Gratitude
Part Twenty-Four
She was still beautiful. Her skin was too pale, her hair was a mess and she had tubes and wires sticking out all over the place, but she was still the most beautiful woman he�d ever known. He wished he had told her that more often. He had wanted to, so many times. But he had been afraid of shifting the balance between them, afraid of making her think he was ready for more when he wasn�t. And now that he was finally ready, he couldn�t tell her because she wouldn�t wake up. Part of him wanted to shake her until she opened her eyes, because the longer she was asleep, the more fear crept into his heart. What if it wasn�t enough for her? What if he�d waited too long? What if she was right, and it really was too late?
�Harm?� Harm was startled out of his thoughts by a voice coming from the doorway. Turning in his chair, he saw the Admiral walk in and quietly close the door behind him. He moved slowly to the bed and asked in a hushed voice, �Has she woken up at all?�
�Not yet,� Harm said neutrally. He hadn�t expected to see A.J. again today. He had come in earlier in the morning with Meredith, and had spent most of his time just staring at Mac�s still form with an inscrutable look on his face. Then he had excused them both, saying that he had to get Meredith home and take care of some things. Harm had been rather glad to see him go. His emotions were in enough turmoil without adding his still tense relationship with his former C.O. into it. And a part of Harm couldn�t help but blame the Admiral a little for what had happened. If Harm had still been at JAG, he would have seen what was going on with Mac a lot sooner and he could have been more help to her. Maybe they could have figured out what happened in enough time to keep her from getting shot. And even if he hadn�t been there, A.J. should have been paying more attention to what was happening. He should have seen how upset Mac was; he should have stopped the others from treating her so badly. Harm could forgive A.J. for what happened between them, but he wasn�t sure he could forgive him for failing Mac.
And now he watched as A.J. once again stood at the foot of Mac�s bed and took in her sleeping form. Harm wanted to ask him why he�d come back, but he didn�t want to take the chance that he�d lose his temper and cause a scene. So he just sat in his chair and waited for A.J. to speak.
�I talked with the SecNav.,� he finally said, �explained the situation to him, leaving out the part about the visions. Mac�s going to have enough to deal with, she doesn�t need people picking at her about that. And I told Turner and Roberts not to say anything, either.�
�What if she doesn�t want to hide it?� Harm asked a little belligerently, �What if she wants to talk about it? After all, we would never have caught Saddiq if it weren�t for what she saw.�
A.J. gave him a hard stare. �If Mac wants to talk about it, then I�ll support her one hundred percent. But I think she should be given the choice, don�t you?�
�Since when does it matter to you what I think?� Harm said bitterly. �Or what Mac thinks? When did what the rest of us thought become important to you again?�
�Damn it, Harm!� A.J. hissed angrily, trying to keep hold of his temper, �It never stopped mattering! But you made your choice! You made it and you should have been prepared to deal with the consequences. I will not stand here and accept sole responsibility for this mess!�
�No one�s asking you to,� Harm replied curtly, �But it would be nice if you accepted a little. I knew what I was doing, and I accepted the possibility that my resignation would be processed. I can understand that. I can even understand why you�re angry with me. What I don�t understand is why you suddenly stopped caring about us. When we stopped being anything more than officers under your command. What happened to the former Seal who never left a man behind?�
The anger that Harm had been carrying all this time finally erupted. �You left us behind! And maybe I deserved it. I know I�ve screwed up this past year. I know I disappointed you, and Mac. I disappointed myself. But Mac didn�t do anything! She followed all of your orders, did exactly what she was supposed to, behaved exactly the way you�ve always expected her to. And you left her behind! You left her to die down there!� His eyes moved to the figure on the bed.
