my excuse, just to let you know that I will probably not update again until the 21st or so once I get back into my groove. Besides, you have the lovely animation to hold you over till then...please show it to all your friends... sometimes I forgot I am talking to no one. Oh well. Look forward for a new song of the week and some other fun stuff that you've come to expect from FG Inc.

P.S. Maybe I'll do some new year crap later, but I don't really care, just another day.
--Doug

12-17-02, Tues.:
NEWS, EH?
    Well we got some actual music-related FG news for you coming straight from the Fece Grinder @ Mp3.com site along with a brand new song! That's right! Head over there now to download the fantastically fecal power metal song off of Floater's Delight, "Poop Demon!" Also on the site is an update about the brand new 6TH FG album set for release within the next month:

December 2002 : Something stinky this way comes: Prepare for ANTARCTIC SHITSCAPE!! Fece Grinder's EPIC sixth album is wiped to be recorded december '02- january '03.Look for a release date to immediately follow in late January thanks to Brown Stripe Record's great turn around and FG Inc's sometimes spontaneous break from perpetual laziness.

    Allright! Sounds great! so we have that to look forward too! I also plan to change the "Song of the Week" sometime soon as soon as I figure out what to change it to. Any requests go to me.. Also, if you are looking for the Rob Zombie or previous Tom animation (then you should be extremely worried about yourself and probably seek council imediately) you can find them in the new section entitled "Fecemation." You see, I took the word "animation" and mixed it with the word "fece" because of this is after all, the Fece Grinder homepage, and created an entirely new word that describes acurately the thought process which goes into making these animations. So there. The links in the usual place. So go for it.
--Doug

12-10-02, Tues.:
THE GREATEST DAY IN HISTORY!
     Weeks and weeks in the making, but for once I finished something. This goes down as the most involved and time-consuming project ever tackled at Fece Grinder Inc. And the best part...it actually got completed. The new animation which grazed the opening page of this website (In case you somehow missed it, or want to see it again.) marks the dawn of a new Fece Grinder. Not really, but it feels good to complete something of this calliber. This may be the greatest animation ever made...what am I talking about "may"? It is definately the greatest ever made. Suck it, "Rejected." Fuck you, "Simpsons." Shove it up your ass, "Rainbow Brite." All animators will now bow down to me! Another great thing about this animation is that I learned so much about Flash, the more free time I have, I may actually be producing more Flash entertainment. Yay! But seriously, the forementioned animation was not made for the humor or the toilet talk, no. It was made to bring awareness about a very important topic that rarely gets any airtime. More important than the war with Iraq. More important than "Eating While You Drive Could Be Dangerous" (Thank you, Fox). Even more important than Jesus. The animation was created to bring awareness of the dangers of Tom's ass when combined with Taco Bell. Taco Bell, the giant fast food conglomorate and it's owner Pepsi Co. have no regrets nor do they offer any warnings of their food and how dangerous it becomes in the wrong hands. Like many corporations they refuse to accept responsibility for a problem they are so obviously the creator and, along with other Mexican/Bean food companies, continue to sell the product to unkowning citizens and deviants alike. So protect yourself...be wary of Taco Bell, and above all: don't ever let Tom near anything remotely Mexican. Including the people. He will eat them too. Thank you.
--Doug

12-7-02, Sat.:
THEY'RE HEE- EERE!!
     It's coming.
--Doug

11-19-02, Tues.:
FECE GRINDER SIGHTINGS!!
     Not uncommon, Fece Grinder was sighted rampaging through a small hick town in southern New Hampshire earlier this week. More than ten people called in reports to the local authorities of a "dark, furry, extremely smelly and foul" creature running through their back woods. A local couple videotaping their romantic encounter for later sale on the internet managd to capture the elusive and legendary Fece Grinder as he ran past them. Below are the captures from their video. I must warn you, these are not for the faint of heart.

As you can see, Fece Grinder in one of his many earthly forms, is a brown hairy creature with a white face lacking anythign but black eyeholes and a fierce black mouth. The head is covered in wavy white hair, different form the hair covering the rest of his body. We see in some of these pictures an object strapped to his back. It is too small to be a toilet or any commode or sorts, but scientists figure the most likely is that of a weapon; a spear or other primitive killing device. Below is an artist's rendering of the elusive Fece Grinder in one of his physical forms:

    We will keep you posted on any updates or breakthroughs, but until then. Keep your doors locked and always check the toilet before you sit down!
--Doug

11-17-02, Sun.:
MEH
     Not much new stuff...I updated the song of the week and the GOOGLE search. We got a ballad for you this week. I know what your thinking, "Damn, unicorns rock!" but I assure you, FG does have a ballad!
--Doug

11-6-02, Wed.:
MORE NEW STUFF? SHIT, BOY!
     Well, once again I think I may add another new little "section". Not so much as a section really, but a little sentence that I update every now and then. Every so often, I get some really great stats from the geocities server, such as telling me what people typed on google to get here. Most of them are pretty good, so I decided it'd only be fair to shar them with all of you! The first one I've posted brings back a band from the good ol' days, a Cobain favorite if I remember correctly. Notice the mispelling of "diScography", without that this site would have not come up! Thank goodness for my blatent non-use of spellcheck! So look up for the first of what I have no name for yet!
--Doug

11-3-02, Sun.:
WOW SIR!
     It'll never come out!!!!!!!
--Doug

11-1-02, Fri.:
DINGLEBERRIES! LOTS OF DINGLEBERRIES!!
    Tons of new shit today. I got a bunch of intersting and "humorous" little "pieces" of "information" related to Fece Grinder or mostly the Fece Grinder site! First one seems to be a forum based on having sexual fantasies about Godzilla and then sharing them with the rest of the world in graphic detail. Uh, oh, what happens when one of them accidentally stumbles across the world of Fece Grinder? All I'll say is that its a close call for those poor souls. How did I find this site? Sadly, 30% of the visits to this page that were linked from somewhere else came from that forum post... See it here!. Wow...thats just spectacular. Let's see what Fece Grinder himself has to say about that, hmm?

Well you shit smothered humans, looks like tomzilla's eating skills have far outmatched that of your false, tidlly-winks "tomzilla". the wrath that cometh deepeth from Tomzilla's beer gut stomach and smelly ass shall deplete your message board nerd ways!!!

