Where We Belong
Part Ten
“You okay?” Harm asked quietly, stroking her hair. She nodded her head against his chest.
“Yeah,” Mac sighed softly, “just tired.” She looked up at him solemnly. “What about you? I know you don’t like the thought of leaving Mattie alone like this. Are you going to be okay?”
“She’s not going to be alone. Jen’s going to look after her,” Harm pointed out. He saw her pointed stare and sighed, knowing he wasn’t fooling her. “I don’t like it, Mac. I’m not going to say that I do. But I don’t have much choice. So I’m just going to do the best I can.”
“How did Mattie take the news?” she asked curiously.
“She was pretty upset at first. She was really looking forward to looking at those houses this weekend. Harm chuckled. “Then she realized that with both of us gone, it’s just going to be her and Jen, and she got excited.”
“You think she’s going to convince Jen to throw a wild party?” Mac asked with a grin, knowing full well that Mattie wouldn’t do anything of the kind. She was too intent on having Harm for a guardian to mess it up like that.
Harm shook his head. “No, but I do think she’s going to try and convince Jen to take the ‘Vette out for a spin. They’ve both mentioned repeatedly how much they’d like to drive it,” His expression grew smug when he added, “Which is why I called Sturgis and told him I was letting him borrow it until we got back.”
“Pretty sneaky, squid,” Mac laughed. She started to say something else when the phone rang. Frowning at the intrusion, she started to slide off Harm’s lap, but he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tightly.
“Let the machine get it,” he said softly. When she started to protest, he slid one hand up to her neck and pushed aside her hair. Leaning down, he began to plant small kisses against the soft skin. Moaning, she gave up trying to answer the phone and relaxed against him. Things were rapidly heating up when the machine beeped and an unwelcome voice began to echo through the room.
“Hello, Sarah. It’s Clay.” Mac stiffened and Harm lifted his head from her neck, his arms falling to his sides. She bit her lip and glanced nervously at him from the corner of her eye before dropping her gaze to the floor. He felt a swell of jealousy and fear rising up and ruthlessly squashed it. Not this time. He was not going to do this; he was not going to let his insecurities run away with him. Mac loved him, not Clayton Webb; there was nothing the other man could do to change or ruin that. He took a deep breath to push away the last of his doubts and wrapped his arms around her again, squeezing tightly.
“Answer the phone, Mac,” he said softly, placing one last kiss on her cheek. He nodded to the answering machine where Webb was still droning on about something. He lifted her off his lap and she stepped to the phone. She hesitated, looking at him apprehensively, and he gave her an encouraging smile. The smile she gave him in return was small, but genuine, and the tension in the room eased. He headed to the bedroom. “I’m going to lie down for a few minutes. Take all the time you need.”
Harm stepped into the bedroom, closing the door just as he heard her pick up the phone and greet Webb. He thought about leaving the door ajar so that he could hear what she was saying, but that would have implied a lack of trust. Sighing heavily, he shut the door firmly and flopped face down onto the bed, burying his head in the pillows. But it didn’t take him long to realize that he wasn’t going to be able to breathe very long in his current position, so he rolled over onto his back. He kept his eyes closed and attempted to focus his mind on something other than Mac’s conversation.
He tried picturing the houses they were supposed to have looked at this weekend. There had been one in particular that had caught his eye, a simple two-story, and he focused on it now. He let his imagination wander, placing furniture in the empty rooms and cars in the garage. He saw Mattie seated at the kitchen table while he cooked dinner and Mac sat on the counter stealing food from him. Or the three of them outside raking leaves on a fall afternoon. Or his favorite; a very pregnant Mac rocking on the front porch swing, her hands resting on her swollen belly and a gentle smile on her face.
He was so absorbed in his fantasy that he didn’t realize Mac had come into the room until she lay down next to him and rested her head on his shoulder. Startled, he quickly slid his arm around her and pulled her closer. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, he whispered, “That didn’t take long.”
“Doesn’t take long to break up when you were never together.” Her words were flippant, but there was a note of pain in her voice that told Harm there was more to the story. Not wanting to push, he just held her tightly against him and waited for her to continue. He didn’t have to wait long.
“Am I a tease, Harm?” she asked quietly. She sounded so vulnerable, so lost, that Harm wanted to find Webb and beat the living daylights out of him. But he wouldn’t do that, because as much as it would make him feel better, it wouldn’t take away Mac’s pain. And that was the most important thing. He ran a hand up and down her arm, trying to soothe her.
“No, Sarah,” he said softly but firmly, “You are not a tease. And if Webb told you that you were, then he doesn’t know you at all.”
She sniffled a little and turned her face into his chest. “He said that I led him on. That I made him think that there was something more between us, when all I was doing was using him until you finally got your head out of your-“ She broke off abruptly, not wanting to finish that particular sentence. Not that she needed to; Harm knew exactly what Webb had said about him.
“Mac, you didn’t lead him on,” he answered gently. When she didn’t say anything, and the tension in her frame didn’t ease, he decided to lay it out for her like he would one of their cases.
“Mac, did you at any point tell Webb that you wanted to have a serious, committed relationship with him?” Harm asked, using his best cross-examination voice.
She shook her head. “No, but maybe I-“
He interrupted her before she could finish. “Did you do anything that would lead him to believe that?” he continued, “Did you come onto him? Flirt with him? Indicate that you wanted a deeper physical relationship?”
“No,” she answered, and her voice held a finality that he found very reassuring. “He kissed me once, but it was only for a few seconds and then I pulled away.”
Harm nodded. “And what explanation did you give him for pulling away?”
“I told him that I enjoyed spending time with him but that our relationship wasn’t anything deeper than that,” she responded, “And that I didn’t think it ever would be.”