�Do you have any idea what it was like? To see her shackled to that table and see the battery and the jumper cables and know what they were going to do to her? To look at Clayton Webb, tortured and near death, and know that she had almost suffered the same fate? If I had been just a minute later, just a minute, I wouldn�t have had to guess where she was. I would have known by her screams.� He raised his head and looked at A.J. with tormented eyes, �I don�t understand how you can hate me for not standing by and letting her die. I don�t understand why we ceased to matter to you.�
He stopped, his fatigue overtaking him. Looking up at A.J., he saw his own pain reflected in the older man�s eyes. Whatever his reasons, he hadn�t stopped caring. Harm could see that by the guilt in his eyes. And in that moment, he saw the man that he used to know. The man that he respected and admired and looked to for guidance. He still didn�t understand the Admiral�s actions, but he thought he might finally be willing to let go of his anger enough to let A.J. tell his side of the story.
A.J. was about to say something when a low moan came from the hospital bed. The two men instantly focused all of their attention on Mac. She was starting to come around. Her head moved to the side and her eyes fluttered open. She winced as her eyes adjusted to the light, letting out another soft moan. She blinked a few times before her gaze settled on Harm.
�What happened?� she asked in a hoarse voice. A.J. moved to get her some water and Harm stood and moved over to sit on the bed, careful not to jostle her. He took the glass from A.J. and helped her to take a drink.
�Slowly,� he cautioned when she began to gulp down the cool liquid. He let her have a few more sips before taking the glass away. He smiled at her, �Better?�
�Mm hmm,� she murmured, �But I still don�t know what�s going on.�
Harm started to respond when the door pushed open and the doctor came in. When he saw Mac awake, he smiled.
�Good morning, Colonel Mackenzie. I�m Dr. Cox. How are you feeling?� he asked as he moved over to the bed and began to check her vitals.
�It�s afternoon,� Mac corrected automatically, �1342 and 26 seconds.�
�How did you do that?� Dr. Cox asked incredulously after glancing at his watch.
Harm and A.J. exchanged amused glances. �Don�t ask,� they chorused.
A.J. shook his head in amusement. �Some day, you are going to explain to me how you do that, Colonel. Does anything throw off that internal clock of yours?�
Mac shook her head, and Harm chimed in, �But daylight savings makes her think twice.� They grinned at each other, lost for a moment in memories. Eventually Mac broke eye contact and turned back to the doctor.
�As for how I�m feeling, I feel like...� her voice trailed off as the events of last night began coming back to her. �I was shot,� she whispered half to herself. Her eyes widened as she remembered everything.
�Oh God. I remember! I was trying to get you out of the way,� she said to Harm, �and I got shot. Oh my God! Harm, are you all right? Did he hit you? Did you get him? Are the others okay?� Agitated, she started to raise herself off the bed. Harm and the doctor immediately grabbed her shoulders and pushed her gently back onto the bed.
�Easy, marine,� Harm soothed, �Everyone�s fine. You�re the only one who was hurt. Now just lay back down and let the doctor look you over,� when Mac started to protest, he added, �I promise to answer all of your questions when he�s done.�
Mac reluctantly laid back and let the doctor look her over. After he had looked at the wound and replaced the bandages, he smiled at her again.
�Well, I told the gentlemen this earlier, so now I�ll tell you,� the doctor said as he made a few last notes on her chart, �You�re going to be fine. The bullet went clean through. It actually did very little damage, and we successfully repaired that. You did lose a significant amount of blood, and that sent your body into shock. But with a little time, you�re going to be just fine.�
�Thank you,� she said sincerely. She added hopefully, �Does that mean I won�t have to stay here very long?�
�Well, from the look on your face, I think our ideas on what �very long� means are very different,� Dr. Cox laughed at her crestfallen expression, �If all goes well, we�ll be able to release you by the middle of the week. But you�ll have to take it easy. Bed rest for awhile, and it will be a few weeks before you�ll be cleared for even light duty.�
�That won�t be a problem, doctor,� A.J. interjected. �She�s already been placed on medical leave, and she won�t be back until I hear from you personally that it�s okay.�
�Well then. I have to finish my rounds, and then I�ll be back to check on you again. Until then, you rest as much as possible. And if you need anything, just press the call button and the nurse will come check on you,� he patted her hand, �I�ll see you in a little while. Make sure she rests,� he directed at the other two, before slipping out the door.