That's wonderful! Next up is the review of the FG album, The Spooky Poo Chronicles, which of course the reviewer absolutely loved...how could you not? Check that out here!
Allright...another great little tidbit is that when you type in "fece" on Google, this site comes up 7th! Wow...I would have thought that more shit-porn sites would have showed up, but oh well...what is this world coming to? I think I had some more, but I'm lazy or I forgot or something, so thats it. Hope you had a fecal Halloween!
--Doug

10-28-02, Mon.:
CONGRADU-FUCKING- LATIONS US!
    Yay. The counter just recently reached an amazing 1000+ hits! Whew! How many of those weren't me is a different question, but hey. 1000 hits on any un- porn/hentai/anime/fan-fiction/furry related Geocities site is pretty damn good. So in celebration of this oh so meaningful event we have an absolutely wonderful treat for you. The first single off the brand new, soon to be released FG album is available for download as this weeks "Song of the Week"! Yippeee! So get it now...it just may be FG's catchiest song yet! I've also added a new section called the "Septic Tank" which is an archive of the main page so that it will be a little faster to load. So if you looking for the adventures of Tomzilla, or other great old FG news, just head on over!
--Doug

10-16-02, Wed.:
NEW THING MAYBE
    Well all you fecalites out there, we have a new little dingleberry for the site today. I've decided to add a "Song of the Week or Whenever I Feel Like Changing It" section where I will post some FG song that I think rocks for all you to be able to download. Like said in the title, I'll probably end up changing it whenever, or never, but check back every day cause you never know! The new link will be on the menu to the left, as you can all hopefully see. The first song up there is the great and amazing cover of Dio's rockin' power anthem about some Swimming Priest or something...Check it out now fool!
--Doug

10-12-02, Sat.:
MY SPOON IS TOO BIG
    This has nothing to do with Fece Grinder, but is still as funny as all hell. If you haven't seen this famous, Academy Award Nominated, "Year's Funniest Cartoon" entitled Rejected, then hurry up and DOWNLOAD IT!. It is really sick and utterly demented, which is why I felt it deserved a post here. Also go the the maker's website Bitterfilms and check out the cartoons and other videos. Truly a masterpiece, it has a lot in common with FG. The quality is shitty, it is done with virtually no budget, and its a true work of art.
--Doug

10-8-02, Tues.:
SHITTY SHITT SHIT
    Well, only two weeks after the debut of "FG's cave" thanks to our wonderful friends at the FCC (Fucking Cunt Cockgoblers) the radio link is no longer up because in addition to owning the air and the sound waves that travel though them, they decided to also charge for radio stations to stream their shows over the internet. Jesus Christ. So FG's radio show broadcasting out of New London, NH, is now defunct (since it reaches about 1 mile of airwaves) like any hope I have for the freedom of anything anymore. Yeah, you problably didn't realize that the government and other organizations own the air over your house/apartment/dorm/box/street corner...and that's in addition to the extra space from the street that the town government owns and made you pay for. So everyone please give a nice FUCK YOU to stepping on the little man, charging non-profit college radio stations more money and once again holding our 1st Amendmant for ransom. So everytime you breath, apreciate it, because it won't be long before there's a fee for fucking oxygen.
--Doug

9-29-02, Sun.:
THE FG STRIKES BACK
    Once again, Fece Grinder has unleashed his powers on us foolish mortals. See for yourself!
--Doug

9-24-02, Tues.:
BLABBIDY BLOO BLAH
UPDATE:I refilled the Tiolet Paper Roll, so, that's working again. Yup.
    First of all, for some reason right now we are out of Toilet Paper, and I'm not really sure why. So I'll see what I can do to refill the roll, until then, just use your hand or something...
    Everyone be sure to listen to the RADIO SHOW tonight at 9:00 ET. It will be a special show indeed! Besides the usual greatness, premeiring at 10:00, will the the first, and definately not last, Fece Grinder's Cave! Every show at 10, multiple snogs of FG will be played! Yay! And not only that, but tonight is the world premiere of "Stinkfinger" the new FG song that won't be released for weeks and weeks...So check it out!!!
--Doug

9-15-02, Sun.:
ACTUAL MUSIC UPDATE
     I have some words from FG himself about what's going on with a new album!:

"It's going to SOUND like FG's home in Antarctica. I have a few new songs like one called "stinkyfinger" which is pretty cool, but the cd's gonna be more scary thrash/ keyboard/ black metal type stuff with funny interludes of course. It's gonna be called 'Antarctic Shitscape.' Probably be finished late fall because of stoopid american school, but just in time for winter!"

Wow! Sounds amazing!!! Some other new news is that the new radio will now be on Tuesdays rather than Mondays...same time though. And it all starts this Tuesday at 9!! Listen up fools!
--Doug

9-6-02, Fri.:
BATTLE OF THE CENTURY!!!!!
    I promised you something good, and boy do I keep my word or what? Presenting to you, THE BATTLE OF THE CENTURY!!! This feat was so unimaginable no human would...no, could ever even think of attempting it. Which is why it was tackled by none other than Tomzilla!!. The challenger? The MEGA-BURGER! For a diagram of this monstrosity, please see below. For this task, Tomzilla assumed his human form, as to be able to fit at a table, otherwise we would have not been able to judge the event. And now, IT BEGINS!!!

THE IMPOSSIBLE:

Tomzilla presenting the challenge, grinning knowing that a win is under his belt (along with a few regular hamburgers earlier!):

"Tomzilla, are you ready?"
(Grunt).
"Mega-Burger, are you ready?"
"......."
Then Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttttttt's get ready to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmbbbbbblllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! !"
(DING!)

Tomzilla starts with a jaw-unhinging bite into the gigantic competitor! He takes nearly 1/3 out of it in just this first bite! How he even fit it into his jaws I can't imagine. This is absolutley grotesque! He's using his hands now to shove as much of the burger into his mouth as space will allow!

With almost half of the monstosity in his mouth now, Tomzilla presents his competitor's partially devoured coprse to the audience, truly a sick creature.

Amazing! Only about 30 seconds have passed and the entire Megaburger is almost completely devoured!! I don't think Tomzilla is even swallowing a thing at all! He's using the chipmunk technique and shoving in as much as possible!! I think I speak for everyone when I say that today is truly a day in history, and also utterly sickening.

He's done it! Tomzilla has done it. Tomzilla managed to eat the entire Mega-Burger with hardly any resistance whatsoever! What a match! Tomzilla is shown below in his celebration dance which involves airing out his armpits, the source of the acids that help break down his foods (which is how he can eat so much). You can see that in his cheeks still lie remains of the burger. It won't be official until it is all swallowed, however.

Tomzilla smiles, letting the burger-corpse dangle out of his mouth. Never before have I seen such disrespect for a worthy competitor. This is absolutley disgusting!

Oh no! What's this! It seems that the battle is not over! Tomzilla made the big mistake of pride and neglected to completely finish the battle. Mega-Burger is actually forcing it's way out of Tomzilla's mouth! I'm going to be sick!

