| Recently, during a visit to T.G.I.Friday's, a packet of sweetener asked me a very thought-provoking question: If you could be any animal, what would you be? Siezing the opportunity, I almost blurted out "cat." Luckily the mouthful of partially chewed chicken obstructed the word from escaping my mouth, and instead of responding with a foolish answer, I merely sprayed partially masticated chicken matter across the table. Playing the event off as a poorly timed sneeze, I hastened to come up with a better answer. Sure it would be nice to lie around all day, and those nine lives would definitely come in handy due to the newly found sense of curiosity I would acquire upon becoming a feline. But it didn't seem like the kind of animal I would want to spend a lifetime being. My mind toiled to no end. I ran through every kingdom, phylum, and species I could think of, but no creature seemed to my liking. My heart began to race. The sugar just sat there smirking at me in its cozy bleached paper packaging. Sweat started to collect on my palms. I could hear the rattle of the tiny sweet cubes rubbing together as it chuckled. I gripped the ends of the table tightly, my knuckles turning white with pressure. The Sweet & Low began to taunt me, mocking my distress. A dog? No, too stupid. A horse? Nah, the whole training thing would be pretty rough. Raccoon? Ugh, rabies. Panda- rarely get to have sex. Snake- shovels... My vision began to darken. I felt myself losing consciousness. The lights above the booths surrounding me began to spin and morph into shapes of animals. As I felt myself falling to the floor, blackness surrounding me, I yelled out the only thing that came into my mind: "Sugar!" |
| This is a True Story... |