This epilogue, is - BY FAR - my favorite thing I've ever written. I went as far along the Angst scale as I could without tipping it, and I am bloody PROUD of what I've accomplished. *grins maliciously* ....Enjoy..... slr_europa@yahoo.com http://www.geocities.com/slr_europa/ AIM :: SeeShelliRun ***************************************** Love Through Time ~ A Serena and Darien Saga Volume Two - EPILOGUE by Sailor Europa "It was a lovely service, Darien.....You're mother would have been so happy with it." Mrs. Patrick said quietly behind me. I was slightly aware of her gentle touch on my back, weaving slow circles through the fabric. I hardly made a move. "I know." Was all I could muster in reply as I jerked away, only wishing that I could be alone right then. "She looked so peaceful...." She muttered wistfully. I clenched my teeth. "Yes...." I bit out. She should, I thought. She was dead. I think she took the hint and retracted her hand at the bitterness of my words. I sighed in guilt, automatically feeling worse. "Well, I guess I'll leave you alone." I heard her muffled footsteps move toward the door, and I turned suddenly. "Please tell the others I'd like not to be bothered just now." She nodded at that, and gave me a reassuring smile. I sighed again as the door shut behind her and I was alone once again. I knew in my heart that if anyone, Selene Patrick was the only one who was feeling even half as badly as I was. With my father gone, we had been her family. And once Serene got married, that family had gotten even smaller. My eyes tightened shut at the memory of three years ago. That long, and I still hadn't recovered. And to make matters worse, she wouldn't be here for this occasion. I wanted her here more than anything. I needed her support throughout this, her comfort. But I couldn't expect her to put her new life on pause just because I had a family crisis. I didn't even tell her about the funeral. I didn't want to have to receive the letter in reply, declining from the invitation. Besides that, I didn't want her to see me like this. I was a wreck. I had been, ever since mother had taken ill. I hardly worked, barely slept. Once Serene left, she was practically all I had. I couldn't lose her too. But despite my prayers, I lost her. She slipped through my fingers too, just the other woman I loved so much. And now, as the tears threatened to fall once more, the only comfort I could find was that now, I truly was alone. ***** "Darien....?" The muffled voice called. I didn't mutter a word. I just prayed that whoever it was, would have enough sense to leave me alone. I put my head in my hands, rubbing my eyes fiercely. I swallowed hard as my name was called again, louder this time. "Darien?" The door behind me swung open as the voice was crystal clear this time. Irritated, I swiveled around, my tone and expression bitter and angry. 'What?!" My cold, frustrated eyes met another pair head on. My jaw clamped shut as the penetrating blue eyes of Serene stared back, shocked and a little embarrassed. I softened at the sight, more than a little surprised. I blinked a couple of times, just to make sure she was really there. Make sure it wasn't my poor hearts attempt at teasing. "Serene....." I mumbled incoherently. Her huge eyes bore into me and she stood in the doorway silently, concern ruling her expression, barely concealing a few traces of sadness. Her chest heaved inward as she sighed, suddenly making her way towards me with quick, even steps. "Oh Darien...." She mumbled, now just a few feet from me. I still gaped at her, bewildered. In a split second, she had wrapped her tiny arms tightly around my waste, squeezing me unmercifully, burying her face in my chest. I watched in utter disbelief, as my arms rose slowly and gripped her tender little body. I held back tears, wishing I could just cry. Why did she have to come? Why did she have to show up, after all this time? Didn't she know what this would do to me? I gave her up once, and now I was going to have to do it all over again. How could I let her go? "Why didn't you tell me?" She pulled away slowly, her arms inching up around my neck, and she ran her fingers soothingly through my hair. My jaw tightened as I swallowed. I had survived these past few years alone, and now it seemed like they never existed. All those emotions came rushing back to me, and were only heightened by the situation at hand. Despite the funeral and everything else, I could only think of how much I still loved her. "I'm so sorry about all this Darien...." She said sadly, her eyes mirroring mine exactly. "I know how close you were...." I nodded, still not able to say a word. I felt her fingers on my skin, and I wanted to cry. I needed her so much right now....I couldn't believe she had come. "I'll miss her too." She muttered to herself absently, now staring directly at my chest, so intently, and I watched her own eyes well up with tears. She tried to hide them, but I watched them glitter under the light from the window and my soul shivered. "You didn't have to come...." I muttered, taking her free hand in my own. She grew serious suddenly, her eyes growing steady again. "Yes I did. I always felt like she was a second mother to me. I couldn't have stayed away." She replied simply, giving me a forced smile. I blinked. She was trying so hard to stay strong, but I knew as soon as she left me, she would cry herself. "I only wish we could have come in time for the funeral." I winced, my mind getting caught on the word 'we'. I should have known she wouldn't travel alone.... "I do too." ***** "I wish we could stay longer, mother. But Luc has to get back to work. We were lucky to get this much time away...." Mrs. Patrick nodded understandingly, but her eyes were sad. Serene took her mothers hand in her own and squeezed it. She looked up and gave a sad smile. I stood behind her and patted her shoulder. Serene threw me her own saddened grin, before turning her attention back to her mother. I looked over at Luc, who was