Phew. Luckily Tomzilla managed to regain control over the overgrown meat sandwich and finish devouring it once and for all. Thank goodness. The bout is over, Tomzilla is declared supreme champion!!! Here he is again doing his celebrating dance which allows for maximum swallowing power:

There you have it folks, the supreme being and ultimate champoin of food-related something-or-others, Tomzilla!!What a match. I think this pretty much left everyone sick. Unfortunately the video captures do no justice to being there live to witness this miraculous event. Well, until next time, this is Doug Hogan saying, remeber to always have your pets spaded or neutered!
--Doug

Leave your skidmark on the FG Toilet Paper!

Since 9/26/01 9-5-02, Thurs.:
YIPEE UPDATE COMING!!
    Allright! Glad to see some new smears on the FG TP! This is just a small dingleberry of an update to let everyone know that a bigger update is coming and will be up within the next day or two...probably one, but my lawyer advised me to be generous with my predictions so you don't sue. Stupid Americans. So check back later for an extremely special treat!
--Doug

8-28-02, Wed.:
MY ADVENTURE WITH EXCREMENT!
     Has Hell frozen over? Has Jesus resurected and merchandised his likliness for wads of greenbacks? Has Fece Grinder lost his previously unquenchable thirst for feces? An update?! It's unfortunately been over two months without any update whatsoever...not even a pointless and mundane one. But now I, Sir Doug of Feceness, the true connection between FG and the human world is back in his small, dank and smelly prison cell of a dormitory where he fortunately has a permanant internet connection to a device that mortals like to call a "computer." These "computers" allow people to do all sorts of wonderful things including spread the word about the turd, which coincidentally enough, is what I do. So lets make this a good one shall we? (Editor's note: This is the longest FG update I have ever written) First the true reason there has been no update: (You can go ahead and skip to the bottom for actual FG updates if you'd like)

    I have spent the last two months with the Eskimos (yes they're actually real!!) learning about survining the cold and living in the Arctic regions where strangely enough, the Eskimos do not live. With these skills I traveled by ship and then helicopter to Antarctica to search for the fabled domain of the God of Excrement. Once I arived in Antarctica I rememberd what the old chinese man in the evil trinket shop had told me: Whatever you do, don't feed him after midnight. With that in mind, I searched the landscape for the first mark of the Great One. I saw it straight ahead of me! The giant icy blue shape erupting out of the planar terrain. An enormous mass of ice, in the shape of a toilet. I was on my way!
    Day 3:
        I have lost count of how many days I have been walking now. Oh wait, 3. Nevermind. It seems as thought I have crossed the distance of the Sahara many times now, but I would not know since I haev never actually done that. The cold is tortuous, it peirces my Eskimo parka with the sheer brutality of the great band Sindicate's first album Brutality, out now! I'm not sure if I will make it to my destination. I'm not even sure where my destination is. The monotony of the scenery is bewildering and the pure white of everything blinds me no matter where I look. I have already run out of my emergency food supply, and has survived thus far by licking the ground.
    Day 4:
         I haven't eaten for weeks now, and I can't even remember the last time I went to the bathroom, there are no restrooms out here at all. With each step forward my bones creak and my muscles freeze causing the most nausiating sound I have ever heard not come from Tom.
    Day ?
        I seem to have passed out somewhere along my travels, but am now in some sort of cave. I am hangning upside down from the ceiling, but some loud commotion outside the cave entrance has awoken me. My light saber is out of reach in the snow, but luckily they left my with my pen and journal so I could document this occurance for everyone to read. I hear horrible screams of pain and torture coming from around the bend in the tunnel. Shadows appear and quickly decimate. Suddenly a huge monster comes running towards me screaming. Could it be? No, it is however the Sexecutioner! ( I later learn that Oderus Urungus came upon me lying in the cold and rescued me to feed to the giant wurm.) Sexecutioner keeps screaming something and doing all this shit so I asked him if he could " please slow the fuck down, I'm trying to write all this down you fuckin shitface," but he does not listen and instead continues rambling. So from here on I just remembered really good what happened and wrote it down later:
    After Sexecutioner ran away I used the Farce to reach my light saber. Once I got my light saber on I was able to finally see better (it was dark) so I grabbed the knife from my pocket and cut myself down. Then that Chinese schoolgirl from The Big Hit beat up Marky Mark and started making out with me. I dropped her ass fast seeing as I have no time for pesty succubi (boo-yeah!) and quickly ran out the opposite direction of Sexecutioner. What I saw before me was the most spectacular sight I have ever witnessed. I giant shadow crept across the plain and when I looked above a dark shape flew overhead at a tremendous speed (even though the shadow crept...)! An alien! I quickly took out my bazooka and shot it directly at the blinking red light in the center, which I knew to be it's weak point! After the ship crashed Robert De Niro picked me up in a helicopter and said I was cool. Samuel L. Jackson even said I was a "bad motherfucker." When I got back to America some other famous hot chick was like "Damn...youre cool."
THE END

    ...Ok, so I really actually meant to remember everything after I stopped writing, but do you realize how hard it is to remember things when you're not trying to remember them? Damn! So I remembered as much as I could. I meant to put a part about Fece Grinder in there, but I forgot! Ahahahahah! Get it?! Shit. Anyways...the real update:

    Fece Grinder is hard at work constantly churning out new songs, his newest made exclusively and specifically for a music video, a cover of "Twist and Shout." Also coming along at a tremendous speed is the new super-hit, "Burpioli", a sequal of sorts to "Down With Beano." We should be expecting another Oscar-winning album out before Christmas, most likely the "B-sides", or tentatively titled "More Stripe for your Wipe." With such great never-before released songs like "Krappy Korn" and some other I can't remember it's guarenteed to be a hit somewhere. So buy it!...when it comes out. Actually you could probly just get it for free. Just email me and I'll send you anything you want. Please.
--Doug

6-21-02, Fri.:
AN UPDATE!
    Well, it has been a while hasn't it? But alas, I come with good news. It's good to see so many new skid marks on the FG TP, so thanks to everyone who visited and checked this shit out. To answer a question, the Down with Beano Flash video is still in the works, but slowly since we are currently producing the first major FG motion pictre...well maybe. It'll probably just end up being a music video, but it features FG himself!
    On other news, keep an eye out for a new FG record soon. This is promised to be the longet CD FG has ever put out. We're planning on at least 25 songs, hopefully more. The will be a collection of some of the many, many FG songs never put on any record that FG has had sitting around. They will be remastered, and some ever re-recorded. Although, you shouldn't expect much considering they weren't good enough to actually put on a CD, which is like saying a script isn't good enough for a Police Academy movie. The brand new CD expected end of summer will be called "More Stripe For Your Wipe." Check out the bottom of the Discography section for some of the songs such as "Krappy Korn" and other hits! FG Forever!
--Doug