Mac looked at Harm, �Can you tell me what happened now?� she asked quietly, �Did you catch Saddiq?�
�Yeah,� Harm nodded at the Admiral, �Well, the Admiral and Sturgis did, anyway. He�s alive, unfortunately, but he�s under heavy guard.�
�And he�s still listed in extremely critical condition,� A.J. added, �They don�t think he�ll make it.� There was a grim satisfaction on his face; after everything the man had done, he would be glad to see him gone for good.
Mac nodded, feeling much the same way. She looked anxiously at him, �And you�re all okay? You weren�t hurt?� She had noticed the bruise on his face from where Saddiq had backhanded him with the gun.
�We�re fine,� he smiled reassuringly, �Nothing more than bruises, thanks to you.�
Mac blushed, �I didn�t really do anything. You�re the one who stopped him, sir.�
�No, Mac. You stopped him,� A.J. said firmly, �The four of us had a chance to compare notes while we were waiting to see you this morning. And if you hadn�t figured out that Saddiq was in the club last night, and that he had been stalking you all these weeks, no one else would have. Harm was the only other person who knew what he looked like. You did all the hard work, Colonel, we just took care of the clean up.�
�He�s right,� Harm added, �If you hadn�t turned around and come back to find him, I�d be dead. And I probably wouldn�t be the only one.� Mac�s face got redder and she ducked her head. She had never been very good at accepting praise.
The Admiral hesitated for a moment, then placed a hand under her chin and turned her face to him. �Do you remember what I told you when Brumby left?� he questioned gently. She shook her head mutely. �I told you that you underestimated your importance. You still do.� The twinkle in his eye belied his stern expression when he continued, �I expect you to take some time while you�re recovering to work on that, Colonel. That�s an order.�
�Yes, sir,� she said softly, her eyes filled with tears.
A.J. reached down and squeezed her hand, �Get some rest, Mac. I�ll be back to see you tomorrow with Meredith. As will half of JAG, I imagine. They�ve been ordered to stay away today so you can get some uninterrupted recovery time, so don�t be surprised if they�re waiting outside your door bright and early tomorrow morning. Now I�m going to go. Meredith said something about making you some comfort food and I need to head her off at the pass.�
�I�d greatly appreciate that, sir,� Mac shuddered in mock horror. Her expression turned serious, �Admiral?� she called out when he was almost to the door. When he turned, she said sincerely, �Thank you, sir.�
He smiled just a little, �No, Mac, thank you.� He nodded his head to Harm and ducked out of the room.
Harm sat and watched her for a minute. There were tears in her eyes and a thoughtful expression on her face. �You okay?� he asked gently.
She nodded, �Yeah. It�s just that this is the first time in a long time that I�ve actually believed things might be okay between us.�
�Yeah, I know the feeling,� he responded, thinking back to his own conversation with the Admiral. Flashing her a quick grin, he said, �So I guess that means no �1-800-sue-Navy�, huh?� The smile faded when she hesitated. �Mac?� She bit her lip and turned her head, �Mac, you�re not still thinking of resigning, are you?�
�I don�t know,� she said softly. She turned back to look at him, �It�s not the same anymore, Harm. It�s not the same without you.�
�Mac,� he said in alarm, �Please don�t give up the Corps because of me.�
�It�s not you,� she protested, then amended, �Not just you, anyway. It�s a lot of things, Harm. It�s you being gone. It�s the strain between me and the Admiral. It�s everything that happened with Bud and Harriet and everyone else. It�s a lot of things,� she repeated. Her voice got quiet again, �I�m just not sure I belong there anymore.�
Harm was stunned by her confession. He knew things had been difficult for her, but he had thought they were getting better. He said as much to her.
