I cannot possibly summarize Vic in this little space here, let alone anywhere else on my website. Seriously, I only have like 15 megabytes of space on here. Well, Vic isn't just my best friend, he's also my brother - and if you're wondering how that's possible, well... it's a long story. Maybe some other time. Vic is the type of person that can walk into a crowded room and, within five minutes, have learned every person's name and deflowered every virgin. He also knows roughly twenty languages including English, Swahili, Afrikaans and Outer Mongoloidian. He's good at like every sport ever invented (yes, even calvinball) and has no less than 3 girlfriends at any given time. Also, sometimes he has an afro or dreadlocks with funny things in them which is always a treat. I always hope that he'll start keeping things like skateboards and safes in his hair like the guy from the Harlem Globetrotters cartoon, but sadly he's just not up for it. One of these days we'll combine his amazing afro powers and my incredible intellect to create the world's greatest bi-racial crime-fighting superpower team! That, or we'll just play Smash Brothers again... sssshhhh, Hannah is sleeping... something she probably doesn't get to do a lot at the University of Kansas, where she goes to school (not necessarily of her own volition, but that's a whole other story). She's also separated from the horses that she loves so much, and yet she likes college, or at least tells people she does. Yeah, she has a lot of horses or at least has one and rides a lot of them. I don't personally trust horses, mainly because one of hers wanted to kill me. Oh, it wasn't in anything the horse said or did, I could just see hate in its beadly little eye... someday, horse, you and I are going to clash. For some reason Hannah gets taken advantage of at an alarming number of parties, though it's usually not too severe (besides, I think she likes it). She's also my ex-girlfriend, but we're still good friends, believe it or not. Click here to see her with Brian, in a position she seems to end up in quite often. Hey, don't ask me. here's Bob, a guy who gives new meaning to the term 'I just don't give a fuck'. If Bob woke up one morning finding his left arm gone and his head replaced by a chcken gizzard, Bob would probably say 'eh' and go watch Junkyard Wars. Bob's also a KU student, though I use the term 'student' lightly. A lot of the time he just surfs the internet finding dumb websites for everyone to look at. Bob's superpowers include the ability to recall at will random sayings from Simpsons or Family Guy episodes that he has seen only once. I bet if he tried really hard he could recite the entire second season of Family Guy, though of course that would require effort on his part so it's just not going to happen. We both recently joined the exciting Drinking Bird industry and are each stockholders of roughly 0.0073% of the market. Eat that, NASDAQ! Click for a happy picture of Bob enjoying himself. Monica is probably the most fun person to confuse in the world. All you have to do is mention Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, or, better yet, anything to do with postmodernism, and she just sort of forgets how to speak English. Well, that's not entirely true, I'm usually an asshole about it, but that's besides the point. For some reason Monica goes to K-State out in Nowhere, Kansas (pop. 22) but she seems to oddly enjoy it. She joined some sort of sorority where you all sleep in the same room and aren't allowed to go out of doors on certain days of the week. I think all Sigma Kappa girls are fitted with tracking collars as well, but Monica refuses to comment on this (I've discovered your evil plot, Greek System!) I don't have any high qualities pictures of Monica so the best I can do is link to her own website, deal with it. wacky Steve, here about as inebriated as any self-respecting college student on the night before his finals. Steve now also goes to K-State (now population 23) which is further evidence that the Apocalypse is nigh at hand. Also, he really likes to be jack-slapped. (If you don't know what a jack-slap is I'll be happy to demonstarte one to you sometime). Steve is constantly trying to convince me that Ben Folds Five is the greatest band in the world, though in doing this he often tends to sing along to their songs. Now I have nothing against Steve, but his singing is often used as a torture device in the Middle East. By the end of 'Song For the Dumped' I'm usually begging him to cut my fingers off or anything. Oh well, I figure eventually we will either have developed closable ears or Ben Folds won't be on the radio anymore. Click this to see Steve and Brooke, who I don't know that well but is on here anyway. Go Brooke. This is Casey during one of her happier moments. Ha ha, no, just kidding Casey... please don't hurt me. No, actually Casey is a pretty sweet girl. Well, she went with me to see the Radiohead concert, so I guess she can't be all that bad, right? Casey goes to Carlton (university? college? barnyard?) which is apparently a pretty good school - it's ranked #6 in liberal arts colleges, just one below the great Pomona College... so close, yet so far. Ah well, we can't all be winners I guess. Oh God, she really is going to kill me now. Things Casey likes: Powerpuff Girls, the Evil Dead movies, trampolines and, for some reason, AOL. I keep trying to show her the error of her ways, but... eh, too much effort. Click to see some odd sort of picture involving Casey (and Janaki!) jumping around, jumping around, jumping up jumping up and getting down. Or something similar. here's Jack, Mr. Popular himself talking on the phone, to whom I have no idea, but it's not really important. Jack goes to University of Missouri despite my warnings that in order to go there he would actually have to live in Missouri. The brave man has toughed through it though, and is now a successful attorney at law... wait, that's not right. Actually he's a fratboy, but we won't hold that against him. Jack loves nothing more than a good meal of beer and pizza. Well, except maybe football. Or nintendo. Or Metallica. Or 311. Well, let's just say he has many diverse interests and leave it at that, then, eh? Click here to see a cute picture of Jack with his girlfriend Lauren, at some sort of formal. Spring formal? Winter formal? Damned if I know, I can't keep up with these Greek thingies.
