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| sheila ! |
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| decisions |
| I wrote the scripts to my life. Meaning, I chose the endings to my adventures. After �coming� to a decision given multiple choices, I planned what I wanted to happen, I imagined a most likely setting, I went into character and delivered my lines. Literally. And up to this day, most times this still works. But always, always, �coming� to a decision is most difficult, sometimes agonizing. A proven theory, thus a principle: Life is made through the little decisions that we make every day. Conscious or driven by habit, the string of choices through time defines our very being --- who we are, what we become, the general direction of our existence. On the other hand, go with the flow is a mantra that is gaining popularity these days. It implies an acceptance of the most �evident� choice, that being most true to one�s core values, the easiest to follow, or the only suitable/tolerable choice given one�s circumstances. It may connote leaving things to fate. It may also mean making a decision to not make a decision. Choosing to take a path versus letting the path appear before me. Letting life take me where it will versus living life and making things happen for me. Is it a good decision to leave all options open and then leave the final decision to chance or instinct at the very crossroads? Which choices have I made led me to this very moment? In writing this, I may even just be avoiding making a decision. Am I going with or against the flow? Which point of reference does my over-analytic mind �feel� like taking at this very moment? When am I making a decision and when am I going with the flow? And does this matter at all? For the sake of this monologue in my head, I say that decision-making and going with the flow are not necessarily opposites. They may be the same thing, or one being a version of the other. And at this point, I am not up to discussing the merits of each. This is about finding myself in the myriad of possibilities, in any given time. Possibilities. Which one do I give a chance to happen? Truth time. Again. Like always. 27jul04, 1241h, dvo |