| April 7, 2002- Today was a day like any other. Well, I've been trying to keep myself busy over the weekend, for some reason the weekends last longer than the weekdays. I think it has something to do with the fact that most of my friends are out or busy on the weekends and I don't get to talk to them. Whereas during the week they're more than happy to take some time away from their studies to carry on a conversation. I guess I did a lot this weekend compared to what my every day for the past few months has been like. I read a book for one thing, all in one day. That made the hours pass by pretty quick. I also dusted off some of my workout equipment that hasn't been unpacked since we moved from Virginia. That was a fun experience...even simple things like sit-ups take a lot out of me. Not to mention I'm still not used to the atrophy that set into some of my abdominal muscles from the surgery. I guess when it hurts to use certain muscles you make a point not to use them at all, then after about two months of neglect you try to just jump start them back into full time use they tend to not agree with you. I think after thirty sit-ups I was ready to call it quits. I've been having a lot of nightmares lately. Really wierd ones too, not like what the normal nightmare is supposed to be. I keep having dreams where I'm throwing up all over myself, like I have some wierd stomache virus or something. They're very vivid dreams too, I don't like them one bit. I think it's becuase I'm worried that with this next chemo on friday I may not handle it as well as the first two. With the second one I was very quesy for a few days afterwards, and they say that each chemo is worse than the one before as far as side effects go. That's probably where my dreams are coming from. I also keep having dreams about my hair. Not so much falling out, since that's already happened, but what's going to happen when it grows back. I mean, I can't wait to have something covering my cold scalp again other than a hat, but is it going to look the same? Some people say it grows back thicker and curlier...I sure hope not. My hair was thick and curly to begin with, that's why I always kept it short. I just want it to grow back the way it was before. I liked my hair. Hopefully these dreams won't become a reality, I'm sure they won't. But it's still a scary thought. It's also kind of disturbing to think that my situation is even influencing my dreams. It's like I have no place where I can be normal anymore...although my friends would probably say there's no place that I was ever normal before all this happened :) |