the oddity lexicon
and another thing: rant on, brother!
I knew radio when it was the thing that everyone
wanted to do life. It made me get up in the morning to
hear my favorite group and wonder what was coming
next. I knew radio when radio was competition to see
who's the best at what they do. I knew radio before
the profit margin grew and the people margin shrunk. I
knew radio when my favorite dj cracked the mike and
spit his line and you would gladly sit thru a
commercial break for the next jam. I knew radio when
they stopped the music to let you know what going on
in your neck of the woods. I knew radio when it wasn't
about PDs, MDs and OMs. I knew radio when it was about
the people. All people. The listening audience. I knew
radio when one person spoke everyone heard it. I knew
radio when all the kids in the neighborhood wanted to
hear their name and become popular for a day. I knew
radio when you knew every DJ, the station number and
where you could meet them. I knew radio when you kept
trying to picture the DJ if you never meet them. I
knew radio when you wanted anything you can get from
the station. A t-shirt, bumper sticker, a billboard
off the side of the bus if you grew up in New York
like me. - Tim Shelton
Before we begin today, we have a few Church Announcements
Sent in by the outlaw Jimmie Rush @ KVLL
Church Announcements for the "Lawd I Tried Ta Do Right Second Tabernacle by
the Burning Bush Praise Him On Sunday Drunk On Monday 12th Baptist Church"
New members are to give their checking and savings account numbers to the
Mission sisters upon registration. Sis Ida Mae, who was cleared of all
charges of embezzlement, will be taking this information.
50 Cent CDs in Yolanda Adams jackets will be sold in the fellowship hall.
Keep it on the DL...it ain`t everybody's business what we do.
The Pastor is asking that everyone who just HAS TO LAUGH when Ms. Hattie is
singing, could you please throw at least one amen in there cause yall
hurting her feelings.
Our new piano player, Jerome, hails from Lulu's House of Chicken and
Entertainment. We will be ordering his new rainbow colored piano bench out
of money given to the building fund.
The Youth Choir will be putting on their annual play. This year they will
be performing, "My Momma Didn't Steal Yo` Check." We are asking in advance
that Lil` Maria not sing the lead. Face it Big Maria, ya` child can't sing.
Now let`s consider this matter closed and not brought up again, especially
in the presence of the children.
Anyone looking to join the "Wessss~Siiide Afro Mass Choir" must attend the
meeting in the back of the fellowship hall. Bring 2 pictures before and
after Fro to put in the new members bulletin. Picks will be supplied by the
President.
If you ain`t been to church in 6 months, you are considered a visitor. So
when the time comes, please stand. Some people don`t like when we start
singing, "It`s Some Visitors In This House, When You See `Em Point `Em
Out!!!" Save yourself the embarrassment.
We are having a Bake Sale next Saturday. If you hear your name, don`t
bother to bring anything. The church does not have "diarrhea" insurance and
is tired of being sued. Here we go: Sista Jenkins, Sista Martin, Sister
Lattimo` (she don`t like to be called Lattimore), Sista Beulah and the lady
who`s always smiling (sorry sister we don`t know your name).
It has been brought to Pastor`s attention that some of the members thinks
it`s okay to take off their shoes in church. Stank feet makes it impossible
to concentrate on the Word.
We will be taking up a collection for the annual Pastor's Gold Teeth Fund.
He will be having them polished and will be adding two more. Hallelujah.
The deadline for entering the Big Hat contest has passed so ladies and
Jerome, please stop wearing your big hats. The people behind you can`t see.
Anyone caught eating in the church will be asked to leave if they didn`t
bring enough for the pastor's wife. Yall know she greedy and it just ain`t
right to tempt her.
Ushers: We don`t mind you doing the prep when you`re marching in front of
the choir, but we do ask that you take out the "hand in your face" step. A
few ladies have been complaining about their wigs being knocked off.
The Church`s annual anniversary dinner........ We are serving punch, fried
chicken, greens and corn bread. The price is $50.00 per plate and we do not
accept checks or credit cards. Don`t forget to come early, you know they
always running out of chicken.
The passing of a friend?
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name
of Common Sense who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure
how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic
red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valued lessons as
knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the
worm and that life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't
spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids,
are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well
intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a
six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate,
teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a
teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition!
It declined even further when schools were required to get
parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the
parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten
Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses and criminals received
better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost
after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, spilled
it in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and
Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son,
Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
the oddity lexicon: