It can get no worse than it already has.
Does irony taste good?
I always wondered that.
Does it taste like iron or what?
I am not sure.

Change the subject.

I have no ideas.
I have no checkers.
Fred said I am dead.
Would 'I is a pronoun' be proper English?
I don't know.
I don't have a clue.
What does a clue look like?
I think that it is brown.

Change the subject.

I'd like to kiss a mermaid.
I think it'd be hot.
Somebody should write a porno script that has better acting.
That somebody is...
President Franklin Pierce
Who the fuck is Franklin Pierce, you ask?
I thought you knew.
Cell phones have nothing to do with telephones.

Change the subject.

I have no ideas.
I have no ideas.
I have some celery.
Do you want some?
Some what?
Some celery.
What?
Some celery.
Do I want what?
Some celery.
Do you have peanut butter?
No, only celery.
I hate you, you are a whore.
Why, cause all I have is celery?
No, because you spread butter on my bagels and did not ask me first.
I figured I had permission.
Permission to do what now?
Spread butter on your bagels.
Look, because of your buttering shenanigans, I have only celery left.
You are a bad bad man.
I have no ideas.

Speakerbox
To put stereo speakers on your fists and hit people with them.
I prefer using honey-glazed ham.
I think you're weird.
I think I love you.
Yeah, but only because I have brass baby keys and a hot wife.
No, don't take my picture!
Because I won't remember.
I have no ideas.
I have no ideas.
I have no ideas.

Change the subject.

Ride the elevator with me, Daddy.
Why, son?
Because I touched you at night.
Oh, I thought you were your mother.
Why? I wasn't wearing her bra or nothing.
It was because only Jen can touch me there.
Who's Jen, Daddy?
Your mother.

Change the subject.

I'm going to go fucking.
Why don't you ever hear that expression?
Oh, me and the missus are going to Millinocket to go fucking.
Why go there?
It beats humping in the grocery store parking lot.
I saw Grandma do that once.
What, son?
Hump some old wrinkly guy in the grocery store parking lot.
Why would Mom do that?
No it wasn't Mom, it was Grandma.
Fine then, why was she doing that?
The guy said he dropped his quarter and it had landed in Grandma's cat.
Cat? What the fuck? Grandma doesn't have a cat.
He told Grandma, "My bad, woman, my quay monster landed in your pussy." 

Change the subject.