�They are getting better,� she replied, �I just don�t know if that�s enough. So many things have happened. And it�s not just since I got back from Paraguay. This whole year has been pretty hard. Ever since Bud got hurt, it just feels like everything went off-track. And as much as I�ve tried, I can�t seem to get back to where I was. I guess I�m just wondering if I�m supposed to. Or if I should start on a different track.�
�Well, I can definitely understand that,� he said, �I�ve been testing quite a few tracks lately.�
�Oh, Harm, I�m so sorry!� she cried, sitting up, �I can�t believe I�m being so insensitive. I didn�t mean to make you feel worse. I shouldn�t be so selfish. You gave up your career for me and I can�t even-�
�Whoa, Mac. Power down,� Harm interrupted. He placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back down, �I wasn�t trying to make you feel guilty. I do understand. I might not have left JAG completely voluntarily, and I won�t deny that part of me still wants to be back there. But there�s also a part of me that�s okay with the fact that I�m not. As confusing and uncertain as it is, it�s also kind of exciting to know that I can do whatever I want now. You were right in Paraguay, the Navy was my whole life. But it�s not now, and that�s okay. I�ve realized there are other things more important than a career,� he added meaningfully.
Mac blushed. �So you don�t think I�m being stupid?� she asked, trying to divert him away from the more intimate turn the conversation had taken.
But Harm wouldn�t be deterred, �Not at all, Mac. I don�t think it�s stupid to reevaluate your life and decide if it�s still what you need. But if it�s not what you need anymore, than what is?� The tone of his voice left no doubt to his meaning.
�I don�t know,� Mac said hesitantly, �With everything that�s been going on lately, I haven�t given much thought to the future.�
�Maybe we should talk about it,� Harm suggested, rubbing his thumb back and forth across her hand soothingly.
�Or maybe we shouldn�t,� she said, �We always make things worse when we try to talk.�
�Yeah,� he acknowledged, �but that�s because we weren�t being completely honest with each other. Or ourselves, for that matter.�
�And what if we�re completely honest with each other and we still make it worse?� she countered.
�Mac, do you honestly think it could get worse than it was a month ago?� he asked.
�It can always get worse, Harm,� she said bitterly, �I learned that a long time ago.�
Harm nodded. �You�re right,� he agreed, �it could be worse. You could be dead right now, and then I would have to spend the rest of my life living with the knowledge that you had died without ever knowing how much I love you.�
Mac gasped in shock. Her hand flew to her mouth and tears spilled from her eyes. She had wanted to hear him tell her he loved her for so long, and now that he had, she didn�t think she could handle it. She could feel panic overwhelming her, worse than it had ever been when she had felt Saddiq following her. He loved her. He had finally admitted that he loved her, and it was scaring her to death.
Harm watched her come unglued at his declaration and began to fear the worst. �Oh, God,� he thought despairingly �It�s too late. I finally told her and it�s too late.� He instinctively started to throw his protective walls back up.
Mac felt him starting to withdraw. Desperately, she clutched his hand in hers. �No, Harm, no,� she pleaded, �Don�t go away. Please. I�m sorry, I just....,� she hesitated for a moment before continuing, �It�s just that I�ve waited so long to hear you say that, and now that you have, I don�t know what to do. I�m sorry, I didn�t mean to hurt you. I just don�t know what to do with this.�
�Accept it,� Harm said softly, �You could accept it.�
Mac bit her lip, �I�m not sure that I can.�
�Why not?� he asked, failing to keep the frustration out of his voice. He didn�t understand. She had just admitted that she had wanted him to say it, and now she couldn�t accept it?
�Because accepting it doesn�t change all of the problems we still face,� she whispered regretfully.
�Like what? Who gets to be on top?� he asked sarcastically, his anger starting to get the better of him.
�Among other things,� she shot back as her own temper flared in response.
�God, Mac!� Harm shot off the bed and started pacing, �What do you want me to do? You want me to tell you that you were right in Paraguay? You were. But that doesn�t mean that it can�t change. It doesn�t mean that I can�t change. I want this to work, Mac. And if the only way you�ll accept me is to change, then I will. But you have to tell me how you want me to change! I can�t guess! So tell me,� his voice became pleading, �Tell me what you want me to change and I�ll do it.�
�I don�t want you to change!� she insisted.
