May I have your attention please
May I have your attention please
Will the real Slim Caramel please stand up,
I repeat, will the real Slim Caramel please stand up
We're gonna have a problem here
Y'all act like you never seen a pretty girl before
Jaws all on the floor
Like Nicole and O.J. just burst through the door
And he started whuppin on her like they say that he did before
But now they're kinda divorced-shh...please no more
It's the return of the-
Aww wait, no way, you're kidding
She didn't just say what I think she did, did she?
And Susan R. said-
Nothin' you idiots
Susan R. fled and I'm her replacement
Sorority girls hate Butterfly
Chika, chika, chika Slim Caramel
I'm sick of her, look at her
Walkin' around flaunting her "you-know-whats"
Flirting with our "you-know-whos"
Yeah but she is cute though
Only a few times have I knocked the screws up in the bed loose
And no I'm not some little stuck up, snotty, brat prude
Sometimes I wish that I could be on TV and seduce
But can't
But it's cool for Porky to mock reproduce
"My hand is on your t***
My hand is on your t***
And if I'm lucky you might let me just give 'em a little kiss"
And that's the message that gets delivered to little kids
And we expect them not to know what my c******* is
Of course they're gonna know sex intercourse
By the time they reach 4th grade
They got their daddy's skin magazines don't they?
I ain't nothin' but organical
So I meet some cannibals
Who say they wanna eat me like a cantaloupe
If loonies can hump dead animals and anteloupe
Then there's no reason me and my ex-roomy can't elope
But the truth is I'd never stick my tongue down her throat
Nor strip her down from her clothes
Sing my chorus and it goes
Chorus:
I'm Slim Caram
Yes I'm the real caram
All you other Slim Caram's are just imitating
So won't the real slim caram please stand up
Please stand up
Please stand up
Cause I'm Slim Caram
Yes I'm the real caram
All you other Slim Caram's are just imitating
So won't the real slim caram please stand up
Please stand up
Please stand up
Hammer didn't cuss in his raps to sell records
And you think I do?
Well bleep him and bleep you too
You think this song is gonna win a Grammy?
The critics, they don't even know me
How could they understand me?
"But Caram what if you win?
Wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So ballots can be forged to get me here?
So I can become best friends with Britney Spears
S***, I don't wanna take 50% of those leers
From crazy teen boys who are sex-thirsted
And hear 'em argue over who I'll give h*** to first
I can see me now, slandered all over MTV
"She's so cute and she's getting married to me hehe"
I don't want my head online on a fake body
So all the guys can think they've seen my t******
I'm sick of the drooly nincompoops
That do it to annoy me
And lose that dreadful corduroy please
Yes other girls they get fed-up like me
Fuss like me
And won't take it no more like me
Get stressed like me
Gawked, stalked, harrassed like me
They sure might be the next best thing but not quite me
Chorus
I'm a character to listen to
Cause sometimes I'll tell you things
I joke about with my friends in my dorm room
But the limit is I don't have the gall
To say it in front of my Mom
And then just joke it off with a hearty guffaw
But when with some friends yes I've stripped
They say whether or not I admit it
I have better t***
Than ninety percent of women out there
And still I wonder why guys wanna look at 'em and say yum
It's funny, cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty
I'll be the only person in the classrooms flirting
Pinching TA's a****
Gettin' straight A's as a perk and
Guys are j***** but with most gals it just isn't working
And every single female is a Slim Caram lurking
Who could be working at Gold's Gym
Cheatin' with your best friend
Or in the parking lot circling
Screamin' "Guy's what is up?"
With her windows down while her shirt is up
So will the real caram please stand up
You're free to lay back but don't put your legs up
And be proud to be under 5'9
With no valentine
One for the road, loud as you can, how does it go?
Chorus 2x
*Inspired by "The Real Slim Shady" by Eminem