the oddity lexicon
radiosis - (ray-dee-oh-sis), verb: fictional term, meaning one who suffers
from radio.
Engineering Pick-Up Lines
1. I won't stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.
2. You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
3. Since distance equals velocity times time, let's let velocity and
time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.
4. My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
5. Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
6. Wanna come back to my room? ...and see my 166mhz Pentium?
7. How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
8. You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.
9. You're sweeter than glucose.
10 .We're as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes.
11. Why don't we measure the coefficient of static friction between you and me?
12. Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX?
13. Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen.
14. Isn't your e-mail address [email protected]
15. You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!
YOU MIGHT BE A DJ IF....
You can name at least three of The Weather Channels' on-air
personalities. (I can do that!)
80% of your wardrobe has a station logo on it.
You haven't bought Q-tips in over 3 years.
You still refer to CD's as "records".....
You look at your paycheck and say,"That's it!
A day off is considered and extra hour and a half of sleep.
The only interaction between you and someone else at dinner
time is, "Thank you, please pull to the second window!"
You call a weekend off a "VACATION".
You can smoke a cigarette in three minutes or less.
You answer your home phone with the station call letters.
A salesperson has ever taken credit for your paycheck.
You know what a "bullet" is.
You've ever sliced your finger with a razor blade, and cleanedout the cut
with Isopropyl Alcohol and an extra long cotton swab (only appliesto those
of us who remember reels and carts)...
You measure your amount of production in "shitloads"
You can post the song...run down the hall...do a full blown "number2"
and be back in 2:40 for the segue.
Dinner?...let's see what the receptionist has left in the fridge.
You have ever dreamt of a record running out and not being ableto find
the control room door. (i know i'm not the only one who's had this dream!
-Marc)
You've ever muttered the words, "Yea, I'll try to get that onfor ya!"
You have more stereo and computer equipment than everyone else you know
combined.
People who ride in your car exclaim, "How in the hell do you listento the
radio that loud!'
You consider wearing a shirt you have to iron, "dressing up".
When listening to music at your home, you only listen to the first30
seconds of the song, then you switch to something else.
Going to a club and not getting paid seems like a useless waist of time.
Everyone you know calls you to play they're wedding or birthdayparty.
People you don't even know start calling you when a good band is coming to
town.
Cheerleading coaches call you wondering how to get that "specialmix'" of
the Jock Jam that they heard on the radio.
You turn the radio up excitedly at the sound of "dead-air" on the
competitor's station. (I love that one! -Marc)
You have at least three un-opened CD's, two T-shirts, 22 stickers,and 5
cups in your car.
You have about 500 un-labeled cassettes, (air-checks) in a cardboardbox in
your closet.
Cueing, segueing, walking on, loose, back-timing, raise, lower, EAS, and
dumb-ass program director are everyday parts of your vocabulary.
You have at least 19 pictures of you with famous people that you haven't
seen since.
You know the names and artist to every song your boyfriend or girlfriend
can think of.
You know the words to every song they can think of.
You know the re-mixes to every song they can think of.
You've slept quite comfortably on the promotions director's easy chair.
You were a half hour late for an appearance and blamed it on the directions
you got from the sales person.
You've had 5, #8 caller's in a row.
Your favorite past-time is conferencing three un-knowing listener's on the
same line.
YOU MAY BE AN ENGINEER IF:
* If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
* If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
* If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
* If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
* If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
* If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the
decimal point in the right place
* If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids'toys
* If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
* If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than
hanging coats and taping ducts
* If you window shop at Radio Shack
* If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest
sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
* If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door
opener and your camera's flash attachment
* If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
(It's on the floor, next to my desk! SO THERE!)
* If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
* If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
* If you own "Official Star Trek" anything
* If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
* If you are currently gathering the components to build your own
nuclear reactor
* If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
* If you truly believe aliens are living among us
* If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
* If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
* If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile
tires
* If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you
own turns bread into charcoal
* If you have more toys than your kids
* If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
* If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
* If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
* If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush
up to the front to fix it
* If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
* If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel
and have seen most of the shows already
* If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
* If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
* If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this
week
* If you did the sound system for your senior prom
* If your checkbook always balances
* If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
* If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
* If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission
controllers
* If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they
didn't get enough sleep
* If you spend more on your home computer than your car
* If you know what http:// stands for
* If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
* If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your
garage
* If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to
explain atmospheric absorption theory
* If your 4 basic food groups are:
1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate (or Chinese, pizza, beer, salt
substrates)
* If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
the oddity lexicon: