Ekubatana, The Palsian Year 309
"Narcasse?"
Darun knocked on Narcasse's room. "Narcasse?" No reply. He knocked several times for good measure, then gave up and went to Lord Cheiron's study.
"Lord Cheiron? Have you seen Narcasse?"
"Hmm? Ah yes, Darun." Cheiron put down the papers he had been reading. "What can I do for you?" He indicated the chair across from his desk. "Sit, sit, please."
Darun hesitated for a moment before sitting down. Lord Cheiron smiled at him.
"You've been friends with Narcasse for what? Seven? Eight years?"
"Nine this year," Darun corrected. With a start, he realized suddenly how old Lord Cheiron looked. Lord Cheiron had been in his fifties when he had picked Narcasse to be his ward and successor, nine years ago. Now the Royal Historian's beard was white and thin with age and he squinted as he looked at Darun.
"Ah. I must say, it's been a pleasure watching the two of you grow up," the Royal Historian said. "Why I remember when the two of you were little brats who fought all the time. Now you're both men. How things have changed."
"Indeed," said Darun politely. He wanted to look for Narcasse but he decided to keep the old man company instead.
"I have to thank you for looking after him all these years," said Cheiron. His eyes no longer focused on Darun but on another time, in another place. "If it weren't for you and your friendship, who knows how many more fights he would have gotten himself into?"
Darun smiled at the memory of his and Narcasse's childhood fights.
"I remember when I first adopted him, you know. The day is clear in my memory. He was this small little boy..."
"Why did you choose to adopt him?" Darun was curious. He had never heard the full story from Narcasse.
Cheiron sighed and leaned back. "I'm an old man, Darun. The follies of my life are made ever the more apparent to me with each passing year." He leaned forward. "Can you keep a secret from Narcasse?"
Darun assumed that Cheiron would tell him about an embarrassing childhood memory. Amused, he nodded.
"What has Narcasse ever told you about why I adopted him?"
"He said that you picked him out from the others because he was the most literate."
The old man paused. "I suppose that's true enough."
Darun waited, hoping to hear a story about Narcasse wetting his bed.
Cheiron continued. "Why do the others your age think I picked him to be my successor?"
"Same reason. Narcasse is the smartest one of us all, so it is easy to believe. When he was younger, he used to say things that were too advanced for any of us to understand. Then in games that involved strategy and thinking, like chess, he would always win."
"Ah, yes." Lord Cheiron looked thoughtful. He leaned forward. "What I am about to tell you will be a secret that only you, myself, and King Andragoras know."
King Andragoras knew? This sounded serious. Darun nodded.
"As you may have heard, I never married and so I did not have an heir. For that reason, I decided to find someone who I could pass on my inheritance to, after my death.
"The reason I did not marry was because...I never found any woman that caught my interest. I've had lovers, but they were not women." He let the words sink in before continuing. "One of my first lovers was my best friend, a nobleman. Our romantic relationship with each other ended quickly, however, we remained close friends. We were like brothers, and I often referred to him as so. He was, however, the complete opposite of me. He later married but he kept mistresses and lovers of all kinds. It was quite scandalous. One of them was a noblewoman who had been promised to another man. When she became pregnant before she was married, her husband-to-be left her. After she gave birth, she killed herself.
"My friend, feeling some sense of responsibility, took the child to a monastery of Ashi, as you know, the goddess of fertility, love, and sex. Appropriately, it was a foundling home for children of nobility born out of wedlock, whose parents wanted them to live, but could not care for them and were willing to pay others to do so. The monks happily did so. It was there the boy learned how to read and write, and it was there that my friend told me I could find his son as a possible successor. I was impressed when I met Narcasse, for he truly was the most intelligent boy at the monastery."
Darun was silent for a moment. Finally he spoke. "And Narcasse does not know."
Cheiron nodded. "Narcasse does not know. His father died a few years ago." He paused to wipe his eyes. "I am sorry to unburden this old man's secret on to you, Darun, but I wanted someone to tell Narcasse after I passed away. You see, even though he is my successor, I believe it bothers him that he does not have noble blood. But he does. He really does."
"Does he have siblings?"
