the oddity lexicon
daily dogma 2: bumper sticker logic
"Bumper-Stickerisms"
Think of it as "Car-ma Dogma" (boo! hiss! boo!)
Earth - the insane asylum of the universe.
You're just jealous that the voices talk to me.
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing.
I put the FUN in dysfunctional.
Impersonating a sane person.
Warning! I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
Not the brightest crayon in the box, now are we?
Nobody knows I'm Elvis.
Don't annoy the crazy person.
What am I doing out of bed?
When I snap, you'll be the first to go.
Boldly going nowhere...
Baroque (adj): When you're out of Monet.
I'm a Musician, I can Handel it.
My reality check bounced.
Pardon me, do you have any cheap yellow mustard?
When the going gets tough, the tough use duct tape.
Your village called. Their idiot is missing.
I love aliens - they taste like chicken.
Your proctologist called. They found your head.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
With friends like you, who needs enemas.
To save time, let's assume I know everything.
Friends help you move..real friends help you move bodies.
I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
You never see a motorcycle parked outside a psychiatrist's office.
A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country.
A backscratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always find new sense.
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work.
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead.
A bird in the hand is dead.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A boss with no humor is like a job that is no fun.
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. - Milton Berle
A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. - Abba Eban
A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.
A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home.
A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.
A couple of months in the lab can often save a couple of hours in the library.
A crisis is when you cannot say "let's just forget the whole thing."
A day without sunshine is like night.
A disagreeable task is its own reward.
A donkey is a horse designed by a study team.
A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.
A fool and his money are soon elected.
A fool and his money stabilize the economy.
A free agent is anything but.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
A geophysicist is not drunk as long as he can hang onto a single blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth.
A good scapegoat is hard to find.
A good slogan can stop analysis for fifty years.
A good solution can be successfully applied to almost any problem.
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
A little ambiguity never hurt anyone.
A little humility is arrogance.
A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.
A little ignorance can go a long way.
A man of quality does not fear a woman seeking equality.
A man should be greater than some of his parts.
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.
A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to put in his mouth.
A penny saved has not been spent.
A penny saved is an economic breakthrough.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
A problem cannot be solved using the same level of thinking that created it. (In other words, if you screw it up, you can't fix it.)
A real person has two reasons for doing anything...a good reason and the real reason.
A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
A short line outside a building becomes a long line inside.
A stagnant science is at a standstill.
A theory is better than its explanation.
A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
A well-adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.
Ability is like a check, it has no value unless it is cashed.
Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it is out of date.) - Stafford Beer
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
According to the official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Adding manpower to a late software product makes it later.
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
After any unit has been completely assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.
Afternoon: that part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
Aiming for the least common denominator sometimes causes division by zero.
All American cars are basically Chevrolets.
All general statements are false; think about it.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All generalizations are useless, including this one.
All good things must come to an end, I just want to know when they start!
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
All I ask is the chance to prove that money cannot make me happy.
All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.
All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. - Walt Disney
All probabilities are really 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.
All the world is a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
All things being equal, all things are never equal.
All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
Almost everything in life is easier to get into than to get out of.
Always hire a rich attorney.
Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
Always listen to experts. They'll tell what can't be done and why. Then do it.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!
Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.
Am I good at delegating? You Bet! I always find someone to blame!
Ambiguity is invariant.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.
An error in the premise will appear in the conclusion.
An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
An original idea can never emerge from committee in its original form.
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.
An ounce of rejection is worse than a pound of "sure".
Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.
Any change looks terrible at first.
Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of the most harm.
Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Any good strategy will seem ridiculous by the time it is implemented. - Dogbert, in Scott Adams' "Build a Better Life by Stealing Office Supplies: Dogbert's Big Book of Business"
Any horizontal surface is soon piled up.
Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion.
Any issue worth debating is worth avoiding altogether.
Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.
Any line, however short, is still too long.
Any minimum criteria set will be the maximum value used.
Any producing entity is the last to use its own product.
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
Any smoothly functioning technology is indistinguishable from a "rigged" demo.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday.
Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional assumptions.
Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
Any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.
Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.
Any wire cut to length will be too short.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Anyone can admit they were wrong; the true test is admitting it to someone else.
Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.
Anyone who makes an absolute statement is a fool.
Anything created must necessarily be inferior to the essence of the creator. - Claude Shouse
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.
Anything in parentheses can be ignored.
Anything is easier to take apart than to put together.
Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.
Anything labeled "New" and/or "Improved" isn't. The label means the price went up. The label "All New", "Completely New", or "Great New" means the price went way up.
Anything that doesn't eat you today is saving you for tomorrow.
Anything that is designed to do more than one thing cannot do any of them well.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
Appearances are not everything; it just looks like they are.
Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline encounters turbulence.
As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
As they say in Beirut, Shiite happens.
Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups.
At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.
Bad news drives good news out of the media.
Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upward from the floor.
Batman is the hero any of us could be, given determination, exercise, and deep psychological trauma. - Chris Jarocha-Ernst
Be content with what you've got, but be sure you've got plenty.
Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes clear to the bone.
Before you give a colleague a piece of your mind, be sure you can spare it.
Being a good communicator means people find out what is really wrong with you.
Believing is seeing.
Better latent than never.
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil.
Beware of one who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds themself no wiser than before. They are full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way. - Sir John A. MacDonald, Canada's first prime minister
Beware of those wearing suspenders with belts.
Beware the fury of a patient man. - John Dryden
Beware the man of one book. - St. Thomas Aquinas
Beware the wrath of a patient person.
Blessed are those who go around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed.
Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it for he shall enjoy living.
Boldly going forward because we cannot find reverse.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Build something foolproof and every fool will use it.
Bureaucracy: a method for transforming energy into solid waste.
By the time you can make ends meet, they've moved the ends.
By the time you have the right answers, no one is asking you questions.
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to work twelve hours a day. - Robert Frost
Cant produces countercant.
Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Chipped dishes never break.
Clearly stated instructions will consistently produce multiple interpretations.
Cocaine is nature's way of telling you you have too much money.
Commit suicide. A hundred thousand lemmings cannot be wrong.
Common sense is not so common.
Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough. - Descartes, 1637
Communication with the dead is only a little more difficult than communication with (Insert Your Favorite Group - Engineering/Financial...)
Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people.
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
Confusion creates jobs.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
Conscious is being aware of something; conscience is wishing you weren't.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Cop-out number 1. You should have seen it when I got it.
Create a need and fill it.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you're doing.
Creditors have better memories than debtors.
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
Dare to be average.
Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.
Definition of an elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves.
Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to "get lost" in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you find a large enough rock.
Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.
Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.
Do whatever your enemies do not want you to do.
Doing a good job around here is like wetting your pants in a dark suit; you get a warm feeling, but nobody notices.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.
Don't be so open minded that your brain falls out.
Don't bite the hand that has your paycheck in it.
Don't blame me; nobody asked my opinion.
Don't do today that which can be put off till tomorrow.
Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
Don't get lost in the shuffle, shuffle along with the lost.
Don't lend people money...it gives them amnesia.
Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash. - Bo Diddley
Don't look back, something may be gaining on you.
Don't make your doctor your heir.
Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!
Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost.
Don't stop to stomp on ants when the elephants are stampeding.
Don't try to have the last word; you might get it.
Don't worry about the sand in the Vaseline, they don't use it anyway.
Due to recent budget cuts and downsizing, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy and wealthy and dead.
Easiest way to figure the cost of living: take your income and add ten percent.
Eat the rich. The poor are tough and stringy.
Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average.
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Entropy has us outnumbered.
Error is often more earnest than truth.
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
Even if the grass is greener on the other side: they, like you, still have to cut it.
Even paranoids have enemies.
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Every solution breeds new problems.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Everybody should believe in something, I believe I'll have another beer.
Everybody's gotta be someplace.
Everyone breaks more than the seven-year-bad-luck allotment to cover rotten luck throughout an entire lifetime.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Everyone hits a brick wall now and then; the trick is not to do it with your head.
Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between.
Everything in moderation, including moderation.
Everything is actually everything else, just recycled.
Everything is always done for the wrong reasons.
Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Everything takes longer than you think.
Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed.
Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
Excellence can be attained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.
Exceptions always outnumber rules.
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Other people's tools work only in other people's gardens.
Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
Nothing is ever as simple as it seems.
Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do it himself.
Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all.
Nothing puzzles me more than time and space; and yet nothing troubles me less.
Of all forces acting on man, change is the most beneficial and the most cruel.
Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.
Office Of Precision Guesswork
Old age and treachery shall overcome youth and skill
Old programmers never die, they just abend.
On a beautiful day like this, it's hard to believe anybody can be unhappy; but we will work on it.
On successive charts of the same organization, the number of boxes will never decrease.
One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. - Elbert Hubbard
One of the greatest labor-saving inventions today is tomorrow.
One of those days? I have one of those lives.
One seventh of your life is spent on Mondays.
Only a bureaucracy can fight a bureaucracy.
Only a fool can reproduce another fool's work.
Only a mediocre person is always at their best.
Only them as knows their own...knows.
Only those who attempt the absurd can acheive the impossible.
One test is worth a thousand expert opinions.
Old age is always fifteen years older than you are.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Never speculate on that which can be known for certain.
Our present business is not to exchange compliments but arguments. - Robert Boyle, 17th century chemist
People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.
People do not change, they only become more so.
People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
People specialize in their area of greatest weakness.
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
People who are resistant to change cannot resist change for the worse.
People who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it.
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made.
People who think they know everything upset those of us who do.
People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
People will buy anything that is one-to-a-customer.
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
Perfection is achieved only on the point of collapse.
Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Persons disagreeing with your facts are always emotional and employ faulty reasoning.
Pessimists have already begun to worry about what is going to replace automation.
Pick good people; talent never wears out.
Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes.
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Please do not steal, the IRS hates competition!
Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.
Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by hitting back.
Producing a system from a specification is like walking on water; it's easier if it's frozen.
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
Programming errors which would normally require one day to find will take five days when the programmer is in a hurry.
Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.
Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
Progress may have been all right once, but it went on too long.
Project Management is like pushing a wheelbarrow of frogs to market.
Prostitution is the only business where you can go into the hole and still come out ahead.
Quality assurance doesn't.
Quit while your still behind.
Real programmers argue with the systems analyst as a matter of principle.
Real programmers don't announce how many times the operations department called them last night.
Real programmers don't grumble about the disadvantages of Fortran when they don't know any other language.
Real programmers don't notch their desks for each completed service request.
Real programmers don't number paragraph names consecutively.
Real programmers print only clean compiles.
Real programmers write readable code, which they then self-righteously refuse to explain.
Remember the golden rule: Those that have the gold make the rules.
Remember the tea kettle; though up to its neck in hot water, it continues to sing.
Repetition does not establish validity.
Roses are red violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I.
Rule of defactualization: information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
Seisline prayer: O Lord, grant that we may always be right, for thou knowest we will never change our minds.
Sanity and insanity overlap a fine gray line.
Say no, then negotiate.
Science is always simple and always profound. It is only the half-truths that are dangerous.
Science is not a sacred cow. Science is a horse. Don't worship it. Feed it.
Security depends not so much upon how much you have as upon how much you can do without.
Self-blame constitutes an exquisite form of self-praise. No matter how severe the adjectives, the conversation remains fixed on oneself. For the last 40 years, all the best people have complained of neurotic disorders. - Lewis Lapham, in "Money and Class in America" (1988)
Self starters...will not.
Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.
Some come to the fountain of knowledge to drink, some prefer to just gargle.
Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.
Some see things as they are and ask 'why?'; I dream of things that never were and ask 'why not?'" - George Bernard Shaw
Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
Sometimes I think we are alone in the universe. Sometimes I think we are not. In either case, the thought is quite staggering.
Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
Sometimes you're the bird, and sometimes you're the windshield.
