depression:

It comes with no warning, no pattern.

so how can i make my plans

coherent? future shatters to kaleidoscope

confusion. this constant threat

i can’t predict

when any task started is left

undone...

can’t move can’t breathe can’t think... every thing i try

to say and

do what was i doing...

it comes slow, frozen bat te

ries

help

I don’t know how to...

to save myself: I draw myself.

Sitting on the floor, wearing

Gray and white plaid pajamas.

I sketch the jigsaw space in the air

Where the head should go.

Or start in the center, between the eyebrows. Darken shadows around the eyes.

What draws me back are the eyes –

there’s so much behind them –

(I know because I live behind them –)

they stare silent mystery and they scream out mute and how do I

translate?

Sheets and sheets of these markings,

attempts to make the pieces fit, the challenge

brings me back to life.

amazing what is then created:

bony wrist, fingers curled around

a tiny pixie face

not quite containing

those eyes (!)

the arms are too skinny, impossible.

like the creature

in the mirror

which my pencil can’t quite describe.