Top Ten Things a Consultant Shouldn't Tell a Client 

10. That was my first guess as well, but then I really thought about it. 

9. You should see the hotel I'm staying at. 

8. Hey, I just realized that I was in junior high when you started
working here. 

7. I like this office space. I'll have them put me in here when you're
gone. 

6. My rental car looks nicer than that junker you're driving. 

5. Sure it'll work; I learned it in business school. 

4. So what do you need me to tell you? 

3. Of course it's right; the spreadsheet says so. 

2. I could just tell you the answer, but we're committed to a three
month project. 

1. What are you, stupid? 

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Top Ten Things You Shouldn't Say at a Consulting Interview 

10. I'm a t-shirt and jeans kind of person. 

9. Do you pay overtime? 

8. I hate flying. 

7. I'm useless without ten hours of sleep a night. 

6. There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. 

5. Do you cover rental cars for collision? 

4. Stanford taught me that working in teams is great for slackers. 

3. I think three letter acronyms are for people too stupid to remember
whole phrases. 

2. Two words: family first. 

1. Call it what you want, it still means firing people. 

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Top Ten Ways To Know You're Dating/Married To A Consultant 

10. Referred to the first month of your relationship as a "diagnostic
period". 

9. Talks to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late. 

8. Takes a half-day at the office because, "Sunday is your day." 

7. Congratulates your parents for successful value creation. 

6. Tries to call room-service from the bedroom. 

5. Ends any argument by saying, "let's talk about this off-line." 

4. Celebrates anniversary by conducting a performance review. 

3. Can't be trusted with the car-too accustomed to beating up rentals. 

2. Valentine's Day card has bullet points. 

1. Refers to lovemaking as a "win-win". 

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Top Ten Ways to Know You've Got the Consulting Bug 

10. Can't stop using words that don't exist. 

9. Worried that he who dies with the most frequent-flyer miles wins. 

8. Use so much jargon in conversation, friends think you're speaking a
foreign language. 

7. Constant urge to give advice on subjects you know nothing about. 

6. Always-hyphenating-words-that-don't-need-to-be-hyphenated. 

5. Keep seeing bullet points everywhere. 

4. Can fit the thematic undercurrents of War and Peace into a two-by-two
matrix. 

3. Tired of having a social life beyond work. 

2. A two-page story in Business Week is all it takes to make you an
expert. 

1. Firmly believe that an objective viewpoint means more than any real
work experience. 

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Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear from a Consultant 

10. You're right; we're billing way too much for this. 

9. Bet you I can go a week without saying "synergy" or "value-added". 

8. How about paying us based on the success of the project? 

7. This whole strategy is based on a Harvard business case I read. 

6. Actually, the only difference is that we charge more than they do. 

5. I don't know enough to speak intelligently about that. 

4. Implementation? I only care about writing long reports. 

3. I can't take the credit. It was Ed in your marketing department. 

2. The problem is, you have too much work for too few people. 

1. Everything looks okay to me.