This is the place where you can read various writings of mine which I have deemed worthy of display. Many of these stories were originally run in my school newspaper The Student Life, though these have been presented in their original versions, before my editors could get their paws on them. It's my website, so I can do that. Ha. I also plan to throw up a couple of other random writings soon, so read what you want, and, er, don't what you don't, I guess.

"Movies Suck", originally published on 12.07.01

"Steal This Article", originally published as "In His Grave, Tchaikovsky Is Silently Weeping"on 09.21.01

"Mr. Show: 'If Education Had a Dick, I Would Suck it", originally published with a much more obtuse title on 10.11.02

"The Parable of Jimmy and the Golden Sparkplug", originally published on 02.23.01

"Man Eats Plane, Is Stupid", originally published as "Metal, Mastication and a Man in Nebraska" on 11.09.01

"Super Bowl Commercially Thing", originally published with some other title sometime in early 2002

"Mr. T Tells Us 'Be Somebody, I Ain't Playin'", a fan favorite originally published on 10.12.01

"This New 'Honesty' Thing Will Surely Bring Armageddon", originally published on 04.27.01

"Armageddon Arrived in a Sardine Tin, and Nobody Noticed", originally published with a horrible title on 02.09.01

"This Will be Funnier if You Actually go to Pomona", originally published as "Dorm Parties We'd Actually Want to go to"on 10.05.01

"Shaolin Soccer: Like a Kick in the Crotch, But Better", hopefully to be published on 10.18.02

"Drunk Folks are Fun", originally published on 09.28.01

"Extreme... Tiddlywinks?", originally published as "Take Life to a Whole New Extreme" on 11.16.01

"The One Without a Title", never published. Probably a good thing as there's no real point and it's not my best work, but there you go.

"True Tales of How TV Sucked Our Brains Away", originally published on 10.12.01

Joke Issue article involving Phi Delta and what they've done beyond sheep, originally published sometime in Spring 2002

"DDP Poll of Student Population finds majority in favor of "For Fucking Out Loud, We Don't Care Anymore"", never fucking published. This should have been in the news section of the Spring 2002 Joke Issue™, but it was 'mysteriously misplaced'. Fuck that. I know it was a conspiracy - somepeople just can't handle the truth. This was my finest hour, this was my goddamned Waterloo. And again, it's funnier if you actually went to Pomona in 2001-2002...