| Dreaming of the road... |
| I was at work yesterday and a friend called me... of course I was too busy to take the call but she was in Atlanta at the Masquerade seeing a Soilworks/In Flames show with another friend of ours... damn, I was jealous! She got to drive thru north Florida up I-75 and see all those landmarks and random shit that my sis and I used to see. She saw all the 'Cafe Risque' signs, she passed by "Charlie" in Gainesville and she even saw the World's Largest Peanut in Georgia... and my Butts County sign. Here I was in customer service hell while she's taking her turn to have the wind whip her hair around, one arm out the window, blasting music, falling in love with the sight of a pitch black interstate, seeing the green exit signs and red, white & blue interstate signs... the brown cultural/historical markers, the blue rest stop signs... damn. I haven't taken a trip in 3 months now, my longest time without a trip since all this shit began 11 months ago. Time to rest, recooperate and save money in hopes I can do it all again this fall... Of course there's the job situation... no vacation time for 90 days, I still don't know what days of the week I'll be working, don't know which shift, don't know if they'll change my schedule again after 6 weeks, don't know a damn thing. I wonder if I really want a job with such responsibility or do I want a less meaningful spot that'll allow me to 'be me' and travel alot... afterall I'm young right now, can't let these times slip away! I'll do the more responsible shit when I'm older... we'll see how it goes, we'll see just how restrictive this spot is. It will allow me to live on my own tho, sometimes it doesn't get freer than that... damn I'm so worried I won't have enough money to pull all this off! I want to work another job but of course, again, I don't know my schedule so I can't do that yet... So what's the purpose of this rant? More of a private "me-thing" for me to rant about how much I miss the little shit from traveling. Nevermind that I'm not seeing any concerts and shit, I miss being in another state, I miss driving further and further from home then I miss the, "OMG I love you Florida!" mood that sweeps over after a chilly as fuck nite in IL... as much as it sucks at the time, I miss being all bleary-eyed and tired, pulling over at a rest stop, getting out of the car, hearing my bones crack, stretching out, wearing nothing but boxers and a tshirt, it's cold outside and goosebumps rise... wipe all the eye boogers outta my eyes, smush my contacts around, yawn, stumble all the way to the bathroom, happy to have blood running thru me... Moo is either asleep in shotgun or thousands of miles away hating life... There's another weird issue of my trips... I loved having Moo with me but I also loved being alone... loved 'em both, as long as I was traveling... sitting here right now after not being on the road for awhile I find it weird that I handled being alone!! I'm not used to it anymore, almost... how sad is that? How did I pass the lonely time behind the wheel? Cellphone, called Moo ALOT... or sang, alot... I remember one time I was getting so sleepy on the road that we played a sing-a-long game; she'd start singing a song and I'd join in, we'd screech along with it until we forgot the words... anything to keep my mind active, or I listened to those self improvement cds that Ma wanted me to listen to... as long as you aren't totally alone the entire trip, never done that... but I oughta try it I guess... everytime I took a trip there was a destination... whew I am rambling... But back to the alone thing. It only got sad when I thought of what "could be"... as in, flying thru those crappy, twisting mountains in West Virginia was alright until I'd look to my side to find a new cd and realize that I was fishing for a cd, not nudging Moo to find one. She's not there, hell, no one is... look in the rearview mirror; there's no Melissa dancing, no Moo sleeping or heating a slice of pizza with a lighter or wrapping herself in the bovine blanket for warmth... no Moo looking back at me so sadly while thumbing thru my cds, looking for the most poignant, heartbreaking songs... there's no pastries being tossed around the car, there's no homemade sauce sitting on the floorboard, no laundry basket heaping with towels, no bloodied clothes laying on the backdash, where's the can of beef jerky? Moo and I always took it on trips... no more nilla wafers, I guess we got sick of those... nilla wafers, beef jerky, goldfish crackers, fruit cups, bottles of propel... seeing Propel always reminds me of Moo, the only shit she loved to drink... when I travel alone my bags are in the back, cds up front, and a bag of various snacks... a case of bottled water sits behind shotgun so I can easily reach back. Empty bottles of water are strewn across the car due to my lazy "tossing of the bottles" cause I don't want to clog the garbage bag that's sitting in front of shotgun. Truck stops were fun with Moo... she doesn't like anything dirty, grubby, scrubby or redneck. She'd cringe at all the rebel flags and freak at the thought of sitting on those toilets. Truck stops are loaded with anything and everything for roadtrips, God bless truckers... oh there's another story, I want to do that so badly... grrrrr... we found shotglasses from various states, travel alarm clocks, clothes, postcards, various souvineers, all kinds of car parts, wide variety of coffees and snacks, showers, game rooms, restaurants, etc... I always had to "break the toilet in" for her by taking a piss in it first so my ass germs get all over it... I guess she prefers family ass germs as opposed to stranger ass germs... the paper ass-gasket just isn't enough I suppose. What is it that makes me love the road so much? I don't mean the shows I was going to see, that's a given... but somethin about the actual travel part is so amazing. Normal life is fairly routine; work, eat, sleep, blah... being on the road/traveling is synonymous with adventure, unexpected, fun, etc... but being behind the wheel and just cruising isn't very earth shattering, you know what's happening and what will happen, for the most part... is it the freedom part? Maybe I just really love listening to music? Whenever I drive to work it's about a 12 mile haul, a nice 15-20 minute ride and I absolutely love it... but nah, cause the interstate signs are missing, there's no truck stops or "WE BARE ALL!" signs screaming at you. Interstates are a magical lil thing... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I love driving around! Of course when I have kids and hafta do family trips it's gonna suck ass I bet. It's all about the context... I guess my next trip might be Motorhead/Dio/Iron Maiden in Ohio if work allows it... still don't know my schedule, grrrrr... this whole rant is just a private mourning session I suppose, mourning the loss of the "roadtrip"... I can't do one for awhile, gotta save money for my apartment, pet fee, turning on all the electric and stuff, gotta buy some furniture, etc... any money I have leftover I gotta save for DBX/GWAR shows, hopefully I can hit a decent amount this fall... sure this year flew by but I can't wait another year if this year goes to pot... I want a job with more flexibility... fuck that, I wanna win the lotto!!! :) Alot of people do it, why am I not one of them?!!? I buy my fair share of lotto tickets... I know, people say that winning the lotto can be a curse so I don't want to win anything ridiculous like 30 million... I'd be happy with just the base 3 million ya get in FL... just enough money so that I can quit my job everytime a favorite band goes on tour and still pay the bills... just work temp. jobs until I'm "roadtripped" out... heh heh... like that'll ever happen... MUST...TAKE...A....TRIP!!!!!!! HOME |