�Well, you obviously don�t want me the way that I am!�
�Yes, I do!� At his disbelieving look, she repeated forcefully, �I do, Harm! I do want you the way that you are. I don�t want you to change. If you change,� she paused and gathered her courage, �if you change then you won�t be the man I fell in love with.�
�You love me?� he whispered, dropping on the end of the bed as his legs threatened to give out on him.
�Oh, Harm, of course I love you,� she reached out her hand to him. Scooting up on the bed, he took it and placed it against his cheek. She sat there and reveled in his touch for a moment before continuing, �That was never the problem, Harm.�
�Then what is?� he asked, needing to understand why she was still upset.
She bit her lip again. �I don�t know,� she replied evasively.
�Damn it, Mac! You do know!� His voice rose again in frustration, �You do know what the problem is, so why don�t you just tell me what it is?�
�I�m afraid!� she shouted back, �Is that what you want to hear? I�m afraid, Harm! I�m terrified, okay?�
Harm�s anger vanished. He could see it now, the terror hiding behind the anger in her eyes. He reached out and stroked her cheek, �Of what, Sarah? What are you afraid of?�
The gentleness and the compassion broke through her wall of anger and she started to cry in earnest.
�Everything, Harm. I�m afraid of everything,� she sobbed, �I�m afraid of going forward and losing what we have. I�m afraid we�ll try and we�ll fail and then I�ll lose you completely. I�m afraid that I�ll let you in all the way and you�ll leave me!� Her shoulders slumped as she admitted, �I�m afraid that you�re going to realize that I�m not enough.�
�Enough what, Mac?� he asked in confusion.
�I don�t know,� she shrugged, swiping at the tears on her cheeks, �Smart enough? Strong enough? Beautiful enough? Lovable enough? All of the above?� she said tiredly. �I�m afraid that you�ll realize that I�m not enough to make it worth sticking around.�
�Sarah, why would you think that you wouldn�t always be enough for me?�
�Because I never am!� she cried, �I never am! I�ve tried, Harm,� she pleaded with him to understand, �I�ve tried so hard, so many times, to be enough. To be good enough, perfect enough, to be worth sticking around for. And I never am. No one�s ever loved me enough to stay. Not even...� her voice trailed off and she bit her lip.
�Not even me,� he finished for her, �That�s what you were going to say, isn�t it?� he slipped his hand under her chin. �When I changed my designator and left JAG, you thought I was leaving you.�
She nodded softly. �I�m sorry, Harm,� she said brokenly, �I know I�m being selfish and childish about it. I know why you did it. I understand, I really do. But I couldn�t help being angry and hurt. You were all I had,� she admitted, �My life kept shifting and changing and I didn�t know what to do. You were the only thing solid and real that I had to hold on to. Chloe left. Bud and Harriet had their own lives and a new baby to deal with. And the Admiral was still mad at me because of everything that happened with Chris and John. And when you left, it felt like I didn�t have anything left to hold on to.�
Harm reached out and gently pulled her into his arms, carefully avoiding the tubes and wires. He rocked her gently, trying to comfort her. Trying to comfort them both. He knew his leaving had hurt her, but he hadn�t understood why it had hurt her so much. After a few minutes, he eased her back onto the bed, and took hold of her hands.
�Why didn�t you tell me?� he pleaded. �Why didn�t you explain it to me then like you did just now? I would have understood. I was so hurt, Mac. I knew you would be upset that I was leaving, but I didn�t understand why you were so angry. I thought you would understand, and it hurt to think that you didn�t. And then when you came out to the Patrick Henry and I realized that you hadn�t even told me you got promoted. Mac, I thought you didn�t care anymore. Why didn�t you tell me?�
�I didn�t know how,� she told him, �I didn�t know how to tell you, and I didn�t see how telling you would make it any better. You still would have left, Harm. You had to. You needed to do it for yourself. I understand that now. I understood it then, I just wouldn�t admit it to myself.� She shrugged.
