MOTTOS TO LIVE BY 

- If at first you don't succeed, destroy aall evidence that you tried. 
- A conclusion is the place where you got  tired of thinking. 
- Experience is something you don't get unntil just after you need it. 
- For every action, there is an equal and  opposite criticism. 
- He who hesitates is probably right. 
- Never do card tricks for the group you pplay poker with. 
- No one is listening until you make a misstake. 
- Success always occurs in private, and faailure in full view. 
- The colder the X-ray table, the more of  your body is required on it. 
- The hardness of the butter is proportionnal to the softness of the bread. 
- The severity of the itch is proportionall to the reach. 
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiaarism; to steal from many is research. 
- To succeed in politics, it is often neceessary to rise above your principles. 
- Two wrongs are only the beginning. 
- You never really learn to swear until yoou learn to drive. 
- The problem with the gene pool is that tthere is no lifeguard. 
- Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th off your life. 
- The sooner you fall behind, the more timme you'll have to catch up. 
- A clear conscience is usually the sign oof a bad memory. 
- If you must choose between two evils, piick the one you've never tried before. 
- Change is inevitable....except from vendding machines. 
- A fool and his money are soon partying.  
- Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a  very close imitation. 
- Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. 
- If you think nobody cares about you, tryy missing a couple of payments. 
- How many of you believe in telekinesis?  Raise my hands. 
- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 
- Everybody repeat after me....."We are alll individuals." 
- Death to all fanatics! 
- Guests who kill talk show hosts .. On thhe last Geraldo. 
- Don't be sexist; broads hate that! 
- Love may be blind, but marriage is a reaal eye-opener. 
- Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a wwoman scorned. 
- Bills travel through the mail at twice tthe speed of checks. 
- Hard work pays off in the future. Lazineess pays off now. 
- Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't suckked into jet engines. 
- Borrow money from pessimists-they don't  expect it back. 
- Beware of geeks bearing gifts. 
- Half the people you know are below averaage. 
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a baad name. 
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made  up on the spot. 
- If at first you don't succeed, then skyddiving definitely isn't for you.