here is Jackie, who we ended up corrupting over the course of high school. I'm not sure how we accomplished this monumental task, but I'm sure it had something to do with Jon Akers continually humping every object within reach. Jackie goes to St. Louis University, whose initials SLU make you wonder if there really is an underlying synchronicity in the universe. Ha ha, no, Jackie is a realy nice girl. Seriously, you should take her out for dinner. She even plays the flute! Though she refuses to tell us any band camp stories. Hey, we tried. Other things Jackie likes: West Side Story, soap operas and, sadly, N'Sync. Don't worry, we're working on the N'Sync bit, hopefully we'll have her a Captain Beefheart fan before the end of college. Clicky for a pciture of me and Jackie that our parents really like. Okay, first off you need to know that Ellen's name is not pronounced 'ellen' as one would normally say it. Instead, it is pronounced 'el-LEN', with an accent on the second syllable. Go ahead, say it. el-LEN. Easy, isn't it? Also, you need to know that she, like Hannah, has a great fondness for horses. In fact, the two have their own horses at this ranch kind of far out of town, maybe they'll take you some time. Ellen is another one of THOSE people that go to K-State... but I won't dwell on that any further. This picture was taken over a year ago and Ellen didnt want me to use it because she's apparently 'changed a lot' since then. Well, unless she's grown a new foot out of her forehead, I think people will still be able to recognize her. Click to see a pic of Ellen and Jon Akers (yes, that Jon Akers) at senior prom. Scary. here's Bill, who is probably going to rule the world within a few years. He'll definitely be the first world leader to operate out of a three bedroom apartment in Lawrence, Kansas. Not that this is a bad thing, I mean this apartment is the shit, you should see it. Bill has like a walk-in closet and a wall made of mirrors. Imelda Marcos should be so lucky. Bill almost made this movie a year ago called Slippery Emoy Rides Again, which would have featured emoy, me and a horde of extras. I think the reason the movie was never made is because he spent all the money on this scene where I sort of morph into Ryan, leaving the rest of the movie on a budget of about five cents. So it never really happened, but one day, one day... Bill and I used to work on the Eastonian a long time ago, the two of us contributed roughly 99% of the material worth reading that well. Oops, did I say too much? I hope Susie doesn't put us in detention! Click to see Bill get down with his bad white boy self. this is Ryan, who usually has hair sharp enough to give you a fatal wound. He enjoys the musical stylings of the Vandals, Weezer, Bob Marley and Social Distortion, among others. He's also an avid fan of Spongebob Squarepants, one of the great comic geniuses of our time. Which reminds me of this time at Worlds of Fun when I saw two guys walking around wearing the same Spongebob t-shirt. The scary thing was that they were walking around together. Wearing the same damn thing. I wanted to slap both of them. Wait, I did slap both of them. That was fun. Anyway, Ryan and I were both victims f the International Baccalaureate program in high school, which you should not take even under threat of severe dismemberment. Through Ryan I have learned that Nixon was actually our friend while Ronnie Reagan is the Great White Devil. Click here to see a rare pic of emoy without his glasses. Scary. this is a happy Ruth. She has good reason to be happy too, since she has a ridiculously long winter break while I'm here writing final papers three days before Christmas. At any rate, Ruth thinks she's pretty cool because she's more indie than me (and probably more indie than thou), though I argue that indie cred doesn't count for shit if you listen to stuff like Belle and Sebastian and Har Mar Superstar. Ruth has a really cool summer home up in Estes Park, Colorado where we go to hike in the forests, hit bats with cars and engage in general young-adult merriment. Ruth also has a radio show at Knox College, which conveniently webcasts all of its stuff. If you're interested you'll find the link hidden somewhere within my twisting ghost house of a website... mwahahaha. Ruth is also an avid supporter of this website and will probably stop kicking my ass now that I've finally put her pics up here. Speaking of pics, click here to see one of her and Bill doing the nasty. Well, not exactly the nasty. But it's just as funny. a sexy closeup of our man Eric Gold, known to the 'in' crowd simply as Goud. If there's ever inappropriate grinding going on at a party you can be sure that Goud isbehind it, especially if there's other guys involved. But we [platonically] love him anyway. Goud has a pretty pimpin' apartment in Jefferson Commons with Brian, Aaron and Chris (not me). His parents' house is also ridiculously nice, with a basement roughly the size of my entire neighborhood. His parents mus make a lot of money but I don't think I've ever actually seen either of them. Some say they're just figments of our imagination, and Goud actually made all that money strutting down on Troost on saturday nights. Come to think of it, that would certainly explain a lot. Click to see Goud with his apartment buddies Aaron (left) and Chris (right). Goud's the one on top, as always. Ha, ha. It never gets old! here is Jon Akers, being stupid as usual. Jon and I have a great dance where we sandwich a girl and dance around her on one leg each. Jon is uaually either bald or has a huge stoner fro, both of which look horribly unnatural. Jon also has the misfortune to be gluten-intolerant, which means he can't eat anything with bread, or wheat, or barely, or anything. That means no pizza, no beer, no pasta, none of that. But Jon's done a good job of compensating by eating a metric ton of rice and cheese daily, usually from my cupboard. I swear that boy could eat my entire fridge if he really wanted to. But despite all this gluttony I don't know where he puts it all, I can still wrap my watchband around his waist. He got into a fight with Calista Flockhart once, but the two never really did anything beyond flap around in the wind and make gurgling noises. Hannah calls Jon 'the prettiest boy ever', mainly because he also looks like a girl. With a stoner fro. Erm, you'd have to see him in person. Click to see incredible hilarity featuring Jon, Trey and Bob.
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