6-1-02, Sat.:
STUPID INTERNET!
    UPDATE: For now, one of the problems people may be getting is that they type in www.go.to/ rather than just go.to/ so no "www." or it will not work...I'll keep trying to fix crap.     Ok, so something really fucked up has been going on with this site and I don't know what it is so I'm probaly going to just get a new host besides geoshitties if I can...I'll try to keep everyone updated.
--Doug

5-23-02, Thurs.:
FUN WITH A CAPITAL "FECES"!
    Well, it's summer. That's probably the reason for the lack of updates, but it's not like we here at FG Inc. aren't busy! Oh no, my friend. We currently have two giant projects in the works, both of with you will enjoy very, very much. The first I mentioned for a small bit last update, and I'm going to keep that a surprise, although I plan to post a huge hint soon. The second, will be the first, official, multi-million dollar produced Fece Grinder music video. Not just a Flash animation, but an actual music video featuring FG himself in the flesh...or in the feces, I should say. Production has already begun on this monumental task, and I can assure you that this will be the greatest video since "November Rain."
--Doug

5-14-02, Tues.:
POOP WITH A SCOOP
    Man, I go two weeks updating every day, and then I don't have a single update for an entire week. Well, you can blame that on finals and me moving out of my dorm. I will be back to updating like crazy once my own computer is connected to the internet, but I am not sure when that will be. Meh. Go download the new song in the music section. Oh yes, I almost forgot. I already am preparing another surprise for you loyal fans. This one will be even better than the Rob Zombie intro, it's so big I'm not even doing most of it. One of the loyal FG fans, Dan, has taken the task almost completely upon himself, so we'll see when/if this gets finished, I promise you it will be worth it.
--Doug

5-7-02, Tues.:
ALLRIGHT! ANOTHER NEW SONG!!
    We have a brand new FG song available to download! And not just any ol' FG song either, the heaviest, angriest, most anus pounding shit that you will ever hear. This song makes Vomitory sound like Yo Yo Ma! And what could be better than that? Well, it didn't take 1786432423 fucking days to get posted on MP3.com! Why? Because it's not posted there! That's right, this special song is available on this very Fece Grinder Website (we'll really see how long this Geocitites server lasts now). I have the song on a seperate server, so the worst that happens is you can't download the song, and the Rob Intro won't show up. But at least you'll still be able to view the site. So go right now over to the MUSIC section and grab it before FG returns it to the bowels from where it came!!!(Creepy/lame horror music played by crack addicts on violins begin and slowly fade out as reader loses interest)...
--Doug

5-2-02, Thurs.:
YUMMM!!
    Yumm indeed! Check out these great breakfast foods found on SomethingAwful!
By ExCaLiBuR

Yay for poo!
--Doug

5-1-02, Wed.:
THE GOD HAS SPOKEN, AND IT IS GOOD!
    Noting that his recent attempts to punish the human race have failed, Fece Grinder actually did humanity a favor. It seems only to be a preview, or a taste if you will, of his true power and attitude. Fuck yeah! That's what I'm talking about. Finnaly, some revenge worth it. You have to buy/recieve Fece Grinder CDs now. If you do we promise you he will finish the job. Boohoo hoo poor pussy Stapp's neck hurts, awww. I'm so sorry. Good thing you praise the Lord every day for he surely saved you. Fuck you, you egotistical stuck up fucking pussy mamma's boy yuppy. I'll give you a fucking dollar if you write anything not ripped off or not about some pussy fucking family/religious bullshit. You're worse than Stryper. Can't wait for the new Creed single "Yay 4 Church" to hit the charts, I'm sure it will be a hit everywhere, especially with the soccer moms. Yeah, you drive your Caddillac SUV that also serves as your homosexual fun-dungeon on weeknights, and when I see you on the road I'll be sure to shoot your fucking tires out so that you crash into the median erupting into a fireball of pain and death. And when the fumes of burning flesh reach my nostrils I will surely know that I have done God's true work. Fuck, even He hates you, you pansy mother fucker.
--Doug

4-30-02, Tues.:
NEW SONG, AND IT'S HALFORD-TASTIC!
    WOW! A BRAND NEW FG SONG IS UP FINALLY!! Quick! Go to FG @ MP3.com to get the most groin-grabbin-tastical, highest pitch, most ear-peircing song ever made. This song makes Rob Halford and King Diamond combined sound like that dude from Type O Negative! Endorsed by NAMBLA for it's ability to put little boys into a trance of sexual-organ-fondelling, "Poop Demon" will make you rip off your own penis and attempt to peirce your eardrum before the song's pitch does. So hurry!!
    I plan to soon have you be able to download songs from the website, so we don't always have to go to MP3.wefuckingsuck anymore. So look forward to hearing my personal favorites, including the new hits, "Dingleberry" and "Kaka Killers Inc."
--Doug

4-29-02, Mon.:
PRESS RELEASE!
    UPDATE:I moved the Rob intro to a different server since stupid Geoshitties would only allow like 10-15 visits per hour for the site. Let me know if it goes any slower, though there shouldn't be any difference.
     I have here the Official press release from Fece Grinder himself printed in the Antarctican newspaper "The Daily Shizicle":

     "mwahahahahahah sickly humans! So you thought fece grinder was harmless?! Just a half shit-half man mulleteering mush-log? Well who's looking at a lifetime of smelly anus crust now, DUMBASS!!!! hahahahah My albums may not be bought, heard, or smelled by anyone, but I will make it so you MUST give me your fecal matter by taking away your most valuble resource.....................TOILET PAPER! ahahahahah. Imagine the agony when you have to spray water up your ass like those french people.... wait! you cant do that either!! ahahaha soon that ass cleaning invention will be removed from humanity as well!!! hahahaha. Use your hands you shit-shaking goblin gizzlits!!! Use a fucking stick you lushy goatcrotch-sniffing grundel-nibblers! You will all die by the power of my loaf!

signed ( )0( )"

    ...see? Told you he'd be mad.
--Doug

4-28-02, Sun.:
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
     AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHHAH!
--Doug

4-27-02, Sat.:
THE GOVERNMENT DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW...
    For all those conpiracists out there, here's your chance to prove all those close-minded puppets wrong. Your chance to show them that hours of D&D and Moxie soda have increased your brain power so much that you realize truly what the government is up to. While lately you've been too busy brooding due to the demise of the X- Files, you still knew all along that the government is ALWAYS out to rape you of your rights! HERE IS THE PROOF!!! Now hurry and show this to all the geeks in the Math Club who constantly pick on you and your other friends during your after-school Nero quests. Add +5 to Justice!

