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THINGS YOU WON'T HEAR A SOUTHERNER SAY
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~ We don't keep firearms in this house.
~ Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
~ You can't feed that to the dog.
~ I thought Graceland was tacky.
~ No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
~ Wrasslin's fake.
~ Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
~ We're vegetarians.
~ Do you think my hair is too big?
~ I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
~ Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?
~ Who's Richard Petty?
~ Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
~ Deer heads detract from the decor.
~ Spitting is such a nasty habit.
~ I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
~ Trim the fat off that steak.
~ Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
~ The tires on that truck are too big.
~ I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
~ I've got it all on a floppy disk.
~ Unsweetened tea tastes better.
~ Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
~ My fiancée, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
~ I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
~ Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
~ Checkmate.
~ She's too old to be wearing that bikini.
~ Does the salad bar have any bean sprouts?
~ Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
~ I don't have a favorite college team.
~ I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
~ Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
~ Elvis who?
~ Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.