Lord Cheiron shook his head. "The only child his father ever had out of wedlock was him. But he never had any children from his own marriage. After his death, his inheritance went to his wife, who I believe is now living with her relatives somewhere comfortably. Narcasse cannot claim any of his father's inheritance. It's all gone to her, as it should. I will bequeath to him mine, instead."
Darun nodded.
Cheiron leaned back in his chair, his eyes closed. His voice was wistful. "Narcasse is like a son to me. Sometimes I like to think of him as the child of my friend and myself. He was the first and the best lover I've ever had. No one was better than him. No one. The first and the best..." His voice trailed off and soon he was snoring.
Darun slipped out of his chair and left quietly.
---
"How have you been?" Narcasse asked Ashanti. He gave her some flowers.
She took them with her left hand and smiled. "Not bad, not bad." She put the flowers down and held out the baby that she had been cradling in her other arm. "Eram's been a good boy."
Narcasse looked at the sleeping infant and smiled. Eram was very cute.
They sat down on the edge of the bed. Narcasse had paid for Ashanti's company for that day.
Ashanti smiled gratefully. "Thanks for always visiting, Narcasse. Gives me a chance to take a break from working and rest with my child."
"That's why I come."
--
"Hey Darun!"
Darun turned to the speaker. "Hey yourself, Kubard. Have you seen Narcasse?"
Kubard made a face. "Not him again. He's probably down at the whorehouse like he always is." He continued, ignoring the look that passed over Darun's face. "You know, Darun, even though I'm four years older than you and infinitely more experienced, you're a pretty good fighter." He was referring to the fact that Darun had beat him the other day.
Darun groaned. "You want a rematch."
"Yup."
Darun gave in. "Why not?" It would give him a place to displace some of the anger he felt.
--
Ashanti studied Narcasse, who was now cradling Eram. "You know, Narcasse."
"Hmm?" Narcasse did not look up.
"I was thinking-- that time we met a year ago. You haven't had much more experience than that, right?"
This time, Narcasse did look up. "If you are referring to the realm of sexual pleasures, then no." He gave her a look. "You know why."
"So you're still a virgin."
He raised an inquisitive eyebrow before responding. "Yes."
"Are you still in love with your friend?"
Narcasse bit his lip and stared down at Eram. Finally, he nodded. He did not know why. Time passing had only increased his affections for the other man, not leaving him like he had thought it would. Although there were times when Darun angered him with his over-protectiveness, there were others when Narcasse wanted very much to kiss him.
"I think you should tell him."
"I disagree." Lions would never be able to drag the truth out of his lips. Ashanti was the only person who he had ever told. Narcasse had no plans to endanger his friendship. It would be a meaningless act, after all, and only make Darun feel strange. Darun liked only women. He said as much, the first time they had come to the brothel.
"Well..." She fingered her hair. "I was thinking that if you weren't goin' to say anything to your friend, you won't get anywhere with him. So you might as well learn from someone else."
Narcasse gave her a puzzled look. "What are you suggesting?" His face closed up. "No. After getting to know you, Ashanti, I refuse to find myself a male slave for experimentation."
She looked offended. He hurried to explain. "I don't want to treat anyone else the way others have treated you."
Mollified, she nodded. Then she looked thoughtful. "Well, there is someone who comes here occasionally. The girls and I have all taken quite a shine to him. He grew up in this area, you see."
"The Shades?"
She nodded. "That's what you nobles call it. We locals just call it home, it doesn't really have a proper name. Anyway, he grew up in these parts but vowed that he would leave it. Hates it here."
Narcasse nodded.
"So he came around one day and told us his plan. It was to seduce a rich noblewoman or nobleman with the arts of lovemaking until they took him in and brought him somewhere else, far away. Then he planned on robbing them blind, but framing some other people, so that he was the only one with the money but not the one in trouble."
"And what did he plan to do with the money?" Narcasse asked, amused.
"Why buy himself some new clothes and leave this place, of course! He was a street kid, not a slave, so the only thing that marked him as someone poor was his clothes. So anyway, one day he comes around -- this was a few years ago, mind you -- and he tells us this grand plan and we all laugh. And he asks us to help."
"Help?"
"Help. He wanted to learn the arts of seducing women. And we laugh and think that he's just trying to get a free night. But he keeps comin' and one day he helps put down an unruly customer, so the owner takes a shinin' to him and asks some of us to help him. Pretty soon we all take a shinin' to him and we teach him all we know. Then he goes down the street and does the same thing at the male brothel, only it's harder 'cuz they keep asking him to join and he has to always turn them down. Didn't want a job that would tie him down to any one place, he said. But he learns and so he is now skilled in pleasuring both men and women."
Narcasse smiled. "So how is he now?"
"Well, his plan worked."
He blinked. "What? Really?"
"Yup. Even better than he thought it would. See he always had this lovely voice. Sometimes he'd sing on the street for money and customers would give him a coin. It was why it was so hard to turn him down. He had a way with words, and the way he spoke them always made you feel real good, right inside. So 'bout a year ago, maybe a month or so after Eram was born, he seduced a rich nobleman and robbed him blind, as planned. Then he ran off with the musician that the nobleman had hired to entertain the two of them, and got the musician to teach him everything he knew before leaving him. Bought himself some new clothes and an instrument, and now he's a minstrel. Makes some good money too."
"Wow."
"Yup. The thing is, he came back recently to take care of some old business. Will be in town for a few days before he takes off again. Now he owes me a favor, he's always willing to practice on gentry, and he LOVES beautiful people. You're beautiful, Narcasse. I don't know if you noticed, but you are. Your friend was handsome, sure enough, but you're gorgeous."
The purpose of the story finally hit Narcasse. "Oh." He was surprised. But the story had seduced him, and now he was curious. "What does he look like?"
She laughed. "You've met him before. Red hair, violet eyes. Very good-looking, like yourself. Around your age. And that's why he owed me a favor, 'cuz I didn't tell anyone when he robbed you a year ago. His name is Guibu."
---
Narcasse paid the owner extra, and they left Eram with one of the other ladies. Together, Narcasse and Ashanti left the brothel and walked until they finally came to where Guibu was currently residing, a cheap inn that was just on the edge of the Shades.
"Now remember," Ashanti warned. "If you ever come across him in the future, you gotta pretend you don't know him. He's gonna pretend he doesn't know you, after all. Doesn't like people to know that he's from our parts, so any person introduced there he'll pretend he never knew and is meeting for the first time. Doesn't want to ruin his reputation as a minstrel."
Narcasse found that with each step he took, he was growing more and more nervous. He hid it the best he could. They knocked on Guibu's door.
There was a scuffling noise and a loud "Coming!" before the door opened. The door cracked open for a moment while Guibu studied them. He looked at Ashanti. "This him?"
"Yeah."
"Hold on." Guibu closed the door. They waited for a few minutes before he came out. Ashanti gave him a puzzled look.
"My apologies, fair one. But I believe your friend and I will now escort you back to where your child is to ensure your safety and then we will return here." His violet eyes measured Narcasse's. "Agreed?"
They took Ashanti back before they returned to the inn, and there Guibu proceeded to teach Narcasse some of the skills he had learned.
---
A few hours later, Narcasse woke up. Slowly he sat up, and winced. A glance at the window told him that it was night outside. He should return home. He slipped out of the bed, trying not to wake Guibu, only to find that Guibu was not sleeping. The latter was sitting on the bed, already dressed.
They stared at each other for a moment, and then Narcasse got dressed. He found that it hurt a little to move his legs, but he could manage.
"I'm sorry I robbed you before," Guibu said. "But really, what kind of a woman did you expect with so little money?"
Narcasse shrugged. "I didn't know the going price then."
"And you assumed that all whores were cheap? Ah, you really are a member of the upper-class." Guibu's words were scornful, but he said them in a playful tone.
Narcasse shrugged it off. He finished lacing his boots and then stood before Guibu and held out his hand. "Give it back."
Guibu sighed. "And you're smart, like Ashanti said." He reached in his pocket and returned Narcasse his bag of coins.
Narcasse felt the bag and looked at Guibu expectantly.
Sighing again, Guibu reached in his pocket and returned some more coins. Narcasse dropped them in the bag and judged it to only be missing a coin or two. He decided that was good enough and he put his bag away.
Guibu shook his head. "Haven't you learned anything from the last time I robbed you? Put it INSIDE your clothes. Don't hang it on your belt. Honestly, it's so easy to rob some people that it's a wonder they still have any money."