        ALTERNATE STORY

    Once again you foolish mortals mock me when I reveal upon you the wrath of Fece Grinder. You all seem to think it's one giant hoax by some stupid college kids to promote low-quality music and gain a small amount of popularity. I've told you twice before of the monkey attacks, and as dangerous as those are, they are nothing compared to what Fece Grinder has prepared for the non-believers. NOW IS THE TIME TO REPENT! For Fece Grinder's next plan is so devious, so terrible, so cunning, that he was forced to lobby Congress for it. Yes, that's right. FG has followers in high places, and now with the help of the United States government, I bring you Fece Grinder's Latest Plan. Yes that's correct. Fece Grinder prepares to steal all the world's toilet paper!! Mwhahahahahahahah. Never before since the days of James Bond villiany has a plot so thick been thrust upon the unsuspecting populace. God help us all.
--Doug

4-26-02, Fri.:
THE WONDERS OF MODERN TECHNOLOGY
    UPDATE: I have created a new, better Toilet Paper for everyone to sign. I was tired of the crappy looking and limited Geoshitties one that we had before. It sucked too much so I found a much better one. Yippee. I also condensed the view and sign thing into one so it taks up less space on the menu. Wow, this internet thingie is pretty amazing. So, if you haven't left your skidmark on the new TP, do it now before scores of wild monkets come and rape pregnant women and devour their unborn youth!
    WOW! So in case you didn't notice, and I don't know how you wouldn't, we have a new proffesional looking intro to the Official Fece Grinder Website just like popular bands like Pantera and Dokken! In case you aren't "in the know" the sound clip from the animation is "Rob Zombie Announcement" from the brand new Fece Grinder CD. So whoopee! Let me know what you think of the intro in the Toilet Paper. Whether or not you liked it, if I should get rid of it cause it's gay, if I should add things like flying Tomzillas or other exciting Flash possibilities.
     Appropriate with today's update, I have this great news story featuring none other than the spokesman for Fece Grinder, Rob Zombie. Check it out!
--Doug

4-25-02, Thurs.:
HAR HAR HAR! NOW WE KNOW WHERE WE REALLY STAND
     While looking at the website statistics yesterday I came upon this lovely gem of knowledge... I don't know how on earth this happend, but for some reason this is what the statistics said:

Top search word used to find this page: 53.87% typed "retard songs realplayer"

     ?? I don't know either. I have no clue how half the people (that means more than one person since it's not an even 50%), nevermind one person would ever type that in in a search engine... The internet is strange. Extremely strange. And you know what else? The Internet Makes You Stupid.
--Doug

4-24-02, Wed.:
WELL, WELL, WELL...
    For all those traitors and heretics that thought I forgot about that SPECIAL SURPRISE I kept mentioning a while back, I have this to say: "Fuck you! Fece Grinder will kill you!!" (That's a hint by the way...You'd get it if you had the CD). The surprise is actually finished. That's right. I finished something. And I just got finished testing it too. All that happens now is it's awaiting Fece Grinder aproval, and I might make it just a tad better...But you can definately expect it really really soon, and you better trust me. It will absolutely be worth it. I promise. If it isn't you have my permission to take it out on Tom. He loves that kind of stuff ;). Oh god, I just used an emoticon...well, the webpage may be on hiatus considering I'm going out to shoot myself in the face now.
--Doug

4-23-02, Tues.:
NOT AGAIN!!
    Oh no! I warned you before that Fece Grinder was extremely angry about the his latest worshippings, or lack thereof. Remember a while back the story about the monkey attack that I told you was FG's doings? Well, for those of you who didn't believe me for some, strange reason, he is at it again, using his army of apes to do his biddings.

VIOLENT MONKEYS GO AFTER COLLEGE

Scores of monkeys attacked a girls college in India . The violent animals tore up 6000 books and locals refused to have the monkeys relocated to another area. The monkleys were described as not being scared or affected by humans. the monkeys commonly slapped and clawed students during the recent invasion.

    As always with the news flashes, I have created an artist's rendering of the events that took place.

    Told you so. Now you have to listen and spread the FG word across the nation...no across the world...no across a distance the size of (insert Tom joke here) !! Ahahahahahaha! Hi-larious!
--Doug

4-22-02, Mon.:
GRRRRR.
    Well, here is the confirmed Staley death story, big surprise, it was heroin.
    But anyways, back to the FG related news. In the next few days you are sure to notice something different when you enter the website. As my usual fashion, I'm not telling you what it is (Ha ha). But let me tell you that it does have to do with the new FG CD and that it will definately be worth it. So keep an eye out. It's already finished so all I have to do is put it on the website...Mwhahahaha.
     Oh yeah, and we hit 600 visitors. Yippee.
--Doug

4-20-02, Sat.:
SHIT MOTHERFUCKER GODDAMNIT
    Unfortunately I can't do any stoner or hippie jokes considering today's date, but maybe later I will be feeling up to it. Why am I not in the mood? I'll tell you why. It's bad enough that today's music is terrible, and I'm not even talking about all the boy bands and crap. I'm also talking about all the new "rock" music and bullshit like Linkin Park, Mudvayne, Mushroomhead or any other "nu-metal" bullshit. And for some reason this isnt bad enough, because all the greatest bands left are either dying or breaking up. A few weeks ago Fear Factory broke up. Then after that Megadeth broke up. And now even worse, the singer of Alice In Chains, always one of my favorite bands, was found dead. Mother fucker. Read the news report here. Although it says that it's unconfirmed that it is indeed Staley, there are news stories already running on VH1 and MTV that it is. So all we can do is pray that it isn't in fact him but another homeless heroin junky that snuck into his house and died, going unnoticed for days. Well, I'm pissed.
--Doug

4-17-02, Wed.:
BLOOBIDIBA
     Hurry! Hear what is being called "The worst FG cover song, if not the worst cover song period, ever recorded!" That's right! All you Black Sabbath fans be ready to siezure and cringe with rage upon listening to Fece Grinder's cover of "War Pigs" on the new Floater's Delight! Only the solo is recognizable as a part of the original song! Never before has such classic metal been Grinder-ized to such an extent. This song makes the "Holy Diver" cover look like Dio's personal tribute band's greatest hit. So hurry now and get the CD!!! before Fece Grinder pops out of the toilet to murder your anus. It's free, or a few bucks, whichever I feel like, so you got nothing to lose!
--Doug

4-15-02, Mon.:
JUST A NEWS UPDATE

Click here for a CD. All the kids are doing it.

     Got this tidbit from Blabbermouth.net about what's going on with the Fear Factory members...doesn't look too promising sadly enough:

Former FEAR FACTORY frontman Burton C. Bell is reportedly collaborating with ex-FEAR FACTORY keyboardist John Bechdel (i.e. PRONG, KILLING JOKE, REVOLTING COCKS, MURDER INC.) on an "alternative/stoner rock" project at Bechdel's home studio in Pennsylvania. Meanwhile, former FEAR FACTORY drummer Raymond Herrera is said to be keeping busy working on "electronica"-styled music for possible inclusion with various video games, while guitarist Dino Cazares is presently seeking out musicians for his brand new group, which is currently unnamed. In related news, THE KUSH PROJECT, the long-running project featuring Herrera, ex-FEAR FACTORY bassist Christian Olde Wolbers, DEFTONES guitarist Stephen Carpenter and CYPRESS HILL frontman B- Real, will play the 420 Harvest show at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, on April 20th. Also performing at the same show will be CYPRESS HILL and REDMAN.