“Was that the first time you’d told him you didn’t want a serious relationship with him?” Harm questioned; knowing full well that it wasn’t. She had told him that it was the first thing they’d talked about when she agreed to go out with him that first time.
“No,” she said, a little more strongly this time. “I told him that quite a few times.”
“And what did he say in response?” Harm asked, going in for the kill. He knew what Webb would say.
“That he understood, and he wouldn’t ask for more.”
“Then I’d say he was the one who was doing the leading. He was leading you to believe that he accepted your decision; but he was just saying that in the hopes that you’d change your mind somewhere down the line,” Harm reached down and lifted Mac’s chin until he could see her eyes. “You were as honest as you could possibly be, Mac. He wasn’t; and that means he was the user here.”
“I know that. I do,” she insisted softly. Her eyes filled with tears, “But he kept twisting things around, talking about how in Paraguay I made it seem like I felt more. And even you thought that I was showing him more than just friendly concern.”
“Oh no,” he countered quickly, “You can’t use my observations as evidence. They were tainted by an extreme case of jealousy. Not to mention a concussion.”
He brushed his thumb over her cheek, wiping away the couple of tears that had managed to escape. “Mac, you’re a caring person with a very big heart. And when a friend, someone you care about, is hurting, you put your all into taking care of them. Especially if you like your responsible in some way. Sometimes that makes the lines look a little blurry to guys like Webb, and they use it as an excuse to try for more.”
“I know,” Mac whispered, biting her lip as she looked away from him. With her gaze fixed on the far wall, she continued.
“But it’s not just Clay. Looking back, that’s what happened with Mic. I cared about him a lot; after a while, I even came to love him. But I should never have agreed to marry him. And I wouldn’t have, if he hadn’t given up his career and everything else to be with me. It made me feel obligated to him, like I had to make sure that his sacrifice was worth what it took him to make it. But it was wrong, and in the end I hurt him more than I would have if I’d just told him no from the beginning. I might have loved him, but I was never in love with him.” She looked at him then, and her eyes were full of love.
“I’ve never been in love with anyone but you,” she said sincerely, before leaning over and brushing her lips against his. She started to pull back, but Harm wouldn’t let her. He wrapped his arms around her and crushed her mouth to his in a searing kiss, wanting to show her with his actions the love that he still sometimes found difficult to express verbally. When he finally released her mouth, he slid his hands up to cup her cheeks.
“I’ve never been in love with anyone but you either, Sarah.” He said softly, and was rewarded with a beaming smile. She turned her head, pressing a kiss against his palm. He rubbed a thumb over her lips. “Are you okay now?”
She nodded, her doubts put to rest. “I’m wonderful,” she smiled at him. “I have you, and Mattie, and good friends, and that’s all that really matters, isn’t it?”
“Absolutely,” he affirmed, giving her another gentle kiss. “So what do you say we relax here for a minute before we head over to my place.”
“We?” Mac looked at him in confusion. “Since when am I spending the night at your place? It’s a school night.”
“Since the Admiral assigned us a case that’s going to keep us from spending the night together the entire time we’re away. Which, considering the case, could be weeks,” Harm pointed out. “Besides, if I’m letting Sturgis have the ‘Vette, I have to leave the Lexus in case Jen and Mattie need it. Which means you’ll need to drive tomorrow.”
Mac arched a brow at him. “So why can’t I just pick you up in the morning?”
“Because you love me and the thought of us being apart is more than you can bear?” He asked hopefully. When she just stared at him with that same challenging look, he put on his best whipped-puppy expression. Unable to stop herself, she burst out laughing.
“How about if I come over so I don’t have to spend the next couple of weeks with you making that face?” she countered, still giggling.
“Okay,” he said agreeably, not caring why she came over as long as she did. “Do you have everything packed or do you need to do that now?”
“Of course I have everything packed, Harm. I’m-“
“A marine,” he finished with a wave of his hand. “I know, I know. Stupid question.”
“That’s okay,” Mac responded, snuggling back down against his side. “I’m used to it.”
“Thanks,” Harm said dryly, lightly pinching her on the butt. Grabbing her hands before they could make a retaliatory strike, he dragged her over until she was lying on top of him and wrapped her in his arms. She made a perfunctory effort to break free before settling down and resting her head against his chest.
“Harm?” she asked quietly, slipping one arm free and running her hand idly through his hair. “What were you thinking about when I came in?”
“Hmm?” he said absently, lulled by her soothing fingers against his scalp. Struggling to focus, he thought back.
“I was thinking about those houses,” he replied; his memories of those daydreams making him smile. “I was picturing what we’d look like in one of them.”
“Which one?” Her voice was drowsy, and he knew she was about to drift off to sleep. He considered getting them both up and headed over to his place, but decided that he was enjoying their current location too much to move.
“The two-story in Reston,” he answered her softly. He ran his hands up and down her back, encouraging her to relax into sleep.
“Tell me what you saw,” she demanded sleepily as she vainly tried to stifle a yawn. He smiled, happy to oblige.
He didn’t get any further than her sitting on the counter watching him cook when he felt the last of her tension ease, and he knew she was asleep. Sighing contentedly, he closed his eyes and happily let himself drift off as well; knowing he would dream of Sarah and their life together.
Wednesday
Mac’s Apartment
2230 EST
“Don’t forget that last file, Bud. We’ll need to look at it on the flight tomorrow,” Mac called out as she watched him walk down her hallway to the elevator. Harm didn’t hear his response, but it must have satisfied her, because she nodded and closed the door. She leaned wearily against it for a second before moving over to Harm’s chair. She looked down at him questioningly, and when he nodded, she eased herself down into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and they spent a few minutes just cuddling silently.