Narcasse put away his money accordingly. Guibu approved. "Just to let you know, I'm not paying you back for being stupid before," he said. "Since that was the favor I owed Ashanti, this pays it back well enough."
Narcasse shrugged. "I didn't expect you to." He was not exactly rich, since he disliked asking Lord Cheiron for money. But he would never starve or anything of the like, and he was provided for, so he considered the lost coins as money gone to a better cause.
"Where are you headed?"
"The palace."
Guibu whistled, impressed. "You really are gentry. I'll escort you there. I plan to perform there, one day. Might as well take a look." He paused briefly. "And if I do work there, we will save both of our reputations and conveniently not know each other, yes?"
Narcasse smiled. "Of course."
---
Darun watched from the castle gate wall, keeping an eye out for his friend. He told himself that he was being paranoid and that he should just go back to his room and sleep. But he was worried about Narcasse. He wanted to make sure he came back safe, and if not, Darun planned to go look for him. Although, an inner voice told him, if Kubard had been right, then there is no reason for you to wait out here. Darun told the voice to shut up and it quieted.
He finally spotted two people walking over. As they approached, he felt relieved when he recognized one of them. The second person he did not know, a male, from the looks of it. The stranger said something to Narcasse and then left.
Darun hurried back into the castle. Minutes later he met Narcasse in front of Narcasse's room.
Narcasse was surprised to see him. His surprise changed into a smile. "Darun."
Darun noted his friend's appearance. Rumpled clothes, messy hair, and a tired expression on his countenance. "Can we talk?"
Narcasse's expression turned more serious. "Of course." He unlocked his door and the two of them entered his room. Narcasse sat down on the chair by his desk and winced; Darun sat down on the edge of his bed.
"What's wrong?" Narcasse looked concerned.
"I'm going to be blunt about this-- you had sex today, didn't you?"
Narcasse blinked, the surprise and the slow flush on his face telling Darun that he had been right.
"I knew it." Darun sighed. "I know it's not my place to say, Narcasse, but because I am your friend I will speak. You were with that one girl from before, weren't you?" For some reason the image of the two of them together made Darun uneasy. He attributed this to the anticipation of what he was going to say next. "I know that in the last year you've been visiting that place an awful lot. I understand why -- I mean, Kharlan goes a lot too, and he's married. But I'm worried about you. It's not exactly a safe part of town. Kharlan goes with friends, but you always go alone. You got robbed the first time we went, remember?" He noted the expression of displeasure on his friend's face and he hurriedly continued. "And well, Kharlan I don't care about. But what if you got one of those girls pregnant, like your first one was? What would you do with a bastard child at a brothel? What would anyone think?"
"For your information," Narcasse informed him, "The girls at the brothel take a plant that poisons any possibility of a child. Ashanti-- 'the first girl' I was with, was only pregnant because she had slept with someone who was her lover, not a customer, so she did not think to take it then. As for your other concern..." Here Narcasse did not look happy. He took a deep breath before speaking. "I appreciate your concern, but we're not children anymore. I can take care of myself. It's not as if I can't fight."
"I know that. You know I know that. It's just..." Darun groped for the words to try to explain the unease he felt whenever he heard that Narcasse was at the whorehouse. He had never thought his friend was the kind of person to be so...lecherous. Kharlan, yes. But Narcasse? It seemed impossible. But this was not a legitimate complaint, so Darun settled for something else. "It's just-- why don't you ever tell me when you go? I don't ever find out until after you've left. You don't want me to come with you? Why haven't you ever asked me to come with you?"
Narcasse appeared at a loss for words. He bit his lip.
"I mean, we're friends, aren't we? We used to do everything together." Darun found that his voice had been rising, so he made a conscious effort to keep it low. "Why can't you at least tell me when you're running off to have sex so that I can come with you?" That came out wrong. He tried to correct himself. "I mean what if you're attacked while you're down in the Shades by yourself? You could be robbed, beaten, or worse. I mean you're good-looking, what if people try to proposition you?"
Narcasse said, "You think I'm good-looking?" He sounded surprised.