�You�re right, Mac. I did need to do it.� Harm admitted, �And I would have still left. But, Mac, I would have made sure you understood that I wasn�t leaving you. I would have made sure that the distance between us was only physical. I wouldn�t have let things get so bad. It all got so screwed up, Mac, and we�ve spent years trying to fix it.�
�I�m sorry,� she hung her head, ashamed.
�Hey, I�m not trying to say it�s all your fault,� he reassured her. �I was being selfish and childish, too. I could see you were upset, and I didn�t bother trying to find out why. I wanted to return to flying so much, and I wanted it to be perfect. So I ignored what it was doing to you. And then when you got upset, I didn�t want to know why. It was easier to be mad at you than to admit any responsibility.�
�I guess we both screwed up,� she sniffed loudly. Harm handed her a tissue and she noisily blew her nose. Harm couldn�t help but laugh at the sight of her. She looked adorable laying there, sniffling and wiping her nose. Her hair was mussed and her eyes were puffy and her nose was red, and she looked absolutely adorable.
He took the tissue from her and threw it in the wastebasket. Brushing a strand of hair off her face, he said softly, �We did both screw up. And then we made it worse by not being honest with each other. We stopped listening to each other, Mac. And the longer we went without really talking, the more walls we built up until we couldn�t see anything else. I know that, Mac. But that doesn�t mean that we can�t fix it. It�s not too late.�
�How can you be so sure?� she asked.
�Because I came back, Sarah. I always come back.� He said intensely, �And so do you. I really do understand. I�ve spent most of my life feeling the same way. That there was something wrong with me that made people leave me. Logically I know that my father getting shot down and my mother marrying Frank weren�t my fault. But it didn�t stop me from feeling like they abandoned me. And the same goes for all of the women in my life. None of them stayed. Whether it was voluntary or not, they all left. Even you,� he said softly, �When you resigned your commission; when you were going to marry Mic. I felt like you were abandoning me. But you came back, Sarah. You always came back. And so did I. That�s how I know. I can�t promise that we�ll never be separated again, but I promise you that I will always come back. Do you believe me?�
�I believe you,� she said. And she did. Harm kept his promises. She brushed a hand across his cheek, �And I promise, too. I�ll come back, Harm. Always. You won�t ever lose me.�
She leaned up and brushed her lips against his. �I love you, Harm.�
Those four simple words undid him. Tears slid down his cheeks as he caught her in his arms and pressed her against him. �I love you, too. So much.�
They stayed that way for a long time, with Mac cradled in Harm�s arms and his head resting on her hair. She wanted to stay that way forever, but the pain in her side was becoming too much to bear. She tried to shift herself in his arms to ease the pressure. Harm felt her move and immediately released her.
�God, I�m sorry, Mac. Are you okay?� he asked as he pressed her back onto the bed.
�I�m fine, Harm. Really,� she insisted, �It was just a little too much pressure on my side, that�s all. Honest.�
�Okay,� Harm said. They were both silent. Eventually, Harm spoke again. �So, we�re really doing this?� he asked cautiously.
�Yes, we�re really doing this,� she smiled.
�No doubts? No regrets?� he clarified.
�No doubts or regrets,� she answered honestly. Then she grinned slyly, �Although, I might still get a little insecure sometimes. So you might have to use some of those new persuasion techniques of yours to reassure me.�
Harm returned her grin, �Those new persuasion techniques, huh?� He leaned in until their lips were almost touching, and whispered seductively, �I think I can handle that.�
�You think so?� she asked softly, �Maybe you better practice a little, just to make sure.�
�Mm, that�s probably a good idea,� he responded before kissing her softly. �How about I persuade you to lay down,� he waited until she settled back before kissing her again, �and close your eyes,� another kiss, �and go to sleep,� he finished as he pulled away.