watching silently, holding a blonde headed two year old girl in his arms. My heart ached painfully at the sight. The silent little child looked so much like her mother. Luc gave me a compassionate smile just then, and I returned it as well as I could. I hurt so much right then, feeling like I had lost everything I ever cherished. Serene had her own family now, and I had completely lost mine. Somehow, the scale didn't seem quite even. "I'll go get your coats...." I said, and Serene watched me quietly, her lips set in tight line. I wanted to stay, but I didn't know how long I could survive there. So I left, walking into the entry room, yanking on the heavy wooden door to the right of me. I stepped inside the cloak room, and turned on the lamp that hung on the wall beside me. I stood silently for a few minutes, just staring at the practically empty room all around me. I was glad to be alone for that moment. I felt stifled in the out there. Too many things I wanted to say, but couldn't. I sighed dejectedly, finally turning around to retrieve the three coats from the hooks, when the door behind me opened suddenly. I whirled around surprised, finding Serene closing the door behind her as she walked in. "Ser...." I mumbled. She gave me a shy smile, and I stood and stared, a bit baffled. She stayed back a few moments, the first time I'd ever seen her timid in a quite a while. She clasped her hands anxiously in front of her and shifted her footing nervously. "I wanted to talk to you before we left." She took a deep breath and made a few quick steps towards me, her skirt rustling under her insistence. I gulped, a little baffled but rooted in place. I took a good look at her for the first time since she had arrived earlier that week. For one reason or another, we hadn't seen too much of each other. The circumstances weren't exactly ideal, though. I couldn't concentrate on anything lately, what with the conflicting emotions about my mother, and in a way I was kind of thankful. Had everything been normal around here, I probably would have just been miserable having to watch the happy couple and their new addition wander about. I hadn't been disillusioning myself about my feelings for her in the previous years, but right now I was feeling like an recovering alcoholic. Seeing her now only made me feel worse about everything, even if I couldn't feed my misery as much as it needed right now. I was missing her so much, but was also knowing that if I had the chance, having her here was much more painful than not being able to see her at all. I was going out of my mind right then. I needed her in ways she had no right to fulfill, even if she was the only one who could. I wished she had come alone, but also thanked God she hadn't, knowing the temptation would be too great for me to do something I would regret dearly. My mind was determined to abandon me and now I could only watch her stare deeply into me, the shimmer of the single lantern lighting up her already glowing blue eyes. "I just...." She paused momentarily, mentally searching for the words. "I wanted to explain a few things...." Again, she stopped, taking a deep breath in order to keep her steady nature, but her eyes betrayed her. I could see the doubt in her, but before I could urge her on, she glanced down and continued. "Darien, I need you to know that I still miss you, and that I'm so sorry." Tentatively her gazed came upwards, looking me straight in the eyes once again. "I went to Paris to find myself. I wanted to lose everything I had accomplished in London, forget that Serene ever existed. And I wanted to forget you most of all. I was so ashamed of my feelings for you and all I wished for was to just lose those emotions. I met Luc, and he wasn't you, but...." She stopped, and my heart broke. That 'but' told me more than she ever could. But she suddenly inhaled confidently and looked me square in the eyes, her features contrasting them in the soft light around us. "I never stopped loving you Darien.... I just stopped waiting for you to love me back." I exhaled obliviously. It felt like the wind was knocked out of me. I blinked uncomprehending, feeling like I must have heard her wrong. My mind refused to believe she was actually saying these words to me. Her lips couldn't be telling me such things.... Betraying my minds' screaming, I took a few steps, closing in the space between us. We didn't touch at all, but I watched the slight flush rise to her cheeks, and I realized how hard it must have been for her to tell me all this after so long. I knew exactly how she felt. "I know." I mumbled, my tone saddened, the heavy mood enveloping her and I like a blanket. My heart was shattering inside me, her tender voice actually spelling out the words I had been aching to hear. She did still love me, after so many heart-wrenching years of wondering, scared that I had lost that emotion forever. "I never stopped loving you either, Ser." My voice cracked as a sob choked my speech, and I felt a tiny, bittersweet grin slide onto my face as the tears began to blur my vision. The tiniest laugh escaped her mouth only to be punctuated by a saddened sigh. "If only things were different....It feels like we're on two different plains...." She began to stare off at the wall behind me, and I continued to gaze at her beautiful, solemn figure, darkened by the rooms' atmosphere at that moment. Tears began to spill from her eyes, and it was then I realized that she felt just as I did all these years. Restrained, held back by something you couldn't control, when all you really wanted was to let go. I desperately wanted nothing more than to just scoop her up in my arms and hold her warm body against mine, knowing that there was no where else she'd rather be. But something pushed me in the other direction, and I had to fight the temptation, for the consequence was to great. I could no longer respect myself if I just let it all go. I couldn't do it, even thought now I was sure that the roadblock I thought she had put up was