Oh well...what are you gonna do I supose?
OH YEAH....
    Remember a week ago I talked about a certain Meshuggah music video that you should all watch, but the link was shit on? Well, it's fine now so you all need to check this out immidiately. Not only is it a fucking kick ass song, but it is one of the most influential, expensive, and underated music videos I have ever witnessed. It's in DivX so you need the codec...Download it here, dumbass! (Right click and "save as") And if for some reason the link doesn't work then here's another link to their page where you donwload it off from. So have fun with that...it really is good stuff.
--Doug

4-14-02, Sun.:
NO, I'M NOT DEAD.
    ...I'm just busy. Life is hectic. Meshuggah said it best: Destory. Erase. Improve. I'll update shortly with more of the wonderful stories and photoshops of Tom you all enjoy so much.
--Doug

4-10-02, Wed.:
TOMZILLA'S REVENGE!
    Just this night, Tokyo was ravaged once again by an enemy almost equal in power to Fece Grinder. The creature dubbed "Tomzilla" from it's one previous visit to the nacho factory, and it's uncanny resemblance to Tom, returned once again, his hunger for nachos gone unquenched. Smashing everything in a 3 mile radius except the various Honda factories, Tomzilla was much more violent during this visit. For 4 hours he ripped rooves off buildings ate everything remotely resembling nacho cheese searching to ease his massive stomach. Unlike the previous visit where only an artist's rendering was available, we have actually obtained a photograph taken by a pedestrian during his downtown frenzy. This amazing picture was able to capture the extreme grotesqueness of the creature:

As you can see Tomzilla seems to have the head or a "normal" human being, while the body of a gigantic, mutated lizard. We asked a local scientist why this may be and he sugested that the jaw capacity of this head is much more able to suit the beast's needs than that of a lizard's. It was thought that Tomzilla would never cease his attack and that the city, after somehow surviving over 50 years of giant monster attacks, would surely this time burn to the ground. When Tom finished off the newly rebuilt nacho factory he seemed to get more violent, realizing that once again he fucked his chances of eating. Dumbass. Just when it seemed over, Gwar showed up, straight from Antarctica for a classic Tokyo Showdown. After battling for nearly five minutes (it was understood that Tomzilla was sleepy from his gorging), Gwar proceeded to feed Tom to the Giant Worm. Tomzilla was shot far out into the sea, where it is suspected he will never return to Tokyo. So there you have it, more breaking news on the creature also dubbed "The Indigestable Bulk."
--Doug

4-9-02, Tues.:
EARLY UPDATE: WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
With the release of the new Fece Grinder CD behind us now, proof of his undying hatred for humans is becoming more and more obvious as the hours slip by. Even as you read this now, Fece Grinder is unquestinoably reaking havoc upon the unsuspecting populace of some city, most likely Tokyo. Below is a picture taken from some innocent victim's webcam right before FG got him in his stinky clutches.

As you can see by the expression on this poor Asian man's face, the tell-tale sign of a fece attack is the distinct smell that excapes from the bathroom before FG crawls from his porcelain crypt. In the past, some people have confused terrible smells escaping from the bathroom, like Tom after a dining of Taco Bell, with Fece Grinder. The differences are subtle but if you know what you're looking for you stand a chance. For instance, while a toilet purged with Tom remnants smells like the carcass of a dead animal that has sat around in the sun covered in mayonaise and other animal's feces, the smell of Fece Grinder smells very much alive. Also, rather than Tom's dinstinct fart aromas which remind people that there is indeed a Hell, Fece Grinder instead reeks nothing of Mexican prison, but rather the putrid swamps of Tom's backyard.
So with these tips, there shouldn't be any more mixups during this whole "Angry FG" period. But of course, if you are unfortunate enough to encounter either FG or Tom exiting from the bathroom you are already dead, so all this really doesn't matter.
--Doug

4-8-02, Mon.:
FLOATER'S DELIGHT RELEASED UPON THE PUBLIC!

  Yes that's right. You read correctly the new Fece Grinder CD "Floater's Delight" is now available!!!CDs can be bought from a number of representatives, and also through the mail. Email FG Inc. at Hellstorm@the- pentagon.com for information about the purchase of these wonderful CDs! Also look out for my personal favorite song, 'Kaka Killers Inc.', the heaviest, angriest, most violent FG song yet, on FG @ Wereallyfuckingsuckcausewedontpostanysongsforlikefivethousanddaysandweonlycatertofuckini ndybullshitMp3.com and on the radio show and possibly other places...who knows? So check out the discography section for info about the new album now!!!
--Doug

4-7-02, Sun.:
UPDATE!!100 SONGS!
  Little update for today. I was really bored so I worked on the dicography page. I added a few moer pages of lyrics. It's extremely hard to figure out what exactly FG is saying, so... I also upadated the complete track listing and because of that ther is reason for celebration! With the new album complete, Fece Grinder now has over 100 recorded songs! 105 songs! And those are only the ones we here at FG Inc. know about! Of course only about half of those are released on CDs, and only about 3 deserve to be on a CD, but hey! So celebrate by checking it out. Spread the feces!
4-7-02, Sun.:
DISC. UPDATE; NEW FG COVER DECISION & 500 VISTORS (Finally)!
  Well, first of all, I have updated the discography section to contain all the information available on the "Cannibals" CD. The cover is not available because we at FG Inc. made the dire mistake of leaving near Tom when he was eating. You should really keep anything important, including your arms and legs, at least 20 feet away from his mouth when he inhales his hourly intake of 2000 calories. So check that out now!
   Secondly, we have finished 2-3 versions of the new FG cover and I have sent them directly to FG for him to decide which one gets the honor of being on the heaviest, best- sounding FG CD to date! So that means that as soon as I get Fece Grinder's confirmation, the CDs will be on sale!

