Unless you've been living under a rock...or in Iraq...you've already heard about Mikey dangling a helpless baby over the edge of a hotel balcony, four stories up. Rumors that chanting from the mob below of "Drop! Drop! Drop!" could not be verified at the time this article went to press.

Many of you are wondering, "Where the hell was the mother???" Naturally, a man would be severely bitch-slapped to within an inch of his life for doing something even remotely as dangerous. However, the child is a product of asexual reproduction...which we all knew would eventually happen for Mike...so he has no female to answer to. Schweeeet!!

What's truly stupid is that he named this child after his first child. That's right, the kid's name is Prince Michael II. Apparently the first Prince Michael has disappointed the King of Pop...you have three guesses as to why, and no, the first two don't count...

But just as you would expect, Mike doesn't answer to the law for pulling shenanigans like this. Lucky bastard.

That's not all we'd like to touch upon...please observe the grotesque face above. Look closely at the nose, and you'll notice two things. First, there is some sort of skin-like material overlapping the bridge of his nose. Second, there appears to be skin dripping off the tip. It's been well-known for two decades that Mike enjoys having his face repeatedly carved like a Thanksgiving turkey, but for Christ's sake, his next nose-job will probably have to be a transplant! What kind of idiot hates his face so much that he has to change it more than six times, to the point where it's starting to fall off?

However, losing his nose may actually be part of the plan. Note how the eyes have been redone like that of a fish, all the fat has been sucked out of his lips, and the eyebrows appear to be penciled in. That's right, boys and girls...Mikey's next face is going to be that of an extraterrestrial. Then he can answer his critics truthfully: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I AM from another planet..."