Mac�s eyes shot open, �That�s it?� she said incredulously, �You�re going to persuade me to take a NAP?�
�Yep,� Harm nodded cheerfully, �The doctor said you needed to sleep, so it�s my duty to make sure you do just that.�
�But I don�t want to take a nap,� she whined. Harm tried to stifle a laugh. She looked so cute, sitting there pouting with her arms crossed over her chest. She stuck her lower lip out a little, �Ha-arm,� she said in her most little girl voice, �I don�t want to lay here all by myself. I�ll be lonely.� She widened her eyes innocently, �And what if I have a nightmare? I don�t think I could sleep in this big, scary bed all by myself.�
Had he said she looked cute? She looked downright dangerous, laying beneath the thin hospital blanket and pretending to look innocent. He tried to maintain his composure in the face of her blatant manipulations. This was a version of Mac he�d never seen before. He could handle the pouting and the playfulness, but he was rapidly losing control to this new, sensual, completely intoxicating Sarah Mackenzie. When he felt her fingers began walking up his chest, fiddling with the buttons on his shirt, he lost it. He leaned back down and whispered, �I surrender,� before kissing her senseless.
�So, I win?� Mac gasped when he finally released her lips. He nodded. �Good,� she managed to get out before yanking him back down and returning his kiss with one of her own.
They were both gasping this time when it was over. Harm tried to catch his breath. He noticed Mac was having a little more trouble than he was, and saw her slide her hand over to her side. �Brilliant, Rabb,� he berated himself. �Seduce the woman right after she got shot last night.� He shook his head. Brushing one hand over her face and the other down her arm, he waited until she was breathing normally and the look of pain eased.
�Better?� he asked softly.
�Yeah,� she said a little sheepishly, �but we should probably take it easy on those kind of kisses for awhile. Sorry.�
�No problem, Marine,� he smiled seductively, �We have the rest of our lives for those kind of kisses.� He moved to stand up, �In the meantime, you need to rest. So we can start the rest of our lives as soon as possible.�
She caught his arm, �Stay, please. I wasn�t kidding Harm. I don�t think I can sleep alone.� Her big, brown eyes pleaded with him. �Stay here with me?�
He hesitated, �Mac, that�s probably not a good idea with your side�
�Then lay on the other side,� she countered, �just stay.�
He looked at her for a long moment and then nodded, �Okay, you convinced me.�
Mac sighed with relief and carefully scooted over to make room for him. He stepped around to the other side of the bed and eased himself down, maneuvering his way around the various pieces of equipment. She waited until he was settled before leaning her head onto his shoulder.
�Thank you, Harm,� she whispered gratefully.
�You�re welcome,� he murmured, �Now close your eyes and sleep.�
��kay,� she muttered, already drifting off. He started to drift off himself when he remembered one last vital thing he needed to clear up with her. Opening his eyes, he brushed a hand across her cheek.
�Mac,� he whispered. She didn�t say anything, so he tried again, �Mac. Sarah, can you wake up for a second?�
�Mm?� she murmured sleepily, not lifting her head. �What is it, Harm?�
�You know everyone�s going to be asking about us. You know, how did this happen? When did this happen? Who said what when. That kind of stuff,� he explained.
�Yeah, Harm,� she yawned, �what�s your point?�
�Well, there�s just one point that I think we both need to be clear on. In case they ask, I mean.�
�What�s that?�
�About how we said �I love you to each other�.�
�What about it?� she asked curiously.
�I said it first.�
Mac raised her head up and looked at him. �That�s what we needed to be clear on?� she asked dangerously.
�Yeah,� he said defensively, �It�s a big deal, you know. Who said it first and everything.�
Mac didn�t say a thing. She just rolled her eyes and laid her head back down.
�Mac?� he said hesitantly.
�Harm?�
�Are you going to say anything?�
�Yes, Harm, I am.�
Silence.
�Mac?�
�What?!�
�Um, what were you going to say?�
�Shut up and go to sleep!�
�Oh. Okay.�
Pause.
�But I still said it first.�
George Washington University Hospital
1320 EST
Harm was exhausted. The doctor had let him into Mac�s room over six hours ago, but she still hadn�t woken up. They said that was normal, that between the sedatives and the trauma her body suffered, she would sleep for awhile. He knew that they were right, but it didn�t stop him from wanting her to wake up. He couldn�t rest until she did. Fighting back a yawn, he scooted his chair closer to the bed so he could look at her.
The End