| June 12, 2002- This is going to be my last entry for a while. At least until my next (and last) chemo. For the last month or so I haven't really been to enthusiastic about writing in this journal because I've been keeping all of my thoughts into a written journal that Laurie gave me. The entry I put in it last night was pretty ironic actually. I wrote about Tracy, about how I was actually developing feelings for her, maybe even falling in love with her. I went on and on about how I felt and how great things were that I had her. Today she dumped me. Do you see the irony in that. I finally admit my feelings to myself only to have her tell me that I'm not really what she wants. I guess the feelings that I had weren't really mutual. She invites me to meet her for lunch since she's in the area working her job at the airport for a day or two. I'm thinking, "Wow, she misses me and wants to spend some time with me, that's great!" Then I get there and everything is going great, we're talking and haveing a good time. Then she says she needs to tell me something, and it's not going to be easy. First think that pops into my mind is "Oh shit" but I dont' say that. No, I'm a mature man now so I sit and listen to her spout off non-sense, or at least non-sense to me. But it MUST make sense to her since she's telling it to me and since it's reason enough to dump me. So I listen. At the end of listening I ask her one question, "Do you care about me, more than a friend but actually care about me?", and she says yes. So now I'm like what the F***? I just don't get it. Right now I feel kinda shitty and all, but I think I'll get over it. After all, we hadn't really even had a chance to go out at all. In fact, that was one of her reasons for dumping me, we hadn't "clicked" together. HAHA, we hadn't even been together. No, I fell in love with her for the person that she is instead of most jerks who say the love someone only because of the way the look or the things they do together. So much for that though. It's over now, and I accept that. I'm just glad my cancer's already gone because if I still had it right now I'm not sure if I'd even want to fight it. But that's just my mindset now. I know things will get better. At least my chemo's almost done. Then I'll feel good and be able to go out and meet new people. Maybe even someone that can make me feel the same way Tracy did. Well, that's the end of tonight's entry. Isn't my life just a soap opera of fun? (PS: No one should take this entry seriously, I kinda went downstairs and had some of my parents rum, well, not some....the rest of the bottle. So I think I'm a little drunk right now. I'll have to look at this tomorrow and see if I remember everything that I wrote. Other than Tracy dumping me I'm not sure if everything else is accurate.) Oh, and try not to tell my parents about the rum if you ever happen to run into them. I'm not sure, but I doubt they would appreciate it, and the last thing I need is to get in trouble after a day like today. |