| April 5, 2002- Ok, here's how things stand with me right now. Physically I feel find from the chemo. Everything is back in tip top shape. I've learned though that I'm still recovering from the surgery, I guess that's gonna be a long road until I feel normal again. I tried to sing today in my car while I was out running erands and found out that everything I had taught myself in theatre, using my diaghram and abs to breath and talk, doesn't really work anymore. It actually was pretty painful. After singing one song it felt like I had done a hundred sit-ups. Then when I was home I tried to do some pull-ups on the pipes in the basement, something I always did before and after doing one I fell to the floor in pain. This really sucks...how am I going to get my nice six pack for the beach if I can't even workout like I normally would. And on top of that the steroid I'm taking is supposed to make me gain weight, and if I can't work out as hard as normal then I don't know how I'm going to keep myself in shape. Another thing, when does it warm up in pennsylvania. It was snowing today. SNOWING, in APRIL. What's wrong with this picture? Oh well, I'll just have to get used to it, I'm going to be here for a while. And I'm actually starting to like some things about Pennsylvania, just very slowly. I'm sure once I get back to school I'll be a lot happier. I should say once I get out of this house really, I love my family and everything, they're great, but after a semester of being on my own and stuff they have to learn that I don't need things done for me any more. I've gotten accustomed to being independent and since I'm not bedridden I'd like to keep up some of those habbits. I thought a lot about Tracy today. I really enjoyed visiting her the other day but like I said something just didn't seem the same. Whether I was just imagining it or not I don't know, maybe I'm paranoid or something. But as any of my friends from Virginia can tell you, I never really had a girlfriend to speak of in high school so I have no clue what I'm doing. Tracy's friend told me to just give her time, I wonder if that means I did something wrong yesterday or if she was just saying that out of the blue. I just don't want to screw things up in any way at all, I'll give her all the time she needs. I want things to work out. I just wish I could see her in person more often, it really bites being stuck at home. I also wish I had some more experience with situations like this. I guess I'm to blame for that, between school, theatre, and work I never had any time for a girlfriend. Well, that and I was to shy. Either way it's not good. I just wish I knew what she was thinking sometimes, it would be really cool if I could read minds right about now. P.S.....I was just wanted to say something to those of you reading all this stuff about me. I would really apreciate it if anyone that's visiting this site would please sign my guestbook. That way I know who's reading this, since I realized I really have no clue. There's a link on the bottom of my homepage and it doesn't take long, just a minute or two. I don't care what you say, don't try and be all philosophical or anything if you don't want to be, I just want to have an idea of who's reading this stuff regularly. Thanks. |