slr_europa@yahoo.com http://www.geocities.com/slr_europa/ AIM :: ropachan ********************************* Rouge Chapter 8 by Sailor Europa Mamoru awoke feeling physically heavy. He moaned and tried to relieve the pressure on his chest by palming the stressor, wriggling underneath. It wasn't until he opened his eyes that images from the night before flooded his memory. His body, responding reflexively to the sight of the blonde lump on top of his chest, jolted awake, causing his companion to stir with a few mumbled words just seconds later. Mamoru's heart rate slowed after the shock of not waking up alone and settled into slow throb as Usagi rolled off of him with an immense yawn and catlike stretch. The couch in her living room didn't look that comfortable, but after such a traumatic night, Mamoru found that he could sleep anywhere – and with anything on top of him. Usagi couldn't have weighed more than a hundred pounds, but that's a hundred more than he was used to being squished by. He hadn't a clue how she wound up on top of him and, barring the original shock of find her there, he still thought it was cute. The night had been chaste, but even if something had happened, Mamoru still couldn't think of a more romantic night. He mulled over the events from a few hours ago and decided that the circumstances could have been better, but opening his eyes to the morning light and finding an adorable, petite blonde perched on chest was definitely a perk, even with the memories still looming in the atmosphere. There was still a cautious aura about her, but he sensed his presence was not unwelcome. He felt like he needed to be there, not just for her peace of mine, but his own. Even if he'd been alone in his own bed, without a hundred pounds of dead weight collapsing his lungs, he knew he wouldn't have slept better. "How're you feeling?" He mumbled, his mouth still finding it hard to fully awaken. She paused with her arms raised, mid-stretch, and shrugged. "OK, I guess." Mamoru almost hated to ask his next question, for he feared what the answer might be. "Are you planning on working today?" She exhaled loudly without looking at him, her eyes studying the plaster walls in front of her. "No. Madame told me before I left to take a couple days off if I needed to." "Good." He said, relieved. Not only would he be able to make it through the day knowing that, he absently (and selfishly, he added silently) praised the idea of spending time with her, uninterrupted. They'd made the decision not to meet in the club anymore, to avoid not only suspicion but temptation as well, and Mamoru was convinced it was the right idea. But that seriously limited how much he could see her, because she worked mostly at night and he was in school during the day. Sunday was just dawning on the horizon and despite the looming week ahead of them, Mamoru was determined to make the most of the free day they both had. "I have to go back eventually, Mamoru." She said weakly, and inside her heart, she could feel the flecks of defiance that still lingered inside. She didn't like it anymore than he did, but she wanted him to face the fact that she had to go back. She would take until Wednesday off, but then she had to get back. Staying off the clock for long just wasn't an option. He pulled her close as he sighed and kissed her forehead gently. He didn't say anything for a few moments, and she snaked her arms around his waist awkwardly. "I know." He replied finally, reluctantly. "You can't expect me to like it, though, can you?" He said, pulling away just enough to gaze down at her. She fumbled with the button on his shirt and shook her head innocently, conceding. "No." He pulled her close again and she leaned into his chest, pressing her ear into his ribs to hear the heartbeat inside. The steady, muffled thump was melodic and filled the silence of the room that was growing more intense. She could tell he was thinking about something and the longer he waited to voice his concerns, the more anxious she became. "Usagi?" "Hm?" He paused again, tempering his words carefully. "How… I mean, do you plan on ever… not going back?" He stumbled through the sentence clumsily and it was all Usagi could do not to cry at the question. It wasn't that she hadn't thought about it, but… it just wasn't an option. Not now. She had no skills for anything else, and anyway, who would higher an ex-hooker? The one steady job she had on her resume would surely deter any prospective employer. "I don't want to do this forever, but…." She trailed off, not sure how to finish. In truth she wept when she thought about the notion of being a prostitute for the rest of her life, but it had become her identity and she hadn't a clue what she was without it. Mamoru, in truth, was the first person to ever try to find someone else inside. She hated who she was and who she had become, but at the same time, she couldn't comprehend being something else. If her one identifier were taken away, where would that leave her? "What else would I do? I'm certainly not trained for anything else…" She almost laughed, but thought better of it before sobering up. "Usagi…. Would it be possible… I mean, in a little while, of course, for you to…" He stopped, not sure how to continue. She looked expectantly at him now, urging him on. "What would you think about coming back to Japan? … With me?" ***** The whole Sunday was physically lazy, but mentally, both their minds were racing. Mamoru wondered if hadn't made a grievous mistake in offering to take her home with him, as if she were some gift shop souvenir, and almost jumped on a couple of chances to take it back. Usagi, however, was baffled and terrified and flattered and intrigued by the notion but let her overwhelmingly paranoid common sense talk her out of agreeing. Her heart would pound at the idea of being whisked away by a savior into a foreign land and the little girl inside her cheered. But the very grown-up and cynical woman she had forced herself to become was realistic. Mamoru had known her for a few weeks, and the chances that this relationship would last, not only time, but a few thousand miles, were slim to none. Her ever rational mind tried to convince her that it was a lost cause, and that, really, he probably hadn't meant it anyway. But he did and Mamoru was battling his own inner demons over the situation at the same time. He worried about not only her physical health but her mental and emotional health as well and despite how much of a shock and scare it might be for her to throw this all away, he had to believe it would be better for her. She could take classes, maybe even get into a school. There had to be a better life for her, and a very selfish part of Mamoru told him that the best one for her was right by his side. They spent the bulk of the day just talking and she took him for a walk around the little crevice of Amsterdam where she lived just before they bought a few sandwiches for dinner. She took him to the pond where she would sit and feed the ducks and even told him of how she had named a few of the ones that she saw time after time. He let his amazement at her innocence only deepen from where it had been, for despite the life she lived, Usagi had retained a sunny disposition that sat dormant the majority of the time. But when given the chance and a gentle push, Mamoru found it absolutely refreshing and enlightening. He'd been cynical and dark all of his life for things that happened when he was a child, and by all means, Usagi should have been the same way. But through all the choices, she kept a small space tucked away inside her where she hid the little girl that never had a chance to be a little girl. The subtle wonder that sparked inside her eyes when her guard was down gave her away and it was then that Mamoru had decided that he had to find a way to let it out. Usagi had to find a way to be free of these shackles and be allowed to live the life she longed and yearned for. She was pining for fulfillment, and while Mamoru wanted desperately for it to be found in him, the darkest recesses of his mind told him that they're some things that even love couldn't accomplish. Not the love he had to offer, at least, although there were mountains of it. She had to learn to love herself, and she had worked so hard to bury that girl deep down, for she'd been taught to be ashamed of her. How, Mamoru wondered, would she ever find a way to dig it all out? ***************************************** slr_europa@yahoo.com http://www.geocities.com/slr_europa/ AIM :: ropachan