  ...and if you still haven't checked out the NEW FECE GRINDER SONG you're a retard.
--Doug

4-4-02, Thurs:
UNRELATED TO FG NEWS DAY!
  Man, I got tons of news for you guys today! But, unfortunately we start it off with some bad news. Arrrrggh!!!! First Fear Factory a few weeks ago, and now Megadeth!!!! Next will be Metallica, with no surprise, and probably Pantera! Argh! Well, back to some good news now.
  First of all, let's check the local concert scene. First of all, this weekend at the Paladium in Worcester, MA. is of course, the Metal/Hardcore Festival featuring Cannibal Corpse, Poison the Well, and of course IN FLAMES! Yay! And after that, Fece Grinder's favorite band other than himself, Sindicate is playing a $5 or $6 show at the Knights of Columbus in Lawrence, MA. This summer of course is Ozzfest which should be wonderful. It features Ozzy, of course, System of a Down, Meshuggah (woohoo!) and I think maybe Down too...but don't quote me on that. I'm too lazy to do reasearch. You can also go to Ozzfest.com and vote on a band for the open slot in the main stage. Available bands are Static-X and Slayer, among others. Wowee. I think a Rob Zombie show is coming up somewhere too...whatever.
  And finnaly I was going to provide a link to the Meshuggah music video for "New Millenium Cyanide Christ", but for some odd reason their official website has disapeared and been replaced by some wierd Swedish server thingie. Technology is gay. So if you get a chance to see it, please do, and if I come upon a way to post it here for download, I most certainly will. Never before have I seen such a funny/casual/cheap video from such a seemingly serious band. Oh well. Merry Christmas. --Doug

4-3-02, Wed:
UPDATE! NEW SONG!...THE GODS ARE ANGRY!
"Festering Zombie" finally up on mp3.com! ...and holy shit if this isnt't the heaviest Fece Grinder yet. You will shit yourself listening to this, guarenteed or your feces back! If you didn't listen to the radio show, then this is the first chance to hear brand new Fece Grinder material! So check it out now!!!

First of all, I posted the back of the new "Floater's Delight" album in the fArt/Album Art section, so check it out because it's Chinese-arific! And speaking of the Chinese, proof that Fece Grinder is alive and well and wreaking havoc on the unsuspecting populace!! CLICK HERE DAMNIT! This news story, provided by Fark.com is vivid proof that not only is Fece Grinder alive, but is still the reigning leader of the entire world. In foul response to rumors of his death (my bad!) he has unleashed his hordes of wild monkeys upon the innocent fece-loving Chinese. To the untrained eye this may look just like normal, wild monkey attacks. But notice how they attack in gangs and packs and don't seem to roam wildly and estatically seemingly without reason. No, they not only have reason, but a mission: to teach humanity a lesson. A lesson in power. Never forget your God! The allmighty FG is angry, and the only way to appease him is to listen, distribute, talk about and enforce Fece Grinder to everything and everyone. With the new album "Floater's Delight" due in stores any time, this is the perfect opportunity to regain our standings. So for an angered god, please, spread the feces.
--Doug

4-2-02, Tues:
YOU'RE A STUPID DUMBASS...and the surprise is revealed.
Ok, it should be common sense to everyone to heed all information you read on April 1st, especially on websites. But it seems that some of you actually took yesterday's update seriously. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Dumbass. All I have to say to you people is that you're probably a fat, dumb, stupid idiot with a big butt and your butt smells and you like to smell your own butt. Ha! That will give you something to bitch about. But it's not all bashing today, we actually have some fantastic news! The surprise? The surprise. THE SURPRISE! For those you you who listened to the radio show last night, you already know. And not only that, but you also have already heard something from the new album. That right. NEW FECE GRINDER ALBUM!!!! It's done. It's recorded, mastered and aranged. Everything is complete except the front cover. So for now I will update the disography page and post the new track list. It's called "Floater's Delight" and has 13 songs on it, including the original that started may have started it all (besides "Fece Grinder (China Town), "Greedy Fece." So check below for the track list, and also check out the discography page!
"Floater's Delight"
1. Clogged Log
2. Rob Zombie Announcement
3. Poop Demon
4. Chinese Firedrill
5. Domain of the Monkey
6. Master of the Feces
7. Convulsion Through Reverse Constipation
8. Ratmunch
9. Dingleberry
10. War Pigs/Luke's Wall
11. China Wung
12. Greedy Fece (Rerecorded and Remixed)
13. Kaka Killers Inc.

So check it out!
--Doug

4-1-02, Mon:
FECE GRINDER IS NO MORE
Update: From reading the toilet paper I realize that some of you may have thought that this was the big surprise. Unfortunately, no it is not. We at FG Inc. had no prior knowledge at all to these sad events. The big surprise will now never be released due to the fact that Fece Grinder was never able to finish it. I express my true sorrow to all the fans.

As you read above, I sadly inform you that Fece Grinder is no more. Putting out more than 4 albums in the last few years, and tourmenting humans everywhere for centuries before that, I regret to say that the all powerful Fece Grinder is no longer with us. During a fight with Gwar in Antarctica, there was a powerful cataclysm and Fece Grinder fell helplessly into the depths of the ice. But he crawled out. Only to be beaten into submission by the Sexecutioner. After flinging enough feces to out-shit even Tom, Fece Grinder slowly made his way back towards Japan. Stopping over at Australia to eat a few koalas and shit on that stupid crocidile guy, he made his way to battle with Tomzilla in Tokyo. In the midst of battle, Fece Grinder suffered a heart attack from all the beans and chili he has devoured over the past 5000 years. He fell on the newly rebuilt nacho factory and again it was destroyed. Tomzilla killed himself in a fit of self- pity and realization that he may never again taste the sweetness of nachos. So this is indeed a sad day in history. With Fece Grinder dead, there will be no more music released ever again. The finished but un-produced "Cannibals" was his last work of art. I ask now for a moment of silence.
Well, since you can expect no new material from Fece Grinder there is no reason for me to comtinue this site, so this will be my last update. Thanks to everyone (all 3 individual people) who have visited this site over the past year. It has been fun, but sadly there is nothing I can do. I ask you all only to remember every time we shit, Fece Grinder will be there. God Speed.
--Doug

3-29-02, Fri:
WHERE THE HELL IS THAT SURPRISE AND WHAT THE HELL IS IT?!!
Well, well, well. Impatient are we? Well don't worry becuase the surprise we here at FG Inc. promised you is 95% complete! Everything is done except for the last and final stage before it can be released upon the public. And if you cant figure out what is is yet (there are lots of clues all over this website) then you should try harder. But, I am generous so I'll give you all another hint to keep you busy for a day until it's ready. "Floater's Delight." That's it. That's all the hints you get, and the last hint until you know what it is we've been talking about for sure. Until then, keep on eating your feces and keep on keepin on (or something...)
--Doug

3-27-02, Wed:
SPECIAL HINT!
Ahh. For a hint about the special upcoming surprise check out entry 29 on the Toilet Paper. A very special celebrity took the time to leave his own mark, along with some obvious and not-so- obvious clues... Ooooh! Mysterious indeed!
--Doug

3-26-02, Tues:
SPECIAL SECRET!
SPECIAL SECRET? In a day or two. A special secret. A big surprise.
--Doug

3-18-02, Mon:
SPECIAL RADIO SHOW TONIGHT!
Us here at FG and FG incorporated have a special treat for you all tonight! At 9 PM this evening joining Sean on the radio will be Tom and myself! For those of you who do not know Tom, you may know his alter ego, "The Indigestable Bulk." You may also know him from some famous artwork including the one two pictures below and in the original FG work with Rudie the Retard. He has inspired many songs such as "Burger" and without him FG would surely have to find some other fat eating machine to pick on. So anyways, be sure to follow the link above or on the menu and listen to the show tonight from 9 to 11!
--Doug

3-17-02, Sun:
HAPPY ST. FECES DAY!