Darun gave his friend an appraising look. Blue eyes met brown. "Well, obviously! Don't go fishing for compliments now, not that you would, since you're always so modest. But you're good-looking, handsome, pretty--" Oops, not a masculine adjective. Darun talked faster. "Aesthetically pleasing to the eye, striking, attractive, whatever you want to call it. For lack of a better word, you're the kind of person to draw attention to you in a crowd by looks alone. So you see, you stand out a lot. People take notice of you. So what if this attracts trouble? I mean you could ask me to go too. It's not like I haven't gone before, and I wouldn't mind going again."
The smile that had been growing on Narcasse's face faded. Darun wondered what he had said wrong. "You would like to go again?" Narcasse asked.
No, he did not, but Darun was more than willing to escort his friend there. "Sure. Why not? I enjoyed it the last time I went, remember? I told you as much the morning after. Best experience ever?"
"I see." Narcasse's shoulders slumped, just a fraction. Darun did not understand what that meant so he ignored it.
"But that's not the point. I mean, I just want to know why you haven't told me anything. Don't I at least deserve a word? If you don't want me to come with you, fine, just tell me. I won't be offended. And you know I won't judge you if...if you enjoy going there often. I just feel like, I don't know. We used to do everything together, but now it's as if we don't even talk anymore. Like you're hiding something from me."
Narcasse paled. If was only slightly, but the reaction did not escape Darun's notice. This encouraged Darun to explain himself further. He felt he was hitting upon some kind of truth.
"I just feel that. I don't know. Lately, things haven't been as smooth between us as they used to. You're a lot more tense around me and you're always staring off into space. The last time I touched your shoulder, you brushed me off as if I were some kind of bug. Things just seem stranger between us than normal. Did I do something? Is something wrong? Are you mad at me?"
At the last statement, Narcasse jerked his head up in surprise. "Mad at you? No. No, no, no. I'm not mad at you in the least."
"Then what is it? What's wrong?" Darun voice raised again, he couldn't help it. "What aren't you telling me? You're biting your lip again! Just say whatever's on your mind!" He grabbed his friend by the shoulders and shook him. "JUST SAY IT!"
"I'm in love with you!"
Darun was shocked. "WHAT?"
"I'm in love with you! I never slept with Ashanti because the only person who is on my mind has always been you, Darun! I can't stop thinking about you and it's driving me crazy because it won't stop!" Narcasse paused to take a deep breath from speaking so quickly and he averted meeting the blue eyes that were wide with disbelief. When he spoke again, his voice trembled. "Ashanti and I became friends after we met. I go down to visit her."
Darun was at a loss for words.
"I never invited you along before because I couldn't think of a way to tell you how I became friends with her without explaining why I didn't sleep with her. Which involves you. That, and the thought of you with someone else nearby sickens me. So I sneak off without telling you."
Narcasse saw the pity enter the other's eyes. Darun opened his mouth to speak. Narcasse cut him off. "Yes, I know that you aren't interested in me the same way. I'm not stupid. You've made it very clear early on that you like women. That's fine. I just have to deal with this. That's fine too; I'm working on it. I only told you because you asked. I hadn't meant to say anything." He looked down and tried to keep the swell of emotion that he felt within himself from erupting.
Darun tried to put a hand on his shoulder. Narcasse pulled away. "I told you Darun. I know you don't like me as anything more than a friend. I don't need your pity and I don't need any excuse. You don't need to give me one, I know already." He laughed bitterly. "I've known you for nine years. How can I not know? You don't need to say anything, I know what you want to say, so you don't have to say it."
Darun stared at him for a long time. Finally, he said, "I'm sorry."
And although he knew what the other meant, Narcasse felt the pain as if it was salt rubbed onto an exposed wound. He had known what the answer would be, but it still hurt like nothing else he had ever experienced. He wiped at his eyes furiously. "I'm not crying. 'Boys don't cry,' remember? This has just been a long day. Go away, I'll talk to you some other time."
And only after he heard the door close did Narcasse curl into a small ball and allow himself to cry.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
notes:
yes, needed to bring Guibu in, cuz i love him so much. ^_^ and in case you're
wondering, he's got street smart, while narcasse has more of book smart.
Ashi's role (and future god references) was taken from the Yaoi Shrine's Arslan page, courtesy of Sahari. If you have not read her awesome Arslan fic, Coronation, do so.
for comments to Karma, send e-mails to: [email protected]
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