| Interpreting Job Adverts (for beginners) |
(The following have all appeared in genuine Job Adverts) The job will be extremely varied and demanding There will be so many different tasks piled up on your desk that you won't know which to do first, and won't know how to do half of them anyway. This range of work may be added to or varied over the coming year Ignore the job description and other paperwork we have provided you with, and which attracted you to the post in the first place - instead your future colleagues will cast off the worst parts of their job on you, and claim the best bits from your job in exchange. By the time you take up post there will be nothing left of the job we advertised. Enjoy. You should be enthusiastic and able to balance a number of priorities You will be trying to do so many things at once that you'll never get any of them done, but will end up with octopus limbs in the attempt. This is a challenging and rewarding opportunity The work is so complex that you will get a sense of achievement from understanding the question. Finding the answer to it may well be another matter . . . You should be able to plan and prioritise work You will have no chance of planning work, as there will be too much piling in. Beware of the office which has reinforced metal letter trays, or outsize litterbins - they are never there for no reason. The candidate should be capable of working largely unsupervised You're on your own, chum. Anything that goes well is done by your boss,everything else is done by you. You will have to deal with every letter, every telephone call and every query that is directed to your division. Just call yourself helpdesk. You will be joining a friendly team Everyone is at outs with everyone else, and you will need to work out quickly who is speaking to whom, and who is not speaking to whom. It is always the same when they spend time claiming to be a friendly team. You should be able to think on your own feet under pressure Contortionist required The postholder should be able to use their initiative Because no-one else will have a clue or suggestion of what to do You should have well-developed minute writing skills Because you will be doing little else. You will need to be able to deal tactfully with varied telephone enquiries Because we are plagued by abusive callers, and they will all be directed at you. You should be self-motivated Because there'll be nothing else here to motivate you . . . |
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