Happy St. Feces Day!! The picture above is my gift to all of you who are also in the St. Feces Day spirit! For those of you not familiar with Fece Grinder and the ways of the feces, you may also be unfamilar with the holiday St. Feces Day. You might even be saying, "Damnit, I thought this day was about sitting around with red hair and drinking Guiness all day long, while watching reruns of "Leprechaun 1" & "Leprechaun 2" & "Leprechaun 3" & "Leprechaun 5" & "Leprechaun 56" & "Leprechaun 100: Return of the Short, Drunk Stereotypes"." Well my friend, you unfortunately couldn't be more wrong. You have St. Feces Day confused with a slightly more popular holiday that is celebrated on the same day. St. Feces Day started about 1000 years ago, the world was plagued by a new and upcoming disease called "Christianity." Now this was believed to be the work of the devil by many different people, the Pagans and the Fecalites included. Fece Grinder (since he is imortal) did not like the idea of all these people stealing his followers and his power. So St. Fece, as he was called back then, took it upon himself to rid the world of Christianity and instill the beliefs of Fecalism on everyone. He traveled across Europe (America was only cowboys and indians back then so there really wasn't any point in going there. Plus it was far.) visiting various villages and cities to show people the wonders of Fecalism. When he would get to a new city, he would run through town throwing feces at everyone he saw. But since Europe is so dirty, no one noticed. He then came up with the great idea of sneaking it into people's food. So he snuck various types of feces into the entire town's food supply and watched as they ate, slowly converting them to Fecalism. Years later he made his way to "The Island of the Blind" which was what Ireland was called back then. Ireland proved to be much harder a task than the rest of Europe. Whenever St. Fece slipped poo into their corned beef, or whatever the hell they eat, they were so drunk they never noticed. So after a number of unsuccesful weeks St. Fece gave up and joined the party. He drank so much that he grew noticeably in size. Now, you think it's disusting when a person gets cocked and throws up. You haven't seen anything until you've seen a 100 pound piece of shit that's been drinking for 3 days straight blow chunks. When St. Fece threw up, not only was the builing he was in completely destroyed, but the entire town was covered in a thick brownish/green substance. The smell also managed to reach several neighboring towns, all of which were evacuated. You will probably think that the townspeople were disgusted and very angry at St. Fece, but you see that town, the entire country actually, had an immense snake problem. Thanks to St. Fece, all the snakes in the entire country were either smothered by the regurgitated stool, of asphyxiated from the stench it created. Anyhow, the public was greatful, and thus started the true beginning of Fecalism.
--Doug

3-16-02, Sat:
SURPLISE!
Well, since I am on vacation this week you count count on one of two things to happen. A, I don't update the site too much because I am extremely busy and not at my computer but a shoe box with "c0mputaR" written on it. Or 2, I will update more often since I am stuck here with nothing to do and a broken car. Yipee. You can at least count on a few new entries in the fArt section this week, some new stuff and some old stuff sent straight from Antarctica.
Remember a week or two ago I mentioned a special Fece Grinder surprise I was preparing? Well, I just wanted everyone to let everyon eknow that it is coming out better than I expected. It will create many laughs and an equal amount of seizures/suicides. Unfortunately since I didnt bring any of it here, I will not be working on it this week. Oh well.
--Doug

3-14-02, Thurs:
NEW FECE GRINDER SHIT!
Yay. As some of you may have noticed, there is a new little picture on the menu today. That is the new section called "fArt." It is dedicated to all the Fece Grinder and fece in general related art that gets thrown in the dumpters and ends up in FG's claws. In it you will find plenty of entertainment (provided you are extremely bored or are amused by anything that's not sophisticated).You may also have noticed that it replaced the "Comics" button, because comics are now in the fArt section. I haven't put up all the fArt I have yet, so keep checking day after day and every hour until Geoshitties breaks because it's a stupid web hoster for losers and they're going to start charging, like anyone with more braincells than an ass hair would pay for their terrible service and I would do anything to get off it and have another service host this page as long as it doesn't involve giving money, because if it does you can go to Hell and stay there until the Shit Daemons eat your brains and replace them with stuff that isn't brain, seriously screwing you up. So go check it out!
--Doug

3-12-02, Tues. IMPORTANT NEWS FLASH!:
IMPORTANT NEWS FLASH! Today at 1:07 (lunchtime) in Tokyo, Japan, tragedy struck. It seems due to their numerous underground nuclear testing and their previous history of giant rubbery monsters, yet another terror was unleashed on the unsuspecting city. Below is an artist's rendering based on eye-witnesses of that monster:

Indeed it's a sad day in history. Thousands of people today were killed, injured or eaten. The creature, which has been dubbed "Tomzilla" by the locals due to the fact that it consumed every scrap of food in the entire city, retreated back into the sea from where it came aproximately 1 hour after feeding. According to various scientists, it is believed that the creature needed a nap. It has been at least 1 year since this kind of thing has happened in Japan, so of course, they were taken completely off guard. Considering the imeasurable amount of monster attacks the city has gotten since the early 1930s, the city has spent most of it's profits from Sony and bootleg movies and eggrolls into funding a nationwide "Monster Defence Agency." Unfortunately this monster behaved like none other ever seen. Unlike previous attacks on the city where the monster either went straight for the power plants or Mothra, Tomzilla imediately stumbled towards the city's Nacho District, where half of the world's nachos are produced. It seems as thought the monster did not intend to inflict any harm on the city until all the nachos and chili were eaten, at which point Tomzilla went after anything remotely looking like nachos (as seen in the picture above). We have here Wang Ding Dong, who was working at a factory that produces various videos and comics of school-girls getting raped by tentacles, Japan's biggest export:

FG News: Mr. Dong, you say you saw the creature attack?
Mr. Dong: Aww yes! I see creature come from ocean and eat nacho! He eat vewy many nachos! He eat them all!
FG News: And how did you feel?
Mr. Dong: How I feel?! How I feel?! I tell you how I feel! I vewy pissed off! Stupid amewicans with their poor-quality automobiles and inferior electronics produce too much toxic waste and dump it in our ocean! They create monster! They kill it!

Amazing...Well, we'll get back to you as soon as anyting new develops. our feces goes out to the families of the loved ones eaten accidently by Tomzilla.
--Doug