| Random Thoughts Strike Back |
| To all those that might be wondering, yes I think of all these myself. No, I do not copy anyone else's stuff. Even if they said it first, I came up with it. They must have gone into the future and read it here, then gone back and said it. Which means they probably have ties with the Nazis... Ask someone to rank the following things in importance when choosing a romantic interest: Looks, Intelligence, Humor, and Personality. You can add a few more if you want, just nothing money related. Chances are, the person will rank looks the lowest, that is, if they don't want to appear shallow. The truth is, though, that looks for most people are probably the most important item. Think about it. If someone approaches you and asks you out, and they only have half a face, you're gonna be inclined to say no. That to me seems like a pretty large limiting factor on who you date. The moral: Everyone is shallow. Get over it.* There should be a holiday where everyone is mean to each other all day, and no one buys anyone else anything. In fact, you have to either maim or kill someone on that day. Someone you're really close to. I'd like to see how Hallmark deals with that day of the year... Let's face it. All the cool names for cars are taken. Now they're just sounding stupid. You know what they should start naming cars after? Diseases. Hell yeah, man. Imagine being the first on your block to own a new Ford Ebola. Or the Toyota Anthrax. For those willing to spend the extra dollar, the Mercedes Encephalitis. And there's so many good diseases to choose from, we'd almost never run out. And if we did, we can always go and create some new ones... P.T. Cruisers. I don't even know where to begin. I hate em. Just today I saw a silver PT with dark gray flame decals on the side. This means that someone not only drives one of those ugly shit cans, but is proud of it and THINKS IT'S COOL! The thing looks like a freaking hearse! I can't go on. I just got this sharp pain behind my eye. I think something burst up there... I wonder if Indiana Jones knows he looks like Han Solo. Maybe they're related somehow. For that matter, do the people that work with James Bond ever notice that he seems to change age constantly? I mean, first he's young, then he grows old, and he's young again. Then he gets a little older, then younger, then a bit older. And he was gay for a while and no one seemed to notice (Timothy Daulton). Have you ever really really wanted to set fire to someone? Because they just won't shut up? Have you ever actually done it? You know how it smells really awful at first, but you kinda get used to it after you've had their charred corpse in your trunk for 50 miles or so? Isn't that weird? Kinda makes you wonder... If you really sit and think about it, anal sex is pretty damn funny. I was listening to a conversation on birth control pills for men once. The five other people present, coincidently all females, thought it was a great idea. They said that men should have to worry about it, not the women. Unfortunately, their stupidity had me completely silenced as I thought of ways to violently murder each one of them. By the time I regained my composure, the conversation had moved on to some person or other that bothered them. Randomly, I pointed out that birth control pills for men wouldn't work because men, besides being habitually lazy and forgetful, wouldn't give two shits and a fuck about taking their pills because they wouldn't be the ones getting pregnant. Receiving blank stares from them, I nodded my head in self-approval for a moment, then turned and walked away. Not one of them has spoken to me since then. I think it should be legal for men to beat their wives. And after the first time he hits her, it's legal for her to cut off his dick. I mean, come on. We'll never be able to eliminate domestic violence. We might as well make it more interesting. And also, let's allow prisoners to fight. If they don't want to they don't have to, but all the violent ones should be put together so they can kill each other. And anyone serving time for rape gets tied up first, then put in with the murderers. That way they can beat the bastard like the sorry sack of shit he is. Rapists suck. |
| * - Thanks to Gabby for being the most recent inspiration on this one. Admit it, Gabby, you're shallow. ; ) |