Noah's lament

Noah's lament

And the Lord said unto Noah, "Where is the Ark which I have commanded thee to build?"

And Noah said unto the Lord, "Verily I have had three carpenters off sick, the Gopher wood suppliers hath let me down, yea, even though the Gopher wood hath been on order for, let me see, nigh on 12 months, the damp course specialist hath not turned up and the supplier of Bitumen hath been declared black by the Wagon Driver's Union.

And the Lord said unto Noah, "Hearken unto me, Noah, I command thee to finish the ark, even after seven days and seven nights."

And Noah said "It shall be so, Lord."

And Lo, after time the Lord said "Why art thou so perplexed, Noah?"

And Noah rent his garments, saying "The blasted glazier departed to Majorca on holiday - yea even though I offered him double time."

And the Lord spake unto Noah, saying "And where are the clean beasts I commanded of thee, the male and the female, to keep their seed alive on the face of all the earth?"

And Noah cried "The van cometh even unto Tuesday, yea, and yea it will be so."

And the Lord God, causing the Heavens to blacken, said "Speak unto me of the Unicorns which I commanded of thee."

And Noah wrung his hands and wept sore, saying, "Lord, Lord, they are a discontinued line. Thou canst get Unicorns for love nor money."

And Noah kissed the earth and cried "Lord, Lord, thou knowest in thy infinite wisdom what it is like with delivery dates."

And the Lord in His infinite wisdom said "My most beloved son Noah, why else thinkest thou that I have only caused a flood to descend upon the earth for forty days and forty nights, thinkest thou it was easy? I planned for twice that!"