Washington State has an official flower, an official bird and an official state song (tho' I couldn't tell you what any of them are...except the song, which is "Louie, Louie" by the Kingsmen). The one thing we don't have is an official state Horse's Ass.

Well, one person has been identified who richly deserves this honor: tax initiative warrior Tim Eyman. And there is now a petition circulating to get Initiative 831 on the next ballot in order for state voters to make it all legal and official.

Why should little Timmy receive such dubious distinction? Essentially because his initiatives have driven Washington State to the brink of bankruptcy.

That, and the fact that he can't write an initiative that is constitutionally legal. The moron keeps drafting intiatives with two-subject clauses. The massive state cost-cutting measures include toilet paper, but only because Eyman keeps filing more intiatives! (figure out that last joke on your own...)

The brainchild behind this historic initiative is a local computer programmer David Goldstein. Armed with a sense of humor (and five dollars for the filing fee), Mr. Goldstein began a mission to make official what every intelligent, fiscally responsible state citizen has been uttering under their breath for years.

Tim Eyman, in an attempt to show reporters that he can take a joke, said that he would actually sign the petition himself. Mr. Goldstein even offered Timmy an opportunity to be the FIRST to sign it. However, at the I-831 campaign kick-off, Eyman was a no-show, claiming he "didn't feel like going". To further demonstrate the fact that he doesn't have the sense of humor he publicly claimed to possess, Eyman went on to say the petition should easily get enough signatures simply because Goldstein has gotten so much attention from "fawning reporters"...in other words, Timmy is sulking because the reporters are no longer fawning enough over HIM.

Unlike Tim Eyman, Mr. Goldstein openly pledges to divert campaign contributions for his personal use (primarily for beer, one would hope...however, if Goldstein drinks Budweiser, I'm voting "no" just out of principle).

If you enjoy hot coffee spurting out your nose, go check out the I-831 website, and also be sure to download the petition for a good laugh. And if you're a registered voter in Washington, sign the damn thing and send it in.

For those Eyman supporters who would like to send me hate mail, here ya go...