no longer there. I could tell that, in that moment, she wanted only the same things as me. She ached to touch me, kiss me, warm my body with her own. Her tears told me so much, and it scared me. Luc seemed to be the only factor keeping us apart, and I wondered how big of one he really was. "I wish it were 5 years ago...." I said wistfully, smiling slightly down at her. Despite her slumping shoulders and sagging form she returned it half-heartedly. "I would change so many things..." Against every fiber of my body, I opposed my mind and raised my shaking hands, brushing each of her fallen tears gently away. "Me too...." She said breathlessly, closing her eyes slowly, her face growing peaceful as she leaned her cheek against the palm of my hand. My heart pounded violently in my chest, rapping inside my rib cage in protest. What we were doing was so completely wrong, and we both knew it. But I couldn't control it. The temptation was about to win me over, too great to ignore as it sat contentedly in front of me. "There's no way in hell I'd have let you leave...." My voice was low, almost afraid someone else would hear it. I stroked her now brightly flushed cheeks tenderly, the intensity of my emotions overflowing from into my actions. She unconsciously stepped farther into my touch, her eyes still not opening as her body lightly brushed against my own. "I'd give myself a chance to feel all that I feel now....Want everything I want......" My chest throbbed as my voice stumbled into the next words. "Need everything I need now." Her eyelids fluttered open and it was all there. Her eyes were so pleading, and if I could have only shut my eyes just then it would have broken, but she paralyzed me right then. She was so close, and I realized that one of my arms had begun to drift slowly downward just then, and now lay carelessly on her hip, grasping at her waist eagerly, while the other still fingered her delicate features slowly and carefully, relishing the feeling of her warm, pink skin on them. My eyes wandered over her face, everything tinted a beautiful red hue, her lips slightly parted in anticipation...I could feel my own practically shivering hungrily at the situation and I inhaled impulsively. She had gotten so close, just then...her hands now holding my face tenderly, her tiny fingers tickling the nape of my jaw, teasing me onward. Her nose was just barely touching mine, and I could feel her breath leave her and mingle with my own. I could practically taste her on my lips as I leaned down slowly, wanting to savor each second I held her like this. Her whole body giving in, her eyelids closed, shuddering in one last attempt of hesitation before surrendering completely to the need. I felt my own lids grow heavy, and just as that last bit if distance closed between us my own eyes shut, and I was only aware of her warm breath wafting through my senses, heightening my desire. My lips parted and my eager, hungry senses awaited the feeling of my every dream coming true... And suddenly, a light punctured all the emotions, deflating the passion and everything that had just occurred. Both our heads ripped away from each other, the door to the cloak room now fully open, a blinding light from the other side pulling us apart, the only relief being a tall figure cutting the harsh glare in two. I squinted ungratefully, my heart and mind shattering around me. The intensity that was so high dropped like a stone and I sucked in a frightened breath as I watched the blonde man enter the room and set the tiny child on the floor. We had stepped apart, our faces now expressionless, no hint of the desire and emotion that had us so completely oblivious a second ago. Luc grinned, his confusion obvious as he stepped towards his wife. I closed my eyes tightly now, as he put a protective arm around her. It all rushed back to me, slamming into me with a force that painfully hammered itself into my mind. The glint of the ring on her finger practically blinded me, and I could only take a few more steps backwards. I hated myself right then. Hated myself for having no will power, not being able to restrain my emotions. But even more than that, I wished things hadn't stopped. Wished Luc hadn't entered when he did. I wanted to know what it was like to taste her, to feel her body shudder from within me. I wanted her to become a part of me, and I hated everything around me for not stopping Luc in his tracks. I needed that one moment with her. I would never be complete without the knowledge of how it felt to kiss her and know that she willingly kissed me back. I loathed it all. "You were gone for so long....We got worried." He threw a curious glance towards his wife and then me. I couldn't meet his gaze and only looked downward, ashamed once more. Serene looked up confidently at her husband, her lips in a tight line. Once more her emotions were displayed plainly on her face and I knew she felt just as I did. "Darien and I were...." She stopped, sucking in a deep breath, looking him right in the eye. I held my breath. "Just talking." I exhaled. Her head turned slowly to face me and I noted a hint of a sad smile, hiding an even sadder soul behind the facade. I looked from the blonde, trusting man at her right, wearing a band on his finger to match that of his wife's, to the toddler that now hugged it's mothers' leg protectively, and nodded just as dejectedly. "Just talking." ***************************************** I'd type out what I'm doing, but really, text doesn't do it justice. But you can imagine. I've dubbed it "The Dance of Angst". And the cackling adds so much to it. Please tell me what you thought. If you never e-mail me about another story, at least give me some thoughts on this one in the very least. I spent a good chunk of a summer cranking this story out, and I have coddled it with all I have in me. I'd really appreciate any thoughts, good or bad you might have. Hope you enjoyed! :) slr_europa@yahoo.com http://www.geocities.com/slr_europa/ AIM :: SeeShelliRun