| Hullo every one havn't made a rant in a while suppose i didn't have much to complain about......i suppose i really should have complained on this a little bit more than i have......But yeah it's been one of thoose days that seems like a good day right up until you get outta school you know what i maen nothing really good happened but nothing really bad just went to spanish and italian i got a 100 on a test in there i was very proud of myself but i supose im the only person proud of that seeing as it isn't a very difficult class then i went to math that was pretty cool got most of my work done any way...science wasn't a problem just read a book the whole time went to my almost weekly detention since im a pain in the ass and didn't get my afternoon cigarete i think thats where it all went down hill....instead of my grit i went to psycology club where i put a desk in what looked like a nice spot and turned out not to be a nice spot because alicia sat down in it...i thought she was playin around so i kinda shoved her out of it not as playfully as i thought now that i think about it......but it didn't really seem to be a big problem at that particular moment in time you know... but when the meeting was over i discovered that she was mad at me for that and a million other things i probably exagerating but yeah......then we got into an argument in the hall way and i said the wrong thing i didn't mean to say it i just didn't really get to finish my sentence because i stoped half way through.....i guess i just kinda liked the sound of me saying NO to alicia because normally i say yes and everything but i sayed no and stoped tottally forgot to add the whole wait a minute part....so she told me not to talk to her for 3 months.......i would have thought she was joking except she started to walk away and my mind just went blank.....i started hitting lockers kicking lockers and then i kneed a locker and currently can't walk to great......so i ran to catch up to her when i found out wich direction she went but she didn't really want to talk so i made her talk because im an extreamly stupid fucking asshole...all i did was make things worse very much worse....so then i opted to leave her be i just stoped again except this time there was nothing to smash punch or anything i was just standing there alone......when i got home i found something to do hoping it would make me feel better but wow am i always wrong or what i was fine when i was out i come home and i crash again for no reason...then i chill hoping it will help and it did and as i was getting ready for bed i walked up the stairs out of habit because i say goodnight to alicia every night then i realized i wasn't supposed to be up there because im not supposed to talk to her for 3 months and started going down stairs but she haerd me and wanted to talk so we were talking and all seemed well untill i brought up the after noon stupid fucking thing to do on my part but i did it because i can't just leave shit hanging like that but i really fucking need to learn how because now she hates me more and it's all my fucking fault i don't even know if she really hates me or what the hell she thinks about me but im pretty sure it isn't happy..... so now im sitting on the computer alone complaing to something that no one will probably ever read to try to sort things out and all it's doing is making me feel worse...i was trying to change for her but sometimes it seems like all im around here is her errends and shit and then sometimes thats all shes around for is my errends probably or no my errends rather but all my bull shit i was amazed she talked to me this long most people start trying to ignore me after about a year and it took her two and i am thankfull for her staying that long and id like to congratulate her on her patience and understanding but thoose things on;y can go so far.. i just wish i know where the hell i was going because i stuck in a cycle and i just can't take it anymore but im not going to run away from all my problems again but she was trying to help me but theese are new problems and i just have no where to turn any more like i have people to talk to and they mean a lot to me but i don't want to make them hate me anymore than they do.... if they do i don't know im just lost............................................................................................................ |