| How to be loved by your typist |
| 1. Never start work first thing in the morning - we much prefer a terrific rush in the afternoon, and positively adore working late every night of the week. 2. Please smoke and/or eat when dictating; it assists pronunciation. 3. Do not face us when dictating; this would be too easy for us. 4. Hours for dictating: during the lunch hour or any time after 4.30pm. 5. When dictating, please parade up and down the room. We can understand what is said more distinctly. Breaking off into other conversations in mid-sentence is also helpful. 6. Please call on us for dictation and then proceed to sort out papers, look up files, telephone and receive calls etc. 7. Please lower the voice to a whisper when dictating technical terms, names of people, places etc., and under no circumstances spell them out to us. We are sure to hit upon the correct spelling. We know the name and address of every person, product, firm and place in the world. 8. When we do not hear a word clearly, and ask you to repeat it, please shout it as loud as possible. We find this more polite. Alternatively, dictators should refuse to repeat it at all. We do have second sight and it may come to us. 9. Whenever possible, dictators should endeavour to keep us late. We have no homes or families and are only too thankful for somewhere to spend the evening. 10. Should a letter require slight alteration after it is typed, score the word heavily through at least four times and write the correct word next to it in 2h pencil or invisible ink. We will understand what is required. 11. Should we be too busy, or too lazy, to take down dictation, please write drafts with a blunt pencil in the left hand (or if preferred, between the toes), whilst blindfolded. Incorrect spellings, numerous balloons, assorted arrows and other complex diagrams are very helpful to us. 12. With regard to tables of figures, do not on any account draft these on lined paper. If figures are altered, please write over those already present in light pencil, the correct figure being the one underneath (except where it is the one above, to the left, to the right . . .) 13. Should work be required urgently (a most unusual occurrence), it aids us considerably if you rush in at intervals of 30 seconds to see if it is done yet. 14. If extra copies of a letter are required, this desire should preferably be indicated overleaf, thus ensuring that the typist is unlikely to see it. Similarly, requests for headed paper should be at the bottom of the last page, or overleaf. 15. Should you require copy typing done, there is no need to use your clearest handwriting - we can turn the efforts of a drunk and demented spider drowning in ink into perfect copy with ease. Following these simple rules will ensure that your typist will greet you with a smile! |
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