Speak softly and own a big, mean doberman.
Stay in with the outs.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full public view.
Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.
Success is the active process of making your dreams real and inspiring others to dream. - James Anders Honeycutt
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
Tact is the art of convincing people that they know more than they do.
Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.
Take this job and shove it.
Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
Technology makes it possible for people to gain control over everything, except over technology.
That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart.
The 5 P's : Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance
The "think positive" leader tends to listen to his subordinate's premonitions only during the postmortems.
The amount of flak received on any subject is inversely proportional to the subject's true value.
The average man's judgement is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it.
The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.
The best laid plans of mice and men are all filed away somewhere.
The best laid plans of mice and men are usually equal.
The best photos are generally attempted through the lens cap.
The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.
The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.
The best way to realise your dreams is to wake up.
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.
The business plan you prepare must be a lie; but it must be a detailed and precise lie rather than a vague and general lie.
The business world worships mediocrity. Officially, we revere free enterprise, initiative, and individuality. Unofficially, we fear it.
The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to...to...uhh...
The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
The chaos in the universe always increases.
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket.
The deadline is one week after the original deadline.
The deficiency will never show itself during the test run.
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.
The difference between a stepping stone and a stumbling block can be when you see it.
The difference between art and science is that if something works in art, you don't have to explain why.
The difficulty with a research grant is that if you solve the problem, you're out of a job.
The early bird who catches the worm usually works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.
The early worm deserves the bird.
The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
The elevator always comes after you have put down your bag.
The explanation of a disaster will be made by a stand-in.
The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.
The first 90 percent of the task takes 90 percent of the time, the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent.
The first myth of management is that it exists; the second myth of management is that success equals skill.
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all of the parts.
The first time is for love, the next time is $200.
The floggings will continue until morale improves.
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt
The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
The hardness of the butter is in inverse proportion to the softness of the bread.
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
The idea is to die young as late as possible.
The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.
The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting.
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
The longer the title the less important the job.
The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.
The meek shall inherit the earth, but only after we're done with it.
The meek shall inherit the earth, but not it's mineral rights.
The moment for calm and rational discussion is past; now is the time for senseless bickering.
The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.
The more directives you issue to solve a problem, the worse it gets.
The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher probability of its success.
The more things change, the more they stay insane.
The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do it in. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing.
The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree.
The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.
The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets.
The most important item in an order will no longer be available.
The most interesting results happen only once.
The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way.
The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.
The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
The obscure a bureaucrat may see eventually; the completely apparent takes forever.
The obscure we see eventually; the completely apparent takes a little longer.
The one item you want is never the one on sale.
The one thing that money can not buy is poverty.
The one who does the least work will get the most credit.
The one who says it can't be done should never interrupt the one doing it.
The one you want is never the one on sale.
The only important information in a hierarchy is who knows what.
The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don't have.
The only real errors are human errors.
The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it is unfamiliar territory.
The only sense that is common in the long run is the sense of change. We instinctively avoid it.
The only time to be positive is when you are positive you are wrong.
The organization of any program reflects the organization of the people who developed it.
The other line always moves faster.
The paperless office will become a reality about the same time as the paperless toilet.
The person not here is the one working on the problem.
The phone will not ring until you leave your desk and walk to the other end of the building.
The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
Two monologues do not make a dialogue.
Two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Unemployment helps stretch your coffee break.
Unless absolutely essential, borrowing to buy a depreciating asset is dumb.
Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will reject the proposal.
Urgency varies inversely with importance.
Usefulness is inversely proportional to its reputation for being useful.
Virtue is its own punishment.
Wasting time is an important part of living.
We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive. - C.S. Lewis
We are often most in the dark when we are the most certain, and most enligthened when we are the most confused.
We don't have the time or money to do it right, but we'll have time and money to do it over again.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
We sometimes get all the information, but we refuse to get the message.
We'll worry about that when we get there.
We're making progress. Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
We've always done it that way!
Wet manure is slippery. - OSHA discovery
the oddity lexicon: